Non-Negotiables: What are yours?

[double ewe]

It's not for the fact that they are "Loose" or "Dirty" - it says a lot about their personalities. You have to understand (and I'm not bragging by any means) I know women better then women know women. I joke all the time about having a unwritten "Player Handbook" - and even my fiance will tell you that I could pick up any girl in the room.

There are a million things that stick out as red flags that normal guys don't normally recognize. Sleeping around says a lot about insecurities, clingyness (i know thats not a word), and possibly wild or spontaneous recklessness. Things that I want no part of.

...

 

[J.Wallace]

I think some of you guys and girls are a little unreasonable, but that's just my opinion. Perhaps my standards are not high enough? Or maybe, I don't have enough standards for myself, so I'm more accepting of others.

I, personally don't mind if a person is from a different culture. That to me has no effect on who they are as a person, or how they hold their moral values. As for looks, obviously a physical attraction must exist for an interest to develop. If I'm not first attracted to a women, I probably won't take time to find out who she is as a person. And that's not to say I wouldn't want to know, it's just I wouldn't initially make an effort to find out unless she is already within my circle of friends.

I like a women who respects herself. I think we, as people and a society, must first have self respect. Intelligence? Definitely needs to be able to think for themselves and hold an opinion. I don't mind if a girl is a little ditzy, or if she is a little immature. I think having those two traits can be a positive energy in ones life. As long as she is genuinely interested in progressing mentally and intellectually, I have no problem.

I think it's rather simple, a person needs to be understanding and considerate. I was raised to treat others how I'd want to be treated. And so I do. It's not hard to understand that every being wants to be treated with respect, as well as given a fair bit of attention here and there.

 

[rm-rf]

unwillingness to grow spiritually
personal stagnation
general complacency with life
immutable adherence to contemporary standards and mores for human behavior; closed mindedness.

 

[SM0K3Y]

...

That has nothing to do with my own insecurities. That was again, not bragging nor a "Dick-Sizing Post" - I will more than happily have my fiance come on here and tell you the fun we've had trying to pick up other guys and girls while we were out together a few years ago, and still do it about once a year for fun.

I've had 4 committed relationships: 5.5 years, 2 years, 4.5 years, currently have been with my SO for 2 and going strong. 2 out of 4 were live-in relationships, one involved buying a house with my ex. So I don't think you can say I "can't stay in committed relationships".

Well maybe at your age that is the case, but I can surely tell you that you are no where close to my age with relationships that have lasted over 12 years. OK, maybe at 40 I could expect some women to have many more partners, but at mid twenties, no, there is no saying "All of my relationships have been committed and that's why I have so many partners" - there is no way for numerous "Committed" relationships that were not short term at my age. So yes, maybe given another 22-25 years of life when I'm over half a decade sure. That's a possibility.

SM0K3Y, has it ever occurred to you that, at least in some cases, women have sex with a variety of sexual partners because they are sensual and enjoy sex? It healthy, fun, and if you're doing it ethically and responsibly should have no negative repercussion. I can have deep and meaningful sex with my SO and also recreational sex with someone I fancy. You need to lighten up, and stop judging people you know nothing about.

Sounds like you're the one that needs to lighten up nancy. Trust me I'm far from uptight over it. I'm not taking applications for my "Wife-to-be" so why does it matter to you what my perception on women is? It shouldn't matter to you. And yes having multiple sexual partners - "Flings" - says a lot about a girl. I'm not saying there aren't things that guys do as well that can be judged, that's just not the topic on hand right now. I was trying to comment on what men are looking for previous in this thread. Just commenting on things that I have learned over the years. Loosen up your panties and relax. All I'm saying is, is that every move a women makes says something about the person they are. Multiple sexual partners says nothing good, other than the fact they have a high libido.

So if a woman just wants a shag then you wouldn't go with her? Even if she had a awesome personality, was really hot and very intelligent? Sometimes women just want a shag just like guys do that's normal for alot of people. I want a woman with experience not someone that's had 5 guys or less and barely knows wtf shes at. And whats wrong with a woman that's wild and spontaneous? Are you looking for a amish chick or something? Personally i like a woman that will just jump right on top of me, take charge and say screw me now man slave :D . Also the fact that you say you know women better then women do and that you can pick up any woman in the room says to me that you are more then abit ego centric to say the least.

