Perseverance vs Insanity
800mg a day is A LOT of Effexor IR, and when my doctors and I decided to add 100mg of Pristiq along with it every day I spent three weeks in hell... My September of 2012 is one I'd like to forget. When we, my doctors and I, knew that it was time to reduce how much I was taking, ignoring their instructions, I did it too fast; 200-400mg reduction a day. To put it simply I just cut the dose in half or by 1/4 each day depending on withdrawal symptoms. Last Tuesday I drank, yes I'm a little hard headed, however I was fine, until my drunk dad decided to start an argument with me. I did the right thing by walking away from the situation and going to my next door neighbors house. Unfortunately my uncle Jerry was there and he's a really bad person, to put it shortly, and with the mood I was in I walked into Jodi's house and saw Jerry standing there, which is when I promptly walked straight up to him and bitch slapped him in the face so hard he hit the ground. Then reality set in, oh shit why did I do this here at Jodi's house. Keep in mind I wasn't worried about Jerry at all, aside from him standing back up and I let him get a few punches to my face. Mistake on my part, he's already beaten his girlfriend that night and was high on crack as usual, owes me money, owes my dad money, has recently stolen from both of us, and then a few punches turned into a few more until it was too many to count. I took him down to the ground and put him in a position where I could have broken his neck easily and told him to stop moving and listen or I'd break his neck and not care about it. He stopped fighting back. I apologized and told him to leave and he agreed, as soon as I let him go he left. He went straight across the street though to my dads' house, I stayed sitting on the floor of Jodi's house talking to him and apologizing for letting that happen at his house. I don't know what took place between my dad and my uncle Jerry, but after a few minutes of talking to Jodi we both walked across the street to my dads' house and my dad was standing on the front porch with his shotgun, loaded, and he told me not to come any closer or he'd blow a hole through me. That was the point at which the back breaking straw was placed upon me. I never missed a step, I walked straight up to my dad and put the end of the barrel right between my eyes and said, "I was 16yrs old the first time you did this to me dad and I was scared to death, now that I'm 32yrs old I want you to pull the fucking trigger, but wait, you don't have the balls to do it." Reality left again and I started walking to the I-65 overpass, listening to my dad on the phone with Jerry, screaming at one another, until I was too far away to hear them. I sat down on the cement rail staring at traffic. I had thousands of things going through my head all at once, it's 8 blocks from my dads house so I guess that's why he pulled up in his truck. The police pulled up shortly after and I still stared at the traffic below and only three things were going through my mind, my 4 1/2yo daughter, what it could cause/create for the traffic and people below, and that it was MY choice - no one else could make it but ME. My wife was killed in a wreck 2 1/2yrs ago, our parents are insane, literally. Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. I was so lost in thought staring at the traffic I didn't even notice the two cops that pulled me off the railing. One even punched me in the side of the head, not sure why, probably because he thought I would fight back or stress or who knows what. My dad saw him hit me and started yelling at him, which is when reality set back in and I told him to get back in the truck, he did because he realized he was really drunk, however he was still really mouthy towards the police officers. The cops realized that I wasn't struggling with them and I was trying to tell my dad to let it go, which is when they began to be nice to me. The one that hit me even said, "Now I understand why you were sitting on the railing." My face wasn't swollen too much yet and it was dark outside so I didn't think I'd sustained much injury from my legs being drug across the top of the cement railing. When the paramedics arrived, and there was light on my face, the way the officers were treating me changed drastically. The one that hit me felt awful, I could tell from the way he was acting. He apologized several times and everyone (paramedics & police) told me to check myself into the hospital and don't let a single person know I was there or how to get in touch with me.
I'm only sharing that story because it was the Effexor IR that caused it all, 4 beers included over 5 hours didn't help by any means, but I'm definitely one to give every detail so please know that all four were called, "King Cobra," with an alcohol content of 8% at 16oz each. AND THIS IS IN CAPS FOR THOSE THAT THINK ALCOHOL, EVEN A TINY AMOUNT, DOESN'T AFFECT & EFFECT YOU. ESPECIALLY WHEN ON MEDS LIKE SSRI'S, TRICYCLICS, A-TYPICALS, MAOI'S, AND REALLY EVERYTHING ELSE FROM LORTABS TO ASPIRIN TO VIAGRA TO VITAMINS.
I've been in the psych ward of Brookwood Hospital so many times I can't count them all, at least 16-18 times. For anyone that's been in a psych ward, aka mental health facility, relaxation therapy is the only thing that got me through the withdrawals. I didn't go to a single therapy session while in the hospital, I simply did it on my own because I have it memorized. Mind over matter is all I can say. Of course I still went through every symptom y'all listed, brain zaps were the worst while awake but waking up soaking wet every morning because of sweating... I'm still on 400mg a day of Effexor IR (venlafaxine), no Pristiq (desvenlafaxine), changed the 1mg of clonazepam twice a day to 2mg of alprazolam twice a day and kept the 2mg of clonazepam at bedtime, added lamotrigine in the morning (gradually working up to 200mg a day), quetiapine fumarate 150-300mg at bedtime to help me sleep, and added amitriptyline 100mg at bedtime. I still sweat when I'm sleeping but nothing at all like way I was during my hospital stay, if I don't take the Xanax I sweat till I'm soaking wet and twitch, shake, get hot/cold, zapped, etc. I've learned that the Seroquel and Elavil I take at night gives me nightmares. However, all in all, I'm doing a whole lot better.
The only reason I was taking so much Effexor IR and even had to add Pristiq was because I decided to make a change in my life by getting off Adderall 60mg a day and IV Meth 3-4gm a month. SNDRI's exist outside of illegal drugs, but I don't think most people would have the desire nor the will power to use them. I did it for me and my daughter, I'll be off of Effexor IR by February. The rest I'm not sure yet, but I'm really scared right now because since I changed the Effexor IR dosage, quit the Pristiq, swapped Klonopin during the day for Xanax, started back on Lamictal in the mornings, and added Elavil at night, my feet, ankles, and legs up to my calves have swollen up so much I can stick my finger into the skin and it cover my entire pinky nail, I can't stand more than ten minutes or my kidneys begin to hurt and in 3mos I gained 60lbs. I'm always out of breath it seems, so I'm going to the doctor in the morning. I don't know what's caused these symptoms, but I have a list of things that probably is.
~When things seem hectic in life just remember to control what you do, don't let what you do control you~
