• S E X
    L O V E +
    R E L A T I O N S H I P S


    ❤️ Welcome Guest! ❤️


    Posting Guidelines Bluelight Rules
  • SLR Moderators: M!$TER-ED

Sex/Relationship Question

Lustmord

Lustmord

Bluelighter
Joined
Sep 14, 2008
Messages
907
Location
California
I have a girlfriend of 1.5 years. This is my first long term relationship, and we are sharing a house now.

When we first got together, we had sex a lot.. sometimes several times a day. Now, 1.5 years later, we have sex maybe once a week, twice a week during a real good one. But there have been a few droughts, the record drought being over a month (which ended about a week ago, we've had sex twice since.)

Now, she has had a lot going on in the past year -- from her grandmother starting a renewed battle with cancer, to close friends passing away, to some health problems that she's had. She's been depressed because of these, and I really feel glad for the times she doesn't reject my advances -- I really don't mean to sound ungrateful. She says it will pick up again when she's better, and I can only hope so, despite my doubts.

Anyways. Here's the problem: I'm 23 years old, about to be 24, and I want to have sex all the fucking time. I mean, I get depressed if I haven't had sex in 2 days (so try a month..), and she says she can tell, and that it doesn't make her feel any better. This further depresses me, because I don't want to make her feel bad about something that she's trying hard at, or simply has no desire to do at the time. I can't exactly masturbate when she's home, as the house is practically one space, and she would feel bad for not satisfying my needs.. not to mention it would just feel awkward (I know that she'd get jealous if I did it to porn, etc., she's said so. So yeah, fapping by myself with no material, with her present, you get the idea of how that could be awkward..)

I just don't know what to do.. any suggestions?

(Is it normal for me to get depressed after not having sex for a while? Any input, other guys?)
 
Showers give a great sense of privacy. Maybe she wont object to you two making some visual aides for you to fap to. My ex and i made videos for me when we couldnt be together or she wasnt in the mood. It actually made her happy to know i watched our videos instead of watching porn.
 
My and my girlfriend are about the same age (26 & 24) and the sime relationship age (1.5yr). I found the best way to get sex when I want,etc. is to blackmail her. :) Sometimes it's because I accept to go to this crappy place or to go see that boring movie, but in the end it always come back to one thing : keep your woman happy and she will keep you happy in return.
 
Not to be rude but, get over it? I just find it remarkable that people struggle to go a day or two without busting a load. Getting "depressed" is your mind fucking you and you're falling for it.. this happens to everyone, the mind can be a devious fuck! If we're talking a month or so without busting a load at all then I have a bit more sympathy as the splinter in the mind becomes relentless. Either you love your girlfriend enough to work through this or your desire for sex will try to take you elsewhere. I highly recommend sticking it out if she is trying her best given her current circumstance! She will love you greatly for it too later on.

Take your mind elsewhere. Don't dwell on not having sex, and do something else. You can't think of two things at once :)
 
Yes, I get depressed, aka horny and irritable, after a drought lasts longer than two or three days. And I'm a 23 year old girl! I tend to think my guy is no longer into me if we don't have sex every day, or at least every other day. This is what I'm used to, this is what I crave. I love sex, I really do, and I think it intensifies the relationship and keeps the love strong. Keeps you close, I love that part more than the actual sex.

This is not to say she's no longer into you, though, she could really be having these problems. BUT, I had a boyfriend for two years that I really just... was not sexually attracted to, and I made it a point to not have sex with have but once a week. Unless I wanted something, or to make him less irritable. I find guys really do get irritable after a few days without sex, even more than girls. Even more than me, and like I said, I love sex myself.
 
Flowers for no reason man... Even if you just pick something on the side of the road... Better yet if she`s in the car with you.
I`m not kidding, not even a little.
 
iheartthisthread said:
Flowers for no reason man... Even if you just pick something on the side of the road... Better yet if she`s in the car with you.
I`m not kidding, not even a little.
Click to expand...

I pick roses from my rose garden out back. Especially if there's thought put into the gift and they see its heartfelt, like HER favorite flower.
 
Thank you all. I will try your tips, whether it be the shower-fap, or maybe ask her to make a movie with me for my upcoming birthday. ;)

I have been trying to get over it, because my self-esteem really does sink after a few days. Maybe I need a new hobby.
 
I think it's that you're in a relationship with her. If you were a single guy, just hooking up with someone, having to go a day or two without sex wouldn't bother you at all.

In this sense, it's not that a lack of sex is causing depression, but it's the fact you're in a relationship with a low frequency of sex with this person.

I am not going to say I have to be right, but I doubt I'm wrong. I know a lot of guys my age who aren't getting laid every other night, and they aren't reporting depression as a result of a lack of sex.
 
to add to what i said about flowers..
Don`t think giving her flowers one time and you`re set. It`s an ongoing thing. Just show her you are thinking about her. It could be a text, a call, a little note on a steamed up bathroom mirror. Nice every day. It may not work as well as you`d like in the short term, but may pay off in spades in the end.
 
