Need advice please!

lynnlow23

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Aug 10, 2012
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This is kind of a complicated, really screwed up situation...My fiance and I live with his mother, not because we don't have the means to live on our own but because when his dad passed away in '08 his mom was to get the deed put into my fiance's name, and hers if she chose to. She hasn't done that yet, and he knows that if we move she will sell the farm, which he obviously wants.

Anyways, all three of us have the same dr, and all three of us are prescribed a pain med of some sort. Me because of a fractured vertebrae and a torn disc, I am only prescribed Norco 5/325 and only until I get an appointment with a pain management dr to do epidural injections. My fiance is prescribed oxy 30mg because of 3 torn discs, a shoulder that is completely chewed up, a hip joint that is slowly being eaten away (by what the dr doesn't know), and arthritis caused by lyme disease. His mother is prescribed percocet 10/325 in addition to other meds for rheumatoid arthritis.

For approximately 3 months now his medications have been "disappearing" and I don't mean one or two pills, I mean half the rx. Last month within 2 days of getting mine filled half my bottle was gone. I really didn't care so much about mine because I am allowed 6 a day and I generally only end up taking 3 with the exception of a bad day or two, on those days I take up to 5. It was just the point that someone stole my medication. He is allowed 6 a day and usually takes 5 to 6 a day, so he needs his entire rx. The part that really pisses me off is that our pills are generally only left "unattended" at night while we are sleeping, and even then they are in the same room as us.

We had left for the day, and I had my pills and his in my purse, when we got home I took my purse upstairs and left it in our bedroom. My son got dropped off, so I had went outside to get him, and then my fiance came outside to walk down to the barn to help my son feed our horses. He went in the house before my son and I did, and said that he went upstairs and counted his pills and 11 were missing. The next day the three of us were outside doing yard work, I took my son inside because we had came across 2 copperheads and I didn't want to end up making an er trip because of a snake bite. So I asked my MIL if she would watch him. At this point he only had about 20 pills left, he came inside and again 16 had came up missing. I know it isn't my son taking them, he is only 18 months old.

The next day he called and made a dr appointment, went up and told the dr he had them in his pocket and they fell out at some point while he was mowing and ran them over. The dr gave him oxy 15's, enough to get through until he gets his 30's filled. I know and he knows he shouldn't have lied to the dr, and he felt bad about doing it, he just didn't think the dr was going to believe someone stole his meds. That night he went to get a shower, took the bottle with him and put it in a drawer in the bathroom, forgot it when he came upstairs to go to bed and remembered it about 3 hours later. Went down to get them and had 30 missing. MIL was the only one downstairs.

Last month I was a day early because I had miscounted days due to being out, and it was an honest mistake, but the dr told me that I need to watch my meds because if I'm not taking too many then someone is taking my pills. The odd part of that is that my MIL used to be on Norco 10/325 in addition to the percocet until she went 2 days after my appointment and he just switched her to the percocet.

I guess my question is, I'm fairly certain as to who is taking our meds, especially since we are the only two in the house who has had meds come up missing. I don't really want to get the police involved, but I have been trying to figure out a way to discuss this issue with my dr without sounding like a druggie, or something, and not losing my or my fiances meds.
 
This is kind of a complicated, really screwed up situation...My fiance and I live with his mother, not because we don't have the means to live on our own but because when his dad passed away in '08 his mom was to get the deed put into my fiance's name, and hers if she chose to. She hasn't done that yet, and he knows that if we move she will sell the farm, which he obviously wants.

Anyways, all three of us have the same dr, and all three of us are prescribed a pain med of some sort. Me because of a fractured vertebrae and a torn disc, I am only prescribed Norco 5/325 and only until I get an appointment with a pain management dr to do epidural injections. My fiance is prescribed oxy 30mg because of 3 torn discs, a shoulder that is completely chewed up, a hip joint that is slowly being eaten away (by what the dr doesn't know), and arthritis caused by lyme disease. His mother is prescribed percocet 10/325 in addition to other meds for rheumatoid arthritis.

