michael
Bluelight Crew
if you are feeling suicidal, there are support hotlines you can call - you can find a number here: http://suicideprevention.wikia.com/wiki/International_Suicide_Prevention_Directory
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Cops decided to press attempted arson charges. I'm suicidal. Help.
- Thread starter dhcdavid
- Start date
herbavore
Bluelight Crew
Hiya, back!
I had a friend in England that was arrested, no money and just had the lawyer that was assigned to him in jail. He felt like she wasn't going to represent him well and requested another and got one. I think one of the reasons that he requested a new lawyer was that the one he had did not take into account his mental health diagnosis and his mental state at the time.
sconnie420
Ex-Bluelighter
D,
Don't do it..i know what its like to be that low and suicidal, im in the process of getting medication for that..Smart move not talking, very smart..I don't know what court systems are like in the uk or anything but i know a thing or 2 about them here..as cliche as it sounds keep your head up, it doesn't sound like they have to much of a case..and just because they are going to prosecute don't mean you wont get a plea to lesser charges later on down the road..hollar if you need anything...
Don't do it..i know what its like to be that low and suicidal, im in the process of getting medication for that..Smart move not talking, very smart..I don't know what court systems are like in the uk or anything but i know a thing or 2 about them here..as cliche as it sounds keep your head up, it doesn't sound like they have to much of a case..and just because they are going to prosecute don't mean you wont get a plea to lesser charges later on down the road..hollar if you need anything...
Herbavore: your responses were - as they always are god bless you - of comfort and interest. I will speak to the duty sergeant when I visit the station and ask his opinion of my legal counsel and maybe see who else locally he might recommend (the duty sergeant in most Brit police stations his in charge of police custody and invariably is as good a starting point as any to find out about decent local solicitors who take on criminal cases for free through the legal aid scheme we have).
I will certainly think very seriously about highlighting my mental and physical health problems to the detective handling my case: they know I'm epileptic because I had two seizures down the station immediately after they arrested me for this "attempted arson" thing a month or so back because they called for paramedics and were very nervous about my poor physical health; furthermore I took my weekly issued script for 8 different medications with me when I answered bail weeks back, because they asked whether any of the meds didn't mix well with alcohol because I was so inebriated I barely remember anything - and of course I pointed out that 200ucg/hr of fentanyl and the 80mg daily dose of oxynorm (IR oxycodone hcl) most definitely caused amnesia, profound sedation etc when mixed with booze.
However I haven't played the "mental health" card, beyond mentioning my depression after the interview I "no commented" to alll questions [on my solicitors advice] but the local police have met me twice last year - six months apart between the two incidents - after failed suicide attempts so it shouldn't come as much of a surpries to them. My current solicitor on the other hand knows nothing about all my health issues so I most definitely will have a good chat with him and see what he thinks/ see how he reacts/behaves with it when I tell him in the next few days.
And sconnie420: many thanks for your empathy and encouragement. Although I'm still feeling very bleak and low about this whole mess, I'm also swinging between said despair and a lighter, happier mindset due to folk like your goodself taking the time and effort to give me advice. I hope you yourself are not feeling too down at the moment and I'd like to return your kindness and invite you to pm me/ post in this thread anytime if you yourself want to unload some problems/ heavy emotional baggage - and I'll do my best to help out.
Love and peace to everyone in this thread who've so kindly posted such sound advice and encouragement: I feel so blessed that there are folk out there who do care about me. Thank you again.
I will certainly think very seriously about highlighting my mental and physical health problems to the detective handling my case: they know I'm epileptic because I had two seizures down the station immediately after they arrested me for this "attempted arson" thing a month or so back because they called for paramedics and were very nervous about my poor physical health; furthermore I took my weekly issued script for 8 different medications with me when I answered bail weeks back, because they asked whether any of the meds didn't mix well with alcohol because I was so inebriated I barely remember anything - and of course I pointed out that 200ucg/hr of fentanyl and the 80mg daily dose of oxynorm (IR oxycodone hcl) most definitely caused amnesia, profound sedation etc when mixed with booze.
However I haven't played the "mental health" card, beyond mentioning my depression after the interview I "no commented" to alll questions [on my solicitors advice] but the local police have met me twice last year - six months apart between the two incidents - after failed suicide attempts so it shouldn't come as much of a surpries to them. My current solicitor on the other hand knows nothing about all my health issues so I most definitely will have a good chat with him and see what he thinks/ see how he reacts/behaves with it when I tell him in the next few days.