Watch porn ... especially if she isn't having sex with you. I don't see anything wrong with watching porn and enjoying yourself. And why would it make her jealous??
 
llama112 said:
Watch porn ... especially if she isn't having sex with you. I don't see anything wrong with watching porn and enjoying yourself. And why would it make her jealous??
Click to expand...

Because of the others insecurities that they aren't enough or that their partner has lost attraction, or in this case lost patience. I guess a sense of being given up on is what I'd imagine.
And in any healthy relationship, insecurities should always be respected and compromises should be made.

I definitely say go for asking her to take some pics or videos next time you two get it on. It'll spice things up if you think she'd go for it, and whenever you get off to her pics/videos, tell her. It'll flatter her and probably put her more in the mood for when you two see each other again. :)
 
Lustmord said:
Now, she has had a lot going on in the past year -- from her grandmother starting a renewed battle with cancer, to close friends passing away, to some health problems that she's had. She's been depressed because of these, and I really feel glad for the times she doesn't reject my advances -- I really don't mean to sound ungrateful. She says it will pick up again when she's better, and I can only hope so, despite my doubts.
Click to expand...

Does sound like she's got a lot going on, may be you just need to give her some time...
 
Shady Kaity said:
I definitely say go for asking her to take some pics or videos next time you two get it on. It'll spice things up if you think she'd go for it, and whenever you get off to her pics/videos, tell her. It'll flatter her and probably put her more in the mood for when you two see each other again. :)
Click to expand...


This might be a good idea but remember there is a 50/50 chance that watching yourself fuck will horrify you lol
 
So focus it mainly on her, good angles and such. I'm not a confident girl at all, but I've done it wo my bf and it's not that bad to watch, it was cool lol very fun to do and watch later on. And if he told me he was watching it alone, it made me feel sexy :)
 
I went through this before.. it really sucked. But you're on the right path. Instead of just simply cheating, you're trying to work through it with her and IMO, that's awesome. I too agree with the making videos. It worked miracles for my x and I and she was going through just about everything your girl is. The fact that I enjoyed the videos enough to watch and get off to them not only turned her on but rose her self esteem through the roof.. which lead to her wanting to make more of them.. which lead to more sex and me watching them less ;)
 
First, I'm not sure you're depressed. It sounds as though you're down about what you might be perceiving as rejection from your girlfriend. It's a fair enough reason to feel down though, and you could take some steps to change the situation. Your girlfriend, on the other hand, sounds depressed, and as though she has been through the wringer emotionally.

Ask her what she needs from you, to help her to get through this difficult time. Forget all about your own needs and wants right now.. focus on hers. This is undoubtedly a tough time for her, and when she looks back on it she may well only remember you the pressure she felt from you to meet your needs at a time when she felt lonely and sad.

I am concerned that throughout your post you discuss how you miss the sex, but not once to you mention that you miss your girlfriend. The warmth and intimacy the presumably goes with the sex. In all of the time you have been telling her how unhappy you are about the lack of sex, have you ever once alluded to the closeness and connection that you are no doubt also going without? Is it possible that she thinks this doesn't matter to you?

If the words 'love', 'connection', 'closeness', 'intimacy' are lacking in your post, could they also be lacking in your relationship?

You say that she is grieving the loss of close friends, and her grandmother. Nothing zaps libido like grief does. However, whilst a horny fuk may not be first and foremost on her mind, perhaps the comfort of making love with her partner, and a little 'sexual healing' might provide much of the comfort she is seeking.

Start by the way that you treat her. There are so many little things you can do to make her happy and let her know how important she is to you. From little notes left on her pillow in the morning, or a tomato sauce love heart around her pie at dinner time. Cups of tea in bed, buying her favourite magazine, surprising her with dinner at her favourite restaurant or a picnic in the park that you've lovingly packed! Make up a compilation of songs she loves. Put together a scrap book of your year and a half together, with movie tickets, photos, etc.. the list is endless! My own personal favorite was a trail of rose petals leading from the front door to the bed! Perhaps there could be a gift wrapped box at the end of the trail, with lingerie in her size (and in a style she would like!)
If you do all of these things, if you treat her like a queen and give her lots of love and affection, you might trigger a change in the way things are. It might not too, but at least you will know you are giving it your utmost.

Another thing to bear in mind is that women are most likely to want sex when they are feeling sexy. Do you compliment her regularly? Tell her she is beautiful. Compliment something specific and unique about her. NEVER criticise her looks. Ever.

Make sure that all you do for her is done unconditionally, with no expectations on your part. DO NOT initiate sex during this time. Go with the flow, if she seems to want it, then follow through. But let her make the first move. The hope is that she will *want* to reciprocate, and make you happy too.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top