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Non-Negotiables: What are yours?

1) can keep up with me in conversation (gotta be a sharp tool)
2) can keep up with me when its time to have a good time
3) must be passionate about something in life
3) no current drug addiction (been there done that)
4) no serious mental illness (been there done that)
5) same weirdo sense of humor as myself
6) must love to give and receive oral
7) nice chest and nice hips/ass, I love having something to grab
 
She must not be too feminist, politic vegetarian, communist, radical atheist, etc.
I must have at least some physical attraction to her
Independent (not clingy)
Not sexually aggressive
Not heavier or taller than me
Must accept me drinking everyday (and maybe opiates too)
Must accept being financially unattached
Must not want to get officially married
Must accept me sleeping in a separate bed
 
bagochina said:
- skinny
- great body
- nice feet
Click to expand...

Dre1990 said:
Not sexually aggressive
Must accept me sleeping in a separate bed
Click to expand...

wizekrak said:
6) must love to give and receive oral
7) nice chest and nice hips/ass, I love having something to grab
Click to expand...

These are deal breakers for you guys? Like Absolutely must haves or you won't date the person? These aren't your extreme wants - these are absolutely "Non-Negotiable" must haves that if the person doesn't have you can't date them. Are you saying that if your girls don't meet this criteria then it's absolutely a no go and you won't bend any of these rules?

No offense, some of these are shallow if that's the case.
 
Attractive to me.
Don`t need a supermodel but looks do count.

Must sleep naked.
My rule, don`t judge me :p

Not be a drunk
Ok to drink, just don`t be sloppy about it.

Be able to have fun.
Otherwise I`ll be bored.

Same interests.
A chick that will go fishing is hot in my eyes.
 
SM0K3Y said:
No offense, some of these are shallow if that's the case.
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This from the guy who says: "Have been with 5 or less guys. Yes I'm serious. - I don't want girls who were hitting every dude, it says a lot about them"

Who's the shallow one here? 8)

EDIT: Seems like most of the younger guys do have a lot of focus on appearances, etc. Let them...eventually they will grow up.
 
munki said:
This from the guy who says: "Have been with 5 or less guys. Yes I'm serious. - I don't want girls who were hitting every dude, it says a lot about them"
Click to expand...

Haha, it was actually this comment that prompted me to say "Non-judgemental about female sexuality and my ability to enjoy my body with him or others; I will never again be made to feel bad by a man or apologise about my sexuality". It's incredible how judgemental some people are... I mean, just because you've had more sexual partners doesn't mean you're hitting on every dude; I'm extremely picky about who I sleep with, but I like enjoying life and meeting new people. Then again, I guess neither you or I will be compatible with SM0K3Y, eh :)
 
munki said:
This from the guy who says: "Have been with 5 or less guys. Yes I'm serious. - I don't want girls who were hitting every dude, it says a lot about them"

Who's the shallow one here? 8)
Click to expand...

It's not for the fact that they are "Loose" or "Dirty" - it says a lot about their personalities. You have to understand (and I'm not bragging by any means) I know women better then women know women. I joke all the time about having a unwritten "Player Handbook" - and even my fiance will tell you that I could pick up any girl in the room.

There are a million things that stick out as red flags that normal guys don't normally recognize. Sleeping around says a lot about insecurities, clingyness (i know thats not a word), and possibly wild or spontaneous recklessness. Things that I want no part of.

**edit
lola said:
Haha, it was actually this comment that prompted me to say "Non-judgemental about female sexuality and my ability to enjoy my body with him or others; I will never again be made to feel bad by a man or apologise about my sexuality". It's incredible how judgemental some people are... I mean, just because you've had more sexual partners doesn't mean you're hitting on every dude; I'm extremely picky about who I sleep with, but I like enjoying life and meeting new people. Then again, I guess neither you or I will be compatible with SM0K3Y, eh :)
Click to expand...