For approximately 3 months now his medications have been "disappearing" and I don't mean one or two pills, I mean half the rx. Last month within 2 days of getting mine filled half my bottle was gone. I really didn't care so much about mine because I am allowed 6 a day and I generally only end up taking 3 with the exception of a bad day or two, on those days I take up to 5. It was just the point that someone stole my medication. He is allowed 6 a day and usually takes 5 to 6 a day, so he needs his entire rx. The part that really pisses me off is that our pills are generally only left "unattended" at night while we are sleeping, and even then they are in the same room as us.

We had left for the day, and I had my pills and his in my purse, when we got home I took my purse upstairs and left it in our bedroom. My son got dropped off, so I had went outside to get him, and then my fiance came outside to walk down to the barn to help my son feed our horses. He went in the house before my son and I did, and said that he went upstairs and counted his pills and 11 were missing. The next day the three of us were outside doing yard work, I took my son inside because we had came across 2 copperheads and I didn't want to end up making an er trip because of a snake bite. So I asked my MIL if she would watch him. At this point he only had about 20 pills left, he came inside and again 16 had came up missing. I know it isn't my son taking them, he is only 18 months old.

The next day he called and made a dr appointment, went up and told the dr he had them in his pocket and they fell out at some point while he was mowing and ran them over. The dr gave him oxy 15's, enough to get through until he gets his 30's filled. I know and he knows he shouldn't have lied to the dr, and he felt bad about doing it, he just didn't think the dr was going to believe someone stole his meds. That night he went to get a shower, took the bottle with him and put it in a drawer in the bathroom, forgot it when he came upstairs to go to bed and remembered it about 3 hours later. Went down to get them and had 30 missing. MIL was the only one downstairs.

Last month I was a day early because I had miscounted days due to being out, and it was an honest mistake, but the dr told me that I need to watch my meds because if I'm not taking too many then someone is taking my pills. The odd part of that is that my MIL used to be on Norco 10/325 in addition to the percocet until she went 2 days after my appointment and he just switched her to the percocet.

I guess my question is, I'm fairly certain as to who is taking our meds, especially since we are the only two in the house who has had meds come up missing. I don't really want to get the police involved, but I have been trying to figure out a way to discuss this issue with my dr without sounding like a druggie, or something, and not losing my or my fiances meds.

Call her out, its obviously her taking them.
 
He has before, and she swears up and down it isn't her, she would never do anything like that, blah blah blah. The other part that I forgot to mention is that she always somehow either runs short, or gets it in her head that everyone owes her pills. I have never asked her for anything, and never would, I look at it as if I run out of my meds it's my problem nobody elses and I'm the one who has to deal until I can get more. She will actually fight with my fiance about him owing her pills (I've never seen him ask her for anything, and don't really see why he would seeing as how he is on something 3x stronger than what she's on) until he gives her one or two of his and cuts them in half for her. Should he do it? No.

That's why I'm trying to come up with a way to discuss it with the dr, because nothing is getting peacefully resolved here, and from my last appointment he already has his suspicions I believe.
 
i got a good one. Get fake pills dummy ones and leave them out see if go missing.... maybe that would work... let her get fakes ones and simply do what parents do with a drug addict in the house
A. Lock them up (buy a safe if you must)
B. Keep them on you at all times (when in room sleeping lock the door)

I assume you can have a safe this might be the best choice.

I would worry if you told the doctor they would think you were all involved in some drug thing and cut all of you off... but maybe find candy that looks like the pills (I dunno if this is legal so check that) leave them in the bottle and leave them out or switch the bottle with something like water pills and when your MIL can't stop running to the bathroom you got her... or put something on the bottle that glows in the dark or is UV sensitive then shine it on her hands.. sounds extreme but I find that the best way to catch a thief is red handed. You could also just get a cheap camerah and point it at the drawer with your pills.

