420Sebastior
Ex-Bluelighter
Okay so we'll start from when i was little 'till where we are right now, i'ma try and keep it as short and simple as possible 'cause i don't like to read 'cause i lose focus so easily and i'm sure there are a lot of people on this forum that are like that too, so here we go then.
So to start off with, dad's an alcoholic, mum kicked him out when i was 8 months old 'cause he was a real cunt to her (which i obviously don't remember).
However, i remember i had to comfort her a lot 'cause she cried a lot 'cause when she was on the phone to dad, he'd start screaming at her and shit and i THINK, i'm not sure, but i THINK, i got scared when dad called us or when mum called him 'cause i knew she'd cry.
But yeah, i had to, or at least try to comfort her a lot and it made me cry when she cried too 'cause i was little y'know.
I don't know my father, i visit him every now and then, but i know nothing about him, i know when his bday is, but i have no idea how old he is, mum even seen on his facebook he said he had a soon that was 15 or 16 or whatever when i was 16-17.
So that's how close me and dad are.
Mum and i we argue a lot but it's mostly because i'm a teenager, hormones going around and i get easily annoyed and raise my voice a lot without meaning to.
She used to kick me out when we had bad arguments and stuff, but she'd let me in again so i could still sleep at home.
So now, school, well, i wasn't popular, let's just say that, well, i kinda was, everyone knew who i was but no one liked me.
I was being picked on, made fun of, getting beat up and chased home from school.
Dad always told me to call him when i was chased home, so when i did, he never picked up.
I had 2 friends, 1 of them protected me a lot 'cause her brother has a lot of respect in the area.
She's strong too.
So yeah i had a lot of death threats going on and some guy tried to kill me like 3-4 times.
Now to high school or college or whatever you call it in america, i dropped out twice.
First time, i never went to school a week straight, NEVER, then i just dropped off 'cause it was too much for me.
Then we tried again the next year, an electrician education btw, same school, same education, but i couldn't do it, i dropped off the first day before the first class even started 'cause i had a small anxiety attack.
So i been sitting at home for almost 2 years and only seeing the 3 friends that i have here every so often.
So that built up on my mental disorders, which is getting better now since i do work experience.
If you wanna know what mental disorders i have, if you find that interesting, i'll just reply to you.
Idk if i said this already but mum and i are real poor, at 14 i think it was, i went to this mall that's like a 10m bus ride away from me and i stole jewellery.
So now, let's get into the more happy stuff and where we're at right now, just gotta say though, i may have left some stuff out before, but i'll read it later and i'll edit it if i need too, anyway, let's start talking about where we are right now (sorry this is so long, i thought i could make it shorter)
Now, i got into a depressed period of time which put my friend into some 'trouble' too, like he worried and all obviously and tried to help me, he's my best friend ever, i've known him for so many years, he's one of them friends you can talk to about ANYTHING and he's there for you, i love him to death.
But yeah, i tried killing myself, if you've been depressed, you know you don't realise how much it'll upset the people around you.
So i did like 3-4 attempts, 2-3 i chickened out 1-2 i just failed.
Then i found that psychedelic rock music, making it, helped, so i made a couple songs and uploaded them to youtube.
I started writing a third song but it's not finished yet, since me and my best friend, George, live in different countries, we thought we'd do the project once we live together
So now i'm doing my own hip hop project, oh yeah haha a white rapper, what an eminem wannabe, no, it's not like that, it helps me get things off my chest, i feel like i can express myself more with hip hop than with only a guitar.
So i'm making an album or a mixtape, gotta read up on what the difference is, or if someone here could tell me.
I'm really into music and i have always been, yet i don't really know what the difference is, kinda funny i think.
But yeah, now i do work experience and my mental problems are getting better, music is helping a lot too.
Now i smoke weed, SNIP and i pop benzos.
Gotta stay off the forum when i'm on benzos though, that's for sure, already gotten two warnings, stupid of me.