Again it's not about the sexual partner # - it's what it says about your personality. If they were all committed relationships that's just as bad, as that says to me that you can't stay in a committed relationship for long periods.
 
Cohesion said:
Here's to living intentionally!

What are your non-negotiable traits you look for in a romantic relationship?

I'll start; I have 6. Historically if I am having to relate this list to someone it's to explain why we won't work.

1. (Must be) of a different culture than my own
2. Vegetarian
3. At least as intelligent as I am
4. Compassionate and respectful to people and animals
5. Physical attraction
6. Does not have a history of returning to substance abuse or dependency

My list is very strict but it makes sense for me and what I've learned I need. Now ... you share :)
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3 through 5 sounds good for me.

1. Must be a nice person, at least to me.



^ smokey not smokey don't believe smokey else smokey wouldn't be here wasting life in a forum for druggies like me and you. Smokey has a GF he can only see when he be on the LSD!
 
Last edited:
This is an interesting thread. For me:

1. Must have a great sense of humor. Can laugh at himself. Quick witted.
2. Must be a life long learner. Interested in learning new things. Must be an avid reader.
3. Must have an inherent sense of kindness, towards himself and others.
4. Good talker, good listener.
5. Must love the beach, water, boating, fishing, etc.
6. Must love to eat good food, see good movies, linen to good music. Be a sensualist.
I guess this is it. My husband has most of these qualities now that I look back at them, and we have been together for 13 years now...
 
Mine are pretty out there..

I like girls who are kind of out there that like doing crazy shit. (ex. running from police, playing mind-games, railing some blow before skydiving nude, isn't afraid to cause a little chaos). I guess maybe a sense of carelessness and adventure.
Eccentric personality, not egocentric.
Attractive.
 
SM0K3Y said:
These are deal breakers for you guys? Like Absolutely must haves or you won't date the person? These aren't your extreme wants - these are absolutely "Non-Negotiable" must haves that if the person doesn't have you can't date them. Are you saying that if your girls don't meet this criteria then it's absolutely a no go and you won't bend any of these rules?

No offense, some of these are shallow if that's the case.
Click to expand...

Yes total deal-breaker. I want my privacy when I go to sleep, besides, no one can sleep besides me, not even my dogs. I toss and turn, get up, start reading, eating, drinking in bed every night...
Sexually 'agressive' women kinda intimidates me. Like, women who have slept with dozens of men, who will want to have threesomes, who like BDSM shit, etc.
 
SM0K3Y said:
It's not for the fact that they are "Loose" or "Dirty" - it says a lot about their personalities. You have to understand (and I'm not bragging by any means) I know women better then women know women. I joke all the time about having a unwritten "Player Handbook" - and even my fiance will tell you that I could pick up any girl in the room.

There are a million things that stick out as red flags that normal guys don't normally recognize. Sleeping around says a lot about insecurities, clingyness (i know thats not a word), and possibly wild or spontaneous recklessness. Things that I want no part of.

**edit


Again it's not about the sexual partner # - it's what it says about your personality. If they were all committed relationships that's just as bad, as that says to me that you can't stay in a committed relationship for long periods.
Click to expand...

So if a woman just wants a shag then you wouldn't go with her? Even if she had a awesome personality, was really hot and very intelligent? Sometimes women just want a shag just like guys do that's normal for alot of people. I want a woman with experience not someone that's had 5 guys or less and barely knows wtf shes at. And whats wrong with a woman that's wild and spontaneous? Are you looking for a amish chick or something? Personally i like a woman that will just jump right on top of me, take charge and say screw me now man slave :D . Also the fact that you say you know women better then women do and that you can pick up any woman in the room says to me that you are more then abit ego centric to say the least.

