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How can I summon the inner strength to beat this ?

Whosajiggawaaa

Whosajiggawaaa

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Jul 9, 2011
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I'm talking about painkiller addiction and depression (oxycodone,codeine,tramadol) - so bad that I don't eat nore care about anything I used too, huge weight on my shoulders and a lump in my throat all day when I'm not taking painkiller's(constantly feel like crying). Yet I keep up a front to everyone I know - I'm leading a double life : /. I've been given the suggestions - exercise, therapy, possible out patient treatment, anti depressants.

I do have fybromyalgia and various surgery complications - so they is a semi legitimate cause for the painkiller's but I'm using them for the wrong purpose - to stop the depression, the pain I can take.

I'm pretty sure stopping the painkillers and starting exercising will help me but I can't seem to summon the inner strength to make myself do it, maybe I've given up....

Dunno why I'm posting this, just putting it out into the ether. Maybe get some support. Feel like I'm all alone in this.

Thanks
 
firstly, you aren't alone in this at all. there are thousands of people who will be going through what you are too.
you a have a right to take the painkillers - if you are in pain you should not suffer from that.

what is it about the painkillers which you enjoy?

honestly - stopping the painkillers (from personal experience) and just getting out, doing exercise, and being more active made me the happiest guy on the planet.
i however did not experience the pain that you must be going through (physically) and i am so sorry.

you do have the inner strength inside you. honestly - everyone does you just need to motivate yourself! you can do it!

i never thought i would have the strength to beat my addictions in the past - i was addicted to several drugs, lost every friend i had, and my family was ready to disown me.
i overcame my inner demon and just stopped it. there are so so many benefits to getting off drugs, but if you need them for pain reasons perhaps it's not the painkillers which you need to quit.

have you seen therapists? i don't suggest going down the psychiatric route yet. it just leads to more drugs which you really should consider before taking.

do you actively get your problems out and discuss them with others? this helped me bundles.

let us know how you are.

a huge hug from me - and as always feel free to PM me if you want to talk about ANYTHING confidentially.
 
Thanks for this post :). Yeah, the codeine and tramadol are justified completely any specialist in my town would agree, don't really enjoy much there except from the relief from the general feeling of despair and apathy. But the oxycodone I think is playing with fire - something about it makes me use it compulsively, so I guess yeah the euphoria is what I like there.

I've seen many many therapists most of them have been bad experiences, particularly the last. Think today was my breaking point - doctor's treating me different - like a drug seeker, very humiliating. Just need a good night sleep and gonna give it a shot!
 
no worries - use the pain killers responsibly and respectfully, which it sounds like you are.

oxycodone is a fantastic analgesic if you are in excruciating pain. as for recreational use i really recommend you don't start lighting the matches so to speak, if you can live without it - then don't touch it, it is a very powerful opiate hence the euphoria you will get from it, but it is not worth it at all if you don't need it for legitimate reasons, especially to treat depression.

keep trying with a therapist, find one you can connect with, you will eventually. it feels incredible to get everything off your mind and talk to someone about it really.

don't worry about the doctors. they are just doing their job - they don't want to see a patient get hooked on a drug they don't need.

don't worry - things will get better. and if they aren't, they eventually will.

you're an extremely strong person by the sounds of it. keep it up. you do have the inner strength. :)
 
once your hooked your hooked. suddenly just taking a shower or cleaning your rooms requires a dose of drugs, its a slippery slope between taking care of your pain and self medicating... do you see a pain management doctor? are there other ways to fix the problems your having exercise you said? motrin does wonders for just basic pain.. dunno how bad it is.
 
synthetix said:
no worries - use the pain killers responsibly and respectfully, which it sounds like you are.

oxycodone is a fantastic analgesic if you are in excruciating pain. as for recreational use i really recommend you don't start lighting the matches so to speak, if you can live without it - then don't touch it, it is a very powerful opiate hence the euphoria you will get from it, but it is not worth it at all if you don't need it for legitimate reasons, especially to treat depression.

keep trying with a therapist, find one you can connect with, you will eventually. it feels incredible to get everything off your mind and talk to someone about it really.

don't worry about the doctors. they are just doing their job - they don't want to see a patient get hooked on a drug they don't need.

don't worry - things will get better. and if they aren't, they eventually will.

you're an extremely strong person by the sounds of it. keep it up. you do have the inner strength. :)
Click to expand...