You are perceiving this wrong. We aren't talking about women that I would just have sex with, and 1 night stands. We are talking about life partners. Sure, if I was single would I turn down a beautiful woman wanting to have sex? Probably not, but I'm also not the asshole that pushes for that kinda thing. I shit you not, 100% truth on my passed away father, the last girl that wanted a 1-night stand I wanted to take out to dinner first. She asked me if we could just go get a hotel room, I told her no, I'd like to have dinner with her, then sure we can figure out plans from there. I never ended up having sex with her, and it was purely for the fact that I'm not some dick-driven vagina monger who is out to get laid all the time. Call me gay or call me stupid, call me whatever you'd like, but that's not my personality and that's not me.

Anyway, that's my last reply in this thread. Women, stop getting so uptight. Yes I would absolutely judge a life partner, I judge them on what I would consider "Red-Flags" - emotions and actions that point towards things I want no part of. If you don't like it fine, you don't have to. You're not my wife. And again, just the same, men can be judged as well on their actions, but that's not what we are talking about here. If you would like to discuss this further, please make a thread in the love and relationships sub forum and I'll post all about actions and emotions, and how those things show different personality traits.

Anyway, back to the topic on hand. Sorry for my long reply, hope this cleared things up.

 

[munki]

SMOK3Y's way is the only way. 8)

Everyone's path is different.

 

[Belisarius]

1.) Great sense of humor.
2.) Not religious.
3.) No kids.
4.) Open-minded.
5.) Likes to travel.
6.) Works to live rather than lives to work.
7.) Confidence without arrogance.
8.) Absolutely *no* gossip, especially about exes. Keep the past buried.

As for the rest, I think Henry Miller put it best:

'I want to be able to surrender myself to a woman’, he blurts out. ‘I want her to take me out of myself. But to do that, she’s got to be better than I am; she’s got to have a mind…'

— Henry Miller, Tropic of Cancer

 

[thujone]

@J.Wallace: our lists are a reflection of the standards we follow ourselves, from which we derive our self-respect. What we're looking for in an SO is not someone who can fit into a box just to make our lives easier but rather someone we feel we can respect because they believe in the same fundamental standards we believe in.

 

[double ewe]

That has nothing to do with my own insecurities. That was again, not bragging nor a "Dick-Sizing Post" - I will more than happily have my fiance come on here and tell you the fun we've had trying to pick up other guys and girls while we were out together a few years ago, and still do it about once a year for fun.

you make certain judgments about women based on their sexual history. i make certain judgments about guys who are in a big hurry to volunteer information about how awesome they are.

 

[LogicSoDeveloped]

1. Healthy weight-I do not mean skinny necessarily, I mean average or less. I mean that in the way of health reasons and just as far as being active since I like to go out a lot and have a good time. If someone isn't comfortable with their body image, they aren't likely to have the same level of energy as me as far as dancing like I don't care for example. It is one thing if the person is working on but this one chick I thought she would work on it but the way she lived, she didn't seem to care about it and that's another thing I don't like, is someone who is unwilling to improve themselves.

2. Something kind of obvious-drug problem. I've never been with someone with a drug addiction but its a no no anyways. In fact, I've always been one to do more drugs than the girl I'm with-I mean stuff like psychedelics though, I don't do opiates, or sedatives besides alcohol.

3. No personality, this one chick I was "talking to" had no personality. Via text, she would always have one word replies and yet insist on texting. I got bored of that real fast, beyond the fact that she doesn't really have much to say about anything and when we hung out, I would get bored fast.

4. Obviously nobody that is racist, prejudice, etc. but I've met few people my age that are like that.

5. Kids-I'm only 19 and I know some people have kids at my age but I certainly don't have the ability at the current time for such responsibility. I don't really like kids and so that would be a turn off.

Not a dealbreaker but something I don't like-cigarette smoker. I smoked for 3 years but haven't in almost a year now with the e-cig. Obviously I am still dependent on nicotine but I Just find cigarette smoking gross now. The girl I'm currently talking to does smoke but there is a lot I like about her. Maybe I can get her to quit in the future. I find it unattractive and its another one of those health things.

I'd love a girl that will travel with me and I think this girl is down to do that in the future cause she has talked about how she likes to travel herself. There are a lot of other things I find attractive in a girl like a girl that cooks but isn't a deal breaker for me. Like, if a girl doesn't cook, I'm not going to really care.

