2 wks sober and just got offered my drug of choice...support pleas!

[persnickety_er]

Some of you may've read my previous thread where I was quitting a 20-40mg per day hydro habit. I know this is small to many...but it had been something I counted on for happiness for over a year.

I've been sober for nearly 2 weeks now--13 days-- just now starting to be able to find true happiness without opiates. I still struggle every day with the fact that I would feel exponentially better, happier...with the pills. But I DO NOT want to continue down the dark path I began.

I just got a call from someone saying they found the 10mg blues that were my drug of choice...and turned her down. Said I was good. But it's taking all my will power not to text her and say... "Ok, I'll take a few."

2 weeks was how long I made it last summer when I tried to quit. I don't want to start again, then have to quit again...go through the physical withdrawals, sweats, depression, hopelessness...

I just need someone to talk to about this. Maybe a bit of encouragement...

Thank you in advance.

 

[ihatepipes]

Some of you may've read my previous thread where I was quitting a 20-40mg per day hydro habit. I know this is small to many...but it had been something I counted on for happiness for over a year.

I've been sober for nearly 2 weeks now--13 days-- just now starting to be able to find true happiness without opiates. I still struggle every day with the fact that I would feel exponentially better, happier...with the pills. But I DO NOT want to continue down the dark path I began.

I just got a call from someone saying they found the 10mg blues that were my drug of choice...and turned her down. Said I was good. But it's taking all my will power not to text her and say... "Ok, I'll take a few."

2 weeks was how long I made it last summer when I tried to quit. I don't want to start again, then have to quit again...go through the physical withdrawals, sweats, depression, hopelessness...

I just need someone to talk to about this. Maybe a bit of encouragement...

Thank you in advance.

Hey friend, you need to stay strong for yourself and for whoever else depends on you. At this point if you are really tempted just set the goal for yourself that you will not use today. Try to remember the reasons you quit. (i will continue just wanted to let you know someone is here)

You have made it this far, please don't move yourself back to square one. If you wan to talk just respond to this thread I will check it every so often.

Edit* I see there are also others around to support you too... The Dark Side is here for you.

 

[villian]

I feel you. Getting clean really is a million times easier than staying clean, and getting clean isn't easy. What I can honestly tell you is that the cravings do get weaker the longer you stay sober, but in the first couple months they can really be hell to deal with. If you don't have your mind completely set on the fact that you want to stay sober it is pretty likely you will fall on the wagon. I could never manage to get clean around my old friends, I tried several times but always failed and I ended up having to move across the country where I knew no one and their were no open air drug markets.

Since moving and getting clean I did eventually find more connects and I am able to turn them down no problem. The first 90 days is the hardest part, if you can make it through that you are much more likely to succeed in the long run. Since your habit wasn't a huge one I'm guessing you haven't suffered some of the worst aspects of addiction -- consider yourself lucky. If you end up getting back on pills it is only a matter of time, it is ridiculous how fast you can fall back into the hole even deeper then you were before.

At this point it is all mental. You need to keep yourself in a positive state of mind and busy so that you don't crave out of boredom. Exercise is important, so is eating healthy. Do you have any friends who don't deal with pills you can hang out with? Do you have any hobbies or work you can focus on?

Good luck man, you can do this.

 

[persnickety_er]

Thanks to ihatepipes and villian. Just some words of encouragement really do help! I really only have one friend who does pills...she's the one I screwed over that made me want to get clean. I have many other friends...and a couple of them smoke some pot but that's it. My biggest support person is my boyfriend and he's a law student who just likes to drink on the weekends. So honestly, the hardest stuff I'm around is alcohol and weed. And neither appeal to me. I might take one hit or have one beer, but I don't like the foggy feeling.

I know I'm not going to do it. Absolutely not. I have set a goal for myself and I'm nothing if not goal-oriented! But what is driving me nuts...is that nagging voice in the back of my head telling me how much more fun I could be having if I just took one tab...JUST ONE...was finally gone. And now, with one phone call, it's back in full force.

Monday's are a super busy day at work, and I have been keeping myself busy for sure. I can't sit still for fear of "bad thoughts".

Again, thank you guys. I'm definitely gonna kick this thing.

 

[ihatepipes]

it's great that you were able to resist the urge to use today congratulations to you for sure.

You have to know that from time to time situations will arise where the urge to use will jump into your mind. What is important is that you realize that this is going to happen and you have a healthy activity to do when it does (even if it is just walking until you are not thinking about using anymore,).

The people who are successful in quitting are those that avoid old people places and things and they also have an activity or hobby that they picked up around the time they got clean.

If you don't replace using with something positive more than likely you will just think about using and that leads to, well... using.

Also, have you considered changing your phone numbers so that old people cannot get ahold of you and cause you to have a craving? The more you simplify your recovery the more likely you are to stay clean.

I have changed my number and ignored calls a few times when I decided that hanging around with a certain person was bad news.

