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ADDICTS: Are you livin a secret double life? Secret addiction? Post here

Well I don't really have any true hardcore addiction per say but i'm the definition of a chipper. I use drugs basically 5 or 6 days a week and I usually mix it up to try not to get addicted to anything. Money comes and goes (i'm just a 22 year-old college kid) but the drugs always seem to appear. The funny thing is that i've been caught by my mom and most of friends using drugs and they think i'm an addict (except for the friends that I get high with) but at this point I don't really care because at least they still support me (aka they give me money for drugs...fuck that shit man). I'm really close to developing a serious opiate addiction though...I basically use for two weeks straight and then quit for a week using other drugs. I'm sure as soon as I get more money I will develop a serious opiate addiction and shit is going to hit the fucking fan. But until then i'm getting by just fine being in a good university and having a job. Also, i'm starting to develop a mild addiction to MXE which is making me act out character but honestly the stuff isnt physically addicting and it helps alot with depression/energy/anxiety. Feels like a therapy session in this thread but I can dig it :|
 
Well if you can see it coming you should stop now or use less frequently and avoid a disaster. Ofcourse that's easy for me to say, but really opiates become a burden when used too much.

Can't say I was any smarter though. I knew fully well I was in for a serious addiction and I walked in it with my eyes wide open. Still regret that. If you're already saying you'd use constantly if you had the money.. I think you should concider that you may already be addicted. Don't mean to nag or tell you what to do or anything. Just trying to help. :)
 
escape20 said:
Well I don't really have any true hardcore addiction per say but i'm the definition of a chipper. I use drugs basically 5 or 6 days a week
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Id say your definition of chipping and mine are wildly different
 
shimazu said:
Id say your definition of chipping and mine are wildly different
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I meant chipping with opiates I only use them in binges off and on. But I am addicted to drugs...not any one drug in particular just addicted to getting high on whatever I have at the moment.

Also, PillToChill your absolutely right I am addicted to opiates psychologically but the physical addiction is only minor so far. Like you said if I come across alot of cash then I will become a full-blown opiate addict and i'll try my best to stop before that happens. The hard part is that dope and oxy are so fucking euphoric that I just can't stop using them when I can. They are probably my favorite drugs by far because I can just relax alone (i'm an introvert for the most part) and all my problems fade away.
 
escape20 said:
... I'm sure as soon as I get more money I will develop a serious opiate addiction and shit is going to hit the fucking fan. But until then i'm getting by just fine being in a good university and having a job. ....
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Fuck, don't say that man.. any addiction in the world can be overcome but you have to believe - and it's utterly stupid to consider yourself future addict when you're not now, you can stop when it's relatively easy - unless you really WANT to be addict for some time..?
 
6apbhmm said:
Fuck, don't say that man.. any addiction in the world can be overcome but you have to believe - and it's utterly stupid to consider yourself future addict when you're not now, you can stop when it's relatively easy - unless you really WANT to be addict for some time..?
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No way I don't want to be an addict but I have anxiety and depression problems so that's mainly why I do drugs. I went to a doctor but she didn't want to give me anything that actually works (I only got lyrica and SSRI's...bullshit drugs). I need to be on something that helps me be a productive member of society.
 
I relate!

As for your last sentence.. you might be surprised to find that there are others like you out there. Trouble is, you don't know who they are, if they don't fall into the stereotypical mold. As for thinking of telling anybody.. I wouldn't. I lost my best friend because she couldn't accept the stigma associated with what I was doing. And I know that *is* the reason we fell out, although she would probably say otherwise.
 
escape20 said:
Also, PillToChill your absolutely right I am addicted to opiates psychologically but the physical addiction is only minor so far. Like you said if I come across alot of cash then I will become a full-blown opiate addict and i'll try my best to stop before that happens. The hard part is that dope and oxy are so fucking euphoric that I just can't stop using them when I can. They are probably my favorite drugs by far because I can just relax alone (i'm an introvert for the most part) and all my problems fade away.
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I get where you're coming from. I'm also quite introvert and I like nothing better than watching sum movies with an opie, some benzos and some weed. Relaxing, feels good man.

The bad part about an opiate addiction is, you'll feel ok as long as you (have the money to) keep up your addiction. As long as you have drugs you'll have a hard time finding a reason not to use, atleast for me that was the case.
It screwed up my social life. I prefered staying home and getting strung out over going out to party (for example). I have GAD and I'm depressed, so I guess that's why opies & benzos were (and still are) my DOC. Used to be a tweaker, atleast during that addiction I was productive. :D

I'm not physically dependant on them anymore, but I recently started using tilidin again. (The day before yesterday to be precise) And I've been on a binge since. I also got my benzo habit under control (went down to 10mg diazepam/day from like 250mg/day in just 1 month.)
The last few days I've taken more diazepam than I should. (60mg day 1, 40mg day 2) Today I even took some klonopin. (Just acquired a new box of 100x2mg so I couldn't resist... :P )

Anyway what I'm trying to say is the cravings will stay with you for quite some time unfortunately. I'm gonna try and take a break again tomorrow. Before I get completely back into my old habits.

