Opioids A situation that requires attention!

[Benzopiates]

My situation really feels like this... I used to be "ok" few days ago, I didn't worry about stuff too much... of course I knew my situation was bad but in my head there was still time to fix it and I didn't needed to worry about it right away and then I wake up and look at reality and realize that the point where I have to take decisions and make my moves is now, it's not later, I've always been good for doing stuff "later" but now it's not an option anymore... I have to do hard decisions, and I have to do them now.

I've been doing dilaudid for like 2 years, Opioids are the only drugs I ever touched in my life and I was introduced to them because of 3 cases of kidney stones that happened to me. Then i discovered this drug and shortly after I was absusing it by nasal insufflation and then with needles. I tried heroin 4-5 times... unfortunately for me, the first time I tried it was the only time where it was good, the other 4-5 times I was trying to get as much quality as I got the first time but I never found it, lost alot of money in thoses attempts as well...

In the 2 years I've used, I never really knew about withdrawals because I never took enough dilaudid to get withdrawals or never used enough constantly to make it hard to stop. But this situation has changed, and the last 3 months I've been using dilaudid STEADY and if I stop I'm in real pain.

I'm forced to stop because of money, I cannot continue to buy them, I don't work and the only money I'm getting is the government walefare check every month for around 720$ CAN.

I realized I have spent around 2500$ on drugs in the last 4 months and it totally ruined my finances... My credit card had a limit of 1400$ and it's maxed out atm, actually, with the interests and fee's it went over the limit and I'm standing at like 1485$ more or less.

2-3 days ago I used to be empty... this is not something that happened to me in the 3 months of using alot and I had no money to buy more... So I even did a fake deposit in my bank and retrieved the fake money I putted... When they adjusted my account they added a negative amount, so now my bank account stands at -90$ I think...

My rent is weekly, at a cost of 85$ Per week and I barely had enough to pay yesterday (As of yesterday = saturday)
I have 4$ left in my pocket...

My mom is refusing any help at all
My dad wants to help me but as long as it's not about money... He says he will not help me in any financial way but he can support me morally.

I have to go through detoxing opioids and it's a hell of a hard time... I need to wait until 4th of July to be able to get "tested" to see if my situation fits for a Methadone treatment...
I aquired Methadone on the streets to see what it did...

I know that I can't really trust the labels especially if the product isn't sealed, but I don't even know how to say if it's sealed or not so it probably isn't or I would find a difference... it's written 35 MG on one bottle and 75MG on the other, i had 3x 35 and 2x 75.
I took the entire 35MG 1 or 2 days ago and I didnt see much difference.

(Now since there is time reference I will just state that I'm GMT-5 and at the time I'm writing this portion of the post it's 3:33AM)

Friday at 7pm I took half of the 75MG bottle (my habbit used to be around 35mg dilaudid injected IV per day so I figured it was not too much)
and then 2 hours later when I found out that it wasn't affecting me this much I drank the rest of the bottle. Now it's been like 5 hours of this and in the last 5 hours I'd say I did feel kind of good, absolutely no withdrawals of course, but I might have taken a bit too much because I felt "good" and the point here is not to be high but just to have enough drugs to NOT be in withdrawal, so I'll take less next time.

I don't know if you calculate the habbit of someone in terms of Dilaudid in the amount he takes every 24 hours or in the amount he takes each "session"... like, dilaudid lasts around 4 hours (i mean 4h that you feel it) and during THIS time I always used to get around 6 to 12 MG in my veins during thoses same 4h. Now i reduced BY ALOT so that I inject 1mg or 2mg at the same time... And I always try to be really craving before doing another injection.

I don't know if I could taper by myself, it seems really hard. With what I have and with the upcoming 2 weeks until July 4th that I can go get checked for methadone treatment. I don't even know if it's the right thing to do.

It's really late and my post is fussy and hazy but I'll resume it and try to be really clear and check what my options are...

Basicaly I need something to help me pass the withdrawals but that isn't costy like loperamide... (Ive seen many post saying people can get a biottle of 100 loperamide or 8$ but NOWHERE I have found this where I live, the basic regular price for LOPE is 12x 2mg of lope for 7$ and considering the amount it takes to put the withdrawals away, it almost costs as much as buying the dilaudid itself and certainly isn't a good option for me since money IS my problem atm.

So what should I try to do, or what should I try to get to beat the WD and try to be stable... Also... I'm mixed up about CRAVING vs WD... is craving part of the withdrawals?? Cause a very very hard effect of not having the drug in me is the fact that I want to use, and that I'm really in need and I want to do anything to get my fix, is there something to stop the "craving" itself? Cause I do keep a minimum amount of Dilaudid with me in case I'm in a very bad spot I'll shoot myself to get a fix... ATM I have on me 12MG and I prepared some syringe of around 0.8mg each... JUST to get the WD to go down...

