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Can a Loser ever Win (how to get over an ex girlfriend)

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jasonmccarthy5

Ex-Bluelighter
Joined
Jun 9, 2012
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166
I dated a girl who basically went to the depths of Hell with me into a psychotic excess of drugs. We fell in love when we met, we talked nonstop on the phone, saw each other daily. She was from a rich family so she didn't work for a living, I was from a middle class family and I was just a guy who always looked for work but would fuck it up after a week or so, the drugs or whatever, bleh. My question is this, she and I were together for 3 years, and I'm sure I was just as bad to her as she was to me in ways, she slept with every guy I introduced her to, which was quite a bit, I used to have friends, lol. In the end she ran off with my best friend, he wont talk to me ever again, so I lost her and him, which really sucks. The last contact I had with her was 1 year ago via text, she was hooked on drugs again though and he was abusing her "supposedly", can't ever know with her. Now I'm scared of even trying to hook up with girls...I just want to start living again. I don't wish harm on her, I hope she's not being abused, and I hate that she quit Meth and then got hooked on Adderall. Anyone know what I need to do? Should I just end my life b/c I don't really think I will ever meet a girl again. I act as if I don't want to be bothered by anyone out in public, which in reality I'm crying for help! Advice? rofl
 
Why do you think YOU are a loser???

Do NOT end your life. If you are seriously thinking about suicide, you NEED to see a therapist or someone!

In regards to getting over an ex, you have to realize that you aren't with her now. You need to make sure you don't contact her and you really just need to get over her. Remember that not all girls are the same. You will be able to meet someone else, but you have to make the move to get out there and meet others.
 
Sorry I threw in the suicide thing. I don't really plan on doing it, but sometimes I wonder if I would if things got any worse. She was just a crazy girl who played me like a fiddle, and yes I know that all girls aren't the same. I just have alot of baggage.
 
I'm guessing you're pretty young (under 30)? Even if you're not... There's only one thing that will help. Time. There's nothing wrong with feeling horrible about the loss of your girl and your friend- that's normal. Let yourself wallow. Wallow as long and hard as you like, and don't put time restrictions on yourself (ie, I'll be over this whole thing in 6 months, etc) You don't need to actively look for a girlfriend right now either- probably not a good idea. Just live your life, do things you enjoy doing, and try to be in contact with people. And stop calling yourself a Loser. People are attracted to confidence... It took me a long time to figure that out- it doesn't matter how great you look or what you have in material possessions- its the way you carry yourself that makes people take an interest in you. And after awhile if you don't feel like you're meeting enough people, find a way to do that- clubs, events, (god forbid enough people use it) the Internet .... But give yourself a break, you are being a bit hard on yourself. PS - stay away from your ex and whatever troubles she has gotten into. It's not your problem and will bring you nothing but grief. Sorry if that sounds harsh but I've been around that block myself too many times.
 
With regards to the ex-girlfriend thing, I'll not bullshit you. It'll hurt for ages, you'll think about her every waking moment for a long time. Shit about you should of done, or how shit could of been different, etc etc. But it'll pass. Maybe in a week, maybe in a month, maybe in six months, who knows. But it'll pass. It's hard to keep your eyes on the prize when everything seems so shit but things will get better, you'll find somebody else. I've lost count of the times both me and my friends have claimed "there is nobody else" other than a partner we just split with. Everybody thinks they have a special relationship but at the end of the day there is always somebody for someone along the line.


Unfortunately it's just a matter of sifting through the shit first. You're not a loser, you've just been unlucky. You don't have to believe that, I don't even know you but I don't really have to. It's always the same for everyone. It'll pass, hang in there, and make sure you come back to this thread when it happens and tell us.

Good luck bro.
 
StrutterGear made some good points.

I myself knew a girl and thought was the best thing that ever happened to me. She later met an older dude who was into very hard drugs, was better looking than me and was generally just cooler at the time.

It hurt me for a few years, very badly. I thought I was a loser and didn't have the right to be sad, because she had so many problems (her father beat her) and her boyfriend was a drug addict etc etc.

I finally realized that she was just a messed up girl, very pretentious and was seeking a load of attention. She harmed in ways that I can't describe, fucked up a lot of future prospects for me. I became a shell of a person (I had other problems too) a mere reflection of my own self.