And sconnie420: many thanks for your empathy and encouragement. Although I'm still feeling very bleak and low about this whole mess, I'm also swinging between said despair and a lighter, happier mindset due to folk like your goodself taking the time and effort to give me advice. I hope you yourself are not feeling too down at the moment and I'd like to return your kindness and invite you to pm me/ post in this thread anytime if you yourself want to unload some problems/ heavy emotional baggage - and I'll do my best to help out.
Love and peace to everyone in this thread who've so kindly posted such sound advice and encouragement: I feel so blessed that there are folk out there who do care about me. Thank you again.
Where Wolf?
Bluelighter
Given the combination of prescriptions you're on, the history of sucide attempts and depression, I think you have a very strong defense: but if your legal aid brief is an idiot (and other than the odd idealist, they're often bottom-of-the-barrel-just-scraped-through-a-law-conversion-course-after-a-degree-in-Golf studies-at-the-University-of-nowhere-special, sadly, 'cos the money's crap and most lawyers everywhere are all about the cash), you may have to explain it all very slowly and carefully to them. But anything you don't present in your defence will NOT be taken into account.
I'd give MIND and Liberty a call - they have free advice lines, and should be able to advise you, or at least point you in the right direction. I had to call the MIND helpline last year, when a friend with BPD pulled a live-Skype-suicide-attempt on me from Germany (luckily I had her landlord's number, and know just enough German that I could make him understand he needed to break down her door, if necessary, and get the ambulance there immediately: she made it through, though, as borderlines will sometimes, subsequently turned against me and we don't talk no more), and they were sympathetic and intelligent. I'm sure they could point you in the right direction.
This is a longshot, but I used to know the late forensic psychiatrist Dr Jim McKeith, who was the consultant shrink on the Guildford 4 and Birmingham 6 cases, working closely with civil rights lawyer Gareth Pierce (played by Emma Thompson in the movie In the Name of the Father: if you make contact with her office, you might be able to get some free advice, at least pointing you in the right direction in terms of getting an authoritative shrink to review your records. Google around and you should be able to find contact details, though I have no idea if you'd get through to her, or more than a 5-minute conversation (she may actually have retired, but it would be worth checking).
Anyway, good luck, and if your lawyer's useless/you can't get a decent replacement, then they'll probably be grateful if you build your own case, with medical assitance, for a defence of diminished responsibility.
Drinking on fent? Man, that would have me spewing for days: the only good think about my opiate addiction was that it kept me from drinking, never understood how people can do opis and booze at the same time.
I'd give MIND and Liberty a call - they have free advice lines, and should be able to advise you, or at least point you in the right direction. I had to call the MIND helpline last year, when a friend with BPD pulled a live-Skype-suicide-attempt on me from Germany (luckily I had her landlord's number, and know just enough German that I could make him understand he needed to break down her door, if necessary, and get the ambulance there immediately: she made it through, though, as borderlines will sometimes, subsequently turned against me and we don't talk no more), and they were sympathetic and intelligent. I'm sure they could point you in the right direction.
This is a longshot, but I used to know the late forensic psychiatrist Dr Jim McKeith, who was the consultant shrink on the Guildford 4 and Birmingham 6 cases, working closely with civil rights lawyer Gareth Pierce (played by Emma Thompson in the movie In the Name of the Father: if you make contact with her office, you might be able to get some free advice, at least pointing you in the right direction in terms of getting an authoritative shrink to review your records. Google around and you should be able to find contact details, though I have no idea if you'd get through to her, or more than a 5-minute conversation (she may actually have retired, but it would be worth checking).
Anyway, good luck, and if your lawyer's useless/you can't get a decent replacement, then they'll probably be grateful if you build your own case, with medical assitance, for a defence of diminished responsibility.
Drinking on fent? Man, that would have me spewing for days: the only good think about my opiate addiction was that it kept me from drinking, never understood how people can do opis and booze at the same time.
motherofearth
Bluelighter
You have quite the gift of expression and eloquence yourself. Furthermore, if you can see the forest through the trees, particularly given the demons you face now, you can be a colossal help to others. You are probably helping others now with this thread.
