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girlfriend cheated and left me after 3 years...

Codesan

Codesan

Bluelighter
Joined
Aug 1, 2005
Messages
94
I've been together with my girlfriend and living with her for the past 3 years and we were planning on getting married.
Yesterday she told me that she had cheated on me friday night (this is the second time she has cheated on me in 3 years) and that she wants me to move out.

It was only a one night thing and she still wants me to move out...I'm feeling a bit..dont know..because I did not do anything wrong.

Yesterday after she told me I went to the emergency room with massive panic attacks and suicidal thoughts and after 5 hours of waiting got five 10mg diazepam tablets which I took right away
to dull the psychosomatic pain. My girlfriend went to a bar to party while I was in the hospital being suicidal..I found that a bit rude..

Now I'm facing homelessness, being without any money, 7 years of opiate addiction (withdrawals starting today) and dont know what to do.

Anyone here know how to deal with psychosomatic pains? my chest hurts so badly and im on the verge of panic attack all the time...

even though this might sound more like a blog writing and that it'll be deleted..I still want to thank you for letting me write this stuff and get it out of my head.
I'm completely hopeless right now.
 
If she's cheated on you twice and couldn't even be bothered to be with you when you were in the hospital, you shouldn't think twice about moving out. I know it must be extremely hard but anyone would deserve better than that.
Do you have any friends you could call to talk to about all this, and maybe to crash over at their place for a little while until you can find a new apartment? I think if you're getting panic attacks it might be because you're trying to hold everything in - I know I get those when I'm feeling really upset but am forcing myself not to cry and stuff. If that's the case I'd recommend you just let it out - cry, scream, whatever. It can really help.
Best of luck with your situation.
 
At the hospital I had 5 hours of time to panic and cry and after 2 hours of "extreme" crying and panic attacks and breathing into a bag I actually felt some what of a calm feeling mixed with some sort of weird dopamine rush and I got better but then today when I woke up the pain is back and I cant really cry right now..I started drinking and I know its not the right thing to do but I'm also in the beginnings of a opiate withdrawal..
I have been making preparations to move to friends places and then to my grandma's and I hope that it all works out..I have my psychiatric nurse meeting tomorrow so I have someone to talk to.
I think you're right about the part that she is not worth it if she has cheated twice and then kicks ME out and goes partying...
thanks..this has helped to clear my mind and pain a little already
 
Yeah, sometimes after crying a lot I find you tend to feel suddenly calm...but anyway, it really sucks that you have to go through this and anyone would have a really tough time dealing with it, especially if you have to cope with opiate w/d at the same time. All I can recommend is to try to distract yourself, DONT DRINK (I'm sure you know that and I know it's easier to say than to do, but really, try not to), and yeah just keep yourself busy every possible second. Take it one day at a time. It WILL get better :)
And really, hearing this story from an outsider's perspective it definitely sounds like you should get out of this relationship anyway. Sometimes when we're in it ourselves we don't notice the malfunctions even though the relationship looks wrong to the people around us...not that I really know anything about this one, but from your descriptions I'm sure you'll be able to find another girl better suited for you :)
And I'm glad to hear you'll have places to stay at.
 
I can't really help with the opiate withdrawals problem, that question may be better suited for "Other Drugs" or "Basic Drug Discussion".
For the relationship side of things, I'm sorry she cheated on you. Being cheated on would suck, a lot. Keep yourself busy so that you don't think about it! Spend time with friends. Go on walks. Go to the gym. Get more "into" your hobbies. Even watching TV can distract you if you aren't really doing anything at the time.

As for where you live - how did you pay rent before? Don't you still have that income? (I'm guessing you work?) So you should be able to get another place, right? Staying with a friend or family member might work for a little bit until you actually get a place.