I eventually grew out of it, became a better person. Actually I became a decent person, not just better.

Stay true to yourself, I mean this... you'll come out all scarred and tattered and torn bla bla but you'll end up as a stronger person. You will love again, maybe not in the same way, but life doesn't just end because of someone else, because of who they are.

Try helping out other people, I think you'll find some happiness stuck in there... somewhere lol.
 
Really appreciate the support Strutter. I know logically everything you are saying is true. I allow my feelings to block my reality, which I guess is normal. When I do have the ability to jump back on the wagon and talk to girls I will be so happy. Just to see it in movies or to read about some of the relationships on this board gives me hope. That feeling you get when you're truly connecting with someone.
 
1394 thanks so much for saying that. Maybe you're right...start helping other people. Get out of my own head for a while. I am a very self obsessive person who places too much importance on trivial things about myself. The girl was not just my girl but my best friend. She took away my best male friend that I was closer with than anyone. Knew him for 15 years, but I know she didn't take him away, he had a choice. And so do I. I'm gonna beat this!
 
jasonmccarthy5 said:
Really appreciate the support Strutter. I know logically everything you are saying is true. I allow my feelings to block my reality, which I guess is normal. When I do have the ability to jump back on the wagon and talk to girls I will be so happy. Just to see it in movies or to read about some of the relationships on this board gives me hope. That feeling you get when you're truly connecting with someone.
Click to expand...

You don't need to marry the next girl you find man. Shit just find some chick who makes you smile, that's what I did. The best advice I could give you is to stop worrying/trying for it, everything will fall into place :) Then who knows, maybe you'll find 'the one'.
 
That's a good attitude man, I hope it works out. It will make a good story one day ;)
 
The last time I contacted the ex was a year ago via text msg, she changed her #, she is on FB, but I refuse to send her anything. Time to cut the shit.
 
She's not worth the calories, I'm sorry she dragged you through all that.

You need to prepare yourself for the next model you want to replace her with, the new and improved girlfriend version 2.0, start thinking about what you want in a mate, don't dwell on the past it won't help you any.

Cease any communications with those people and continue life, because it does go on, as they say. Lots of other women out there. Might I suggest one with more maturity?
 
Do you think I need to date someone my age or a bit younger? I notice women my age think I'm kinda lame and juvenille, but that's just who I am.
 
Don't worry about age my friend (just make sure they're legal). I've been with girls who were more mature than me at 18 and girls (I guess "ladies") in their 30s who act like fucking kids. Just ride it out like dope withdrawals, at first it seems like the end of the world and shit won't get better, but it does. Just don't do what I did and basically just give up on intimacy (emotional closeness) and just hop from girl to girl just for sex. It's not very fulfilling. I find it's best for me to find a girl who I can be vulnerable around, taking the risk that I might get hurt a little, but if things work out it's more rewarding even if only short term. I thought of killing myself over a girl when I was like 16, but I thought to myself, "no one is worthy of my life, why should I deny MYSELF potential happiness because someone fucked me over". Just gotta let the past rest where it is and learn from it, and build upon it. I'm content these days with my life, I date casually, some intimacy but not too much, more or less to have fun and spend time with a girl (or 3 or 4). After I turned about 17 I just enjoy the company of females more than guys for some reason, my male friends number dwindled and now at 21, I think I have 2 male friends and countless female friends.
 
Idk, women in their 20s or 30s have a lot better chance of maturity than your average 18yo female, just saying. I'm not denying that there are very mature 18yo females but for the most part I would shoot for mid 20s+ after the OP's experience.
 
Have you ever seen "wanted" if you have then you'll understand what I'm gonn tell you. Stop call yourself a loser and do something with your life don't be afraid you need to get over it cause no guy wants a girl who cheats cause then they are miserable and end up like you hating their lives and also drugs aren't always the way to go when life sucks it happens and yeah you might not like it but that's what happens. Just do something with your life and look for a better girl who isnt out to be the town whore or international pussy look at the positives in life but always expect the worst k.
 
Bro, do yourself a favor and find a new girl. This planet is filled with 4 billion females, what makes you think you won't find another? You're just blind right now, when you find the right girl for you, you will probably look back on her and see it was for the better.

We've all been there, the misery of inexperience and not knowing what's best for us. In a way you have an addiction, use logic and get a real girl. You're not the loser, she is.
 
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