I know I can't buy Lope cuz it costs too much money but Ive heard somewhere that you could kick the craving + WD by using poppy seeds, anyone got info on this?

I'm from around Montreal btw, people who know Montreal will know what this means, "Rive-Nord" that's the part I'm from, and if i go in montreal to ask for help there most of the time I have to say I'm a homeless to get help. So if anytone has any info or words of support or anything really for me, please tell me, I will be very gratefull, or maybe you can refer me to someone...

I would also appreciate info on how and how much to take the methadone I got left ( I have 150MG methadone left ) how long should this help me for kicking the WD and feeling stable?

Since my post is all a bit distorted because its late and all and I'm pretty anxious as I'm writing this... I know theres few questions inside my post that i didnt really put focus on but id still like to geyt answers like the question about quantity someone uses, do we say u use 30mg cuz u do 30mg in a day, or we say u do 10mg cuz in every 4h, u have 10mg in your system (at the same time).

And other questions like this that might be somewhere I'd really appreciate answers for them too. I'm so much gratefull for your time. and any time you spend is very much appreciated, thanks alot in advance and everything you do for me is much much needed and thanked.

TLDR;

Trying to stop a dilaudid habbit and I'm totally broke. The methadone clinic evaluation is on July 4th and I don't know how to survive until then, and even on July 4th, It will only be evaluations etc and I might not get the methadone before 2 weeks later or so. (and thats only numbers I'm making up on my mind cuz I don't even know how long it takes) I need to know what to do, what to use, what ressources I have access to (I'm from Montreal... well.. close by) And I'd like to know some of the answers from that big chunk of text above too so please read it!

 

[Benzopiates]

Man... I have a huge problem of not being able to put all my ideas in a concise resume I'm TERRIBLE at this... this wall of text is at least 0/16 :*(

 

[tricomb]

You can see a doctor and be honest with them, let them know that you're about to start a formal drug treatment program, and ask for them to give you a SMALL, CONTROLLED amount of something they feel comfortable with.

I've had friends in similar boats, had their docs write them buprenorphine or even MSContin with regulated dosing though.

If you can't do this, sorry, not much to do but suck it up..

 

[Benzopiates]

Aight thanks for this answer but leave the topic opened for people to answer the other questions there is in the post. I'll try to find a doc that DOES feel confortable with this cuz my family doctor doesnt want to write me any Rx for this.

 

[podsnomo]

You're in CAN? Good healthcare, no? Why not seek a rehab facility? They'll treat your WD symptoms, give you meds to sleep, feed you. It sucks, but 30 days later you could be a while new person. Trying a home detox can take longer, esp if you use something to stop the WDs, which really just delays them. A loooooong taper might work, but with your habit, that's a lot of misery to spread out over a long time. In your boat, I'd try to find a treatment facility, knock the hardest part out in 30 days, then keep in some kinda program to deal with the cravings that will last maybe forever. There are ones in the states that'll take people who can't pay, so Canada's gotta have something.

If you do it at home, buy kratom online, and use it when the WDs are the worst, in moderation. It can become addictive too, but it's not anywhere near as bad as real opioids. Damn, that's a hard spot you're in. You'll figure it out, somehow.

The important thing is that you've decided you don't want to live like this anymore. Congratulations! That's the beginning of a long, tough road that will buy you back the rest of your life. After you've traveled this road, you will look back and thank whatever you hold sacred that you did it.

You CAN do this. Keep searching for the solution and it will present itself. Do or do not. There is no try.

peace,
pnm

 

[pharm_friendly]

Hope this helps...

You can see a doctor and be honest with them, let them know that you're about to start a formal drug treatment program, and ask for them to give you a SMALL, CONTROLLED amount of something they feel comfortable with.

I've had friends in similar boats, had their docs write them buprenorphine or even MSContin with regulated dosing though.

If you can't do this, sorry, not much to do but suck it up..

I have to agree fully with this. I am in Australia and know that at least two doctors at one of my medical centres, and one at another would welcome you with open arms. I don't know how your medical system works entirely, however here doctors are very understanding. (I'm lead to believe this is because they receive some sort of 'benefit' what ever it may be). However that means nothing at the end of the day if the doc is going to help you and give you what you need in the long run. Just my 2.5 cents....

