cutting ALL ties, and moving to a new place

Cartesia

Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 4, 2007
Messages
417
OK so, this has been on my mind alot.. I'm thinking about doing it this week/next week..

Has anyone done this? I mean really cut all ties.. delete all contacts/facebook/etc.. just completely start over from a clean slate.. leave all the bullshit behind...

Has it helped? I know that running from problems is not the 'correct' solution, but it seems like an enticing option in my position...
 
I've done it, and it was definitely a good experience. I didn't delete my facebook, but I was far enough from home that I wasn't going to run into anybody even if they came looking, not that it was like that or anything.

My best advice would be to stay away from alcohol wherever you end up. I left home with an opiate addiction only to pick up a pretty heavy drinking problem in my new location. I didn't replace drugs with alcohol so much as I drank to deal with/forget about not being able to get high.

It's like being a "dry drunk" or whatever the equivalent term is for drug users. You need to take other steps to better yourself other than simply leaving a problem behind.
 
It seems like it could be a very good idea as long as you have a plan for dealing with loneliness. How are you at being alone? Is it terrible? Enjoyable? A little of both? I think that being alone is very good for a person but you do have to take into account how strong you feel at the time.

I have moved away from everyone I knew a couple of times in my life and it taught me a lot about myself as well as helping me get better at making new friends and just dealing with life without support. I would definitely think about some of the practical considerations like how you will find a job (if that is a necessity for you), what you will do to fill your time, etc.

Good luck---it's a big decision but one that can be very exciting!<3
 
Thanks for the thoughts...

Being alone is not something that bothers me.. I'm already basically alone, 95% of the time, besides people I dont want to be around/people who only hang out when we're all fucked up. I dont want to stay alone, and I think moving away would be a good opportunity to find new people, but I'd rather be alone than surrounded by people that either make my life worse or just dont give a fuck!

I guess mainly I need to get away from people who just expect to take every last piece of energy and care from me... and show me no respect...

Thanks for the positive thoughts though, I've been questioning whether I should do it.. I think its the right decision, even though I know I'll be criticised for it by many people.. I guess that's the advantage of cutting contact!


As far as practical.. I'm not in a great financial position, but I have enough cash to get by for a few weeks, and I'm not too worried about finding a job... despite my addiction and fucked up life I've actually managed to (just barely) hold down the same job for the past 8 years... makes me look a hell of a lot better on paper than I probably should.

As for giving up drugs, I don't know how that will go.. I like to think financial pressures would at least cause me to cut back, I dont want to be an addict anymore.. But how many times have I made plans to leave that shit behind before.. ehh
 
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I didn't quite do it spur of the moment but when I did move to a new town I didn't search out new connects (be it work, new acquaintances, etc). That has really helped because even when a craving hits and I am weak enough to cave I have created a barrier around myself that doesn't allow me to fulfill my craving.
 
If you are trying to avoid the temptation to obtain drugs then I think it is a good idea; I have deleted all my drug sources in the past and it was a really positive step (for a while)... I eventually caved in & made more contacts and eventually got back to the point that i was originally trying to escape - so you need to stay strong and focus on what it is you really need in life.
 
I have done it several times!!! I have kept the special friends that didnt use but i got rid of EVERYONE else...It is very easy to do when you reach that point of no return, when you realise that you are NEVER going to be clean unless you sever you ties to drugs....And often, that means friends...
I chose a rather large city once in Australia called Wollongong to move to, so i got on a bus with what i needed and went there...Bus dropped me 500miles from where i came from..and then i got the local phone book and turned to a page and stabbed it with a pen and moved to the town i landed on...I was 16 years old!

The last time i did it was a year ago almost to the day! I left everyone again, sold my business( What was left of it) and moved to Melbourne...A big enough place to be totally anonamous...So here i am now, still not made any friends at all, but its by choice, im not that trusting of people anymore, so i stay alone...

Its easy to do...A bit of planning and few bucks in the bank...the first time i did it i had $200 to my name...First thing you gotta do is find accomadation....I mean i only dropped the drug addict friends...the ones who didnt really care about me anyway...You dont have to go to extremes and totally isolate yourself...If you have a straight friend that lives a long way away and you get along well, you could go stay there....for a start....
Waht about working your way around the country...travel and work at the same time?...got any talents like cooking or something?...Just an idea...Cruise ships often look for staff...That would be way cool imo to do something crazy like that...Go work in Canada in the winter...Seasonal work can be great.............<3
 
I think deleting one's facebook is a good idea regardless of your situation in life.
 
I've done it several times, hence my name on here. I've always felt like a foreigner, like I never belonged anywhere, so I spent 5 years making it a reality.

What did I discover?

You can't run from your problems. The window dressing changes, you gain some valuable life experiences, but in a lot of ways it's same shit different pile. If you're going to do it, make sure you're running to something, and not away from something.

The main benefit to doing it is that radical change can re-activate parts of yourself that have been passive or sleepy because of whatever rut you're in. It feels like being brought back to life. But once the honeymoon phase is over and/or the culture shock of wherever you go sets in, you can easily sink back into the same habits as before. Which is why, during the period where everything feels fluid, fresh, and new, you have to focus on renewing your internal world, and not just living up an external change. Make sense?

At the end of the day, I discovered that my tendency to want to move was because I was running from my own problems. It was by forcing myself to stay put no matter what, that I finally faced my demons. I'm still facing them. It's a long-term process. But sitting still is the best way to start gaining perspective. Radical change can also be a BIG distraction from really facing yourself - or, it can be exactly what you need.