Best of luck :)
 
I have decided that when I move on I'll change from drugs to exercise (used to be a long distance runner before drugs) and getting my life into control because I am ready to quit opiates and other drugs.
I didnt pay rent because I lived with my girlfriends parents place and I havent worked over in a year because of drug addiction, depression, anxiety disorders and a really heavy and chronic depersonalisation/derealization disorder (almost had to go to mental institute because of DP/DR and I am one of the rare people where I live who officially have this chronically)
Where I live (Finland) if you are without work etc. you get sosial security money from the government (for one person 400 euros a month plus all the bills payed, electrical, phone, medications, doctors, apartment for some)
I have been living off that money for few years now and I take a lot of medications (400mg queatiapine for sleep/preventing psychosis, 5mg melatonin, 7,5mg zopiclone, 10mg escitalopram and now starting benzos probably again. I used to eat 15mg diazepam for 6 months last year but stopped..yesterday got diazepam from the emergyroom)
 
I'm really sorry Codesan. Breakups suck. How old are you guys? Does she do drugs too? Something you have to remember is that people grow apart, especially when the other person has goals. Some traits in people are tolerable for a time, but they later become too much of a burden on the other person. I have someone now who I really want to move out. We dated, but he has 0 goals and no ambition but to sleep on my couch. He's picked up his rent-paying and even buys groceries, but it's too late. I am actually annoyed that he is still here and doesn't even care about himself enough to listen to the emphysema cough to stop smoking. He sleeps on my couch instead of making up an air mattress in the second bedroom...he is just here...always. I just want him to leave already.

Your ex-GF was probably on the edge of wanting to get out of the relationship. She went about it the wrong way, but people reach their limits and do mean things. It isn't the best way to deal with things, but it gives you time to reflect on yourself and where you are. If you are going homeless and haven't had a job in a while, this should snap you out of the situation, because it's an eye-opener. Ask yourself if you would want to marry someone who did nothing but drugs all day long.
 
Unfortunately she went about breaking up with you the wrong way. Good thing you didn't get married. Personally, cheating is a point of no return for me. I would not have continued the relationship after the first time. I am glad you have a plan in place. Focus on taking care of you as it is clear she has no interest in how you feel.
 
sounds terrible man I truly feel for you

On the other hand this could be a calling for you to get your shit together. Breakups suck, but I always used them as motivation to start making something better out of myself. If you focus and really get your mojo pumping you will look back on her and think "i cant believe i thought I NEEDED her! HA, what a fucking cunt!"

I see this all the time in guys, they get the girl and get comfortable and just let everything slip through there hands. they stop being the confident outgoing person they used to be and just settle in to a false sense of complacency. It's kind of like the equivalent of being a women and getting the man and just stacking on the pounds.

Sorry not trying to be to harsh here, it does sound like regardless of any possible shortcomings you may have that your ex is a serious selfish whore. But hey, like i said get it together man! Use it as motivation, hit the gym, get clean, and make yourself an a real hot commodity. It will make her regret the day she ever walked all over you.
 
how about getting her to leave? now is that not an idea...

why should you have to leave where you live because she says so after treating you like crap? am i the only one who see thats she is taking the piss hugely and preying on his weakened emotional state to suit herself.

i'm not advocating drug abuse but coming off opiates at this exact point seems stupid to me, wait until you get your shit together. have you got a job?
 
I am actually positive about this situation right now because all we did was live off wellfare checks and do drugs (benzos, buprenorphine, methadone, codeine, alcohol and amphetamines)
My exgirlfriend doesnt do opiates but she does weed, amphetamines and benzo's a lot. I my self use all of those drugs and have been an opiate addict for 7 years daily.
Right now my plan is to move to my dad's place where I cant even drink because he is an alcoholic and I dont really want to drink anymore or use buprenorphine, codeine or methadone anymore.
I am planning on starting to exercise after many years and also planning to start my buddhist religious beliefs again (they have been forgotten for years now because of dope use)
Because im semi-Buddhist I said to her that its all right. I think this break up is the best thing to happen to me in years..now im motived to find my own apartment, start my studies in nursing or gardening and to start working out and practicing Buddhism 100& of the day instead of drugs.
I still have to battle my alcoholism and opiate addiction but im ready to quit those things and start anew if you understand :) im feeling positive right now because this was the kick that I needed to get out of doing dope and drinking and not gettting anywhere in my life.
Thanks to you guys for support..I really appreciate it and it has helped me a lot


forgot to mention that I'm 24 and she is 23
 
alcohol addiction and opiate addictions for me tend to alternate although lately they coexist in a mild form for both.

