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Persistent suicidal thoughts

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PlurPsyed

Bluelighter
Joined
Dec 11, 2011
Messages
391
Location
Brooklyn, ny
lately I've been having thoughts of suicide every morning as I'm waking up and even more recently they've been spilling over into the day. I always talk myself out of it but I'm scared one day I'm just gonna act on it. I roll about once a week and also take adderall a couple of times a week, could this be the culprit? Honestly didn't want to come on here to bitch and whine but I don't want to concern my friends or family
 
It's quite common to feel like shit the day (or a few) after you roll, and the same goes for coming down from amphetamine.
I'd recommend cutting back your MDXX intake to once or twice a month, and cutting back your adderall intake to once or twice a week if you can.
 
DeathDomokun said:
It's quite common to feel like shit the day (or a few) after you roll, and the same goes for coming down from amphetamine.
I'd recommend cutting back your MDXX intake to once or twice a month, and cutting back your adderall intake to once or twice a week if you can.
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The adderall is once or twice a week. You're prolly right about the rolling. I can't take this, its not just feeling like shit, it's straight up scary.
 
mdma once a week is really not the best idea. it takes 3 months for your brain to fully recover al the serotonin, definately considering stopping mdma use for a few months, then if you want to start again give at least a month between using. if you are worried you may harm yourself, please go to the ER. would you considering talking to a psychologist/psychiatrist? in the UK we have suicide hot lines, maybe you could try ringing one of these to get some feelings off your chest?

i got very severe depression after using mdma once/twice a week for a few months. stopped for 3 months, back to normal now, using once a month or less
 
I'm not sure about 3 months (a source would be cool) but it does take a while for your brain to recover, and weekly usage will take a massive toll on you and make you much more vulnerable to the negative consequences that are possible from MDXX use.
I'm not advocating doing it once a month, as it is much healthier to do it once every three months, but given the option between weekly and monthly the decision seems pretty obvious. I also know of people who have/can do it monthly without too much trouble, whereas weekly everyone seems to run into trouble before too long.
I don't know about the ER, but then again I'm not going to splurt out my biased views on suicide and depression on TDS.. I'm sure America has suicide/mental health/counselling hotlines, and I'd recommend calling them before making your way to the hospital.
A psychologist seems much more suitable than a psychiatrist because I don't see any point in trying to medicate something you caused through drug (ab)use when cutting down your (ab)use may very well clear up the issues. IF stopping them doesn't help, it's different.
 
Is there anything in particular in your life that is bothering you, or are you just feeling down for no reason?

In either case, I would stop using Mdma for a long while, or perhaps forever. That's a crazy amount of Mdma to be using; I was abusing it for 4 months, even using it 4 days in a row once. You honestly might get worse if you quit, problems can remain, or even appear, long after you stop using and the brain begins to rewire itself. You might be completely fucking yourself up long term. Stop rolling it's incredibly harmful and you probably have brain damage from it. Think of this wonderful and sensitive biological system you inhabit, the brain of which is the epicenter. You are putting a chemical in your body that literally kills off a very important part of the brain having to do with high level emotions, week after week. How long has this been going on?

I really hope that you arn't rolling this weekend.
 
DeathDomokun said:
I'm not sure about 3 months (a source would be cool)

I don't know about the ER, but then again I'm not going to splurt out my biased views on suicide and depression on TDS
Click to expand...

http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/threads/...nin-recovery?p=8870114&viewfull=1#post8870114

i meant ER if he feels he is in a situation where he is in immediate danger of harming himself or committing suicide.

rave_itsrealfun!!! said:
Is there anything in particular in your life that is bothering you, or are you just feeling down for no reason?

In either case, I would stop using Mdma for a long while, or perhaps forever. That's a crazy amount of Mdma to be using; I was abusing it for 4 months, even using it 4 days in a row once. You honestly might get worse if you quit, problems can remain, or even appear, long after you stop using and the brain begins to rewire itself. You might be completely fucking yourself up long term. Stop rolling it's incredibly harmful and you probably have brain damage from it. Think of this wonderful and sensitive biological system you inhabit, the brain of which is the epicenter. You are putting a chemical in your body that literally kills off a very important part of the brain having to do with high level emotions, week after week. How long has this been going on?

I really hope that you arn't rolling this weekend.
Click to expand...

i think this was a bit OTT, plenty of people have abused mdma way too much and recovered fully.
 
Thanks for the advice guys. Yeah, I'm in a tough spot right now in life in general, don't want to get into details but things are confusing right now. My drug use basically started after I got out of an abusive relationship last year. I'm thinking maybe I haven't fully ever let the severity of it hit me and have been pushing it off with drugs.
 
PlurPsyed said:
Thanks for the advice guys. Yeah, I'm in a tough spot right now in life in general, don't want to get into details but things are confusing right now. My drug use basically started after I got out of an abusive relationship last year. I'm thinking maybe I haven't fully ever let the severity of it hit me and have been pushing it off with drugs.
Click to expand...

Well, I would stop using all drugs that are not prescribed to you and I would strongly recommend that you seek the care of a psychiatrist who can treat you for the depression you are more than like likely experiencing. It's okay to seek care for depression, it doesn't mean that you are weak. Quite the contrary, actually. And it sounds like you might have an element of Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome as well.
 
I have suicidal thoughts every night before I close my eyes to sleep. But I just ignore them. They are thoughts. No actions have taken place, and I have really strong ethics to uphold.

I would never put any of my family and friends through that type of pain.

As most people here have said, you should seek help. It's not a cowardly thing to want to get help. Trust me, I know.<3

If you ever need to talk, just send me a pm. :)

Best of luck to you.
 
Can we please discern between depression and low mood caused by drugs? I mean you wouldn't go to the doctor about the symptoms of a hangover after getting hammered the previous night, so why go to a psychologist/psychiatrist after abusing drugs that act upon the reward path of your brain? It just seems silly to me..
 
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