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30 years old , have i messed up whole life with drugs

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jake99

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so after years now of rehab jail and blowing all my job and school opportunities and hurting my family i feel like im screwed. i moved to vermont from Nj a year ago and got clean from a heroin addiction to end up messing with crack and blowing thousands of dollars left to me by family. now i dont have rent money, or any money really , familys fed up again , cant find a job , and i have a couple weeks to find one or i aint gonna have the room im renting anymore, so i quit the coke about 2 wks ago and in last week ive been kicking suboxone, made it to day 5 then got one and took 1 or 2 mg last 2 days , and have about 2 or 3 mg left. been going back to AA/NA and not drinking or smokin pot or anything but i keep wondering if its too late , if i cant pay rent i could end up with nowhere to stay so i feel like im screwed no matter what . and fam prob never gonna forgive me this time ,after wasting all their money again . any advice
 
As long as there is air in your lungs it's never to late to turn things around. You've put yourself behind the 8ball but it's certainly not impossible to still accomplish great things, seriously people have come back form much worse.
 
jake99 said:
so after years now of rehab jail and blowing all my job and school opportunities and hurting my family i feel like im screwed. i moved to vermont from Nj a year ago and got clean from a heroin addiction to end up messing with crack and blowing thousands of dollars left to me by family. now i dont have rent money, or any money really , familys fed up again , cant find a job , and i have a couple weeks to find one or i aint gonna have the room im renting anymore, so i quit the coke about 2 wks ago and in last week ive been kicking suboxone, made it to day 5 then got one and took 1 or 2 mg last 2 days , and have about 2 or 3 mg left. been going back to AA/NA and not drinking or smokin pot or anything but i keep wondering if its too late , if i cant pay rent i could end up with nowhere to stay so i feel like im screwed no matter what . and fam prob never gonna forgive me this time ,after wasting all their money again . any advice
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You have never messed up your whole life, as long as we are still living and breathing and psyically able theres always a way back, im 2-3 years older than you ive felt like you have before but trust me. " It's not over 'till you're underground" :)
 
Maybe man just take it as a wake up call you know. That was harsh I agree but I hate to say it but people really aren't doing you any favours being too nice to you in this situation.

Good luck man. I hope you have success in whatever you choose to do :)
 
Dude, you sound like you want to get better so I believe you can do it. You can get through this a better person if you apply your desires you have expressed. Maybe there is a day labor opportunity you can take while you look for a full time? AA/NA has really helped me get back on my feet when I was feeling vulnerable, so that's also something you can do 'in the meantime'. Keep your head up.
 
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you can still make plenty of your life. learn new things. play a musical instrument. find your passion. channel all your time and energy into something that makes you happy. drugs or no drugs. money or no money, so long as you are gaining knowledge, skills, etc.

socialize.

make your family happy - this will ultimately make you the happiest you've ever been

you have so many things to do with your life
 
@jake I thought you would've hit rock bottom multiple times by now but maybe this is it. Maybe you being on the street will be the final catalyst for your recovery. The next step is death and I think you know better and do not really want to die. You need to learn to control your demons and figure out why you choose to use. I bet a bunch of times when your sober you get depressed, sad, and guilty (for what you done to your family) and use that as an escape so you dont have to deal with those feelings. The trick is facing them head on and trying to rationalize the root causes of them and then coming up with a remedy. You know the answer is never more drugs but your emotions are getting in the way leading to take more drugs. Its not easy putting your emotions aside but, fuck, you gotta try and just think rationally at this point. Its your only hope!

Good luck
 
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Hey man I dont know you and those posts are pretty harsh but its the truth man. Maybe you needed to hear. People arent always gunna be watching out for you and and here for you in your best interest. Thats life. Its ultimately up to you. No one is going to come 'save' you. Ive waited on that. Never happened. haha. Its your life and you make what you want out of it. Lifes tough. But its real. People are just gunna forget about you and leave you behind if you dont quit with the shit. No lie... Addiction is nothing to suger-coat. Its not a joke. I understand how hard it is. Trying multiple times and always failing.. I dont know what came over me this time. But like others have said. It cant get any worse than this.. You gotta grow up and figure something out or your gunna end up dead. Hopefully this is your last bottom and you can finally start being productive with yourself and life. I know how it is when people think your a lost cause / lost hope whatever... Dont feel that way though. Keep trying until you finally get it. What use is it in giving up? You know what you want to do.. Good luck too you man!
 
It's never too late. You sound like you're in a really low point so maybe that's affecting your ability to see your own potential as a person. Do what you gotta do to take care of yourself. Good luck to you
 
Thanks guys. I have been clean for a couple weeks now and im starting to feel better. Getting off suboxone and coke have both been rough. I have been going to 2 AA/NA meetings every day , and looking for a job so hopefully i can still have a place to live at the end of the month......It sucks being broke but i guess at least im clean . Anyway there are lots of people who have been struggling with addictions for years so I dont think that I am any more of a lost cause than anyone else. I am not locked up or dead so I am not giving up yet ...............
 
Hey man, you are only 30 years old and not 90 so you are a long way from messing your whole life up.
Its up to you to decide what kind of life you want to live,if you want a good life then quit the drugs mate cos they doing you no favours.
Man up, get strong and you can achieve anything you want if you want it bad enough.
I wish you all the best mate
 
I'm fucking 30 too so what? Life doesn't stop at 30 and to be honest i feel alot more stable then i did at 20. Atleast i can remember most days now :\ . I still use drugs but mostly for medical purposes besides the wack of ganja i smoke. I don't feel the need to get blottered on everything like i did when i was younger.

So if you can't quit atleast slow the fuck down when to comes to drugs so you won't be having as many problems with them. You have to find something besides drugs that you like to do.
 
jake99 said:
i keep wondering if its too late , if i cant pay rent i could end up with nowhere to stay so i feel like im screwed no matter what . and fam prob never gonna forgive me this time ,after wasting all their money again . any advice
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jake99 said:
Anyway there are lots of people who have been struggling with addictions for years so I dont think that I am any more of a lost cause than anyone else. I am not locked up or dead so I am not giving up yet ...............
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Looks like you answered your own question.
 
Someone here mentioned methadone, but methadone is only a God send for those of us sick and fucking tired of sitting in the bathroom with a needle in our arm. Thank goodness for the stuff, I was able to get back on track and the visible tracks on my hand that made my mom cry went away.

It is not to late to start again and make amends, but understand the road back can be VERY difficult. Knowing sobriety means knowing/learning your feelings, and it does not feel good to be confronted with the fallout from the messes you made when in active addiction.

Jake, find the courage. And if you can't do it for yourself, do it for the people that love you and got to watch you destroy yourself for many years. The relief and joy they will feel to see you in recovery will make up for the difficult journey you have ahead of you.
 
Guys, please keep in mind TDS is a forum based around support and understanding. I had to clean up a lot of posts because there was a lot of negative criticism going on. This is a no judgement zone, lets keep our responses compassionate and objective in helping the situations at hand. :)
 
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Help

I completely understand you, it's a fucked up situation to be in. I was in a similar situation myself, and I didnt know what to do.
I had been through different rehabs, but none of it seemed to work. The thing that saved my life, was when I went to do the Narconon-program,
which really handles the drug-abuse, the health and the mental issues one have. I mean, whatever reason you started on drugs for, will get handle on this program. You will actually get the tools to get back to your own self.
 
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