anyway if you can change your life thats a great option. anyone who uses loads of speed and benzo's rapidly turns into a bit of a cunt. sounds like your ex is speed binging and that may be partly to blame for the cheating as speed makes you mega slutty.

dodge that bullet and GET A JOB quickly. then you would have something to do instead of sitting around bored chasing highs all the time. i get high loads but having a job keeps it in check in a big wayyyy
 
I know it doesn't seem like it now but trust me this is all for the best. Imagine if u hadn't found out and gotten apart and u got married and/or had a kid 2gether and she was still pullin this kinda bullshit. You are so much better in the long run and you deserve so much more than that shit. You're doing the right thing by letting ur emotions out. Its not healthy AT all to hold um in or push um down. You might try asking the counselor or whoever if you could anyway continue with counseling. It can be very helpful. Best of luck with the withdrawls. Your doing the right thing by giving um up. Its gonna be rough but there's lots of places and things you can turn 2 for help (lots on this, and other sites). Things WILL turn around for u. It might take a while, but if ya hang in there it'll be worth it. Best of luck :) peace be with u :)
 
Thanks for everyone replying here..you guys have helped me a lot and I appreciate every answer.
 
Codesan said:
I am actually positive about this situation right now because all we did was live off wellfare checks and do drugs (benzos, buprenorphine, methadone, codeine, alcohol and amphetamines)
My exgirlfriend doesnt do opiates but she does weed, amphetamines and benzo's a lot. I my self use all of those drugs and have been an opiate addict for 7 years daily.
Right now my plan is to move to my dad's place where I cant even drink because he is an alcoholic and I dont really want to drink anymore or use buprenorphine, codeine or methadone anymore.
I am planning on starting to exercise after many years and also planning to start my buddhist religious beliefs again (they have been forgotten for years now because of dope use)
Because im semi-Buddhist I said to her that its all right. I think this break up is the best thing to happen to me in years..now im motived to find my own apartment, start my studies in nursing or gardening and to start working out and practicing Buddhism 100& of the day instead of drugs.
I still have to battle my alcoholism and opiate addiction but im ready to quit those things and start anew if you understand :) im feeling positive right now because this was the kick that I needed to get out of doing dope and drinking and not gettting anywhere in my life.
Thanks to you guys for support..I really appreciate it and it has helped me a lot


forgot to mention that I'm 24 and she is 23
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Sounds great man! I would get a job and exercise daily, mostly just to keep you busy and away from using. Addiction is a huge hurdle to get over, but if you can just keep yourself busy and away form the whole scene I think that with your positive audited you have a real shot at coming out of this whole mess a shit ton better.

Good Luck!
 
I still have some benzo's in my blood (took 50mg of diazepam 15 hours ago or so) and have drank 10 beers and took 500mg of caffeine and 50mg ephedrine today. When I move away to my dad's place who is an alcoholic I wont be able to drink or take drugs at that place. So I'm changing my drug use to Buddhism, meditation and exercise :)
 
pofacedhoe said:
how about getting her to leave? now is that not an idea...

why should you have to leave where you live because she says so after treating you like crap? am i the only one who see thats she is taking the piss hugely and preying on his weakened emotional state to suit herself.

i'm not advocating drug abuse but coming off opiates at this exact point seems stupid to me, wait until you get your shit together. have you got a job?
Click to expand...

Unless I misunderstood him, I think he said he is living with her parents. lol So yeah, he's screwed in that respect. Maybe the parents would be more forgiving, but you know how it is...it's HER parents, so they probably aren't going to be too sympathetic.
 
Codesan said:
Because im semi-Buddhist I said to her that its all right. I think this break up is the best thing to happen to me in years..now im motived to find my own apartment, start my studies in nursing or gardening and to start working out and practicing Buddhism 100& of the day instead of drugs.
Click to expand...

Yes! Learn and grow. Propagate positive change. It is fuckin tough but one you get going it gets easier. Cliche of truth.
 
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