Man "sold my soul to the devil" really does seem to sum it up. I feel your pain my friend and I feel it everyday. Luckily a contract with the devil is not so ironclad and the only one holding us to it is ourselves. I also can find no benefit from the meetings and they make me want to use as well. I may be able to take them more seriously if they removed all the "God" stuff from the equation, but those are my own issues and a conversation for another place. I can only agree with you that doing things with new friends, in new places where neither remind you of using will be helpful. That may be a short term band-aid though. I think we have to not just pretend it never happened but face the things we have done as well(those pesky meetings can help a little with this part). Getting things you have done to feed your addiction and how you lived through it off your chest can have a healing effect in a very real way. Finding a close friend or confidant to spill your soul to would be great but do not discount doing it here either. The anonymity of the computer screen can make things easier to admit to yourself by putting them out there they become more real somehow at least in my experience. Just making a simple post like this and getting some feed back is healthy. I do not have any answers for you though I wish that I did. I can only say that I will keep fighting my demons and I hope that you will do the same. It will lead to a better life and we deserve that... or so everyone keeps telling me.