Another thing to consider is... the people you want to cut out? They hold your history, especially your family. Unless they are super unhealthy or dangerous to be around, I would think twice about it. Sometimes distance + time makes the relationship better. But if you cut someone out completely, you might cut off a way of learning about yourself down the road. Just a thought. Mind you, people come and go regardless of what you want. You've got no control over that.

Let me put it this way. Wherever you are, is your mirror. So the location doesn't really matter. How you relate to your outside world is a sign of how you relate to yourself. Changing locations will not change the reflection.
 
The main benefit to doing it is that radical change can re-activate parts of yourself that have been passive or sleepy because of whatever rut you're in. It feels like being brought back to life. But once the honeymoon phase is over and/or the culture shock of wherever you go sets in, you can easily sink back into the same habits as before. Which is why, during the period where everything feels fluid, fresh, and new, you have to focus on renewing your internal world, and not just living up an external change. Make sense?



Let me put it this way. Wherever you are, is your mirror. So the location doesn't really matter. How you relate to your outside world is a sign of how you relate to yourself. Changing locations will not change the reflection.

I love so much about your whole post, but this really resonates with me. Recognizing that you have to make the drastic changes inside for the outer changes to matter is such a good point. I do think that the exciting thing about a whole new environment is that it does make these changes easier to try out.<3
 
Everyone knows its a inside job
Heh, heard that tonight in my homegroup, though it is very true. I too am debating a move from Southern Illinois to the Cleveland Ohio area. Thinking of getting into a sober living community there and starting fresh. They are right in saying you can't run from your problems, if I want to get high, I'll find a way, I have everytime in the past. But atleast you'll throw a hurdle in the way and maybe during the time it would take to overcome this hurdle you will come to your senses. You better not leave us here at Bluelight though, we'll be very sad =(
 
Haven't been bothered to read the thread but for most people this doesn't work. Why will your behaviors be any different just because you have shifted geographically. It's failing to address the core problem.
 
Sometimes you want desperatly to be clean, but being around others you know that are using makes it all the more harder...I understand why people want to move and get away. I wasnt running from myself, but the others i had surounded myself over the years who were toxic to me. When you move to somewhere you have a clean slate...It dosent mean you cant score rather that you are away from the triggers of the past...I knew i was the problem i used, but to me it made it sooo much easier to quit when i wasnt surounded by all my friends shooting up and smoking and drinking...
 
Haven't been bothered to read the thread but for most people this doesn't work. Why will your behaviors be any different just because you have shifted geographically. It's failing to address the core problem.

It is much easier to not search new connects in a new location which could take time and effort (unless you cop the streets) than it is to delete a contact out of a phone and realize you'd like to get high one night and find a way to get in touch with the person you deleted or chose not to be around anymore. It has helped me tremendously. If you have gotten to the point of committing to quit and believe you don't want to do it anymore, you will only wish you had a connect on spur of the moment cravings which will pass hopefully before you find the drug.
 
Sometimes you want desperatly to be clean, but being around others you know that are using makes it all the more harder...I understand why people want to move and get away. I wasnt running from myself, but the others i had surounded myself over the years who were toxic to me. When you move to somewhere you have a clean slate...It dosent mean you cant score rather that you are away from the triggers of the past...I knew i was the problem i used, but to me it made it sooo much easier to quit when i wasnt surounded by all my friends shooting up and smoking and drinking...

Of course, an environment like that will make things much harder. I guess what I was getting at is that simply moving away isn't enough by itself.
 
OK so, this has been on my mind alot.. I'm thinking about doing it this week/next week..

Has anyone done this? I mean really cut all ties.. delete all contacts/facebook/etc.. just completely start over from a clean slate.. leave all the bullshit behind...

Has it helped? I know that running from problems is not the 'correct' solution, but it seems like an enticing option in my position...

I did. But I did it with the destination of a homeless shelter being 2 months sober at the time. It helped imensely. I also was firmly committed to remaining sober and abstinant and did so (with the exception of a 1 day relapse drinking wine). I was in outpatient tx at the time and on probation, NOT court ordered, and actually significantly increased the degree of tx I was involved in shortly after landing in the new place/homeless shelter. I maintained heavy outpatient tx while living in a homeless shelter which was sort of inpatient tx as I was shortly after in one homeless shelter I moved to another and got into a work/tx program run by the homeless shelter where I received couseling, and learned for the first time in my life, at age 25, what 'support' meant in the context of support from human beings. Prior to that I had no conception of what support, or receiving support meant or felt like. It was the best thing that ever happened to me.

If I was actively abusing alcohol (my drug of choice at the time, or shortly before that point in time) I very highly doubt it would have made a positive difference in MY life as I didn't have basic life skills most people take for granted as they learn them growing up. Like having a mommy and/or daddy, or SOMEONE who was nice to them when they were growing up rather than being abusive and neglectful and living a daily nightmare that I could not wake up from because it was my life and not a nightmare. I had done some serious recovery work on myself prior to that point, albeit on my own through reading books as I didn't trust human beings so was a basket case who couldn't trust people so couldnt' turn to anyone for help even though I seriously felt like I needed a psychiatrist but feared if I opened my mouth and told them what was going on in my head I would wind up in a straight jacket in a rubber room. So I kept my mouth shut and sought out psychology/social psychiatry books to try and figure out what was wrong with me and my family. I had gained some good insight prior to my picking up and moving but still didn't have the vaguest clue in how to connect to another human being, let alone trust one enough to even try or accept offers from those that offered... I assumed they had intentions to do my harm as that is all I knew up to that point from my upbringing.

Turns out that in my case, throwing myself in such a desperate situation forced me to either sink or swim. Fortunately, I learned to swim. It was hard but very worth it.

Hope you can get something from that. Good luck bro!
 
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