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sorry but this sucks... ive been feeling like ending my life... just being honest

lilczey

lilczey

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 13, 2007
Messages
4,709
Location
NJ,CAMDEN
seems like no matter how hard u try u still get no where...
and if sumthing great comes along n you've been needing the next big thing in ur life
dont get ur hopes up its all bs just a scam
dreams dont come true...
if i dont find a job a full time job soon or another part time to go with my other job looks like im heading to Southport, North Carolina


my roommate is only going to give me a free pass for a minute... i work a part time job less then a 100 bucks every 2 weeks...

NO FUCKING joke i have been busting my ass to find sumthing...

I WALK EVERYWHERE for those in tinychat they kno this i have been busting my ass for the last 2 weeks looking for a job i finally found one worked one day then they let me go.... n i didn't get paid for the work i did... "work trail day" i sold their products at gas stations n busted my ass because i really wanted the job...

THEY sell F1 sumthing to clean ur car... they do demonstrations at gas stations and call it a management position...

i woke up this morning got dressed put on my slacks n dress shirt took out my piercings and call the dude asked him yeah u still need me to come in early to fill out papper work...

and this was at 7:16 est. n he said O u were supposed to b here at 7... the day before he told me before 8....

my x n me dont look like we getting back together.. no one in my family wants to help me i have not a dollar to my name

i barely eat yeah i get high but i do the middle man thing... or other people pay to get me high... i have no car... i have walked a hour away and a hour back to do a application i have blanketed my area near my condo....

idk wtf do n ive been thinking honestly...

this is hard to say but it would just b easier on me n everyone else if i wasnt here no more... like if i killed myself:\........ i havent told anyone this and its really hard for me to admit this but its the way i have been feeling...

im really good at hiding my emotions... really good ask any of my friends on here they would have no idea...


I NEED HELP AND I NEED ANSWERS
please...


i tried
 
Hey lilczey,

I could say the usual things about how suicide is wrong and tomorrow will be better. I don't think the world would be better off without you. You've already done the right thing by confiding in the good folks at TDS. Now it's time for you to accurately assess your resources. What is the opportunity you have in North Carolina? Do you think getting out of your comfort zone and doing something different would be a better option? Have you talked to a professional about any of this?

I know you would be very much missed around here. If something isn't working for you in your life, it's time to change whatever the cause is. You're working hard to find a job in a really tough economy. Have you considered going back to school? Learning a trade? Whatever you need to change, don't take your own life. Please.
 
as someone who tried to off himself once, and came as close to death as you can get by (drug) poisoning, i can hardly say that it's a morally wrong choice, and even though the time since has not been great, i'm still glad i'm alive. way i see it, i'm 26 and things could still turn around and get better or at least bearable, and since i can always kill myself at any given time if i really want to, why rush into death? the option's always there, so try sticking around a little longer, life is full of surprises (both good and bad) and hey, why not give it as much time as you can possibly bear, it's a gamble but at least this way you still have some odds in your favor.


although after watching my mother waste away from cancer every day i know that there are situations where suicide is the better option. if i was terminal, i wouldn't hesitate a second to end my life. the suffering i witnessed fundamentally changed me (can't say for better or worse) and i swore to myself that i would never go through that.
 
Think about the endless possibilities of life.

Things can go wrong often - but sometimes some good things are amazing, and are worth living for.

I am glad you have a part time job, it's a start. That means something. I think you're on the right track man, don't give up hope in yourself yet!

You are probably not making enough money to be disqualified for food stamps. I would take advantage of this in your circumstance. Best of luck, you can always PM me if you want to.
 
