Help! Do ssris work?

[developingcolor]

I posted this on another thread, but i'll put one here too because i want help. I've been depressed for at least 4 years and it only seems to be getting worse. I get to these points during the day where all i can do is fall onto my bed and cry for 10 minutes literally. I'll cry and then just feel like complete shit after i'm done. I've abused drugs in the past, I tripped on 2ce two timer per weekend for about 5-6 months at 30mg doses. I've everything but crack, meth, and heroin.
I've been drug free for 2 months now. I have so many insecurities that they could eat me alive. I used to weight 280 lbs when entering 10th grade, then by 11th i was down to 160lbs. I had so much loose skin that i had to have surgery done to get it removed. now i have horrible stretch marks going down both of my sides and a huge scar. i look in the mirror and just see a disfigured monster that no one would want. I have absolutely no social support. I'm in my second year at a university and I can't make friends. I don't know how to and i'm usually too depressed to want to. I've dated a few girls before and didn't car when we broke up, but i fell in love with a girl i met last november. We dated for 8 months until she broke up with me. There was a lot of problems in the relationship. I would get mad over small things and drag them out, and she would be possessive and clingy. She's a cutter. She has a huge bulbous scar on her shoulder, cuts literally all down her arm, engravings cut into her skin which say "control", "liar", and something else that i can't remember. A month into dating, we cut our arms together (this is my first time cutting ever) and licked up each others blood, then we made out to fuse it. We had sex afterwards and i'd never felt closer to a person than i did then. A week later we cut our legs and pressured some blood into two vials, put a cork on them, and made a necklace out of them. I have a necklace with her blood, and she has one with mine.(unless she got rid of it, haven't talked to her in two months since the breakup). I absolutely loved her and i feel like she hates me now. I know she does. I'm just tired of feeling depressed all the time. its every single day and i don't know what to do. I'm afraid of ssris because all i ever hear about them is bad things. i hear about them causing a loss of sex drive, horrible withdrawals when trying to quit them, emotional numbing (doesn't sound bad right now). Can anyone help?

 

[kace]

It sounds like you too had a really emotional and quite unhealthy relationship, her teaching you to self harm? Eek.
SSRIs are good for stablising moods (but remember this isn't instant relief), but really, I think you would benefit more from talking to a therapist or counsellor.

 

[omt]

Imo SSRIs get way too much criticism - particularly from recreational drug users, many of whom have never tried them. Maybe this is partly because they are psychoactive but can't be used recreationally?? Benzos don't seem to be treated with such suspicion.

Anyway the theory according to the sceptics is that SSRIs are something doctors just prescribe people to mask their problems and they end up not dealing with their issues/emotions at all and they make you feel numb to things and have horrible side effects.

I don't go along with that line of thinking that demonises SSRI's at all. The good news is SSRI's CAN work. I have been on them 3 (or was it 4?) times and 2 of those times they did help me. The time when they definitely did not help me was when I only took them for about 3 or 4 weeks so they had barely had time to take effect then I stopped using them without tapering and felt really shit, so I didn't follow the guidelines at all. Plus that was when I was put on seroxat, which afaik isn't prescribed anymore because a minority of people felt suicidal on it. They work best if used alongside a talking therapy so that having your serotonin levels controlled for a while gives you the stability to get a bit of distance from the problems and emotions that were bothering you so that you can talk things through to provide a more long term solution to your issues with the support the SSRI gives you then start tapering off of it when you're ready. Doctors recommend that after the SSRI kicks in (2 weeks after you start taking it) you stay on it for a minimum of six months to give a good chance of a lasting change in mood and that you reduce dosage slowly when you decide to come off of it otherwise you could feel very unstable for a short while.

For the record, the SSRIs and dosage that worked for me was citalopram and escitalopram 10mg. The only side effect I experienced was that it sometimes seemed strange that things that would have normally made me feel a bit down didn't. Although this was only to a fully numbed problematic degree on 20mg, which was too much for me and I dropped back down to 10mg. My sex drive was not affected.

 

[ro4eva]

I posted this on another thread, but i'll put one here too because i want help. I've been depressed for at least 4 years and it only seems to be getting worse. I get to these points during the day where all i can do is fall onto my bed and cry for 10 minutes literally. I'll cry and then just feel like complete shit after i'm done. I've abused drugs in the past, I tripped on 2ce two timer per weekend for about 5-6 months at 30mg doses. I've everything but crack, meth, and heroin. I've been drug free for 2 months now.

Congrats. A recreational drug filled lifestyle can be very destructive, particularly for those with certain mental issues and/or illnesses. I'm not saying you're sick. That's for a psychiatrist to decide. However, from what I've read, it appears you are severely distressed.

I have so many insecurities that they could eat me alive. I used to weight 280 lbs when entering 10th grade, then by 11th i was down to 160lbs.

I was constantly picked on from grade 1 - 11 because of my weight. At my heaviest, I was 270 lbs when finishing 10th grade, then by the middle of 11th grade I was down to 170 lbs. That was a little over 11 years ago.

