Listerine

[harlans]

within the past short while i've become nonchalant about drinking mouthwash. i just poured out the last of it, after one last shot, to keep me from drinking any more - at least for tonight. how the fuck did it come to this? it's horrible, toxic, tastes like shit - but my desperation for alcohol is all consuming. i know how awful and dangerous it is for me to do that, so please don't come at me with medical facts.

 

[Anon54]

I assume ya under 18. get someone to buy ya alcohol. Its pretty hard to get drunk if u cant stand the taste so dont drink mouth wash.
maybe u could buy some cough syrup with dxm. it gets ya more wasted than alcohol.
u could try cwe on for some codeine. that's relaxing.

but yeah get someone older to buy alcohol for ya if u feel u need to experiment with alcohol. Its alot more fun when ya do it with a group of ppl.

 

[tripnotyzm]

Although its not a great idea to experiment with new drugs, as posted above, there are safer and more enjoyable ways to get loaded.
Drinkin listerine is bad news dude.
I don't condone picking up new habits, but you can find a healthier alternative

 

[harlans]

I assume ya under 18. get someone to buy ya alcohol. Its pretty hard to get drunk if u cant stand the taste so dont drink mouth wash.
maybe u could buy some cough syrup with dxm. it gets ya more wasted than alcohol.
u could try cwe on for some codeine. that's relaxing.

but yeah get someone older to buy alcohol for ya if u feel u need to experiment with alcohol. Its alot more fun when ya do it with a group of ppl.

HAHAHA! not a chance. i'm 34. i just get so desperate for more booze once i've had a little. no matter how hard i try to adhere to it, i just CAN NOT fucking control myself. i suppose i could "shoulder tap" some of my elders, but the guys at the liquor store might wonder why i'm suddenly shunning them! EXPERIMENT with alcohol. dang, that happened 21 years ago...

 

[harlans]

Although its not a great idea to experiment with new drugs, as posted above, there are safer and more enjoyable ways to get loaded.
Drinkin listerine is bad news dude.
I don't condone picking up new habits, but you can find a healthier alternative

jebus, i've done so many drugs it's retarded. but, yes, drinking listerine is bad news. without a doubt.

 

[harlans]

lame. i wrote a very concise and poignent statement that appears to have been tossed willy-nilly into the matrix

 

[cj]

^^^
then why are you drinking listerine instead of normal liquor?

 

[DexterMeth]

I don't support drinking alcohol, but seriously, why not get everclear or gin or something?

Listerine is inferior, though I guess your breath is constantly masked. Hit up AA asap please and even see a psychiatrist.

 

[RedLeader]

Honestly, in the spirit of harm-reduction, if you are dead-set on drinking, please drink regular alcohol. Why are you drinking Listerine anyway? It's not any cheaper...

 

[faceplant]

I understand that drinking mouthwash might not feel like acutally drinking alcohol. But theres some really not so nice things in mouthwash. Personally Id switch to non alcoholic mouthwash and just drink something alcoholic if you cant resist it.

 

[harlans]

the reason i was drinking it is because i'm trying to adhere to a rule that i have only 3 drinks a day. so i buy 3 shot bottles of vodka. that amps up my desperation for more booze and i just try to stay home instead of buying more - all i want to do is buy more. i poured the rest out last night tho. it was a new low for me to see myself in the bathroom mirror swigging from a bottle of mouthwash

 

[RedLeader]

I'm going to tell you something that might not make proper sense right now, but will when you get sober for a while again. Getting caught-up thinking about your "new low" and having it reply over and over in your head is only going to enable you to keep the habit going.

inability to accept new low -> anxiety/sadness/self-loathing -> breaking point -> medication (possibly with additional "new low") - > repeat

This is a horrible loop in which to be stuck, but the reality is that it's something that addicts go through when things start to fall apart.

So you need to accept it and be able to break that cycle by not letting it corrupt your thinking to the point where you need a drink to escape. How is this done? I, and I think a lot of people will agree, feel that sharing embarrassing things with other people is a good way to go about it. Often a lot of the guilt is because you feel like you are the only one who has stooped that low.

I've never drank mouthwash, no, but I did do some stupid stuff in my drunken past life. Let's see...I've accepted drinks from women and men who probably wanted to get me drunk, just so I could drink for free on another's tab (though this only led to sex one time with one of my female friends). I've drank before important events, including my thesis defense. Umm there's more, but I don't feel like going through the complete list now. Point is, you're not alone and if I was in serious alcohol WD and mouthwash was the only thing that would make it stop, I don't know what I would have done.

What I notice is that you're only drinking mouthwash because you're adhering to this 3 drink rule. If you have the discipline to adhere to this, which you obviously do if you went for the mouthwash, then I think that you've got the discipline to give up drinking completely. A lot of people could never drink on a 3 per day rule, mouthwash or no mouthwash. Try and take this for what it is - a sign of strength.

 

[harlans]

I'm going to tell you something that might not make proper sense right now, but will when you get sober for a while again. Getting caught-up thinking about your "new low" and having it reply over and over in your head is only going to enable you to keep the habit going.

inability to accept new low -> anxiety/sadness/self-loathing -> breaking point -> medication (possibly with additional "new low") - > repeat

This is a horrible loop in which to be stuck, but the reality is that it's something that addicts go through when things start to fall apart.

So you need to accept it and be able to break that cycle by not letting it corrupt your thinking to the point where you need a drink to escape. How is this done? I, and I think a lot of people will agree, feel that sharing embarrassing things with other people is a good way to go about it. Often a lot of the guilt is because you feel like you are the only one who has stooped that low.

