love you man
I'm a nightmare at being cryptic but it will flow out eventually
I'm just glad what I wrote seemed to make sense to you! I hope it did anyway
My only reservation about opening up on a public forum is that there are always people who don't think before they speak. In the long run, I think we have to be public about our private deviations, otherwise it's a spiral of taboo and ignorance.
EDIT
I was at a pal's house-warming party last weekend. It was funny, I'm still hobbling about a bit as broken bones take a while to heal, people are always interested to know how an injury was sustained.
How did you break your foot?
Oh, I jumped out my bedroom window!
Disbelief seemed to be a typical reaction, I pressed on though: Yes, I had been experiencing suicidal ideation over a year or two and had been self-medicating with various drugs. One night I got very drug-fucked and acted out my suicidal plan. It was supposed to be the Forth Road Bridge, not my bedroom window, so I'm still alive! The devil is in the details.
When presented with the unpalatable truth, a broad range of responses is to be expected, but happily I seem to have found that most people are OK with it if I tell them I was suicidal while I laugh in their face! :D Having a sense of humour about it takes the edge off. And when you get to a certain age, most people have some knowledge of unhappy situations whether directly or indirectly.