That's all i can think of right now, if you have any questions at all, feel free, even if you feel as if it's a dumb question, ask it, i don't think there are any dumb questions.
well, if you just cut or had your hair cut and it's real noticeable and someone says 'you cut your hair?'
then that's a pretty dumb question.
but yeah, ask me anything you wanna know about me and i'll tell you
I wonder if anyone even read this whole thing
Okay i see now it's not very short, if you like to read, go ahead
if you don't like to read, post a quick reply and i'll just make a short brief one as well
To anyone that doesn't wanna read all that detailed stuff, read this!
-Don't know my father, he's an alcoholic
-Poor, used to steal jewellery
-Had to comfort mum when i was little 'cause dad was a cunt to her and yelled at her, stole her money and shit to buy alcohol
-Bullied in school, picked on, being made fun of, beat up and chased home from school
-almost been killed 3-4 times
-Dad was never there for me, he never cared about me or mum
-Dropped out of high school twice due to mental disorders (i'll list them at the bottom)
-SNIP
-Getting help for my mental disorders
-Been 'isolated' in my room for 2 years only seeing the 3 friends i have here every so often, i go outside everyday though.
-Doing work experience now, and i'm getting better mentally
-Doing drugs which i'm gonna seek help for after i'm done with the album i'm working on which shouldn't take too long
I'm not addicted, i just have no self-control so i guess they'll send me to a self-control class
-Making music
Right now my biggest interests are: music, drugs, nature, animals and astronomy.
We (my grandparents, mum and her brother have a cabin, that my grand parents built, and it's
in the forest, not like in the middle of the forest but it's like an area with cabins
and we use to go there in the summer and i just love wandering around listening to the birds and all animals, sometimes i go up into a hunting tower and get a little high (don't wanna get too stoned so my grandparents notice)
and just walk around, it's really nice
The mental disorders:
Social (panic) anxiety
Anger issues (not as much as before, used to black out, now i'm just easily annoyed but i think it's 'cause i'm a teenager, 18 years old, and all the hormones and stuff)
Major OCD
Major emetophobe (phobia of throwing up or feeling like you're gonna do it)
Minor manic depression
Making music, therapy, work experience, all that has helped me a lot, and still is helping a lot.
I remember when i was depressed and tried to kill myself, i put my best friend through so much worrying and all that, then when i decided i wanted to do a psychedelic rock project, it all just turned and it was like i just snapped out of the depression
So for anyone that's depressed, keep yourself occupied, i know it doesn't seem worth it, believe me, i've been there, but do it, it might be boring at first, but find something you like, really try and find a new hobby, research stuff you find interesting, watch tv shows or films you like, try and hang with your friends, there really is hope, i thought there was no hope, but look at me now, i'm alright happy and i'm doing what makes me happy.
If you need anyone to talk to, PM me, i'd be glad to help you.
I'm sorry i went off topic, i just wanted people to know the depression thing
oh yeah, that post was so much shorter than the original one, great job sebastian 8) *facepalm*
So to start off with, dad's an alcoholic, mum kicked him out when i was 8 months old 'cause he was a real cunt to her (which i obviously don't remember).
However, i remember i had to comfort her a lot 'cause she cried a lot 'cause when she was on the phone to dad, he'd start screaming at her and shit and i THINK, i'm not sure, but i THINK, i got scared when dad called us or when mum called him 'cause i knew she'd cry.
But yeah, i had to, or at least try to comfort her a lot and it made me cry when she cried too 'cause i was little y'know.
I don't know my father, i visit him every now and then, but i know nothing about him, i know when his bday is, but i have no idea how old he is, mum even seen on his facebook he said he had a soon that was 15 or 16 or whatever when i was 16-17.
So that's how close me and dad are.
Mum and i we argue a lot but it's mostly because i'm a teenager, hormones going around and i get easily annoyed and raise my voice a lot without meaning to.
She used to kick me out when we had bad arguments and stuff, but she'd let me in again so i could still sleep at home.
So now, school, well, i wasn't popular, let's just say that, well, i kinda was, everyone knew who i was but no one liked me.
I was being picked on, made fun of, getting beat up and chased home from school.