Having them around might not be smart, but during my self-detox (about a month and a half ago) it was comforting to have them around (and back then I had even more opies and benzos around) so I knew I COULD take them if I really wanted to. I never did because I didn't wanna relapse. Ever since I threw my stash out I've been uncomfortable because I had left myself only a limited amount of diazepam to taper. So I got a valium, tilidine and klonopin prescription from my old doctor few days ago. Didn't tell anyone about this, because no-one of my friends or family understands opiate and benzo addictions. They all simply tell me to 'stop all drugs'.

Now to find out if I can finally keep myself under control around benzos and opiates/oides. I hope I can o_O .
 
It's funny, albeit in a sad, dark sort of way, the number of people in here wondering about whether or not they're truly addicts.

I used to think about this a lot, "well, maybe I am an addict because I do x, y, and z," and then, "oh, but I don't do a, b, or c... so then maybe I'm not an addict?"

Then I learned the difference between physical dependence and mental addiction, and then I learned about a fun new thing we like to call being a "functional addict," which, in my mind, is a complete oxymoron. (In my opinion, if you're an addict, then there's some part of your life, be it professional or otherwise, that must be suffering because of it... of course, there are many, many others who would vehemently disagree with me.)

Honestly? I'm in the minority, perhaps in more ways than one, in that I just don't think of it as being so black and white anymore. Am I an addict? I don't know... yes... no... maybe... I use a lot of drugs, and it's more than just casual, but I manage to fulfill all my responsibilities; I experience very few mental cravings, strangely enough, and yet I am physically dependent to some degree at least, as I experience the physical withdrawal symptoms...

Right now I have no desire to "get clean," but I'm sure that this is not how I'd like to live for the rest of my life, much in the same way that I drank a lot in college but drink very little now. It was all fine and well for that time in my life, but it's no longer how I'd like to live. (Likewise, I think I'm done with staying up all night, cramming for exams and midterms, eating peanut butter and cheerio sandwiches on stale bread, washed down with a can of Monster...)

So, I think that for right now... this is just what it is, and I'd like to move beyond it at some point. I feel confident that I will.
 
I think most people in the world have an addiction to something, even if it doesn't technically fall under the " substance abuse" term. For some people its coffee, shopping, skiing, running, sex, web-surfing, you name it. Some are more socially acceptable than others and some even have health benefits when done in moderation. I think substance abuse stands out because the physical and mental changes it produces are so starkly obvious and can be observed in a clinical setting. But we should get something straight - pretty much everybody needs to get their rush one way or another. If you are lucky, baseball does it for you. If you are unlucky it takes heroin or meth to get it.
 
I think if you've ever found something that makes you feel totally alright in a shitty situation, the urge to revert back to using it will never go away, as shitty situations recur throughout life.
 
Oncoming problem


Please pardon my spelling before reading
I am 19 year old guy that goes to the gym five days a week and also works there. i am a well groomed polite guy so ive been told. Basically im not an asshole jok and im viewed in a good way. I am curreently trying to decide what i want to do with my life. It only been in the last year that ive recently started experimenting with drugs such as Weed, Shrooms, Ecstacy, Acid and so on. It was what i found fun because normal life was getting pretty boring and not that life at home was terrible but deffinatly wasnt great. but anyways wile i was doing these substances i made some ground rules as to what we called the big 3 NONOS. Which are Coke/crack, Meth, Heroin. Ive had the chance to do all of these and hadnt had a problem saying no. however within this last month i was introduced to opiates and eventually found myself shooting up. I am currently not physically addicted however i am VERY obsessive and mentally addicted to it. I am not interested in anything else other then this drug known as heroin. I am always hiding the needle marks on my arms from certain friends and all family. I am relizing that this is gunna become a problem and im not sure how to get away from these obsessive compulsive cravings. Ive been spacing out my nights where i do my ritual involving the substance. However im not in denial and i relize that the days i use have gotten closer and closer together. I am waisting tons of money and always seem to run across more to support my new found side hobbie. I am currently at work on the computer working alone typing this out. im not sure if im writing this to get it out or if im looking for help, or both.. if anyone could give me some advice or stories about there expierences i would really appreciate it! This thing that has come into my life excites me like a first date and scares me like a gunshot in my own direction... so frustrating
 
Easy to say, but if you're not comfortable about using drugs. You shouldn't. If you feel like you don't have it under control, you should stop (atleast for a while, then you can test the waters) or seek help if you can't on your own.

This may sound like textbook-advice but I have found it to be very true. Opiate addiction really is the sneakiest one of them all.
I felt like shit when I was using, and come to think of it it was BECAUSE I was using. I wish I never told my family the truth about shooting up drugs, because right now they still think of me as an addict, who they can not trust. Eventhough I gave up the needle and did a benzo-taper so intense (dropping 20mg of valium or more every day for a while) their trust is gone. And that sucks. Almost makes me wonder why I quit in the first place. Was it because I wanted to? Or because I was 'exposed' and everyone expected me to?

