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Do you feel guilty about your drug use?

Not as bad as some, and often I can tell myself that I do not feel guilty for my past use... but I do know that subconsciously I am very angry at myself for struggling for so long until I did something about it. In therapy for that right now thankfully.
 
oh god yes, do i feel guilty for using,espicaly the whole 'im never going to put a needle in my arm aka scared of needles saying as a kid"and not but few years later im stick a needle n my arm. so yes i feel awful about that, but you kno wat? im glad i got to go through that shit because i can realte to other people that IV was their main ROA,espically H addicts, I dont feel bad about doing wat i did, but i do feel guilty that i left my self down in a way.
 
Swimmingdancer said:
Why do you know you will use in the next 48 hours? Have you just resigned yourself to that being inevitable and feel you have no choice? If you can make it 6 days that's pretty awesome. No one quits on their first try.

Why do you keep this from your wife? Are you afraid that she would leave you? Or that you would be forced to quit and you don't actually want to? Or just that you would feel even more guilty? Sometimes it is a huge relief to tell someone and sometimes they can be more supportive than you imagined. I know it was a lot worse for me when my partner didn't know.
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Its just the cycle that I've found myself in that leads me to think that'll I'll slip up and use. I feel fine right now on day 7, but like I said, its not that I want to get high, I self medicate to cope with stress and anxiety. For the past 5 years its actually helped me be more productive and positive. I know it sounds ridiculous, but thats what they do for me.

I'm afraid my wife would be very angry and disappointed with me. In her eyes, I'm king, and she's my queen, I wouldn't be able to handle disappointing her, even though I am doing so without her knowing and that is hard enough for me to swallow. I'm afraid it'd make me feel even more guilty. On top of that, she's a small fiery Venezuelan woman that sometimes scares the piss outta my ass. I've talked to others about it, and it does help, just like it helps to discuss it here.
 
2LILTIMENOT2 said:
Its just the cycle that I've found myself in that leads me to think that'll I'll slip up and use. I feel fine right now on day 7, but like I said, its not that I want to get high, I self medicate to cope with stress and anxiety. For the past 5 years its actually helped me be more productive and positive. I know it sounds ridiculous, but thats what they do for me.
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That doesn't sound ridiculous at all, did you read my previous post? I totally feel the same way, that I was more productive and more fun to be around when I was using. Most people who regularly use opioids are self-medicating for anxiety and depression. But it is not a good treatment, it actually ends up greatly worsening your symptoms in the long run. Not to mention all the other damage it does to your brain, your health, your finances and your life. Maybe it would help if you could work on the reasons that you use in the first place. Like if the main reason is stress/anxiety, figure out what is causing that stress and learn healthier ways to cope with it. Yoga, exercise, supplements, prescription medication, self-help books, maybe trying to eliminate some of the things that cause you stress, etc. I know it's a lot easier and has quicker results just to do some dope, but it is totally worth it to make some changes in your life and work on the reasons you use in the first place, instead of just masking them with drugs.

I'm afraid my wife would be very angry and disappointed with me. In her eyes, I'm king, and she's my queen, I wouldn't be able to handle disappointing her, even though I am doing so without her knowing and that is hard enough for me to swallow. I'm afraid it'd make me feel even more guilty. On top of that, she's a small fiery Venezuelan woman that sometimes scares the piss outta my ass. I've talked to others about it, and it does help, just like it helps to discuss it here.
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I can understand that too. I'm glad you do have people to talk to. But in my experience our fears of what might happen if we tell our spouse are actually far worse than what actually happens when we tell them, and it is such a relief to not have to hide it anymore. It also tends to make it harder to relapse if we know that they know and are going to suspect us.
 
I love how drug discussion forums such as BL tend to have many more articulate posters than the 'drugs R 4 mugs' sites. Certainly says something. Not that my grammar or punctuation is perfect by any means...er, sorry stims = talking crap.

motherofearth: I totally get what you were saying about heavy drinking causing frigging awful guilt (can i swear on here? I don't want to offend some puritan after he's just slammed a half gram of smack in his dick by cussing, but swear-words-light seem so lame..). People, at least quite a few, seem to do very stupid things whilst drunk; things they'd regret the following morning even without the crushing sense of anxiety and self loathing a nice day long hangover tends to bring.

http://http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b23LYHxt1J8 -Posted in the hope it'll pull any morose drinkers out there out of the old spiral of self loathing. Try 'Waves of Fear' (Blue Mask album) by Lou Reed for a good song about the horrors of drug induced anxiety (maybe not whilst drinking / coming down -
'I'm too afraid to use the phone
I'm too afraid to put the light on
I'm so afraid I've lost control
I'm suffocating without a word' ). Oh, and 'How do you think it feels?' (Lou's Berlin album). Sorry I'm really rambling. Was kind of stoked I'd managed to make a moderately popular BL thread.

