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  • BDD Moderators: Keif’ Richards

Kicking a severe benzodiazepine addiction.

WorldWarMe

WorldWarMe

Bluelight Crew
Joined
Jan 22, 2010
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I've been using benzos for about six or seven years. In the beginning it was just a fun, recreational thing to mix with weed to mellow out the high. It was Lorazepam I was first prescribed at 14. A big bottle, too. And I'm Canadian, so it was free. 50 count 0.5mg Ativan every two weeks. This wasn't the problem. It was when I started researching which benzos are the most euphoric that the problems started. I found the perfect benzo. The benzo of my dreams. My drug of choice to this day. Temazepam. He gave me a bottle of 50 count 15mg capsules. This is where it goes downhill. I'm 16 at this time, by the way. The first time I took that pill I knew I was fucked... The high was just so euphoric, empathetic, relaxing and caused dream-like states. I was taking these things like crazy. After about two months of using these I told my doctor they weren't as effective, which was the truth, and he upped the dose to 30mg capsules, 50 count bottle. Once I was prescribed the 30mg pills I was absolutely hooked. I could not stop. I'd go through a 50 day prescription in two or three days, topping up to 600mg Temazepam over 12 hours.

I knew I had a problem. I decided I needed to quit. I tapered myself off properly, on my own. I was proud. But still in the back of my mind I hear that voice... "Temazepam... just one more time..."

This being around 19, I've been addicted to benzos for two years before I first quit. I'd use them recreationally every once in a while, but it would be Lorazepam, Oxazepam, etc.
Eventually I developed a legitimate anxiety disorder and was prescribed Zoloft as per my request. It worked wonders, but didn't fully help. I was put on a steady 14 count 5mg Diazepam weekly.

As of the past three months though, I've gotten too out of control, and I'm desperately seeking help. When my girlfriend broke up with me she moved out of my house, but left her massive collection of benzodiazepines as she had quit. I called her and asked her if she needed them, she said just throw them out as she did not need them anymore. I wanted to, but it was just too hard. She had a total of 600 30mg Temazepams, 300 1mg Alprazolam, 240 10mg Nitrazepam, and 10mg Ativan. Note these aren't exact numbers as some had been taken from the bottles before she quit. I went into a pretty deep depression when she left me. I started using the benzos as a crutch to the depression/anxiety of thinking about the past.

Two weeks ago I realized I've been taking ridiculous amounts of benzos every single day for the past three months. I'd take up to 30mg Alprazolam in a day, not slurring my words or stumbling at all. I can take 1,400mg Temazepam at once and hardly feel anything. I've taken over 5,000mg Temazepam in one day without blacking out. I haven't blacked out once. This is wrong. It's not right. I need 14mg Alprazolam to feel recreational effects.

I decided, once and for all, I'm fucking done. I've started slowly tapering myself with the little I had left. I started with 8mg a day, for four days. Then I went to 6mg a day, six days. I just took my last 4mg and am still feeling slight withdrawals. I have an appointment for my Valium tomorrow, but it's only fourteen 5mg Diazepams. I know Alprazolam has a 11 hour half life and Diazepam is 20-200 hours. Looking at the conversion charts, it looks like I'd need all 14 just for one days worth of withdrawals. Does this conversion apply literally, or is it the effects the drug produces? Would I be safe taking 10mg every day? I really need help here. I'm scared I'm going to seize, yet I'm too ashamed and embarrassed as to how far I've gone to seek professional withdrawal help. I start seeing a psychiatrist in 10 days, I don't know if that makes any difference. Would he be able to help me?

One more question. Is there another benzo that has a longer half life than Diazepam or is Diazepam the best for tapering? I don't drink but know alcohol and benzos both work on GABAa receptors so I'm willing to drink if I absolutely have to, but it lowers the seizure threshold so that also scares me.

Thanks in advanced for all your help.
 
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10mg of valium should be equal to 1mg xanax. Taking its half life into consideration, i'd say if your tapering fine at 4mg alprazolam a day, 7 5mg diazepams a day should be about right. Since its half life is much longer, i don't see how all 14 of the 5mg valiums are necessary for one days w/d taper. Really i see it as 7x 5mg valium on day one, then maybe 5mg diazepam on day two & three, 10mg on day four, 10mg on day five, and 5mg on day six, taking the half life into consideration. Depending on how often you can get that 14x 5mg script filled, it may be an issue. If you can't get another before the psychiatrist visit in 10 days you prob need to talk to a md about this, or your taper is going to have a rough ending.

