Diazapam and alcohol

[xuser]

Hi I'm a newby here and just after a bit of info. Basically a long story short: My partner is a recovering heroin addict. We met 10 years ago and he has been clean about 5 years ( has used once here and there, but otherwise worked really hard to get clean ) He has always taken Valium 5mg, maybe 2 in the morning and then 2 in the evening. But more often than not seems to have tiny constricted pupils and it's always when he drinks with them. Now I am definitely not stupid when it comes to this stuff and we are constantly arguing because I suspect he is still using (cos of the pupils) But this has been going on for years. He is still adamant that he is not using heroin and that his pupils are a result of the benzo's and alcohol mixed together. He leads a somewhat normal life and nobody else would really notice, but because I know that he will always be an addict I am always suspicious.

I am not convinced it is just the benzo's and booze so can anyone shed some light on this?

 

[debaser]

Hi xuser.

Benzos and alcohol don't tighten pupils, you're right. But you're raising a difficult question, as I do think this is a problem between you and your partner. I really can't say much more than that.

Good luck in your relationship

Oh by the way, ask him to be very careful when mixing benzodiazepines and alcohol. It's a recipe for disaster.

 

[xuser]

Thanks loulou reed, I don't now where he would be getting the $$ as his entire pay goes into an account he can't touch. But I have on occasion found suboxone tabs in his stuff. He used suboxone a few years ago to start the process of getting clean. I have read (on this forum) that you can take very small amounts of suboxone and still get mildly high.
Well I guess I will just keep questioning him till he comes clean8)

 

[Dread calm]

I'd just like to add, i have a friend who has pupils that are constantly pinned and he's never touched an opiate in his life. Some people's pupils are just naturally like that. Its not a sure fire way of telling if he's still using.

 

[BobJillespie]

You've been with him long enough to know if he's acting strange/dodgy/stoned. You're suspecting for a reason. Where he might be getting it from is irrelevant. Addicts are uniquely resourceful.

I think the real question you need to ask yourself is: you you trust him? If not, why and what will you do about it? If you do, then trust him. Put it on him. And if you find out different, act then. If he's not fucking up at work, in the relationship, and you're just anxious because of the past, maybe just let it be. That comes with it the risk of accepting there's a chance he might be using. It depends on where your standards and priorities lie. If it's unacceptable no matter what that he's using, and you don't trust him. It may be time to act.

To answer the question, alcohol and benzos don't make your pupils constrict. But it may not be cause by dope either.

 

[xuser]

Argh! It drives me nuts. Am I going crazy? I guess a part of me just doesn't believe it's possible he has kicked the habit. Or anyone for that matter. Anyone going through or living with someone who has/had a heroin habit will know the grip it has. You just don't hear about people cleaning up after heroin abuse.

I did ask him again last night and he swears he isn't using again. Even agreed to blood testing, so I guess we'll see....

Thanks for your replies people

 

[BobJillespie]

I understand that and my wife certainly does. She has trouble letting her guard down and trusting me. It's frustrating for both of us. But once you make the decision to stay, you trust, or you go. Relationships don't work if either is constantly suspicious. It wears you both down. Trust him until you have proof otherwise, it'll come out eventually if he's using. It always does.

 

[xuser]

I understand that and my wife certainly does. She has trouble letting her guard down and trusting me. It's frustrating for both of us. But once you make the decision to stay, you trust, or you go. Relationships don't work if either is constantly suspicious. It wears you both down. Trust him until you have proof otherwise, it'll come out eventually if he's using. It always does.

You are so right. He just needs to understand that trust is not gained overnight, you have to earn it.
I guess I just don't want to be the fool if it does come out eventually.


Thanks, you have made me view this in a different light.

 

[Swimmingdancer]

I was addicted to heroin for 10 years and haven't used in about 4 years and I can say that one of the largest contributing factors was that I have an amazing supportive partner who trusted me completely, made it clear I would not be judged and that I could be honest with him, and showed me unconditional love. If you distrust someone and make them afraid to tell you the truth it will be a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Try putting your effort into loving and understanding him instead of trying to "catch" him.

 

[BobJillespie]

You won't be the fool; he will be the fool for taking advantage of your trust and destroying your relationship. You'll come out intact, he will be swallowed by guilt and regret.

If, he is indeed using.

 

[BobJillespie]

I was addicted to heroin for 10 years and haven't used in about 4 years and I can say that one of the largest contributing factors was that I have an amazing supportive partner who trusted me completely, made it clear I would not be judged and that I could be honest with him, and showed me unconditional love. If you distrust someone and make them afraid to tell you the truth it will be a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Try putting your effort into loving and understanding him instead of trying to "catch" him.

This might not be a popular thing to say, but from where I'm standing men generally are unconditionally supportive a understanding. They will want what's best for you, but accept your flaws as part of you. Women have a tendency to demand and expect change of behaviors - or else. Men love women for who they are flaws and all. Women love the idea her partner will conform to her expectations and standards.

A pretty gross exaggeration, but in all the relationships I've seen affected by substance abuse I find this to be true. Two examples right here in this thread. OP wants a change in partners behavior, probably to the extent even if he's using and wants to come clean, can't for fear of reprisal. And you who seems to have the unconditional support of a male.

 

[Swimmingdancer]

Wow, that's hugely sexist. I give my partner my unconditional love and support as well and I am female. And I have been with men who were definitely not that way at all. I really don't think it's a gender thing.

 

[xuser]

I was addicted to heroin for 10 years and haven't used in about 4 years and I can say that one of the largest contributing factors was that I have an amazing supportive partner who trusted me completely, made it clear I would not be judged and that I could be honest with him, and showed me unconditional love. If you distrust someone and make them afraid to tell you the truth it will be a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Try putting your effort into loving and understanding him instead of trying to "catch" him.

He knows that when I do catch him out on something, shit hits the fan, in a big way. He also knows that when he does mess up and tells me the truth, I am disappointed, yeah, but not angry at all. There's no fights, no screaming match. I just let him know he did the right thing by being honest. This has been a 10 year roller-coaster and he knows what the deal breakers are. There is only so many times you can forgive before you feel you are being taken for granted.
There is no doubts at all about the way we feel about each other, so that's not an issue.

You won't be the fool; he will be the fool for taking advantage of your trust and destroying your relationship. You'll come out intact, he will be swallowed by guilt and regret.

If, he is indeed using.

I really hope this isn't the case. I know he does hide things from me because he doesn't want to hurt me. But he has chosen to tell me the truth several times now and it gets easier every time. I have told him that lies are way more hurtful than anything else he could do.


Oh and sorry Swimmingdancer, but I have to somewhat agree with Bob jillespie about men v women. I fell that women do have way more expectations, it's in our nature. That's not to say we don't love men for who they are, we just expect a lot more in a relationship.

 

[BobJillespie]

Im not sure it's entirely sexist nor highly accurate. But quite often true. Just speaking for myself, I've never wanted to change anything about my wife, I love her to bits, but there's attempted behavior modification going on constantly. But here's not the place to talk about this speculative nonesense. I certainly meant no harm by it.