Shroom Mindfuck, Ego Death and Self Enlightenment Questions

[Cycik]

So I tried shrooms last weekend. Was about a +++ trip. I smoked a little too much weed which just lead to me getting caught in terrible thought loops which were annoying as hell but mostly because I was stressed ie not the right mind set. Now a question, people seem to say shrooms leave you confused and quite mind fucked. I was mostly just anxious but I had no mindfuck at all, I could hold a normal conversation easily and didn't feel out of my mind even though the visuals were amazing. Now I've only tripped on mescaline which was a stupidly high dose which I barely remember. I'm more familiar with 2c-i I think it was (was in pressed pills and no one is too sure apart that it was a 2c-x, couldn't tell dosage either). Me and a friend snorted them and had some fun trips where anything was kinda possible, I was convinced at one point we were in Jurassic park, in Vietnam and getting attacked by apemen . I actually thought it was happening and really enjoyed it. But on shrooms, there was none of that, I felt normal and couldn't convince myself anything in a sense. It actually became kinda boring after a while and just wanted it to end. I'm not sure on how many grams but it was 6 medium sized p subs in a lemon tek. I won't smoke weed next time that's for sure, anxiety ruined the 2nd half of the trip for me.

So I'm just asking was it just a small dose or just a everything effects you differently? I had some really good visuals but just no mind fuck at all and I don't know why but I just didn't fully enjoy it, maybe I wasn't mentally ready for it and just stress but yeah. I'm kind of an anxious person in general which could be why shrooms ain't for me. I loved mescaline even though my friend had a bad trip and I've had half a tab which was complete bliss and light visuals. I think I need to start meditating again.

Sorry for so much writing and let me know if it does not make any sense, on ritalin and feeling talky :D


Also another question, I've had this twice now and it felt like a bad trip coming on but I think it was just the beginning of ego death. At one point in the shrooms trip I had a relapse of a thought I had in my mescaline trip (was over a 1g of mescaline in a rave, yes terrible idea and my first time, didn't realize it was such a big dose). I start to lose what is real sort of. I think of myself and my family and feel like I'm not real any more but I still know who I am and for some strange reason just keep thinking about my family and me. Had it happen first on mescaline then shrooms, was that the beginning of ego death? I felt like I just wanted to panic but I manage to hold it together and resist going insane I guess? Feels like I'm about to freak out and my thoughts want to freak out but I just keep calm and think positive and ride it out. I mean after that mescaline trip I can't see myself losing it as even my friend who is a vet tripper said that most people would of completely freaked out and lost it as my friend did. I picked up my negative thoughts on my shroom trip instantly and told myself no and think positive. I got caught in anxious thought loops and became too self-reflective which is annoying but I held managed to myself calm but couldn't focus on enjoying my trip :/.

I'm thinking about just going all out next trip and having a full ego death with a friend trip sitting me after I get into meditating again. I feel like I wanna let go of my past and everything to focus on the present and future. I know drugs shouldn't be the answer to solve things but I see them as a tool to achieve self enlightenment rather than as a short-cut or something. Am I just looking too deep into everything? I felt like I've forgotten how to relax really, I think too much only thing that stops that is booze + x. I was meditating for a while but after a while, I'd get anxious every time I'd do it for no reason and started having panic attacks and everything which put me off it. I might try it again and just ride it all out and gain control of my thoughts and see how I go from there.

Sorry for the mass rambling, just a confused teenager. I don't know what I want and what makes me happy, so frustrating . Ritalin or any upper does this to me at the end of it, makes me talkative and think about my life more but I find I learn a lot through it.

It comes to that I don't have a mentor in life really, most of my friends just listen and say yeah man, you'll be sweet, just relax. Don't really give good advice, just cliched things everyone says. I'm of those people who gives really good advice but can't give advice to myself and have no one to turn to for that advice. So I come here looking for some answers and someone that actually listens to me and gives good advice which I find are people that are older and have experienced a lot and think in the same way I do which seems like most of the people here at bluelight.

Thanks if you read it all and for any help, feel free to ask any questions if you want to know more or anything, I always love talking to people and hearing their experiences,struggles and advice also sorry again for the wall of text and rambling .

Just looking for some one or people that have been there and/or just listens to what I have to say and give advice that means something.

 

[idontdothizz]

have a benzo handy

 

[Cycik]

Is there anything OTC that can calm me? Benzos are impossible to obtain over here nearly.

 

[2c-goinsane]

id work your way up a little more and more after your last dose, i wouldnt take a significantly larger dose next time it can be unpredictably alot stronger than what you have experienced. also try to weigh your doses, even though mushrooms are every where on quality its still nice to know how much you consumed, also if you know how much you had youd know around where to start next time and so forth. iv had many mushroom trips they can produce all kinds of trips for me, some overwhelming, some trips light mentally but heavy visually, some visuals going ape shit but im to far to notice anything really, etc it varies ime almost a endless amount of possibilities.

 

[Cycik]

Fair enough. I rethought it and won't go all out any time soon. I'll have another trip just with me and a close friend this time and no weed and at a beach that I always liked and felt safe at. I didn't manage to remember much of the shroom trip thanks to the weed most likely but I just remembered that the first half was actually quite enjoyable with good talks with my friends about life and all. Then too much weed + watching a cop chase made me anxious as hell. I think I'll just relax and take it all in rather than fighting it or thinking too much. Enjoy it for what it is and let the feelings come and go. I don't know about you guys but I always seem to have the biggest revelations on uppers it seems apart from the half a tab of LSD I took which was amazing.