So, to wherewolf, motherofearth and anyone else following this thread:
I went to the police station today and after they'd booked me in I started chatting to the custody sargent - who was a lovely bloke - and mentioned about my suicide attempts plus near constant suicidal ideation, and state of mind at the time of the offense and straight away he was like "I think it would be an excellent idea to have another interview and tell us all this" which is exactly what I did.
They furthermore almost flat out told me that before I'd told them all this stuff today it was most definitely going to be taken to crown court by the CPS but that now I should come back Wednesday when "a different decision" will be made: i.e they'll either let me go completely or it'll go forward to crown court.
Also I've found that the chap from the firm of the solicitors was only a legal representative - which was all I needed last time at the station - and that should it go to court then said solicitors firm would provide me with a barrister (a lawyer specifically highly trained for crown court [i.e judge and jury] cases). So that's something....
I can't thank everyone in this thread enough for their advice - especially those who strongly advised me to talk about my mental state at the time of the alleged offence (which I've found out isn't arson but "attempted arson" which is obviously less serious) and my mental and physical health problems)- and having "unburdened" myself completely to the police I do feel a little better because even if the CPS decide between now and Weds to prosecute this case it's surely going to weigh heavily in my favour that I "came clean" about everything before the case reached court and, who knows, this may even cause the Crown Prosecution Service to decide it's not worth taking me to court about this now... as opposed to prior to today when all they really had to go on from me was one interview where I "no commented" to EVERY single question.
Honestly speaking I'm still shitting myself about this - and I think I might even, on the custody sergent's advice, go speak to my GP on monday morning about my woes because I reckon my state of mind at present, especially with all this weighing down on me like a ton of bricks, is probably sufficiently down and depressed to merit an appointment with a doctor.... - and I'm very apprehensive and worried about how I'll take it if on Wednesday I find out this is going to go to court - but I reckon starting this thread, and going with the comments and advice given thus far by my friends from Bluelight, and then doing what I've just mentioned I did at the police station today is probably about the best I could do under the circumstances so there you go.
To be forewarned is to be forearmed as they say and at least now, whatever the CPS decide to do with this case, I feel marginally better then I did 24 hours ago.![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
I went to the police station today and after they'd booked me in I started chatting to the custody sargent - who was a lovely bloke - and mentioned about my suicide attempts plus near constant suicidal ideation, and state of mind at the time of the offense and straight away he was like "I think it would be an excellent idea to have another interview and tell us all this" which is exactly what I did.
They furthermore almost flat out told me that before I'd told them all this stuff today it was most definitely going to be taken to crown court by the CPS but that now I should come back Wednesday when "a different decision" will be made: i.e they'll either let me go completely or it'll go forward to crown court.
Also I've found that the chap from the firm of the solicitors was only a legal representative - which was all I needed last time at the station - and that should it go to court then said solicitors firm would provide me with a barrister (a lawyer specifically highly trained for crown court [i.e judge and jury] cases). So that's something....
I can't thank everyone in this thread enough for their advice - especially those who strongly advised me to talk about my mental state at the time of the alleged offence (which I've found out isn't arson but "attempted arson" which is obviously less serious) and my mental and physical health problems)- and having "unburdened" myself completely to the police I do feel a little better because even if the CPS decide between now and Weds to prosecute this case it's surely going to weigh heavily in my favour that I "came clean" about everything before the case reached court and, who knows, this may even cause the Crown Prosecution Service to decide it's not worth taking me to court about this now... as opposed to prior to today when all they really had to go on from me was one interview where I "no commented" to EVERY single question.
Honestly speaking I'm still shitting myself about this - and I think I might even, on the custody sergent's advice, go speak to my GP on monday morning about my woes because I reckon my state of mind at present, especially with all this weighing down on me like a ton of bricks, is probably sufficiently down and depressed to merit an appointment with a doctor.... - and I'm very apprehensive and worried about how I'll take it if on Wednesday I find out this is going to go to court - but I reckon starting this thread, and going with the comments and advice given thus far by my friends from Bluelight, and then doing what I've just mentioned I did at the police station today is probably about the best I could do under the circumstances so there you go.
To be forewarned is to be forearmed as they say and at least now, whatever the CPS decide to do with this case, I feel marginally better then I did 24 hours ago.
