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what if you can't do sober? What do you do then?

xxsicknessxx

xxsicknessxx

Bluelighter
Joined
Jun 26, 2008
Messages
1,014
What if after a year of being sober you just can't handle being sober? Now I know I can't go back to what I was... either a OP addict or a drunk... bolth left me so weak I couldn't shower, or take care of my self, I was broke, sick, near death... I mean I can't go back to addiction and I plan on looking at everything under the sun before I Even Ever think of picking up anything again (Weed, drinking, anything)

But what if after a year of being sober you still don't feel right, your still unhappy, you still can't enjoy the little things, you still feel like shit every day?

I mean I have seen doctors who are know help, I have serious issues that seem to have gotton worse sense I got sober including feeling of being shocked that give me horrible night terrors (or night mares) which sicken me, including dreams where every night I use in my sleep... it sickens me... I mean I can't get away from it I can't stop thinking of it...

So I wonder if after a year im still in this mess.... and its not getting better and ( I have lots and lots of options left open to me I have no done yet) but when I have tried everything...

What do you do? Do you just give up after a time... maybe two years, do you just fall back into your addiction, do you try other drugs? Do you ever try and bring drugs back into your life? Like drinking at the end of the night, now I know drinking won't solve anything but ... hell... if it deadons the pain of eletricity shocking me in my sleep hell anything better then that...

I dunno I just wonder what you guys experience is after along time of things not getting better, do you ever try drugs again? I don't mean a relapse I mean do you try and add a bit into your life to make things better, does it ever work?

Just curious like to here what others experience with soberity is
 
Wait so sometimes you feel like you are getting shocked? Like electrocuted? Man that sucks. Maybe you need to see a neurologist because that certainly isn't something caused by drug use (at least as far as I know). That sounds like a nerve problem to me or something involving the brain.
 
I got those shocks too, might be a different thing, but i got them from SSRI withdrawal and that was hell!
i get what your say about falling back into old habits, for me its hard to maintain sorberness same ol same ol, mundane routine i just slip back into abuse, then get clean and try really hard.. and get nowhere.. :/
 
I cant do sober either it drives me crazy no amount of mental health help has done shit. So I went back with what worked for me. That is being a polydrug addict. I switch it up so that i dont get physically addicted to any one substance (except weed). However I dont do heroin that is the deal I made with myself other drugs I can accept but I cant go back t dope its just too destructive. I dont really believe in one size fits all solutions you need to follow your gut and do what makes you happy. Life is too short to do anything else.
 
Well... my situation is such.

MY dad laid down the fact that if he ever finds out I do meth (he said this awhile ago) havn't done any drugs, drinking sense.. he would cut me off and never talk to me or visit me or anything.. so dope is out. My mom would cut me off if I drank again for good reason I nearly killed my self, I killed my self in front of my family drinking my self to death, the cops were calls plenty of times, I ... just killed drinking... I can't do it.. not because I can't handle it but because they won't let me.. I mean... I don't blame them. I drank to much I never tried to control my self I drank to pass out, I drank to kill the pain of nothingness I didn't care I just wanted to drink and sleep and not think and I did... it cost me.. my job, my friends, my family..

I came back from everything I can't do op because Im on suboxon and I get addicted fast... it sucks... I can't do weed because It wont work for me I eat to much I get scared it fucks with my head and I just don't enjoy it..

I can't use benzos because I get dumb as hell on them and fat and lazy..

I had gastric bypass so anything that makes me eat is bad... it causes me pain witch is a huge trigger for me stomach pain is another reason I drank to numb it.. and it worked.


all I want is to be able to relax at night to ease the fact of horrible fear I feel every night before I go to bed because of horrible painfull nightmares of being eaten alive by bugs and being shocked and its messing with my mind..

A glass of wine, a beer, a couple of shots... DAM I want it.. but I don't do it because I except the fact that I used up all the drugs and drinking a person gets in a life time in 9 years of fucking up... I am out...

But it sucks... its .... just not much of a life... I know if I get into school or work that would solve my problem of what to think of all day... but at night.. I just I dunno what im going to do.. long term if the problem of these horrible sleep parlize dreams, and shocking my body, and pain, and feeling parlized and feeling eletricity all over me doesn't go away

I know drinking won't fix the problem but it would make me feel better about it thats for sure

*sigh*

But again I except that... I used up my quota of substances for a life time and I quite frankly may never again touch anything beside suboxon and maybe a sleeping pill at night.... its just..

I dunno I feel like I don't really do anything but exisit I don't give anything to the comunitiy I don't add to anything.. I don't ... matter

and if I don't matter I would quite frankly at least like to not think about not mattering and numb it out a tiny bit.

*sigh*

well just a little bit about me :)

exisiting isn't enough long term I need a reason to go on hopefully I find it soon... a job, a girl, work, friends, school, working out, writing.. anything something I can do to focus all my thinking on something beside how badly I fucked up in the past

its a fight every single day to not fuck up my life again... its weird....

