MattPsy
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jan 15, 2006
- Messages
- 1,616
Hi everyone.
I am probably going to start buprenoprphine tomorrow for the treatment of chronic pain. However, because buprenorphine is not prescribed for pain where I live (New Zealand), I will be getting it through the opioid substitution program here.
I have attempted to convince the medical profession here that my symptoms are not imaginary or simply me trying to get high. For around 3 years I have tried my best to do this, getting x-rays, seeing many specialists (arthritis twice, musculoskeletal 6 six times, physiotherapists around 15 times), trying multiple medications etc... I have tried:
Last year in frustration with the lack of empathy and action from the medical community I ended up getting addicted to IV 4-nitromethopholine (IV because its actually inactive through other ROAs; not my choice). This was a truly awful period of my life so I won't go into it too much, it hurts to remember, but suffice it to say that I had to shoot up ~8 times a day, waking up very reliably in the middle of the night 2 times drenched in sweat, needing to dose to sleep. However, dosing also gave me dysphoria, hallucinations, and compulsions for self-harm; none of these symptoms happened when I first started using it, they resulted from dose escalation where analgesia (presumably from MOP and DOP agonism) reached a ceiling but hallucinations (from KOP agonism) didn't.
I tried to get on buprenorphine or methadone then to make the continuous nightmare end last September, but because they weren't familiar with the opioid I was using, they insisted on me doing an inpatient detox program, which would have resulted in me losing my job and causing enormous disruption to my partner's life (who was/is studying) by my not being able to pay rent. As a result I simply threw my remaining stash, around 6 more months worth, down the toilet to force myself to quit,as I don't have any reliable sources for opioids. It was horrific, but I kept my job,and stayed off opioids till January.
So, i've been more or less (just taking codeine occasionally, 60 to 200mg a time, to keep from wanting to kill myself,and IV morphine 30mg twice - it's really expensive and almost impossible for me to get, so I pretty much have to use it this way to make it worthwhile) clean since then, and was totally clean from Sept-Jan. Around early January to Feburary I became seriously suicidal, despite my resuming occasional codeine use, and sought professional help with this. I'm doing better now. Just extremely frustrated.
A week or so ago I went to a new GP explaining my position, and was told more or less that because i've been a junkie, i'm no longer a human being worth treating properly (in accordance with symptoms, and reflective of empathy, etc), so despite not being an addict/dependent on opioids,and having escaped from this trap in the past, I now must become an addict in order to get treatment POSSIBLY sufficient for me to continue to want to live.
So that's my story.
I've done a awful lot of research on buprenorphine over the last week,reading >20 journal articles, so i'm very confident i'm about as knowledgeable on the compound as its really possible to be, certainly far in excess of what the doctor will be. I think I maybe have a chance of this working,even if it's not ideal.
I thought I should start on 2mg SL.
Your thoughts?
I am probably going to start buprenoprphine tomorrow for the treatment of chronic pain. However, because buprenorphine is not prescribed for pain where I live (New Zealand), I will be getting it through the opioid substitution program here.
I have attempted to convince the medical profession here that my symptoms are not imaginary or simply me trying to get high. For around 3 years I have tried my best to do this, getting x-rays, seeing many specialists (arthritis twice, musculoskeletal 6 six times, physiotherapists around 15 times), trying multiple medications etc... I have tried:
- Antiinflammatories/NSAIDs, such as ibuprofen, diclofenac, naproxen, aspirin, and a COX2 selective one, celecoxib; all these do nothing except give me stomach bleeds. Paracetamol actually seems to worsen my pain, but it's not really an NSAID anyway.
- Opioids, such as codeine, tramadol, opium, morphine, oxycodone, pethidine, and 4'-nitromethopholine (I'll come back to this last one); these are really the only thing that has worked, in part, although I didn't find oxy very effective for pain (10-30mg insufflated or IV, or 50mg PO), but I did get pretty high. Morphine and opium have been the best for pain, 30mg IV morphine was effective, but I also got really fucking high and it was difficult to achieve things.
- Cannabinoids, such as THC, HU-210, CP 55,940, CP 47,497, around 20-30 other synthetic cannabinoids, mostly indoles like those from the JWH and AM series; all of them are either pain-neutral or actually exacerbate my pain, sometimes very significantly- none improve my pain in an analgesic sense. Despite this, they help me to cope with the pain mentally, occasionally, so I take some of the more pain-neutral ones for this every so often.
- Other agents, gabapentin (almost worthless for pain, made me retarded and forgetful when taken in daytime. Awesome as a sleep aide however), amitryptiline and nortryptiline (worthless for pain, makes me sleep for >10 hours and retarded for another 6 after that, even when dose is <15mg, ridiculous)
Last year in frustration with the lack of empathy and action from the medical community I ended up getting addicted to IV 4-nitromethopholine (IV because its actually inactive through other ROAs; not my choice). This was a truly awful period of my life so I won't go into it too much, it hurts to remember, but suffice it to say that I had to shoot up ~8 times a day, waking up very reliably in the middle of the night 2 times drenched in sweat, needing to dose to sleep. However, dosing also gave me dysphoria, hallucinations, and compulsions for self-harm; none of these symptoms happened when I first started using it, they resulted from dose escalation where analgesia (presumably from MOP and DOP agonism) reached a ceiling but hallucinations (from KOP agonism) didn't.
I tried to get on buprenorphine or methadone then to make the continuous nightmare end last September, but because they weren't familiar with the opioid I was using, they insisted on me doing an inpatient detox program, which would have resulted in me losing my job and causing enormous disruption to my partner's life (who was/is studying) by my not being able to pay rent. As a result I simply threw my remaining stash, around 6 more months worth, down the toilet to force myself to quit,as I don't have any reliable sources for opioids. It was horrific, but I kept my job,and stayed off opioids till January.
So, i've been more or less (just taking codeine occasionally, 60 to 200mg a time, to keep from wanting to kill myself,and IV morphine 30mg twice - it's really expensive and almost impossible for me to get, so I pretty much have to use it this way to make it worthwhile) clean since then, and was totally clean from Sept-Jan. Around early January to Feburary I became seriously suicidal, despite my resuming occasional codeine use, and sought professional help with this. I'm doing better now. Just extremely frustrated.
A week or so ago I went to a new GP explaining my position, and was told more or less that because i've been a junkie, i'm no longer a human being worth treating properly (in accordance with symptoms, and reflective of empathy, etc), so despite not being an addict/dependent on opioids,and having escaped from this trap in the past, I now must become an addict in order to get treatment POSSIBLY sufficient for me to continue to want to live.
So that's my story.
I've done a awful lot of research on buprenorphine over the last week,reading >20 journal articles, so i'm very confident i'm about as knowledgeable on the compound as its really possible to be, certainly far in excess of what the doctor will be. I think I maybe have a chance of this working,even if it's not ideal.
I thought I should start on 2mg SL.
Your thoughts?
