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How are you in one word? v. flying purple elephants

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Seriously and totaly PISSED OFF with this computer. I need to destroy this piece of shit and get a new one. Seriously this shit nearly led to a very nasty hissy fit:p
 
In unimaginable horrible terrible pain :s And I have a lot of stuff to do today. Ffs I wish it wasn't like this. This is I think the first time I got k-cramps from just a two day binge (although I guess around 10 grams in less then 3 days is way, way too mush :s goddamnit what the fuck is wrong with me). I feel so horrible :s It's not just the pain in my gall-bladder / liver area, all of my body feels weird and bad, rubbery and numb but not numb enough.. if I only felt no pain it'd be better, but shit I have to visit my boyfriend who is one of the few people who knows I had k-cramps just a month ago as well.. I'm ashamed I don't want anyone to see me like this, and the day after I'm going to a party at a friends house, who has been complaining enough times about my supposed addiction to ketamine, that won't be fun either, day after I was supposed to go to this illegal free tekno party, I définatly want to feel good there, but I also want to do more K, what the fuck should I do? Help :s I wish I had better painkillers, paracetamol and codeine don't work for even 5%.. Shiiiiit. I wish I didn't do this to myself :( :( :(

Edit: Mild relief; low doses of ketamine + decent doses of codeine somewhat help against the pain now and if I don't move around too much I feel decent.. I just have to make sure I don't binge up another gram in less then 12 hours and see if I can keep overal usage down for the rest of the weekend / take it easy.. I think I'll be ok, just have to make sure I don't make it worse :) Hm I might be ok after all.
 
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Worried.

I haven't herd from someone I care about deeply since Wednesday night. It's prolly nothing bad and just that maybe his phone died or he ran over his text limit. But not knowing drives me nuts and turns me into a bag of worries.
 
Better.

Pain appears to be going away again, just have to make sure it won't come back this weekend. Time for some serious self control.
 
Sore.

Minor complication from my recent surgery, and my surgeon' is incommunicado. Looks like trip #2 to the ER will be happening :|
 
stardust.hero said:
starving and I ate 3 hours ago. I have a black hole for a stomach.
Click to expand...

I feel similar today. I normally eat really healthy, but I decided to cheat today and stuffed my face with buffalo wings from the local pub (of course only with ice water :)). First time in about 4 months - soooo good! I think I ate 16 before I decided to get a takeaway box. Came home, fell asleep for a few hours, and then woke up and continued eating them. I don't even like sweets or chocolate, but I need to be careful with the pizza and wings. I feel guilty now, so I am going to go for a run.

I take it as a good sign when I'm hungry. So many bad habits and ways of living over the years had side-effects of suppressing my appetite. When I take care of my body, I tend to get hungry very often. Water has always worked for me if my pants or my wallet get too small. Healthy-ish appetite suppression.

Relieved

Got through today without anything bad happening, so I feel like I am back on pace for a lot of my goals.
 
conflicted, it seems as though this month ive been alot less depressed since i started taking celexa, but when i think about ive done nothing my life still sux. i want to go out and interact more but i feel guilty about being so broke, soetimes i feel like i should chip in even though i didnt order anything but because they shared their food with me, am i being to paranoid? sorry if i sound weird its just been bothering me
 
Ugh feeling like absolute shit. 1200 miles away from home in a frigid wasteland of bad vibes with no end in sight. Or better yet an equally awful 15 hour car ride to get back. :|
 
burned out...wtf, how did I get a emotionally disturbed person on the phone? I'm not where that call would be transferred from control and it WAS on my work cell, and I did not know the person.

Aside from that, that was a confusing 2 hours of random, disordered thoughts to try and make sense of.
 
^ Damn :( Hope you're feeling better soon PIP <3


nekointheclouds said:
Worried.

I haven't herd from someone I care about deeply since Wednesday night. It's prolly nothing bad and just that maybe his phone died or he ran over his text limit. But not knowing drives me nuts and turns me into a bag of worries.
Click to expand...
Yeah I do this too hun, whenever I don't hear from someone for a few days. I hope your friend is a-ok and gets in contact with you very soon <3


stardust.hero said:
Ugh feeling like absolute shit. 1200 miles away from home in a frigid wasteland of bad vibes with no end in sight. Or better yet an equally awful 15 hour car ride to get back. :|
Click to expand...
So sorry to hear this hun <3 I hope the car ride isn't as bad as you initially thought :(


I am feeling very content tonight :)
 
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