I just need to get some scales and then I'll def weigh my shrooms next time. I hate taking guesstimates and I sometimes worry that I won't be on the same level as my friends, man I worry too much. Can't wait to trip again, I actually feel ready this time and care-free :D Just gotta get into meditating again. Felt good venting all that text before, I feel much better now and been reading it again and starting to see things much clearer now. Feels like I'm starting to get out of my depression again, last time I had this feeling I felt renewed afterwards and looked at life differently. Hoping it happens again .

 

[folding_space]

Enlightenment is unattainable. True ego death is actually just death, which is probably not the outcome you're looking for. Yes, you're overthinking it, and I'm sure the ritalin isn't helping with that particular problem.

As for the mushrooms, the other posters already covered it. They can vary substantially from trip to trip and batch to batch, but they're perfectly capable of taking you as deep as the psychedelic experience will go, which of course entails copious amounts of mindfuck.

 

[idontdothizz]

buy etizolam online they work great

 

[sailor_stars]

Enlightenment is unattainable. True ego death is actually just death, which is probably not the outcome you're looking for.

^I completely agree. Holding Buddhism up as being the ultimate goal of psychedelic use to reach 'enlightenment' is self-limiting in what one may 'experience'; and a delusional-goal ultimately. The psychedelic experience can take one much further than any sort of meditation, and the idea of 'ego death' is really quite dangerous to psychedelic users, where one may rationalize anything as being possible in the heat of the moment. It is horribly-incompatible with DMT in particular - where a total dissolution of boundaries is common. Having any sort of "mind-fuck" is simply the result of an 'internal-dialogue', which again is self-limiting towards actually experiencing the state, and prevents one from seeing it's full potential. Just my thoughts, for what it's worth.

 

[Captain Brewster]

^ how do you know he lives somewhere where he can order that shit?

 

[CtPaul]

OK Cycik.... First, let me say that I haven't seen even fake mescaline or LSD for about 30 years. But I do clearly recall one day in the 1970's visiting a cartoonist friend at Yale who had a large stash of mescaline. I took what he said was a healthy hit and began reading some of his huge collection of comic books. This guy had everything in print. he did not discriminate between ZAP or Spiderman.
As I sat on the sofa reading, the mescaline began to hit me. The goddamned characters took on 3D form. They climbed up onto the page and then out of the book entirely. They stayed small, about 6" tall, but they started to run all over the coffee table, making strange squeking sounds.
There was no dissolution of the ego - no loss of the sense of self -. I continued to know that I was I, a discrete individual being. It was only my perception of the world that had changed.
If it is the temporary loss of Self that you crave... if you want to die and be reborn, if you yearn for a true "baptism" find some genuine LSD. If that is impossible, get yourself a stash of liquid salvia divinorum. The best I ever had was from Mazatec Garden in Texas. This was just a year ago, before Ct put salvia right up there with other Schedule 1 drugs and plants.
I have had a lot of experience over the years with "ego-death" - despite the comments above saying that it is not possible thru plant or potion. Go online and get a copy of THE PSYCHEDELIC EXPERIENCE by Tim Leary and his Harvard associates. It is a re-working of the Tibetan Book of the Dead. You'll find it interesting.
As far as the Salvia Divinorum liquid goes.... you must find yourself a safe place for about 10 hours. Make sure that your friends and family think that you are visiting THE BIG CITY and will be out of cell phone reach for the day or night. On an empty stomach, take about 1/3 of an ounce. YOU MUST HOLD IT IN YOUR MOUTH FOR AT LEAST A FEW MINUTES WITHOUT SWALLOWING!!! iF YOU DRINK IT LIKE A SHOT OF VODKA NOTHING WILL HAPPPEN.
The Mazatec Garden solution does contain some alcohol but it really won't burn the inside of your mouth. There are other salvia solutions (liquid extracts) that WILL cause a chemical burn... there are ways to get around them but if you don't need to, why bother?
Liquid Salvia is the closest thing to LSD that I have encountered since the 1970s. Have some music to listen to.... in fact, you can almost program your experience by the music you choose to listen to... psychedelic trance .... Catholic Church hymns, jazz.... Note that I do NOT think listening to Gangsta Rap with all of its "mudder fudders" will help you obtain a spiritual experience!
Do I think that you can find GOD in a pill? Not entirely sure... but I do know that you won't find "Him" in a book or a building. There are states of mind though, levels of consciousness that that can be reached thru ritual, fasting, and magick potions, that may indeed have you knocking on Heaven's Door!

 

[blueboxes1]

I think everyone has made really good points.. Mushrooms tend to have a mind of their own sometimes.. There is no such thing as a truly predictable mushroom experience lol. I have eaten plenty in my life and it never really turns out quite how you want it to, but as cliche as it is, it typically always turns out to be just what I needed at the time.. It sounds to me like maybe you just need to take a little bit more next time, but as stated, make sure to up the dose slowly as you become more experienced.. You will eventually get to where you need to be. As far as the thought loops and all, sometimes just changing setting around can help a lot. Ime, mushrooms tend to be very introspective.. I am no expert on the subject of ego death by any means, but years back I did read Leary's book. I would definitely recommend it if that is something that interests you.

 

[CuDLife]

I think I'll just relax and take it all in rather than fighting it or thinking too much. Enjoy it for what it is and let the feelings come and go. .

couldnt have said it better myself, its all about embracing it just think i already took it so i might as well enjoy it, and let those feelins come and go.

i feel i should tell you tho shrooms is a very unpredictable drug, just when you think you have it figured out think again, cuz it'll surprise you. It might just be me cuz i waited 2-3 months between everytime and i haven't done em in like 4 months so my next trip will be amaziiiiiing !