I think it's just a matter of finding a legitimate doctor that is willing to help you with what ever ailment you have... I believe in Aus some doctors are getting scared, yet some are just script happy. I love the script happy doc's, don't get me wrong thought if you really have something you're trying to work on; you should find the one that you click with and can feel comfortable with

[EDIT: Added to post]

~pharm_friendly~

 

[sockpuppet]

edit

 

[Znegative]

Its true, dilaudid withdrawal will suck, but it will be over quickly.. However, that may not be enough for you, as you suffer from cravings as well. I'd recomend bupe, but since you have no money, then you're not going to be able to afford suboxone is my guess.

Also, you've been taking way too much methadone. Either that or someone has taken some from the bottle (you mentioned it wasn't sealed). For your habit, 30-4o mg should hold you. You need to wait about five days for the blood levels to stabalize (which results in a steady and consistant dose of meth in your system). I would recomend a low dose of methadone for maintenance, and since you do have pain issues. Keep yourself under a blocking dosage, and you will still get reliefe from break-through pain meds. IMO, there is little reason to be above 80,g of methadone

 

[rocketqueen]

You're not going to like my suggestion but here it is:

Kick. Now. Cold Turkey.

You barely have any history at all if you have been dependent only 3 months. Kicking dilaudid is a breeze compared to kicking methadone.

My other advice - don't mess with street methadone. Its long half life lets it build up easily and surprise people and results in many fatal overdoses. If you are going to use it to taper or hold yourself together until admission to a program then use the absolute bare minimum necessary to keep you from shitting your pants. With your habit 30mg day should totally hold you and very possibly less.

But seriously - I was you many many years ago and I've seen thousands of yous since then. You have an excellent chance of getting away from this crap if you just do it now. Short acting opioid WD is much scarier to begin than it is to endure. It's not so bad. Staying clean despite lifelong cravings is the hard part, but with your history there is every chance you can get this behind you if you are determined. Just watch out for overdose should you relapse. Good luck.

This is some of the best advice I have ever seen on Bluelight. Get out now while you still can. You have only been dependent on Dilaudid for THREE months and using for two years.

However, in the probability that you won't, there is NOTHING WRONG WITH TRYING METHADONE MAINTENANCE. Not a single thing. Some folks don't like it, and that is fine-they don't have to take it. But the fact is that it has save thousands of people from certain misery, suffering, despair, prison, and death. YOU CAN GET YOUR LIFE BACK IF YOU CHOSE TO. You are truly at a crossroads now, friend. I hope you will rely on the moral support that your father has offered you.

LIke @sockpuppet said, I am warning you that street methadone is NOT the way to go. You purchased liquid methadone instead of the pills (I am assuming you did not have a choice). You do know that people juke their take home bottles? So it is likely you got (depending on the greed of the dealer) 50-90% WATER. That is why you did not "feel it."

I guess it goes without saying that mixing benzos and methadone is an easy way to die, and that methadone peaks at between 3-6 hours. So if you take it and fifteen minutes later do not feel anything, there IS a reason - your body has not absorbed it all. That is another easy way to die - piling more methadone on when the dose you took did not yet get the chance to work. And not knowing what dose you are taking has a level of danger that makes most folks squirm.

I am discouraged about your willingness for change, especially when I saw that you were looking to get "high" on the methadone. Methadone works really well for people that want a way OUT of the insanity. Best of luck to you.

 

[Benzopiates]

First benzopiates is just a name, I'm not using benzos at the same time I'm using methadone nor opiates...

@rocketgreen you say you are discouraged about my willingness to change? I am willing to change I want to remove this habbit from my life and get a new life, why are you discouraged about it? I never said I wanted to get high from methadone, I'm just trying to find the right spot for me since I know I bough street liquid methadone and I know there has a chance that it's juiced up, but the guy who sold it to me has always been nice and I think there's at least 60% of real methadone if not more in it so whatever is written on the bottle is already juiced up.

By the way, follow up from yesterday, I did take 75MG (based on the label of course, and i'm not sure if its true, but lets assume it is) of methadone yesterday at 7PM, and now its 1:40 PM the next day and I am still not in WD's yet, it seems that it's doing it's job allright, the craving is there a bit but I guess I won't get away from this ever...I REEALLY WISH there was something to stop this CRAVING, this NEED to want to get high and want to use a needle, but I have to control it and so far I've gone half a day and I'm fucking amazed I didn't though I could do this even yesterday.

So I still got 12mg of Dilaudid left, and 2x bottle of (labeled) 35MG of methadone and 1x (labeled) 75MG of methadone so I'll try to use like 15MG per go to ease the WD and craving as soon as I start feeling it again (It should be around 7h PM today right (24 hours cycle?)) And I'll keep the dilaudid for very hard WD If I ever get to the point that I really cannot endure them anymore.