Just forward your new number to all the positive people in your life. You know exactly who it is healthy for you to be around and who it is not healthy for you to be around. be careful who you give your new number to.

 

[stardust.hero]

Hey there, first of all congrats on 2 weeks clean. That is a major accomplishments. The battle is far from over though. I noticed for me around the 3 week mark was when I really started to feel better physically and a bit better mentally and that was when I forgot how bad the long term withdrawals (I suppose they call them PAWS here) were. It was then that I was like eh... it really wasn't that bad what could ONE night hurt.

One night turned into a week which turned out really bad.

I was placed in a rehab once and although I thought a lot of it was hogwash but one thing they told us was that cravings only last like a maximum of 60 seconds. The real craving with the feeling and the yearning. The rest is just you continuing to feed it. I relate opiate cravings to cigarettes. Cigarettes are just as difficult to turn down. Though they may not be as harmful they definitely bring the same feeling for me. Knowing that the actual craving has a time constraint and it will drop off helps me not to give into the urge. Opiates are a little more spur of the moment "it's being offered I better take it". It seems like you had the willpower to decline it this time, which is a major accomplishment seeing as you are at a very vulnerable time at 2 weeks (starting to feel better, etc.). Just try to keep that mind set and work your hardest at remember how bad it really was. That is what I tended to forget when giving in.

 

[sarcophagus.heels]

Congrats on being able to say no when she called you...I don't think I would've had the willpower. You obviously have a lot of strength in you. Hold on to that.

 

[motherofearth]

Hey, stay strong, because throwing it all away just to quickly rediscover why you left is really one of the worst feelings. I know, because I'm suffering through that now. I've been strong and said no when contacted, but that is just the beginning of a tortuous battle of not calling back. I need to change my number b/c I at some point I know I'll go through something bad, and usually that mean I'm returning the call. Two weeks is really great though, and it's a huge step towards leaving it behind. I can't wait to make two weeks!

 

[Groundhog]

Hi, as many others have said on here well done on your decision to quit your habit and well done for not giving in when you was offered some.
Keeping a distance from those people who will put temptation like that in your path is something you need to do if you wan't to remain strong.
I'm still an addict to multiple substances and have gone through many different ones over the years. I have had some brief periods of getting clean and those times were only possible by cutting some ties with certain people.
I know what getting that call is like, I've had a few of them when I've been trying to stay away and haven't always had the strength to say no.
One time I had quit Cannabis for 3mths, the longest I had ever, ever been capable of, all the THC gone from my system (typically 56 days to clear your body of completely of any trace of THC) and I got a call. "Got some really nice lemon haze......" and I didnt say no. That was a year ago and I haven't gone a day without since.
Same situations with many other drugs, that was just the most recent example.

When I was staying clean from Coke, I have never been offered it more in my life. As soon as some of my "friends" knew I was trying to give it up, wraps of it started to appear literally right in front of my nose, this was from people who would usually begrudge sorting you out a small line, now they were offering me their wrap to help myself to.
It was falling out of the sky for free. (should have pretended I was giving up more often when I was using alot, and taken advantage of not paying for it!)

Some of these people don't want to see you trying to lead a better life, they want you to stay where they are so they feel better with what they are doing. They never wanted to see me happy or encourage me to stay strong. Needless to say I fucked every single one of them out of my life and changed my phone number.

I'd like to say I stayed clean ever since but I can't. The reasons I use substances were still there but it certainly helped by getting away from those influences. I don't use coke anymore and don't desire to, but I'm still in the grip of a multitude of stuff.

I'm an addict but I would never encourage someone to use anything, let alone try and force it upon someone when they are doing all they can to give up.

Stay strong, and remember the reasons you stopped it when you feel tempted. It's soul destroying when you have made it so far and then succumb to it again. I'm sure you will make it.

 

[persnickety_er]

Just wanted to give a short update to thank you all for your support. Still staying strong...but I DREAMT of a 50mg Perc last night that looked like a big white jawbreaker...and I was just sucking on it like candy. So sad... lol. Laughable right now, but pathetic.

Anyhow. Still here. Still sober. 15 days today.

 

[J.Wallace]

Good job on remaining sober! Opiates are such a hard habit to break. Granted, you were on a low dose but like you said you counted on that to be happy. You are taking a HUGE step in the right direction by remaining sober. Believe me, it's a hard road to take, but the end results are sooo worth it!

I've mentioned my habit quite a few times on this forum already, I use to be addicted to 30mg Oxycodones. At the peak of my addiction, I was doing 150mg of Oxycodone a day to stay high all day. I was so into them because I was getting them from my mother for free, she had lung cancer at the time and preferred Vicodin for the pain. When she passed away, I had to quit cold turkey, as I had no more supply. The first few months are the hardest. You constantly think about them, and yes even dream about it! I've had several dreams of finding bottles of them. It's scary really how something can grab such a hold on you.