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Thank you for saying that. You're sweet.
herbavore
Bluelight Crew
^ Glad you are feeling a little better about things. That was great that you went and talked to the cops--that took some courage, I'm sure. 
sconnie420
Ex-Bluelighter
I will definitely do that, same goes to you.. keep us posted ok...
motherofearth
Bluelighter
I am glad to hear you took action and saw positive change. A lot of times it just takes a little action.
BrokedownPalace
Bluelight Crew
That's great news, man. Like I said, the majority of times, legal issues don't end up nearly as bad as we think they will. I would be surprised if they pursued it after this recent development. And even if they do, I DOUBT you will go to jail. Probably just probation (dunno what they call it in the UK?), community service, shit like that.
Like I said, the majority of times, legal issues don't end up nearly as bad as we think they will. I would be surprised if they pursued it after this recent development. And even if they do, I DOUBT you will go to jail. Probably just probation (dunno what they call it in the UK?), community service, shit like that.Where Wolf?
Bluelighter
Result! Smartest thing you could have done, and I'd bet that even if you go to trial (which would be a very odd call on the part of the CPS), you're going to get a sympathetic hearing, having, as you said, gone in, 'fessed up and managed to get through to the Duty Sarge. Even some UK Police are realising, obviously, that incarcerating people who suffer from depression and other forms of mental illness is cruel, unusual, and counter-productive in terms of the crime rate (I mean, it's not like you killed anyone or even stole anything). Fingers crossed for a caution and psychiatric referral, and yeah, that doctor's appointment's another great idea. Don't miss it!
I know it can't have been easy, walking into the station. I once had to turn myself in to the cops in Washington D.C. - busted with a little weed on the Friday, Vice cops get called, told me 'this can all go away if you give up the dealer, take a ride with us and maybe broker an introduction, take the weekend to think about it.' Luckily, I had family in the city who practised law, lawyered up, and on Monday had my cousin/attorney call and say 'no deal'. I knew I was looking at a minor misdeameanour charge, but still, walking in through those station doors was one surreal and frightening experience: all the stranger when the Vice boys reached out for a handshake. Like, uh, you're about to put me in a cell and process me through central booking over two joints and a glass of bhang, and you think I'm gonna shake your hand? Four hours in the holding cell without anything to read, they wouldn't let me take a book in in case I slashed my wrists with the pages or something, shoelaces and belt confiscated, and the quality of graffiti on the walls of D.C. holding cells ain't great, didn't really hold my attention (FUK DA KOPS kinda thing). Then I get handcuffed to a steel pole in the back of a meatwagon, driven across town to central booking through rush-hour traffic (rush hour roads in D.C...you don't want to know), searched (lazily, could have taken pills and a pack of cigarettes in with me, I guess they were just checking for weapons), processed, put in a cell, and luckily enough, my cellmate was cool, friendly and funny: three hours later they let me go, I get a court date for arraignment: and a few weeks on the legal proceedings consisted of a Judge reading out my name, followed by 'no papers filed, you're free to leave.' Probably cost the city at least $1000 in man-hours and resources to do nothing but steal about a gram of Mexican ditch weed from a then 19-year-old kid. Very different circumstances (and a different country), but still, that walk to the desk to 'turn myself in' (as if I were Jesse fucking James) seemed to last forever, and I was stone-cold straight'n'sober, but doubt I walked all that steadily. So nice one for facing up: it's so easy to bury your head and hope for the best, or think you can lie your way out of it, which very rarely works for us mere plebs, unlike Murdoch.
The solicitor's rep who advised you to 'no comment' - I didn't want to say this earlier, but it struck me as very bad advice. Cops hate it if you stonewall them, and will push as hard as they can to have the CPS break you and fuck you over on general principles: 'no comment' is best reserved for situations where you're caught red-handed holding, have no viable defence, and they try to scare you into giving up info on someone higher up the chain. Keep us informed, and breathe easy: I've got a strong feeling you're going to walk on this without any locks being clicked and keys thrown away. Stay polite, respectful, stick to the honesty and you're going to be okay.