 

[paranoid android]

@J.Wallace: our lists are a reflection of the standards we follow ourselves, from which we derive our self-respect. What we're looking for in an SO is not someone who can fit into a box just to make our lives easier but rather someone we feel we can respect because they believe in the same fundamental standards we believe in.

Hmm i would agree with your analysis of this. If i can't respect someone I'm hardly going to date them.

 

[*samsonite*]

IMo opinion this is just silly. Sorry, but IME when you meet somone that gets you and sparks fly, those deal breakers go out the window. You can meet someone that you really click with, and are incredibly compatible with in other areas, and those rules melt away. Some things that you found to be "no-nos" may become intriguing and a growing experience between you and someone you click with.

Not to mention, you can't find someone off your little checklist and expect it to last, bc as people grow and change they may become more like your no-no list. You can't find love off a spread sheet describing your perfect match. It doesn't work that way. People grow and change. You ultimately have to find someone who is moral and loyal with great comunication skills. Who is also compatible in bed of course and while you twist and bend together thru life, make sure your SO feels loved and you remain secure and comfortable with who you are and in your relationship.

 

[tricomb]

^I agree, to an extent.


*Intelligent, deep.
*Attractive and sexually compatible.
*Health conscious (diet, exercise, no alcoholics or cancersticks, no serious drug problems)
*Loves or at least appreciates cars
*On birthcontrol and clean: unprotected sex
*Ride or Die Bitch
*Respect & Be Respected.
*Confident (extra points if intimidatingly so)
*MUST ROLL BLUNT:

 

[*samsonite*]

*MUST ROLL BLUNT

As in they must be blunt or literally have to roll blunts?

 

[tricomb]

 

[*samsonite*]

hahaha!!

Don't know that something so easy to learn should be a deal breaker. Maybe you should edit to be, "willingness to learn the art of blunt rolling" And a little less sloppy at that haha!

 

[tricomb]

Nah, she has to have skill rolling, not someone with basic blunt rolling skills.

My current SO rolls amazing pearled blunts.

 

[Busty St Clare]

Driven and confident- I don't necessarily need for them to be a high powered Wall St elite, but someone who takes pride in their work and has a good work ethic is preferred over a slacker or moocher.

Zest for life and a sense of adventure- they need to be willing to trust me, hold my hand and come for a ride. Sometimes the best things in life are unexpected and unplanned.

Optimists not pessimists- I prefer a half full kind of girl. Debbie downers with a chip on their shoulder and no spark for life will probably either slow me down or get left behind.

Social chameleons- I need someone who is comfortable and confident enough to walk into any room and entertain themselves. I need someone who is equally comfortable dressed in a formal frock talking politics with a bunch of suits as they are sitting around a campfire discussing karma with a bunch of dreads.

Non smoker and no tattoos- I like them clean living and clean skin. A love of the outdoors and exercise is a must. Princesses need not apply.

Social drinkers and just a drug dabbler- I like to get loose but prefer to be controlled. I don't mind if they are sober but they have to accept I am not straight as a pin. By the same token though I don't need or want a trash bag or any girl who blames her actions on being drunk.

Accept my hobbies and vices- they don't have to love rugby, reggae or video games as much as I do, but they must be willing to accept I am too old to change who I am.

No South Africans

 

[Xenochrist]

Just getting along, being accepted by each other, tackling the responsibilities together.. etc..

 

[Josair]

Given that if we don't click and/or if I don't like her body we aren't even starting...

If it is supposed to be a serious relationship, possibly lifelong
1) does not want children
2) not religious
3) no serious health problem (I know I lack the skill to cope well with such problems)

And anyway:
4) Possibly not vegan/vegetarian. If she is, she should be perfectly cool with me eating foie gras (or we will just argue all the time)
5) Ok with the use of drugs, though not exceedingly keen on it
5b) No addicts, please
6) Both monogamous and non-monogamous relationships are fine, if we agree on what it's gonna be, just respect the pacts
7) She must be able lead when I don't (or when I need it)
8) Sharing passions and hobbies is great, but I still want my spaces.

 

[lola]

moral and loyal with great comunication skills. Who is also compatible in bed of course and while you twist and bend together thru life, make sure your SO feels loved and you remain secure and comfortable with who you are and in your relationship.

But... you still seem to state the above as your non-negotiables