The thing I'd like is to know what i should use INSTEAD of using the dilaudid I have left when I'm at that spot of needing to use something to ease my pain... someone talked about poppy seeds, good idea or no? What about loperamide, I know it costs alot but if it's the solution for a few days I might try to borrow money and get some... I really need to last until my next welfare check which is 711$ CAN on 1st of july. And then I get evaluated by the methadone clinic in Montreal on July 4th and they tell me if my case fits and if I'm accepted, and If I am... Maybe someone could tell me how long it would be from then until I get the bottle of methadone in my hands.

As far as going on methadone goes, Just the street methadone made me wanna continue that way... What I've done yesterday is increadible, not using for a while 15 hours and still going beats me... I never though i'd do this.I'm really scared that the WD and Pain will coime back soon, but I'll try to handle them when they come, Should I wait they come back before taking more methadone or I shoud anticipate it at around 1 hour before the time I took it yesterday?

@sockpuppet I know that the methadone be in street or regular one is very high half life and takes 1 hour so that you can feel it, last time i waited 2 hours before taking another dose to see where I would stand, I'm carefull with it, I've been using it for 3 days now, I guess in 2 more days I will have a stable methabolism of methadone so I'll be good to see where I stand but since I did all this on my own it's not gonna do any good for the docs when they come to evaluate me, I don't really know how I can make it so that it helps them.. or me... Basically the only way it will help me is make me "last" until july 1st... I hope I can make it with what I have left... (12mg of dilaudid and 150mg of methadone) what do you think?

For the rest i've added a few questions in this thread plus theres some unanswered ones left in the main one, I guess this has still alot of content to be answered, I'll leave a few more hours and come back to see the results, Again I really thank anyone who's contributing to this your help is all appreciated.

PS: OH YEA AND I'M ALMOST FORGETTING

The expiratiion date on the methadone bottle says June 9th 2012, is that a problem, its been issued on june 1st and expires on june 9th so I'm guessing it's short acting, or maybe they just do this to prevent people from selling or... is the methadone less acting because of this???

 

[Benzopiates]

A little bump, i'm still alive and i'm starting to wonder at this low supposed dosage of methadone if i didnt already detox myself, or if that's even possible... last dose I took was 10mg of methadone... and I feel... not so bad ;|

 

[BeachBum4u]

So, I just read the entire thread and I'll throw my two-cents worth in the hat, so to speak. You asked about cravings vs. withdrawals etc. and here is what I've experienced. Cravings are not withdrawals but instead your body way of protecting itself from withdrawals. Think of it as your body telling you to do some drugs before the situation gets dire. If you don't do any drugs after some time of craving then, you'll probably enter a withdrawal state pretty soon.

Also, cold turkey is probably the way to go. For one main reason, it's very very difficult to find someone who likes to do drugs, as you've stated, that has the willpower to do a proper taper. It really takes a ton of self control. The good news is that the worst of it only last 3-7 days and then it's all in your head.

Good Luck!

 

[tokenname]

So, I just read the entire thread and I'll throw my two-cents worth in the hat, so to speak. You asked about cravings vs. withdrawals etc. and here is what I've experienced. Cravings are not withdrawals but instead your body way of protecting itself from withdrawals. Think of it as your body telling you to do some drugs before the situation gets dire. If you don't do any drugs after some time of craving then, you'll probably enter a withdrawal state pretty soon.

Also, cold turkey is probably the way to go. For one main reason, it's very very difficult to find someone who likes to do drugs, as you've stated, that has the willpower to do a proper taper. It really takes a ton of self control. The good news is that the worst of it only last 3-7 days and then it's all in your head.

Good Luck!

agreed^^^ either see a dr. and be honest about your situation...
if you're unable to control and taper....
no judgement there...i can't count how many times I've gone c/t...
because i am just not a tapering kind of girl.
otherwise...it's c/t...but the cravings aren't going to go away..
and nothing but your doc is going to make them go away..
methadone w/d is a bitch...remember this..
I dunno about the poppy pod thing...
i just c/t and get my unhappiness over asap.

good luck
~token

 

[DonStatus]

Hey I'm from Montreal also so I felt I should contribute in anyway I can, (west island here). But I'm going to be going through what your describing soon also with my oxy habit. Cold turkey is my way I've decided on, of course I got Benzos, hash and weed to help . I wish you the best of luck, it's gonna be hard but it's gonna be worth it for both of us.

 

[tokenname]

Good luck...positive thoughts to both of you...

~token