Ever since I quit, I've dabbled in them quite a few times, but never got hooked again, fortunately. You are at the beginning of what could be a long road of addiction. Think of the positives of what you are doing. Being sober is one of the healthiest and smartest things you can do for your body. Believe me, I love drugs. I'm pretty sure everyone on this forum does. But we must also understand the importance of sobriety.

Will you ever dabble in Opiates again? Not gonna lie to you, maybe you will. But as long as you understand the risks, and the dangers of doing so, perhaps you'll stay far away for a long time. Don't ever tell yourself "Well, it's only one more time" cause that's how it starts! Just take it easy, and stay away from them for a few weeks at the least! Trust me, you'll feel sooo much better once you do. Best of luck friend!

 

[Miss Kirsty]

Hey OP...I have drug dreams too...We probably all do...My drug of choice is 80mg oxycontin...But two days ago while at the dentist she handed me a script for 20mg oxycontins....I gave it back!!!!! I cant believe i didnt keep it and save it even, but i didnt, i handed it back to her and said "I am on a MMP and shouldnt have opiates, i dont think"....

That was soo hard but yet easy in a way...I didnt think of it at the time, but later i thought, i couldve had them, couldnt I?...

It takes many months to stop obsessing about it...I used to ride the bus and look at people with walking aides and think, "ummm, Do they have oxies"...Weird shit like that...But then one day i just stopped...I also had to get the bus every day past one of my old Drs and that was hard too..Longinly looking at the surgery.....wanting an oxy sooo bad..But it too passed after 4 or months...I havent had a needle in me for about 3 months now....But its getting hard to refrain.....

Its a daily struggle hun, all the best and well done!!

 

[sarcophagus.heels]

^ Wow, that's fantastic. I'm nowhere near that point yet. Hell, I'm still at the point where I rifle through medicine cabinets without even thinking about it, it's sheer force of habit. And I've had quite a few drug dreams - one where this girl in my class sells me oxy, one where I found a huge amount of oxy on the floor of a bus, one where I start shooting up heroin with a guy I'm super into (and while I used to rail H, I've never touched a needle), and the list goes on. Anyway, good luck to you and the OP - you guys seem to be on the right track.

 

[persnickety_er]

OMG...I've been in all your shoes.

J.Wallace - My habit began when my dad was diagnosed with lung cancer. He was coughing so badly he was busting blood vessels and they prescribed him Hycodan. Only...he got an entire CASE of it from his online prescription pharmacy. That's how much they prescribed. He said it didn't help him at all, and recommended it to me once when I had a summer cold. I drained the entire case dry...refilling with cheap Nyquil and the like...then I would lift Percs off of him hear and there as well./..even a few Fentanyl patches. Thankfully he's in remission now, I'm so sorry to here about your mom...

Miss Kirsty - I've done the same, casing people...trying to muster the courage to just ask them if they'd sell a few. It's such a sad, desperate place to be in.

sarcophagus.heels - I have rifled through MANY a drug cabinet. Any time I was at a house party or anywhere...I would always go through everything trying to find some sort of opiate. In fact, it was stealing some liquid Lortab from a friend (which was prescribed to her 5 year old) that made me see how ugly things were getting an finally quit.

 

[yteek]

Well, people who get clean do so by not using not matter what....so if you want to be clean then you're going to need to not use no matter what...I know it kinda simplified but thats what it comes down to.

 

[persnickety_er]

20 days sober today...tomorrow marks 3 weeks. And yesterday I was feening bad. I was just like...in tantrum territory almost, convulsing if you will, because I felt so out of control and pissed off that I was denying myself this wonderful feeling of being high. I was a total brat, but my boyfriend was being very nice to me...

Yuck. Awful. I keep slipping in and out of anger/sadness today and then trying to make myself snap out of it. I think that crazy craving yesterday just really freaked me out because I'd imagined the longer I went without, the easier it would be to be without. (Which is probably stupid...it's probably the exact opposite...)

Eek. Not thinking of using. Just having a bit of a mind/body battle due to how serious I am about NOT relapsing. I almost feel like the addict and the recovering addict are at war right now. Though...we're the same person.

Hope you're all doing well.

 

[Groundhog]

20 days sober today...tomorrow marks 3 weeks. And yesterday I was feening bad. I was just like...in tantrum territory almost, convulsing if you will, because I felt so out of control and pissed off that I was denying myself this wonderful feeling of being high. I was a total brat, but my boyfriend was being very nice to me...

Congratualtions! Well done for getting this far and keeping strong, I look forward to your post that will mark 4 weeks!

You aren't denying yourself of a wonderful feeling of being high, you are refusing to use a drug that you life will be better off without and gaining the wonderful feeling of achievement the further you resist it day by day and the wonderful feeling of freedom from a drug free life!

Keep at it!!!

 

[herbavore]

I know those tantrum feelings well----sometimes we revert to our inner 2 year old! But you stayed strong and go through it.Congratulations! You have come so far.