Bad mood and psychedelics

[the_doctor46]

So hi everyone.
I posted a while ago (couple of months) on here the report of a trip I had on aMT. It was a really bad trip, scariest time of my life. I still have 200mg of aMT.

I am fascinated by drugs (even though I used very little of them, mainly due to unavailability) and would like to have some occasional experiences.
However, I have been dealing for years with depression, anxiety, boredom and general feeling of unhappiness. I think that it is mainly due to the fact that all of the friends that I have ever had left me for one reason or another and, being a person that hates being on its own, that caused me to get into depression. Now I am also scared to lose the little friends that I have left, and actually I am not scared about it, I am sure about it and I am just waiting for it to happen. This feeling of depression is made stronger by the fact that I always try to be the nicest person I can, a gentleman and someone to trust, but I lose friends in any case. Then I tried to bean asshole (thinking "if being nice doesnt work, then let's try to be the typical man I see around"), lost friends in any case. So I don't know how to act anymore and it just feels like I am not meant to have good friends for a period of time which goes past the 1 year line. As I can't have good friends, I also don't have a girlfriend (and actually had just 1 in my whole life, 2 years ago for 1 year), that just adds to the feeling of loneliness I am trapped in.
That, I'd say, is the main cause of my depression.
I am also generally anxious (what caused the bad trip on aMT was the feeling that time had stopped, so I was feeling trapped into time).

I would like to experience more with psychedelics, however I am scared to do it because as the mindstate is important when tripping, I don't want the trip to end up as me being anxious and paranoid (even worse when on aMT due to the long duration of the trip).

Do you have any suggestions for me?

 

[Dmytry]

if your mental health problems are causing you bad trips you should probably stop all drug use until it gets better. psychedelics will generally amplify what you are already feeling, so your set and setting are more important than the actual substance you ingest, although some are kinder to your ego than others. also, just be yourself and do what you do, if your friends dont accept you for it then they arent your friends in the first place. be happy with who you are and the friends will naturally come

 

[Cornishman]

Do you have any suggestions for me?

Ketamine.

 

[ElScorcho420]

Ketamine.

Great suggestion.

 

[boiledfruit]

Do you have any suggestions for me?

Try volunteering or helping people that need it.

 

[Thorns Have Roses]

Do you have any suggestions for me?

Try to find something to live for, or some hobby or other line of thought to take up your time, so that interpersonal relationships will no longer be such an important metric for determining your self-worth/successfulness.

(what caused the bad trip on aMT was the feeling that time had stopped, so I was feeling trapped into time).

Time dilation is a pretty basic effect of psychedelics, most of us find it to be a freeing feeling though. Try to think of it as a vacation away from mundanity.

Overall though, I'd recommend putting off that next trip, maybe see if you're feeling up to it come winter solstice?

 

[SPDemon420]

I truly feel and understand what you're saying, it mimics my own feelings and experiences almost exactly - my suggestion to you, is simply dont trip until you're in a better state, I've given up psychedelics all together because it is impossible for me to have a good trip for these same reasons - dont try to force it, you're just going to end up with a bad experience. If you're dead set on doing psych's anyway tho, I would suggest something like DMT or Salvia(salvia being hit or miss for some people), because it just blasts you off and you dont really have time to worry - but in the end, I would say just avoid it until you have a better state of mind.

 

[gforgregarious]

I would say if you were going to do them at all, make sure you're environment is friendly and peaceful and only do small amounts. Also avoid the more stimulating psychedelics like AMT.