There are a ton of easy not hard things you can do. Buy a twenty dollar safe.. .or a twenty dollar web cam.. or just lock your pills in a back pack with a lock on it... I assume she not a junkie and wouldn't risk cutting into the backpack... or use the glow in the dark (uv paint) Idea..

if you catch her on film she can't deny it and then if she still does it you can go to the cops... its a serious thing to take a persons pills they need.!
 
A. Lock them up (buy a safe if you must)
B. Keep them on you at all times (when in room sleeping lock the door)

Do this. When your medicine isn't on your person lock it in the safe. Every single time. Spend $50 on a safe now and it will save you tons of hassle in the future.
 
That was my problem with talking to the dr about it, I don't want him to think we are all involved in some drug thing. He is pretty understanding, and a decent guy who actually listens, but I still wasn't sure if talking to him about it would be a big risk.

Would the pharmacy split my rx in 2 bottles if I ask them, that way I have two labeled bottles? I could easily switch my pills out for tylenol, but I would be worried about a possible tylenol overdose because I honestly have no idea if she takes them right away, or hides them somewhere. I could leave the dummy bottle in the bathroom and then lock the real ones up in a safe in our room. His won't be so easy find something that looks similar because his are really small, round, and blue.

Mine are always on me, or within my view, like I said the only time I'm not physically watching them is when I'm sleeping, but they are in the room with me. He is the one who forgets his in the bathroom, or leaves our bedroom and forgets them in there.

It's pretty ridiculous what people who are prescribed pain meds have to do to keep there shit safe. What kind of safe do you guys think would be best? I want something that if she were to try and get into it would take awhile and I would likely catch her in the act. I prefer to catch people in the act because then there is no denying it for them, but I would probably end up beating someone senseless if I actually were to catch them.
 
not being a dick but your your SO could be taking more than he is prescribed and not wanting to tell you so he doesn't look like an addict cause i've done that not saying thats what happening just saying it does happen
 
not being a dick but your your SO could be taking more than he is prescribed and not wanting to tell you so he doesn't look like an addict cause i've done that not saying thats what happening just saying it does happen

TBH I thought the same thing when it first happened, so I don't think you are being a dick at all in bringing it up, but now I'm really not sure. Him and I have talked about it and I even straight up asked him if he was taking too many and maybe didn't realize it so that it didn't look like I was making an accusation of him being an addict, after that conversation he gave me his bottle to count before bed and in the morning, and I have access to it anytime to count them no questions asked, but I have watched his bottle go down a decent number of pills when he wasn't even home so I honestly don't think it's him. I know occasionally he will take an extra pill in a day, but I've never known him to use the stuff "recreationally" and I've known him since we were 14. But then again I could just be blinded and he could be really good at hiding it from me.

I guess I'm investing in a safe this time around and if he wants to keep his meds in it he can, if not then idk what to tell him, but mine will be in there for sure. I'm just tired of having to deal with him going through the withdrawals every month from his meds disappearing, makes for a shitty 2 weeks for both of us.
 
TBH I thought the same thing when it first happened, so I don't think you are being a dick at all in bringing it up, but now I'm really not sure. Him and I have talked about it and I even straight up asked him if he was taking too many and maybe didn't realize it so that it didn't look like I was making an accusation of him being an addict, after that conversation he gave me his bottle to count before bed and in the morning, and I have access to it anytime to count them no questions asked, but I have watched his bottle go down a decent number of pills when he wasn't even home so I honestly don't think it's him. I know occasionally he will take an extra pill in a day, but I've never known him to use the stuff "recreationally" and I've known him since we were 14. But then again I could just be blinded and he could be really good at hiding it from me.