I know it can't have been easy, walking into the station. I once had to turn myself in to the cops in Washington D.C. - busted with a little weed on the Friday, Vice cops get called, told me 'this can all go away if you give up the dealer, take a ride with us and maybe broker an introduction, take the weekend to think about it.' Luckily, I had family in the city who practised law, lawyered up, and on Monday had my cousin/attorney call and say 'no deal'. I knew I was looking at a minor misdeameanour charge, but still, walking in through those station doors was one surreal and frightening experience: all the stranger when the Vice boys reached out for a handshake. Like, uh, you're about to put me in a cell and process me through central booking over two joints and a glass of bhang, and you think I'm gonna shake your hand? Four hours in the holding cell without anything to read, they wouldn't let me take a book in in case I slashed my wrists with the pages or something, shoelaces and belt confiscated, and the quality of graffiti on the walls of D.C. holding cells ain't great, didn't really hold my attention (FUK DA KOPS kinda thing). Then I get handcuffed to a steel pole in the back of a meatwagon, driven across town to central booking through rush-hour traffic (rush hour roads in D.C...you don't want to know), searched (lazily, could have taken pills and a pack of cigarettes in with me, I guess they were just checking for weapons), processed, put in a cell, and luckily enough, my cellmate was cool, friendly and funny: three hours later they let me go, I get a court date for arraignment: and a few weeks on the legal proceedings consisted of a Judge reading out my name, followed by 'no papers filed, you're free to leave.' Probably cost the city at least $1000 in man-hours and resources to do nothing but steal about a gram of Mexican ditch weed from a then 19-year-old kid. Very different circumstances (and a different country), but still, that walk to the desk to 'turn myself in' (as if I were Jesse fucking James) seemed to last forever, and I was stone-cold straight'n'sober, but doubt I walked all that steadily. So nice one for facing up: it's so easy to bury your head and hope for the best, or think you can lie your way out of it, which very rarely works for us mere plebs, unlike Murdoch.
The solicitor's rep who advised you to 'no comment' - I didn't want to say this earlier, but it struck me as very bad advice. Cops hate it if you stonewall them, and will push as hard as they can to have the CPS break you and fuck you over on general principles: 'no comment' is best reserved for situations where you're caught red-handed holding, have no viable defence, and they try to scare you into giving up info on someone higher up the chain. Keep us informed, and breathe easy: I've got a strong feeling you're going to walk on this without any locks being clicked and keys thrown away. Stay polite, respectful, stick to the honesty and you're going to be okay.
motherofearth
Bluelighter
^That is quite compassionate.^
herbavore
Bluelight Crew
I just UAed the sarcastic post. C'mon people--it's not the Lounge, it's TDS. Keep it civil. Sarcasm and wit have their place but not in a thread where someone is scared and asking for support.
DooMMooD
Bluelighter
This ain't the end of the ficking world man. I've seen and known people charged with much worse and lose MuCH MORE than a job. I know a guy who haS been addicte to heroin for decades and spent 1/3 of his life in jail for violent felonies. An he figured something out and I bet doesn't even have half the book smarts you do.
You'll figure out a new life and it'll all sort itself out. At least you have a degree and have had a job the past however many years which is much more than I can say for many people.
Shit works out in the end if you give it time. Just realize there IS LIGHT at the end of the tunnel, even if you can't see it yet.
Edit: see man? Shit works out in the end if you give it time. You just gotta relax and let things unfold a bit before getting worked up over stuff that has yet to pass.
You'll figure out a new life and it'll all sort itself out. At least you have a degree and have had a job the past however many years which is much more than I can say for many people.
Shit works out in the end if you give it time. Just realize there IS LIGHT at the end of the tunnel, even if you can't see it yet.
Edit: see man? Shit works out in the end if you give it time. You just gotta relax and let things unfold a bit before getting worked up over stuff that has yet to pass.
Update:
The bastards are pressing charges. In magistrates court in 5 weeks.
I'm curiously relaxed yet simultaneously beside myself because this (decision by the CPS to preosecute) is what I've been prepared for.
Thank you to all who've kindly taken the time to post in this thread with advice for me - it was much appreciated. TDS is a very special forum indeed. Later everyone.
The bastards are pressing charges. In magistrates court in 5 weeks.
I'm curiously relaxed yet simultaneously beside myself because this (decision by the CPS to preosecute) is what I've been prepared for.
Thank you to all who've kindly taken the time to post in this thread with advice for me - it was much appreciated. TDS is a very special forum indeed. Later everyone.
herbavore
Bluelight Crew
That is not good news but at least, as you say, you were prepared for that initially. Hopefully that curious sense of relaxation is the part of you that knows that no amount of stressing and worrying will change the outcome (unless to make it worse) because much of this now is out of your control. The best thing you can do now is to remain as calm as you can and work with your lawyer. Still, I'm sorry.