Good luck, your addiction is quite frankly frightening. I can't even imagine how hard it is to taper down from such high doses, but recognizing its necessary and an unsustainable habit is whats important. I hope you pull through and can say goodbye to benzos for good. Good vibes, pm if you need someone to talk to. <3
 
I can't get the script filled more than once a week. I've tried to get to even 15mg but he won't budge. I've heard Alcohol helps, but lowers the seizure threshold and I don't want that. Is there anything else (other than weed which I smoke enough of already) that will relax benzo comedowns? Oh, and Valerian Root wouldn't work either, considering I'd have to take a whole bottle (which I have done before with no effects) to even feel slight withdrawal relief.
 
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You don't have enough Valium for a proper taper. IMO you are at a high risk for seizure. I would urge you to seek professional help. I've been where you are at. Not at your dosages which are really high. I wish you the best.
 
Do not attempt to detox off benzodiazepines with alcohol. A 24 count of what dosage? Please use milligrams instead of the number of tablets here - diazepam comes in half a dozen different dosage strengths...

WorldWarMe, I recommend speaking to a doctor about this...diazepam more than likely your best course of action. Temazepam is one of diazepam's active metabolites so that will help you as well. Diazepam has a very long half life and its active metabolites help it last even longer (which is why its usually used for tapering, over say, flurazepam or clonazepam). Sometimes chlordiazepoxide (Librium) is used instead of diazepam but in your case diazepam is probably the best choice.

Is there any way you could see a psychiatrist sooner? You need to get up to an equal dose of diazepam and cut out all other benzos...stabilize with diazepam and then start tapering down.

Good luck <3
 
The psychiatrist is a set appointment, I can't see him any sooner as far as I know. And I'm talking about 5mg dosages, as I stated above it's what I've always been prescribed. Sorry, I should have elaborated.

I'm scared if I tell him that he'll stop being my family doctor. He's told me once already if he finds out I'm using other benzos that he'd stop being my doctor. I'm too ashamed. He's such a good doctor and I've lied to him over my addiction.
I highly doubt he will even give me anything high than my regular script. I'm seriously scared here, and Detox sounds horrible to me as I have a fear of hospitals (stems from childhood) and the ones here look exactly like hospitals.
 
Temazepam is the benzo which got me hooked on benzos. I had already tried diazepam, alprazolam, clonazepam, lorazepam, oxazepam, flurazepam and chlordiazepoxide when I first got to try temazepam. My benzo tolerance wasn't exactly very high but I could handle about 20-30 mg of diazepam or 1-2 mg of alprazolam and the first time I did temazepam I took 3 of the 15 mg Restoril caps for a total of 45 mg of temazepam. Half hour after I took it I was just in total bliss. I was honestly a bit surprised because it really felt so good. I was completely anxiety-free, pleasantly sedated, and just plain fucking happy. I had no care in the world. I fell in love with the shit instantly and began my benzo addiction right there. Since then I have not stopped loving temazepam and since then I have not stopped doing benzos.
 
That's exactly how I felt. I really hope you have a steady, reliable supply if you're using it regularly. Please, please be careful.
 
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WorldWarMe said:
The psychiatrist is a set appointment, I can't see him any sooner as far as I know. And I'm talking about 5mg dosages, as I stated above it's what I've always been prescribed. Sorry, I should have elaborated.

I'm scared if I tell him that he'll stop being my family doctor. He's told me once already if he finds out I'm using other benzos that he'd stop being my doctor. I'm too ashamed. He's such a good doctor and I've lied to him over my addiction.
I highly doubt he will even give me anything high than my regular script. I'm seriously scared here, and Detox sounds horrible to me as I have a fear of hospitals (stems from childhood) and the ones here look exactly like hospitals.
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man, i hate to say it but you're probably going to have to speak to your doc about your problem as he'll likely want to liaise with your psychiatrist and vice versa.

it's a hard thing to do, i know, but it usually works out for the best in the end. maybe not mention it all but mention you're having a problem with what he's prescribing you and ask him for advice.

it's a little outdated but check out the Ashton Benzo Withdrawal Protocol
 it might help presenting that to your doc/psych.
 
tentram said:
man, i hate to say it but you're probably going to have to speak to your doc about your problem as he'll likely want to liaise with your psychiatrist and vice versa.

it's a hard thing to do, i know, but it usually works out for the best in the end. maybe not mention it all but mention you're having a problem with what he's prescribing you and ask him for advice.

it's a little outdated but check out the Ashton Benzo Withdrawal Protocol
 it might help presenting that to your doc/psych.
Click to expand...

