Robbed

[Smack Attack]

I have hit an all time low. I was clean from everythng, heroin espeicaly. For a total of 27 days. 3 months if you allow me to have 3 hits without going back on it and getting dope sick. I got my wages today and withdrew it all to buy shopping and some hash, I fell asleep after a few J's and left it on the table but to my shock when i woke up it was gone. Every fucking penny. The only person who was in was my mum.

I have been feeling so good about myself being clean and the only part i was trying to kick was the depression. I am so depressed as my arms are in a total mess but i prayed the scars would heal after a few years clean. Im only 19 and i hope they heal over time. Now i am left with £210 for a month and the only thing i wanna do is buy a gram and die. Not lieraly but using heroin again would be just as bad. Guess this post is my last line of defence

My mum is an ex junky who has been off it for 3 years but is now on Methadone. She is still a junky at heart tho, a rotten stinking icey cold hearted frost biten cunt of a woman. (That felt hgood.) Fuck could she do this to me???! Im going to buy a gram. Bye bye job, bye bye new gf, bye bye internet/phone bills, bye bye life. I hope i OD.

 

[Druidus]

I have hit an all time low. I was clean from everythng, heroin espeicaly. For a total of 27 days. 3 months if you allow me to have 3 hits without going back on it and getting dope sick. I got my wages today and withdrew it all to buy shopping and some hash, I fell asleep after a few J's and left it on the table but to my shock when i woke up it was gone. Every fucking penny. The only person who was in was my mum.

I have been feeling so good about myself being clean and the only part i was trying to kick was the depression. I am so depressed as my arms are in a total mess but i prayed the scars would heal after a few years clean. Im only 19 and i hope they heal over time. Now i am left with £210 for a month and the only thing i wanna do is buy a gram and die. Not lieraly but using heroin again would be just as bad. Guess this post is my last line of defence

My mum is an ex junky who has been off it for 3 years but is now on Methadone. She is still a junky at heart tho, a rotten stinking icey cold hearted frost biten cunt of a woman. (That felt hgood.) Fuck could she do this to me???! Im going to buy a gram. Bye bye job, bye bye new gf, bye bye internet/phone bills, bye bye life. I hope i OD.

Bro, that sucks balls. I've been there, though. What you are doing is rationalizing your use. I know that knowing that won't help you heaps, but try to be aware of it. Just because something bad happens, even this bad, is no reason to submit to the whims of your addictions. I've done it. Probably we all have. But doing it is only a negative act. You're taking the negativity you got from your environment, and then plastering it into yourself much worse, as a reaction to avoid future negative events. It won't stop future negative events. It won't even solve the current ones. It's not even a fucking bandaid for a broken leg, it's rubbing damned salt, vinegar, and faeces into multiple stab wounds, and then rationalizing that it'll make you feel better, even for a while. That's what it really is, minus the actual pleasure feelings. Make no mistake, going back to something like a powerful opiate may FEEL good, but it's probably worse for you than the salt and vinegar. Those pleasure feelings are NOT truly there for you.

I know you probably already know this.

But look, you KNOW you don't really want to do this. You fucking KNOW it. Now try to stop your subconscious from straight up lying to you. That's what these rationalizations are. Damned lies.

 

[Thou]

I'd echo what others have said chock it up as a loss and a lesson and remain strong. We'll be here for you nonetheless. Please PM if you're feeling alone.

 

[tricomb]

Best of luck to you Smack Attack, I hope you don't OD. There are worse things people can do than take your money, it may not seem like it now but I think you have a better chance finding happiness if you don't give up looking. Your job, new GF, internet and phone, and life are all tools that will help you get better, should you give it another chance.

 

[Serotonin101]

Put it this way, is using gonna get your money back? No. It'll take the last of what little money you have and leave you dead broke. Is that what you want? Then you'll feel even worse for WASTING the last of your money on dope, on top of being dope sick, and resort to old behaviors to get the money together. I got 5 months clean from all substances on june 5. Cmon bud, it's time to realize that using never made anything better, at best things will stay the same. More often then not when we start to think "how can life get worse", it generally does... Play the tape all the way through, unless you're really gonna kill yourself, all that's gonna happen is you're gonna be broke, dope sick, and wish you were dead. Sorry but that's the harsh reality of things, life isn't a walk in the park, it's more like a narrow path through a field of poison ivy, you can either do the right thing which is follow the path, or try to risk running through the field of possible pain, suffering, etc. Personally you haven't been clean long enough to see the great things that come with being sober. Trust me, things get better. I have $1 in my wallet because I have no job, gotta pay probation fees, paid my traffic ticket which was $200 friday, AND bought myself some school books and enrolled in summer classes to continue my degree. I'm broke, but I'm content. Yeah sure the courts robbed me and so did the college if you look at how much I had to pay (mind you I still have $15,000 in student loans to pay off, and they will be coming to collect soon) but I'm not using. I'm 21, been using since I was 8 or 9. I've lost apartments, cars, girlfriends, university, jobs, time, friendships, money, my family, and much more due to using, learn from the ones who've been through it. We went through the hell and fucked up so you don't have to (even if you want to). I got lots of love for you man, just keep on keepin on, you still got a job so you can make more money, you still have a gf who I'm sure can probably help you out if times get tough. It's just some printed paper, fuck it. Now if you lost your arm and the doctor's are trying to give you morphine to numb the pain then by all means take it. Other than that, fuck it. No matter what, don't pick up, don't use, and call a friend/talk to someone.