Just... I never had that... drinking with a buddy (not getting drunk) just having a drink, or going out with the family and having a beer, if I ordered a beer my parents would freak out

its sad... im 28 and I feel like im 18
Like a kid... its pathetic..

My real goal in life is to someday move far away and start over... I hope to do it by 30... while I still can do something with my life maybe move across the country and get a job in a fast food place and just kick ass at my job and never bother anything again and live a simple life....

sounds sad but its my dream a simple life... maybe a couple of friends, maybe something speical... maybe
 
Have you ever tried kratom? It worked for me.. got me to stop drinking and using hard drugs.. just the perfect thing to take the edge of and put my mind at ease without being totally intoxicating
 
BossHallucy said:
Have you ever tried kratom? It worked for me.. got me to stop drinking and using hard drugs.. just the perfect thing to take the edge of and put my mind at ease without being totally intoxicating
Click to expand...

I'm not sure kratom would help. At least it did nothing much for me - craving wise. Plus it might trigger him to use drugs or drink.

Maybe see a doctor about the night terrors. They might give something to help with sleep.
 
^Kratom could, and probably would, become another addiction.

xxsicknessxx, I know that you are working with a psychiatrist, right? I feel like that person is maybe not right for you and that you should consider working with a different psychiatrist. What do you think?

Moving far away from your family and creating a simple life is a very worthy goal but first I think you need to work with someone to control some of what is making your life so hard to manage. You don't want to be without family support at this point.

Don't focus on your age and what you think you should be doing. The whole normal timetable of things just messes with our heads. In fact, there is no timetable and we all have to continually readjust our lives to make them more how we want them. Connect with people, listen to them and see what they have to offer even if they are very different from you. Maybe getting involved with helping others--people or animals-- could help bring another dimension to your days.

I know about the shocks and nightmares from your other thread. I am so sorry to hear that this has not gotten better in any way. That is why I suggested working with a new psychiatrist. You need relief from that before you can concentrate on anything.
 
I do think a need psy would help I asked this one for anti depressents and he wouldn't perscribe them to me. He won't change meds when I ask if he does he is mean about it like bitchy, as if HOW dare I ask him to change something.. He isn't helpfull and he laughs in my face a lot. Not cool. don't trust him one tiny bit anymore.

Anyway no the nightmares are worse. Plus I also am doing drugs or drinking in my nightmares and being eaten alive, or ripped to shreds, or falling on sharp objects, or being shocked... and like I said it hurts, it weakens me, and it messes with my sense of self and my mind. Its upsetting very very very upsetting..

anyway
I dunno what im going to do, every day I think of drinking.... not drinking all day long like I said, fuck. I know for a fact a normal person in my place would of broken down and been put in the Mental hospital by now... I havn't I just growing tired of this.

Like I said at first I thought it was all mental and I could solve it with doctors, but now im thinking that someone is aware of my problems and issues and is taking advantage of the situation to get back at me and add to my pain and suffering.

Can't prove it, can't understand why it would happen... I just .. am being tortured for nothing... but I know that in the end shit will work out... im willing to let it go on for a couple years before I do anything crazy like run away or something or leave the country lol something weird...
2 years.. age 30 this still going on we got issues lol

Plus im trying to move... I don't feel safe around my roomate anymore, he just seems to live a unhealthy life style compaired to me.... *shrug* not judging just think getting into a different house would help A TON

Things will work out I know it, they always do some how always have no matter what happened to me even when I was near death, or about to die.. something always works out in a weird way to save me... figure it will happen again

either my brain fix its self, or the idiots that bother me will get lifes and do something positive instead of being punks

Never tell people your fears... or storys about your mental issues, people will take them and use them against you :( its a sad sad world
 
Your right about not telling someone your fears. Not unless you trust them 100%. People like to see other people miserable, it makes their lives seem better. I feel shocks too, but usually when I am driving and it is just like for a few seconds and usually goes away. I only get it in my legs or arms and not all over. If your shrink is laughing at you, he is a piece of shit and doesn't even deserve to be practicing. You should absolutely see someone else.
 
I'm sorry your pysch doctor is not helping you. He seems like a jerk. There are other doctors that would be more receptive to your situation. I havn't seen my shrink since 2009 when I lost my job with insurance and cannot pay $400 an hour. If you have insurance coverage, I urge you to find another psychiatrist. I know how you feel with having dreams that you're using or drinking and it is torture.
 
OP, I am not sure what kind of a support system you have or if you attend support group meetings but I can tell you that unless you fill that time in sobriety, unless you are vigilant and insist on being around the right people, that you are bound to backslide at some point....guaranteed.

When I was in rehab last year I met several white knuckle sobriety people and they all told me how empty, scary and dull their life was in this state of physical sobriety. But unless we work on the whole person...mind, body and soul, that sobriety can be just as miserable as using. Reach out, try and develop a support system and flush out the bad people, places, and things in your life so that you can start a new with out the past holding you back, like some kind of slavery of the soul.

Please don't take this as a criticism as a YEAR sober is nothing to laugh at, I am just suggesting to you that by focusing on some things you may find sobriety a bit more palatable.
 
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