While you look for work, volunteer for something you're interested in. You can put it on a job application and get a reference and it will help your self-esteem. Better than being a "middle man" which will get you nowhere. If you come looking for a job looking like you use, nobody is going to hire you.
 
my roommmate just told me i have work tomorrow but like i need to go to rehab or somthing i dont kno what to do
 
Im sorry you feel this is the way to fix the situation, take one day at a time. A lot of people do not have the option to live. stop focusing on all the negativo. Which i know is easier said then done. You have a job, you have/know your goals to better your life. You cant do it all at once, its hard now.but keep working at it. Stay positive and the results will be worth all your hard Work. If no one is there to support you and keep you strong. Prove to them and yourself that you can get through this. You will meet people that will love you and be there for you. Im.sorry if it sounds like im preaching. I dont mean to. Have you ever tried to go to church? I do not go myself, but i know people who have gone and have gotten help. From a job, food, and shelter..even a new circle of people could change your outlook on life. Best of luck to you..
You are worth it!
 
Aw czey <3 I didn't know you were having such a rough time. This really sucks. I'm always here for you bud if you need me you have my number you can call me if you need to talk to someone.

If you need to go to rehab and you know that and you are ready to do it then reserve yourself a spot and just go. Get your belongings in a reasonably safe spot and go. You will have a much clearer head when you get out and you will most likely have had a lot of time inside rehab to plan and get ready for the outside world. <3 I hope things are better in the AM for you. Let us know how tomorrow goes :-\. It'll be okay you'll/we'll figure out something.
 
im a lil better i now have a abcess i may have to b admited into the hospital... i left work to go.. i wasnt feeling right...

its just sooooo hard down here wit no family.. no one ya, no one that it really wouldnt b a bigg deal to say fuck u chris u know...

i hope i dont get admitted to the hospital i need to work i HAVE NO MONEY i need the hour but my arm is killing me
 
czey u kno that people love ya n care about u on blulite, ur oneof my homies on here and it would fuck me up if u were gone. u kno who yo friends are, even tho we never met, ur like a brother to me. we all have bad spells of shit never workin out the way that we want em to,ill pm u my phone number n call me or txt me bro anytime of the day b4 u do something not worth doing. look at me man, im living in my car, yea it fucking sucks, but im okay with that. use what ever is making yea feel the way ur feeling rite now and use it as a motivator to do something better, like i dont plan living outa my car forever shits gotta change this time because im going to die to if i dont change something quick (like shooting dope).
 
You know we've never really met but it sounds like you're going through a rough time. And I wish I knew what to say but I've never been in the position you are, and it's really tough to have to juggle these things when you're so tied down by your work. But look at this thread of all these people who love you and would miss you if you died. CH is right, life is full of endless possibilities, and it has the potential to turn the completely around in one day. You just gotta keep out on the hunt man, keep fighting back the things that are bringing you down, and you will find what you want. It might take a while but if you persist then I know that you'll get to where you want to.
 
If you have an abscess, that needs to be addressed in the ER, Chris. You cannot fuck around with needles; others are much more versed than I am because I am terrified of needles and I don't use.

I'm not kidding about the ER. I hope you will not intentionally overdose, because you are needed in this world. Some bad shit happened but you're a solid dude and you deserve to not just live, but thrive.
 
Missykins said:
While you look for work, volunteer for something you're interested in. You can put it on a job application and get a reference and it will help your self-esteem. Better than being a "middle man" which will get you nowhere. If you come looking for a job looking like you use, nobody is going to hire you.
Click to expand...

I am volunteering this summer and fall for a local market. I've already made some awesome contacts and new friends. I will absolutely vouch for the benefits of doing well in one's community. I enjoy volunteering for this organization; I have always valued agriculture. Plants don't talk back like people do. ;)

So, lilczey, maybe you need to be around fewer needles and more plants. You're a smart dude and there is something out there you've yet to discover. Life might suck at times but you've got people that care about your well-being. You're on the upside of whatever is upsetting you.
 
Mariposa said:
If you have an abscess, that needs to be addressed in the ER, Chris. You cannot fuck around with needles; others are much more versed than I am because I am terrified of needles and I don't use.

I'm not kidding about the ER. I hope you will not intentionally overdose, because you are needed in this world. Some bad shit happened but you're a solid dude and you deserve to not just live, but thrive.
Click to expand...

He went to the ER 2 days ago, but was not given any meds when he was released. He had to beg for change to afford the meds at the pharmacy, and opted for just the tramadol first instead of the antibiotics. :|

He couldn't get both.
 
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