But then again I'm just a normal guy so what would i know 8)

I forgot to add that i rather like kinky women. Not over the top kinky just kinky enough to spice things up abit It's not a non negotiable by any means but being spanked by a chick for being a bad bad boy is alright every now and then ;)
 
SM0K3Y said:
Again it's not about the sexual partner # - it's what it says about your personality. If they were all committed relationships that's just as bad, as that says to me that you can't stay in a committed relationship for long periods.
You have to understand (and I'm not bragging by any means) I know women better then women know women.
There are a million things that stick out as red flags that normal guys don't normally recognize. Sleeping around says a lot about insecurities, clingyness (i know thats not a word), and possibly wild or spontaneous recklessness. Things that I want no part of.
If they were all committed relationships that's just as bad, as that says to me that you can't stay in a committed relationship for long periods.
Click to expand...

Oh dear, nothing like pop psychology. Let's see...

I've had 4 committed relationships: 5.5 years, 2 years, 4.5 years, currently have been with my SO for 2 and going strong. 2 out of 4 were live-in relationships, one involved buying a house with my ex. So I don't think you can say I "can't stay in committed relationships".
I'm very independent, have a Masters degree and a Postgraduate Diploma, work as a freelancer in social care and the health service and am financially independent. Have just bought my own flat in London.
I'm very responsible and my work (which I love) carries a great deal of clinical responsibility which means I hardly ever do class A drugs anymore. I don't mind because it's worth it and I've never been happier. So I hardly qualify for "wild or spontaneous recklessness"
I am generally the person friends call when they need advice because I'm considered to have my head screwed on. My partner will happily tell you I'm one of the least insecure women he's been with. I'm not in need of approval and I am at ease with my body and who I am. Not quite saying a lot about "insecurities, clingyness".
I've had well over 50 sexual partners, mostly men, some women. I've never slept with someone because I was drunk, stoned or otherwise without fully wanting to and have never regretted fun times. Never chased a man around. Have never cheated (2 out of the 4 relationships mentioned above were monogamous).

SM0K3Y, has it ever occurred to you that, at least in some cases, women have sex with a variety of sexual partners because they are sensual and enjoy sex? It healthy, fun, and if you're doing it ethically and responsibly should have no negative repercussion. I can have deep and meaningful sex with my SO and also recreational sex with someone I fancy. You need to lighten up, and stop judging people you know nothing about.
 
Seems like most of the younger guys do have a lot of focus on appearances, etc. Let them...eventually they will grow up.
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Yeah, I am sure I am going to grow out of hot chicks, I am 36 btw. I have stopped seeing girls because I didnt like there feet and I dont give a fuck.
 
SM0K3Y said:
These are deal breakers for you guys? Like Absolutely must haves or you won't date the person? These aren't your extreme wants - these are absolutely "Non-Negotiable" must haves that if the person doesn't have you can't date them. Are you saying that if your girls don't meet this criteria then it's absolutely a no go and you won't bend any of these rules?

No offense, some of these are shallow if that's the case.
Click to expand...

Eh, to each their own. These are requisites if I'm going to ask a girl out. I like what I like and I feel there's no point settling. I don't like to feel like I'm settling otherwise I know I'll just keep looking and it isnt fair to the other person. I'm not discounting personality but unless I think a girl is everything I'm looking for physically (my standards aren't unreasonable), then no amount of personality or character will make up for that. Call it shallow if you want. I call it knowing what I want and going for it.
 
I will not, under any circumstances, date anyone who has one or more of the following issues:

Unattractive
Smoker (full time, inc weed. Social smoking is not a problem such as just on weekends)
drug addict or has drug/drink problems
has had a lot of sexual partners/one night stands
history of cheating
compulsive liar.

The following are bad traits which I find very unattractive but are not necessarily deal breakers:

unhealthy (i.e. no physical activity, diet of fast food etc)
excessively lazy (i.e staying in bed all day on a day off without getting showered or changed etc)
long term unemployed (within reason)
overly dependent
selfish
inconsiderate
hypocritical

Think thats about it.
 
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