I guess I'm investing in a safe this time around and if he wants to keep his meds in it he can, if not then idk what to tell him, but mine will be in there for sure. I'm just tired of having to deal with him going through the withdrawals every month from his meds disappearing, makes for a shitty 2 weeks for both of us.

Just be sure to give NO ONE the key. Not even him.

No. one. gets. the. key.

And if his meds go missing after he refuses to put them in the safe, it is NOT your problem. In fact it probably just proves hes the one "stealing" them. But giving the key to ANYONE not only invalidates the entire point, but once again will make it impossible to prove who the culprit truly is.

Also: be sure to buy a REAL SAFE! Real safe. Not one of those fire safes you buy at staples. You can open those things with a paper clip no bullshit. A real, bonafide, legit safe. With no lock to be picked preferably, but simply a combination code. Never tell ANYONE the combination.

FYI: i used to sneak into my parents room, steal pills/pot/etc, all while they were sleeping 2 inches away from me. It aint hard.

And also a note: an addict will say/do anything to keep supply going. An addict will steal your wallet/pills and then help you look for them. An addict will spin any story to avoid taking blame, and avoid the train pulling in to the station. An addict will say/do anything to stay high. So take everything he says with a grain of salt until you can confirm one way or the other whether it is him or the mother in law.
 
I'm not going to give him the key, if he wants them in there I will get the bottle out for him and he can take what he needs for the day out or one at a time whatever he wants to do, and then put it back. I'm not even sure that I'm going to get a safe with a key, I was thinking one with a combo that you set yourself so the combination can't be found anywhere. I don't trust anyone entirely with my meds, very few people even know I have them, hell my own mother doesn't even know. Tbh I hate the fact that I'm even on them, and can't wait until I can get the epidural injections, I'm just really hoping they work so that I don't have to worry about it constantly.
 
What does he said when she accuses him of owing her pills? That's just a really weird thing to do if she is already just stealing them anyway. I'd personally get a web cam and try and catch whoever it is, just bcuz id wanna know one way or the other for sure who is doing it. Addicts are amazing liars and it would not be hard for either one of them to get addicted without even meaning to. Good luck.
 
I think the digital safe is your best solution given the circumstances. Between your mother in law and fiance, it's like "he said, she said" for now. Especially when she's complaining about being owed pills all the time. I don't have to tell you that's drug-seeking behavior. It reminds me of a few years back when I broke my nose and got a percocet prescription. My junkie next door neighbor came by and I went into the house to get her a slice of pizza while my purse was in the garage. I came back out within 3 minutes and she disappeared along with the whole bottle of pills. I called the pharmacy to find out what could be done but even though it's a felony, I didn't actually see her take them. So there was nothing I could do except I never let her at my house again.
 
I have had the same problem here with My percs 5/325s and my Gabupentin 75mg, mom is always in pain with 3 types of arthritis as do I and is now diagnosed with stage 3 kidney disease, and I keep telling her to tell her fucking doctor to give her pain some pain med, but drs dont like doing that here, giving out pain med you usually need a specialist to get them I have been seeing him for 10 years now and he gives me allot of med 180 percs and 90 gabs and my Valium, that is like gold to me so I have learned to hide them otherwise they dissapear and it really pisses me off for her to go into my room and just take them I cought her in my room the other day taking my percs and I caught her and I was Irate! and my bi polar kicked in and I exploded and the aruging began i was comming up the stairs and all I heard her say in a whisper hurry up she is comming. I am all WTF!!!! all you had to do is ask me and I would of gave you some, but no and my son is all she made me do it and i am all you know better, he never has taken any of my meds. But its like she has no buffer or care about anything anymore, and just does what she wants..This is what I live with ontop of everything else in my life, so my answer is LOCK UP YOUR MEDS SOMEHOW AND KEEP THEM AWAY FROM EVERYONE!!, I hid most of mine around my room in places no one would look i know its sad but this is my life....
 