I'm starting to freak out. Maybe it's me withdrawing but that link states that 0.25mg Alprazolam is equivalent to 5mg Diazepam. If 4mg once daily has me withdrawing, how am I going to convince my doctor from giving me 70mg Diazepam to 1,400mg weekly?
 
try to be a calm and collected as you can before you speak to your doctor. go in with an open mind, as i'm sure he will as well. like i said it's a little outdated and i think the more recent conversions indicate .5mg xanax is equipotent to 5mg diazepam.

you'll probably find that, if he takes it on, that you'll be titrated from a smaller dose (10mg for instance) until you are held reasonably well.
 
That conversion is correct...for most people. These conversions are not exact as everybody is different.

An important thing to remember is that diazepam and alprazolam are on opposite sides of the benzo spectrum in regards to duration of action. Alprazolam is short-acting and has no active metabolites, so once its out of your system...its out of your system. Diazepam plus its active metabolites (specifically nordiazepam) will last sometimes up to 200 hours after dosing.

I realize this situation seems frightening but you can get through it. Here's what I would do now:

-Take stock of all the benzos you have right now (not just diazepam).
-Figure out when your last benzo dose was and figure out what the equal dose of diazepam is. If you were taking 4mg alprazolam (approx. equal to 80mg diazepam) and still in WDs, how much alprazolam would you need to not feel withdrawal symptoms?

Remember, you have the option of going to the emergency department for benzo withdrawal just like you have the option of doing the same for alcohol withdrawal. I don't know how the medical system works in Canada, but in the United States the emergency department can't turn you away for life-threatening withdrawal symptoms.

When you do speak to the psychiatrist (who will hopefully be more helpful as most psychiatrists have more training and experience with patients on benzo therapy) - be completely honest with them about your benzo usage and your desire to taper down off them safely.

Keep us updated in this thread man, good luck. :)
 
I took 4mg Alprazolam at 2pm. It's 11:52pm right now, I started withdrawing about an hour ago. I have no other benzos on hand. I just found 2mg Alprazolam after checking my bottles, that's all I have. I just took it to try and reduce the current withdrawals. When I took the 4mg it reduced the withdrawals by about 80% or so, so I'd probably need 6.5mg to fully reduce them. I just don't think he's going to prescribe me more than he has me on. I don't know what to do.
 
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Yes, the medical staff can tell if you are in withdrawal by vital signs. Your blood pressure will be elevated and probably heart rate etc. You will definitely be in withdrawal by tomorrow morning. Good luck
 
I have an appointment at 11:40am. I just took 2mg Alprazolam, I'll be in withdrawals by then but for now that 2mg actually has helped so far. I feel much better. I was about to have a panic attack.
 
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go chill and watch a movie or something, man. you'll be exacerbating symptoms by cruising bl with only this in mind.

if you can't ride it out until tomorrow then go to the ER if things are getting severe.

best of luck:)
 
I can ride it out until tomorrow. As I said, I found 2mg Alprazolam, I plan on taking 100mg Trazadone and knocking myself out until my doctors appointment but I just can't sleep at the moment. I'm not just cruising BL, I'm talking to friends about how I can manage this and how this is actually a positive experience in a sense if I can get past it as I'd be clean off benzos for good as there's no way I'm going back to this shit again. I'm still worrying about tomorrows appointment, though.
 
I'll let you know tomorrow what happens.

Okay, so he was completely shocked when I mentioned the dosage and refereed me to detox. He gave me a measly 10mg Diazepam which I took about 20 minutes ago. I have a crippling fear of hospitals, what should I do? I'd literally rather go through withdrawals. I just want to make sure I won't have a seizure, or worse...
 
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