The massive weight loss improved my self-confidence, but I was still an anti-social fuck. Extremely shy; afraid to say anything about anything because of fear of being picked on or cast out. In other words; in essence, being told that I don't belong, or that I'm not accepted as one of "them."

As a result, I turned to drugs to help me socialize, particularly when trying to get laid. I have come to regret doing this because it has taken a toll on my body. However, there was one drug which I will never regret trying because I sincerely believe it has changed my life for the better. That would be mdma. One dose is all it took for me to change my way of looking at myself and others. I'm not recommending you do use mdma (especially if you are prone to bouts of severe depressive states); but if you wanna give it a try (if you haven't already), perhaps it'll be a therapeutic experience for yourself as it was for myself. Perhaps it'll help you introspectively reassess - in a more positive and progressive manner - a traumatic time in your life which still affects you to this day. It has and continues to be used in secret and seclusion by some psychiatrists and such.

I had so much loose skin that i had to have surgery done to get it removed. now i have horrible stretch marks going down both of my sides and a huge scar.

This may sound cheesy but fuck it if it does - try to think of your stretch marks as battle scars. A battle you obviously won since you lost so much weight. I know that may be hard to do if you have a low self esteem and are really self-conscious but try to keep telling yourself what I wrote.

i look in the mirror and just see a disfigured monster that no one would want.

Many people have this issue. More than you or I usually notice. One thing you should know is that no one is perfect and everyone has a physical or mental problem. You said your ex-gf is a cutter. That would be a big issue, imo. I cannot stress that enough. Absolutely every human on this planet has a flaw. No one is perfect, and you need to accept that if you're gonna try to make yourself believe that you are not some invalid who no one wants to associate with.

I have absolutely no social support.

What about your family? Parents? Siblings? Or what about Bluelight? TDS mods (and many posters) - from what I've seen and read - are wonderful, supportive individuals who do care about your contentment.

I'm in my second year at a university and I can't make friends. I don't know how to and i'm usually too depressed to want to.

This is where an SSRI could help. It is true that SSRIs usually tend to make someone taking them apathetic/emotionless. While that may not be fun, it would probably be helpful for someone like yourself who cries uncontrollably.

I've dated a few girls before and didn't care when we broke up, but i fell in love with a girl i met last november. We dated for 8 months until she broke up with me. There was a lot of problems in the relationship. I would get mad over small things and drag them out, and she would be possessive and clingy. She's a cutter. She has a huge bulbous scar on her shoulder, cuts literally all down her arm, engravings cut into her skin which say "control", "liar", and something else that i can't remember. A month into dating, we cut our arms together (this is my first time cutting ever) and licked up each others blood, then we made out to fuse it. We had sex afterwards and i'd never felt closer to a person than i did then. A week later we cut our legs and pressured some blood into two vials, put a cork on them, and made a necklace out of them. I have a necklace with her blood, and she has one with mine.(unless she got rid of it, haven't talked to her in two months since the breakup). I absolutely loved her and i feel like she hates me now. I know she does.

Who broke it off? Was it her? Did she give a reason?

I know first-hand how it feels to break up with someone you love dearly. It can be very depressing, particularly if you're already depressed. That being said - it's 2 months now since you broke up with your ex (if my math is correct). Brother, I'm sorry but you'll have to move on. Don't worry, there's plenty of fish in the sea. All shapes and sizes. All colors and so forth.

I'm just tired of feeling depressed all the time. its every single day and i don't know what to do. I'm afraid of ssris because all i ever hear about them is bad things. i hear about them causing a loss of sex drive, horrible withdrawals when trying to quit them, emotional numbing (doesn't sound bad right now). Can anyone help?

I've been on 4 different SSRIs (Paxil, Prozac, Zoloft and Celexa). They were quite good at numbing my emotions. Yes, they do usually make it harder to get a hard on. Some people are prescribed low doses of SSRIs because their significant other complain that they don't last long enough. I know someone who takes 50mg of Zoloft daily for this.

Don't be afraid to try an SSRI. IME, you have to use them for several weeks before they would cause withdrawal symptoms.

You might not respond well to SSRIs. In that case, there's other classes of antidepressants available.

I went through 2 years of trial and error before I found the combination that works best for me.

I use Wellbutrin XL. I find it works well because it's a DNRI (dopamine-norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor). For years, I used a lot of stimulants; mostly blow and meth. After I stopped, I was so fatigued and depressed that I couldn't get out of bed. I had no energy whatsoever and Wellbutrin is the only antidepressant that has actually helped with those symptoms. Caution - Wellbutrin (especially in high dosages) has been known to cause seizures. Also, certain people cannot tolerate it due to the fact it may produce extreme agitation, anxiety and/or paranoia (there's other adverse side effects as well, but that's the way it is with all psychotropic drugs afaik).

Pay a visit to your shrink asap and also I highly recommend you book a few sessions with a psychologist because cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) can be a powerful tool to break your usual train of throughts when it comes to certain situations in which you are vulnerable.

Don't give up my friend - this too shall pass if you make an effort to address it.

 

[AlphaMethylPhenyl]

Wellbutrin works but it tends to turn me into an idiot, intellectually that is. Effexor, an SNRI, might be the way to go for you. CBT is a powerful tool which works.