I've never drank mouthwash, no, but I did do some stupid stuff in my drunken past life. Let's see...I've accepted drinks from women and men who probably wanted to get me drunk, just so I could drink for free on another's tab (though this only led to sex one time with one of my female friends). I've drank before important events, including my thesis defense. Umm there's more, but I don't feel like going through the complete list now. Point is, you're not alone and if I was in serious alcohol WD and mouthwash was the only thing that would make it stop, I don't know what I would have done.

What I notice is that you're only drinking mouthwash because you're adhering to this 3 drink rule. If you have the discipline to adhere to this, which you obviously do if you went for the mouthwash, then I think that you've got the discipline to give up drinking completely. A lot of people could never drink on a 3 per day rule, mouthwash or no mouthwash. Try and take this for what it is - a sign of strength.

I appreciate your whole response, but I think the 3 drink thing is what's ruining me. Abstinence from alcohol is the only way I can be a normal person. And I'm clearly not doing that. I went to AA a while ago and got sober for 5 yrs, but I'm so reluctant to take the route that will save me. I am stuck in a loop. A vicious cycle that will destroy me. I'm just such a fucking idiot

 

[stardust.hero]

I understand how you feel harlans with the difficulty to abstain, but in the same sense having just one drink for me will undoubtedly equal a ton more. I am not a one drink woman either.

I think you realize you have a problem and you are trying your best to fight it. You are fighting yourself too sort of. Just keep up what you are doing, remembering there is a horrible downward spiral with it. That it will continue to get worse if you don't stop. Don't beat yourself (but kind of do) if you do slip up. Hopefully you will take baby steps towards progress and eventually have the strength to not slip up as often and then hopefully not at all.

You had the first step completed and that is realizing you have a problem. That is such an important step and you've made it that far. You aren't an idiot. You are a good person who is plagued with a horrible sickness.

Please keep us updated and continue to reach out to us for support.

 

[harlans]

I understand how you feel harlans with the difficulty to abstain, but in the same sense having just one drink for me will undoubtedly equal a ton more. I am not a one drink woman either.

I think you realize you have a problem and you are trying your best to fight it. You are fighting yourself too sort of. Just keep up what you are doing, remembering there is a horrible downward spiral with it. That it will continue to get worse if you don't stop. Don't beat yourself (but kind of do) if you do slip up. Hopefully you will take baby steps towards progress and eventually have the strength to not slip up as often and then hopefully not at all.

You had the first step completed and that is realizing you have a problem. That is such an important step and you've made it that far. You aren't an idiot. You are a good person who is plagued with a horrible sickness.

Please keep us updated and continue to reach out to us for support.

Thank you, really, I so infrequently have such well meaning, while still being astute - and frank, things said to me.

 

[phactor]

but the guys at the liquor store might wonder why i'm suddenly shunning them! EXPERIMENT with alcohol. dang, that happened 21 years ago...

I actually thought this too, and when you think about it, it is totally silly. They have more then enough customers. Also, when I did start having a beer or two again (after a year and a half of complete sobriety with no relapse mind you) only one guy made a comment. I said I was out of town, he replied okay. The other craft beer store didn't make any comment. In fact, I do think its sad that I am such a "regular" at that store, I stop going for a year and a half and they still recognize me. To be fair to myself, I have been going there since I turned 21.

It took me a long time to be able to control my intake in a way I liked. I used to stop when I had to work, but I still needed to get a buzz on to even try to sleep. I also had to stop using other drugs, as my alcohol intake was tied to it. (A beer before Weed, a beer before some pod tea, a beer before errands etc etc), I hardly ever drank before five... blah blah blah excuses.

Which reminds me, do not be so hard on yourself. You do not deserve to live like that, nobody does.


But man, drinking "products" is a very serious thing. Do you think you could do a very very slow taper? Or do you not have the willpower? The best course of action would be to go to the hospital to detox and then start seeing a therapist and or SMART Recovery or 12 Step meetings.

Since this is a harm reduction board and I have always been a strong believe in it, if you must drink, switch to actual liquor, or better yet stabilize yourself on a certain amount of beers. Its easiest to taper that way.

 

[stardust.hero]

I actually thought this too, and when you think about it, it is totally silly.

Wow I missed this in the previous post. I thought the exact same thing too. They got to knowing me daily (in my old town) knew me on a first name basis knew what wines I liked, would recommend new wines to try (as if I was some kind of connoisseur). I actually felt odd going into the one after my first big break because I didn't want to have to explain myself.

She explained she threw out the mouthwash so that is very good.

Harlans, if you end up buying more as an "emergency" supply let us know. I can understand how the addict mind might want to keep an unopened stash in the back cabinet. But if you're still going strong with no listerine that is really good!

Talk it out here if you are too scared or not ready to seek help in the outside world such as therapy. Are you willing to try AA again? I know it seems harder the second time around. It reminds me of bones and how when they are broken they heal stronger and harder. I feel like our minds get smart to the easy fix after the first time we attempt to quit. Like the first time around we follow all of everyones rules and it's so easy for us. Then next time that same routine is ineffective. There are new conditions that the mind makes up.

You might need to dig deeper this time and find something more effective. Maybe one on one therapy to help identify inside issues that might be contributing to your alcohol use.

You are right on the brink though. You know you have a problem, and you seem ashamed and disgusted with it. You had 5 years clean so you know how to stay sober and live a life without alcohol. You just need something to knock you out of the cycle.