Well long story short, don't let it come to that man. You seem to have a good life, lots of friends, hobbies. You don't need to stick something up your vain to feel good.

Again, easy to say. :D
 
so an sort of friend ex addicts knowing jokes "yea but by monday half your money's gone so ya won't be saving up for lebanon now will ya ;)" and lying to my dad has kinda made me realise i'm on the verge of total addiction. worst part is the lying, feel so torn up saying i look dopey and content because i'm stoned not shooting up, whether his ignorance right now is better and that he deserves to feel happy about that after all the shit i put him through and that i'll quit before it gets really bad..
 
This thread strikes close to home for me. This is my second fall to meth. First time, things got very messed up in my life. And I got clean for a year, but I let myself fall back into it. As for the double life, I have a professional career in the medical field, ironic huh? I started meth because of crazy hour shifts and nothing to keep me going. When I wasnt smoking, I drank every night and gained a lot of weight. So now im smoking again, not drinking, when coworkers comment on my weight loss, I tell them I quit drinking. Which is true, I dont drink and smoke, just yuck to me. So in a way I feel like it covered my ass, but there is always that lingering feeling of paranoia
 
SilverFeniks said:
i lost all ability to trust in family years before drug use as a teen .. so for 7 years now it's always been strictly L-D

but while it doesn't help paranoia, it can add a slightly thrilling dimension to your life experiences . . nodding off in a banquet full of cops .. smoking up on snow patrol .. chopping pills or sneaking bowls in the [ex-] "DEA House" as my school buddies knew it .. I was holding bright neon lights in the night years ago but my parents were still clueless.

As I haven't gotten smarter with age, I'm trying to scale back my addiction to not include the 8-to-5 weekday .. I have my best job yet and don't want to f* that up.
But it's just a 10-minute walk thru the hood so hey.

When you let any/every drug be your #1 priority, you can justify, fake, and charm your way along.
I've never had a drug test for any of my Government jobs, only the lame private ones. I blitzed through University with A's [helped by mdma's, dxma, oc's, k, whatever letters i could combine & consume], which was training enough.

I've always been awkward, slightly crazy and malnourished, so there's no solid signs there. i ditched the rave attire for a stoner-professional style years ago.
Just no needles, and no record, and I don't see any reason to slow down .. actually craving things more than ever now that i'm a little older, and didn't f*ck things up along the way.
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Wow, this popped up.in "threads you've posted in". Yeah, 6years ago.

Aint.shit.changed..went on.a couple.mdma/lsd/opiate binges over the past 6years (just randomly) and ultimately nothing.changed..
Still paying the bills, wearing a tie to work, own multiple vehicles (3).
I did 'lose' my job to a bipolar explosion but that ultimately resulted in a promotional transfer to another county. Even misbehaving I rock the sh*t out of.my job. Just my personality; extreme & dedicated.

Been drinking solidly for close to.a decade now, tho when I can avoid bouts of liquor abuse it's just a few two.many of.the locally brewed, world's best neighborhood brew.
Quit smoking herb during physical & mental health crises earlier this year, now.just smoke.a few times a month @ my friend's places,.reduces my.paranoia greatly.

Last stone to.crush is my 5-week addiction to.Etizolam. hopped on that train.too fast and too late. Never been hooked on diazapines before, gonna try to taper at some point. I've suffered psych med w/ds multiple.times (despite doctors' claiming they are non-addictive) so I'm.sure i can survive it.

Want to drink.less this Winter so hoping (doubtfully) that cannabis will be legalized in Oregon ... That would remove most of.my.anxiety/paranoia with the substance and get me back to where I used to be, my two staples, brew &bud :)

All that said, I'd throw it all away in a minute if i had a clue where to source opiates. Thankfully I only.have a few friends and don't know how to make 'acquaintances' despite.living in the 'hood.and.working with accused.criminals daily.
Not planning on robbing any pharmacies though so I plan to stay clean until some unforseen day comes.
 
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My dog has been addicted to more than one hard drug for almost 15 years now. Now my dog is indeed leading a double life, especially that my dog is a highly ranked corporate executive who is in charge of a large budget, extremely technically in depth, and huge manpower head count department. My dog is happily married with cute puppies, and is a very admired pet. My dog has always said that he could not have accomplished all of this if drugs were not a part of his life that he kept only to himself.
 
Currently leading a double life... hubby and family is as straight edge as they come. Hubs has never even smoked a cigarette much less done a drug. I did this once before and was caught. Had a oxy/roxy addiction (snorting) hubs helped me clean (got on bupe) 4 1/2 yes ago. He thinks that's all I do. Well about 8 months ago I found my love for the needle... first dilliaud, then H. I'm now back to just d's. .The ONLY people that know is my supplier and 1 friend that I get high with.
 
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