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What Are You Craving? v. CORNUCOPIA (of drugs)

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ooo I can't wait till tomorrow afternoon. Hopefully it'll mean heroin town (if not tomorrow, Friday). I'm craving a nice fat shot.

A shot of K (175mg in the muscle), or a toot of meth (or a combo of meth and k, why not add the heroin to it while were at it :P)
 
The dope gods have smiled down upon thee, brethren!

My direct deposit was supposed to go through today and clear up my account, as it's negative right now, or, it's supposed to be negative. Anyway, I woke up, checked my account, and it says that my balance is 0.00 and I have no direct deposits for today. Fuckin' what? So I called my bank up and asked, and, it turns out, they closed my account because it's been negative for over 45 days!

The woman on the phone got kind of annoyed with me, but I just laughed, told her that it was incredible, amazing, and to keep it just the way it is, I had to go call my employer! Called up the employer, and they're writing me a check for today. lol So, I'm going to go pay my phone bill with that money, and go get a fatty-fat little bundle of ddddd to celebrate my good (bad) fortune! :D
 
haha go verso, enjoy that dddddd ;)

OT: I am... well... 7 days off heroin, almost back to baseline without a physical dependence (still dependent on benzos, but I have a script :\) but CRAVING DOPE LIKE CRAZY...

My plan is to be sober for as long as it takes me to find a new job... and then only use on days I do not work... is that crazy? I know if I go back I will probably fall into daily usage once again... but that's my dumb junkie plan. I guess I'm using the biggest motivator possible... DOPE... not a career, not success, not my family but heroin. :\
 
^I have faith in you rabidrabbit.
So, anyway, after a big fight, and then a big makeup, me and the girlfriend went out last night and copped four bags, and then proceeded to delete our connect's number. So what am I craving? That my girlfriend doesn't have to suffer god awful withdrawals, and that we can remain dope free!

but I'm also craving a script for dextroamphetamine. Fuck, even lisdexamphetamine..
 
Rabidrabbit said:
haha go verso, enjoy that dddddd ;)

OT: I am... well... 7 days off heroin, almost back to baseline without a physical dependence (still dependent on benzos, but I have a script :\) but CRAVING DOPE LIKE CRAZY...

My plan is to be sober for as long as it takes me to find a new job... and then only use on days I do not work... is that crazy? I know if I go back I will probably fall into daily usage once again... but that's my dumb junkie plan. I guess I'm using the biggest motivator possible... DOPE... not a career, not success, not my family but heroin. :\
Click to expand...

Well in my personal experience, after I took two months off, right after I relapsed I went right back to using whenever I had money (so 4 or 5 days a week). That's about where i'm at now too even know my plan was also to just use once or twice a week. I found out quick that my days of moderation with opiates are over. Either I don't use at all or I binge when I get paid. Also, the days that I want to use the most are the days that I work to get rid of the nerves that come with the job. Maybe switch that goal to never use when you have days off from work? I dunno it's all up to you though.

Everyone is different and all you need is willpower (easier said then done though). Definitely focus on getting a job before you start up again though. Congrats on the 7 days of being clean though, that's fucking awesome! Also, the longer you stay clean, the easier the cravings will be to deal with.

Also, good luck zneg to staying off dope! Deleting your dealer's number was a big step in the right direction.
 
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Rabid, great job on the 7 days! It does sound like a plan. Won't be easy, but I have faith in you!! :)

Zneg, do you or your girlfriend have any subs to help get her through w/ds? Very brave to have deleted your connect's phone number! I wish my dealer (aka my doc lol) didn't have his number all over the internet lol. I'm still tempted every day to go see him. So far so good though. :)

Best of luck to you both!
I'm rooting for you guys!!!

ot: Craving ketamine like crazy.
 
^IMO, I've always felt that chipping seems more miserable (if you're an actual opiate addict) than having a full blow habit. Your world still revolves around dope, but you're just gritting your teeth to get through the days when your 'not supposed to use'. That being said, if you can chip happily than more power to you!
 
Znegative said:
^IMO, I've always felt that chipping seems more miserable (if you're an actual opiate addict) than having a full blow habit. Your world still revolves around dope, but you're just gritting your teeth to get through the days when your 'not supposed to use'. That being said, if you can chip happily than more power to you!
Click to expand...

I see where you're coming from with chipping -- but I don't know if I can handle another withdrawal... not having a physical dependence outweighs the dreaming of dope all day on off-days... I forget who, but someone said they got off on the control they had of their habit... it didn't make sense at the time and it still doesn't but hey, fake it till you make it...
 
^I can relate to the bit about "getting off" on the control. I'm 100 times happier now that I've got it somewhat under control. The cravings are still there but it feels great knowing I don't need a fix to keep myself from going in w/d.

There was a time I wouldn't leave the house without carrying a load of benzos and a blister of oxy..
 
No arguement there, it's definitely crippling. While tapering I was too anxious to go to the store at times.. Even now I still dislike it alot. It's crazy.. If I don't REALLY need to go buy or do something I just stay home. If I do go I keep making up these things that could "go wrong", it's not rational at all but it's still frightening as hell.

For example; if I'm feeling overly anxious I start sweating alot and sometimes I get tremmors. Once I begin sweating and/or shaking I'll become anxious because of that, and start sweating and shaking even more. Then I keep thinking of what other people might think, eventhough they're absolute strangers and I shouldn't give a damn, I do care for some reason..
 
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