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Sex Drive

lovebugg

lovebugg

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Jul 5, 2012
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The most bitchin' beach in the south
My husband is an addict, an opiate addict. He takes morphine and opana daily, plus others non-opiate meds. He was addicted to methadone for many years and still scores it about once or twice a week.

We've been together for years, but we have only been married for a little more than one year.

Within months after we started dating, I noticed an extreme decline in his sex drive. It seemed like he had a high sex drive mainly when he was high on coke, XTC, or whatever. This was before I knew he was an opiate addict.

Now, we are married and his sex drive is still the pits. Several times over the years, we've talked about it and the effects that it's having on me and our relationship. We have not had sex in 5 months...no first anniversary sex, no birthday sex. I still initiate sex or try to initiate sex, but he acts like he doesnt want it and never iniates sex.

Sex in my marriage is important to me, I have a high sex drive and he knows that I do...he'll flirt with me, be affectionate, and lead me to believe we're going to have sex. then, something always happens with him that completely removes sex from the equation. what is supposed to be sex ends up a cuddle and i remain in a state of sexual frustration. We still talk about it, but it's a problem that continues to grow. now when we talk about it, he uses it as ammo..he'll say stuff like "you know, keeping on bringing it up, just makes it worse..."

I just dont understand...its taking a toll on my self esteem. :?

Now that i've aired my laundry to really just want to know, is it normal/typical for an opiate addict to put sex on the backburner? What are some things that could help? Anyone else experience this with thier SO or themselves?
 
I'll throw my .02 in.

I was in a relationship a while back and both parties were active opiate users. I was in active addiction and my counterpart was borderline addict/recreational user.

I was always very flirtatious when it came to her, but when it came to actually having sex this is what it boiled down to..

A) I knew I was never going to get off because getting off on opiates for me is damn near impossible.

B) If I were sick I def did not want to have sex.

C) I did not feel motivated to have sex (this one kind of ties in to point A).

This is me, I'm sure other people have different input.
 
I known a few addicts and dated one.
One I know can't get up and he stopped the use of the drugs two years ago... he fucked up his sex drive pretty good.... even when not ont he drugs.
The one I dated was using and getting him to want sex was very difficult and even if he wanted it, it didn't work out ever because he ended up not catin about sex very fast.
The rest I knew had the same issues....
It's not going to get any better until he stops to be honest.
 
yeah my sex drive is dwindling to nothing. Basically your husband is going to have to put in extra effort, the sex is for you and not for him and he needs to remember that he has a duty as a husband to please his wife, regardless of how he feels about it. You should try to find the time of day when he has the least amount of opiates in his system and use that time for sex. For me it's in the morning before i get high.

things that may help: horny goat's weed and damania (plant). I think you can get your sex life back on track but your husband has to be open and willing to try, if he is then it's entirely possible that you can both be satisfied and happy, if not then you are both going to run into problems.
 
I've been in your husbands place before. Opiates absolutely destroy sex drive. I've found that some caffeine, porn and a vasodilator (arginine or citrulline) on the tail end of a dose will do wonders.

IME it's less about his orgasm (b/c he clearly doesn't really care) than about your sexual frustration and the health of the relationship.

On another note dating an opiate addict is a path unto itself, you can find plenty of info about that on here...
 
Opiates definitely temporarily kill the sex drive in my experience although, like RobotRipping said, in the morning before getting high you can still have sex and orgasm or so it is for me. He may want to buy Cialis as it seems to work good although I haven't tried it while on opiates because I went off opiates for a bit but then fractured some ribs in a bike accident and got some for the pain. I can't try them together now because I can't have sex with the fractured ribs yet. Cialis does help with the ED so it should help regardless of what you're on. Whether it's enough to do the trick, I'm not sure because that would depend on quantities but it's worth a shot especially in the morning before he takes anything. Don't blame yourself, it's not your fault, it's the drug that causes it and he knows it so he backs off when it gets to a certain point knowing he won't be able to follow through. There are cheap places to get it online.
 
i agree with robot ripping, and if i were in the situation, I'd still please the girl (with tongue and fingers), even if there's no chance to cum myself. i mean this is very egoistic, especially in a monogamous relationship. also, touching a woman's body is superb, even if there's not going to be any sex.
 
Good points Bagseed. One of the reasons I went off for a while was for my wife because of the sexual dysfunction.
 
Disraeli_Beers said:
On another note dating an opiate addict is a path unto itself, you can find plenty of info about that on here...
Click to expand...

yes...i agree that dating or being married to an opiate addict is indeed a path unto itself. one of the reasons i'm here is to grasp a better understanding from outside sources. it takes a special person and lots of patience and understanding and all that BS.
 
LB, Iv been clean for 7 months now, but for me my sex drive is still very low. My gf thinks its something wrong with her and it tears me up inside....
Truth is, she's fucking incredible! Way out my league and I feel so nervous as when I was still on I got ED halfway thru! It caused so much Agro and we both felt like shit over it...
Even now it scares me it will happen again so I tend to put it off a lot.
Not much help I guess but maybe your partner can relate?
 
You should try cialis until you get over that hump or some anti-anxiety meds for a bit. New experiences will change your memory and thoughts helping you get over this.
 
It must vary from person to person cuz I'm like a jack rabbit still..maybe it's an age thing(I'm 22) but If I have a greenlight it's on. Even if you don't finish the satisfaction of satisfying your partner should be enough. If knowing your not going to finish is the problem you need to suck it up. It's part of what you have to deal with because of the drugs you choose to
do. It's not your partners fault and if your lucky to be with someone you need to remember that it's a two way street and it's not their fault that your stuck on your DOC. As others have said of its an Ed problem look into a pill for you man. But whatever the case the problem is not you so DO NOT let your self esteem get messed up dear <3
 
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