Seems there's a bit of division of disagreement in the answers to this thread so far, falling into the camps of either: 'Hell no I don't feel any guilt, I use what I like and as long as I'm not harming anybody then why should I feel guilty?'; or, 'I feel very guilty, partly because I can't stop, partly because I fear my use will become more hardcore, and last but certainly not least, because I'm lying to the people who care about me.'

Wonder why that is? Do those feeling less guilt have fewer people who care about them (sorry if that sounds harsh...loneliness certainly lead me to use more drugs), do they have better mental health? Maybe it's just a matter of morals.

2LILTIMENOT2 I really sympathise with what you said if that means anything to you. Benzo addiction deserves the same stigma as heroin addiction IMO, As a little anecdote, after not speaking to my dad for about a year, I took a bunch of benzos and met up with him. He said he'd never seen me doing so well in almost 6 years. Which was actually totally fucking depressing.

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tl;dr? Stuff above the line is ramblings in response to reading through this thread; read if you want. The point I really wanted to make was that I went to something called 'Turning Point' (dunno if it's just a UK thing, but it's some drug abuse counseling charity or somesuch). I know this isn't my personal blog, but I really wanted to get a few things off my chest about the whole thing (and a lot of bluelighters seem to be understanding, friendly types, so I hope I won't piss you off too much. Obviously input in the form of personal experience and questions would be great).

OK so if you've read this far, I started the day with 10mg diazepam, with the intention of going job hunting (most promising prospect was at a pharmacy [!] ), then ended up going to get some weed. After having been out for a couple of hours I started to feel fairly bad, I guess because I'd bought yet more drugs (buyer's remorse), took another diaz (sensible huh), realized my life really wasn't going where I wanted it to, so taking a deep breath and another 2.5mg diazepam, walked into this Turning Point place.

After waiting about an hour I was finally seen. I gotta admit, I was scared I'd be laughed out of the door, going to a drug treatment place (this place isn't an inpatient rehab, just offers support) to ask about help getting off benzos and non-IV opiates. I don't get out much, and it was an eye opener being sat in a waiting room the only one without visible track marks and abscesses. Anyway, the worker took me seriously, suggesting follow up appointments, and possible medication if I'm struggling to cut down by myself.

Felt terrible afterwards...i guess the experience kind of enlightened me to the very real dangers of drug misuse. Not that I didn't rail a bunch of ephlyphenidate upon getting home. Yes, I'm an idiot.

So, anyone had any similar experiences? This being a thread about guilt, did the experience make you feel worse? Dirty, worthless....a good for nothing junky? I'd also love to hear any success stories (obviously success is ultimately dependent on will-power, which i personally need to work on) from people who've done similar things.

Phew. I'll go bore some other posters with my ramblings now. Take care.:\
 
Yes always. If I dont I always do to much and notice that its very dangerous and then I feel bad about it...
 
I do feel guilty.

Everytime my gf leaves to go out of town I tend to chip. It's only once every two-three months or so, but I know that I'm still an addict.

She left to visit family this week, which also happened to be finals week. I almost fucked up this entire semester because I ended up not studying and getting high instead, because I had the opportunity. I've rock bottomed my GPA in the past due to my drug use, and I'm doing better now.. But I need straight A's (or as close as I can get) from here on out to have a chance at any good uni.

I don't want to wreck my life over something that doesn't even give me that much pleasure anymore. That's my view..

EDIT: I'd just like to add that although I got high a lot, I managed to muster the willpower not to get high on the days of the finals themselves. Go me.
 
I don't feel the slightest bit guilty about my drug use. Nobody has ever suffered as a consequence of it so my concience is clear. If I was the sort of cow that would nick your wallet then try to help you find it I might get a pang of self disrespect, but I'm not. I'm 100% functional and the only potential sufferer is me.
 
K88ABY said:
I don't feel the slightest bit guilty about my drug use. Nobody has ever suffered as a consequence of it so my concience is clear. If I was the sort of cow that would nick your wallet then try to help you find it I might get a pang of self disrespect, but I'm not. I'm 100% functional and the only potential sufferer is me.
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Now I don't know the situation between you, your friends, and your family.. but it's crap to say that the only potential sufferer is you when there are others that care about you.
 
Exactly Lustmord, the only reason i sought help was because i saw how upset she was becoming. One junky in the ffamily is enough. 2 i think wouldbe nothing any parent would want,
 
And you know this how??? I'm a loner chap... always have been. Not a soul on this planet would know whether I lived or died. This is not a cue to get the violins out, it's how I am, and how I wanna be :)

Except perhaps my dealer :-|
 
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