Thanks. Yeah 4 days off the Oxy - don't think it's right for me as I know in my heart of hearts if I have it i'll end up abusing it. Today is not nearly as bad as yesterday have taken 100 mg of lyrica 150 tramadol xr and 300 mg meprobamate. Feeling normal and comfortable.

And you're right about the doctors - they probably did me a big favour.
 
xxsicknessxx said:
once your hooked your hooked. suddenly just taking a shower or cleaning your rooms requires a dose of drugs, its a slippery slope between taking care of your pain and self medicating... do you see a pain management doctor? are there other ways to fix the problems your having exercise you said? motrin does wonders for just basic pain.. dunno how bad it is.
Click to expand...

Yeah know what you mean, becomes ingrained in you. The lyrica has helped a lot, dunno why I didn't give it a proper shot before.
 
Whosajiggawaaa said:
I'm talking about painkiller addiction and depression (oxycodone,codeine,tramadol) - so bad that I don't eat nore care about anything I used too, huge weight on my shoulders and a lump in my throat all day when I'm not taking painkiller's(constantly feel like crying). Yet I keep up a front to everyone I know - I'm leading a double life : /. I've been given the suggestions - exercise, therapy, possible out patient treatment, anti depressants.

I do have fybromyalgia and various surgery complications - so they is a semi legitimate cause for the painkiller's but I'm using them for the wrong purpose - to stop the depression, the pain I can take.

I'm pretty sure stopping the painkillers and starting exercising will help me but I can't seem to summon the inner strength to make myself do it, maybe I've given up....

Dunno why I'm posting this, just putting it out into the ether. Maybe get some support. Feel like I'm all alone in this.

Thanks
Click to expand...



I have Fibro too was diagnosed when I was 23, I am now 42 and I wish every day I could take it back and be normal again and not be in pain every day of my fucking life but you know what you have to learn to live with it, I have had and been on most of the meds that you have. I have never really had depression, what helps me with that is Amitriptyline, have you been on that, I use it for only sleep I take it B4 bed and sleep fine. I am now Diagnosed with the Osteo and Rheumatory , and my muscles ache every day of my life but It goes on I have to take care of my sick mother who needs care most of the day so I use my pills to get through the pain, its the same routine every day for me but I keep on because I have to, because I want to, because I should. Dont worry take your meds as they should be and get some sort of routine, not just laying in bed all day and yes I have had those days more now because I am older but I fight through this pain, The way I describe FMS for me is like Hot electricity and barb wire through all my muscles. Feel better and find your inner strength and get through this you can do it. Feel Better ~*Peace*~
 
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Dude, get out and run.
Do not misunderstand: I DON'T mean any disrespect. This a very serious illness you are struggling with.
I just want to give you a little motivation. Get out and run, just a little bit, as far as you can without having to much pain.
Then tomorrow, try a little more.
If your muscles hurt from it, wait till it's gone and then try again.

Don't say: "I'll do half an hour" and then be depressed about failing. Every day you try is a success. Never forget that.

I have some history of chronic pain myself, though I don't think it's comparable to yours. From what I've just read there are different approaches to treat this illness. If you can afford it (I don't know if there's health insurrance where you live), try different paths at once.
Not just pain medication, but, as you suggested, sports and also psychological/behavioral therapy.

This way you'll most likely have the maximum success.

Good luck!
 
Feeling better about stopping the oxy, gonna try phase out the tramadol and codeine and save them for the debilitating pain and when I have important things to do.

Yeah, I've heard exercise is the answer for fybromylagia even from Rheumatologist's - so it's about time I try taking their advice.
 
As was said earlier, you're not at all alone in feeling that. I think the key to quitting is just to sort of realize that if they're making you feel completely empty, what do you have to lose by getting off them, really. Seems simple but it helps when you really get to that realization. And the sooner the better, of course. Try to find hobbies or things that will distract you whenever you feel like using again. Maybe talk to your doctor about switching the meds?
 
Thanks, yeah, gotta keep busy. Still struggling to find the motivation to start exercising - know it will make the pain worse (albeit temporarily). Finding it relatively easy not to take strong opiates like oxy.

But I do have one last refill due on Monday (OC 20) and I'm constantly thinking of cashing it, for emergency occasions and breakthrough pain - know it will expire if I don't.

At least the depression has lifted for the last 2 days - might be the ethipramine I started taking 3 days ago ? It's nice.
 
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^It's really probably better that you don't get that refill - even if you tell yourself it's only for emergencies now, there are many chances you'll find excuses to use those oxys in non-emergency situtions if they're just lying around...
 
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