What does he said when she accuses him of owing her pills? That's just a really weird thing to do if she is already just stealing them anyway. I'd personally get a web cam and try and catch whoever it is, just bcuz id wanna know one way or the other for sure who is doing it. Addicts are amazing liars and it would not be hard for either one of them to get addicted without even meaning to. Good luck.


He tells her that she's effin crazy, that if anyone owes someone something it's her who owes him. She tried it with me one month too, she had went on vacation with her sister who has been caught stealing pills before, long story short the sister managed to steal some from her. When she got home I had just gotten mine filled the day before and she asked if she could borrow 2 days worth until she went to the dr and then would give them right back. I really didn't have a problem with it since I was getting them right back, I gave her 16 of mine which was 8 of hers. She gave them back when she said she would, no issue, until I got mine again then she told me that I owed her 8 of her pills because she had given me 8 when she got hers filled. It ended up in world war 3 and I ended up just saying screw it, gave her 16 pills (again that's 8 of hers) and told her to never ask me to borrow even a tylenol again.

Idk if the fact that she has a mild form of schizophrenia has anything to do with her always thinking people owe her things, it's not just pills, it's money too. Me and SO don't make the greatest money in the world, but we make enough to pay the bills and keep food on the shelves, and we don't ask her for money, we just don't need to. She took it upon herself to buy a couple of toys that we were planning on buying for my son and then threw it back in our faces (we never asked her to, and when it was being discussed the conversation was between SO and myself) we ended up giving her the money for them and told her not to buy him anything anymore. Now we are careful as to where we talk to make sure she can't overhear.
 
To me it sounds like his mom is the problem. However I would be willing to bet that your SO and his mom are both engaged in some junky behavior. As an opiate addict I guarantee you that I would not forget my pills if I felt they were in danger. No way no how. I like the idea of a webcam near the pills to catch whoever in the act and get to the bottom of this.
 
This is kind of a complicated, really screwed up situation...My fiance and I live with his mother, not because we don't have the means to live on our own but because when his dad passed away in '08 his mom was to get the deed put into my fiance's name, and hers if she chose to. She hasn't done that yet, and he knows that if we move she will sell the farm, which he obviously wants.

If she wants to sell the farm it's her choice, you guys leeching around waiting for her to die or trying to take it off her sounds pretty parasitical to me, after our father died we all put our mum first and didn't care 2 shits about the will or the property, the woman has lost her husband and now needs to support and provide for herself in whatever way she see's fit, if you have the means to support yourself then leave and take your meds with you.
 
If she wants to sell the farm it's her choice, you guys leeching around waiting for her to die or trying to take it off her sounds pretty parasitical to me, after our father died we all put our mum first and didn't care 2 shits about the will or the property, the woman has lost her husband and now needs to support and provide for herself in whatever way she see's fit, if you have the means to support yourself then leave and take your meds with you.

^ i think i agree with this. buying a safe isn't really fixing the issue is it? the issue your MUM has a problem. What's her problem why is she taking more pills, whats she hiding from?

using a webcam to catch her red handed might sound all good in theory but what are you going to sit down and show her the tape? i can just see that going down well. why don't you just speak to her?
 
Idk that me talking to her is going to do much since her own son can't get anywhere with it. And there is more to the reason that we live here, I just didn't think it was relevant to the issue.

I went and spent the money on a combo lock safe and got mine filled today, split the pills into two bottles, one to keep on me all the time and one to put in the safe. We'll see how it goes. She was sleeping when I got home with and and SO wasn't home, so it's hidden in our closet. Hopefully this fixes the problem, if not I'm going to go insane. 8(
 
If the people closest to you are stealing from you, it will need to be dealt with eventually. Putting them in a safe is a good solution for not getting them stolen but to me that seems to only address the surface of the problem. I guess if it is your mother-in-law it is less crucial than if it is your SO but either way you are living with a family member (or two) that is stealing from you. I don't know how I would be able to maintain trust.
 
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