Dad always told me to call him when i was chased home, so when i did, he never picked up.
I had 2 friends, 1 of them protected me a lot 'cause her brother has a lot of respect in the area.
She's strong too.
So yeah i had a lot of death threats going on and some guy tried to kill me like 3-4 times.
Now to high school or college or whatever you call it in america, i dropped out twice.
First time, i never went to school a week straight, NEVER, then i just dropped off 'cause it was too much for me.
Then we tried again the next year, an electrician education btw, same school, same education, but i couldn't do it, i dropped off the first day before the first class even started 'cause i had a small anxiety attack.
So i been sitting at home for almost 2 years and only seeing the 3 friends that i have here every so often.
So that built up on my mental disorders, which is getting better now since i do work experience.
If you wanna know what mental disorders i have, if you find that interesting, i'll just reply to you.
Idk if i said this already but mum and i are real poor, at 14 i think it was, i went to this mall that's like a 10m bus ride away from me and i stole jewellery.
So now, let's get into the more happy stuff and where we're at right now, just gotta say though, i may have left some stuff out before, but i'll read it later and i'll edit it if i need too, anyway, let's start talking about where we are right now (sorry this is so long, i thought i could make it shorter)
Now, i got into a depressed period of time which put my friend into some 'trouble' too, like he worried and all obviously and tried to help me, he's my best friend ever, i've known him for so many years, he's one of them friends you can talk to about ANYTHING and he's there for you, i love him to death.
But yeah, i tried killing myself, if you've been depressed, you know you don't realise how much it'll upset the people around you.
So i did like 3-4 attempts, 2-3 i chickened out 1-2 i just failed.
Then i found that psychedelic rock music, making it, helped, so i made a couple songs and uploaded them to youtube.
I started writing a third song but it's not finished yet, since me and my best friend, George, live in different countries, we thought we'd do the project once we live together
So now i'm doing my own hip hop project, oh yeah haha a white rapper, what an eminem wannabe, no, it's not like that, it helps me get things off my chest, i feel like i can express myself more with hip hop than with only a guitar.
So i'm making an album or a mixtape, gotta read up on what the difference is, or if someone here could tell me.
I'm really into music and i have always been, yet i don't really know what the difference is, kinda funny i think.
But yeah, now i do work experience and my mental problems are getting better, music is helping a lot too.
Now i smoke weed, SNIP and i pop benzos.
Gotta stay off the forum when i'm on benzos though, that's for sure, already gotten two warnings, stupid of me.
That's all i can think of right now, if you have any questions at all, feel free, even if you feel as if it's a dumb question, ask it, i don't think there are any dumb questions.
well, if you just cut or had your hair cut and it's real noticeable and someone says 'you cut your hair?'
then that's a pretty dumb question.
but yeah, ask me anything you wanna know about me and i'll tell you
I wonder if anyone even read this whole thing
Okay i see now it's not very short, if you like to read, go ahead
if you don't like to read, post a quick reply and i'll just make a short brief one as well
To anyone that doesn't wanna read all that detailed stuff, read this!
-Don't know my father, he's an alcoholic
-Poor, used to steal jewellery
-Had to comfort mum when i was little 'cause dad was a cunt to her and yelled at her, stole her money and shit to buy alcohol
-Bullied in school, picked on, being made fun of, beat up and chased home from school
-almost been killed 3-4 times
-Dad was never there for me, he never cared about me or mum
-Dropped out of high school twice due to mental disorders (i'll list them at the bottom)
-SNIP
-Getting help for my mental disorders
-Been 'isolated' in my room for 2 years only seeing the 3 friends i have here every so often, i go outside everyday though.
-Doing work experience now, and i'm getting better mentally
-Doing drugs which i'm gonna seek help for after i'm done with the album i'm working on which shouldn't take too long
I'm not addicted, i just have no self-control so i guess they'll send me to a self-control class
-Making music
Right now my biggest interests are: music, drugs, nature, animals and astronomy.
We (my grandparents, mum and her brother have a cabin, that my grand parents built, and it's
in the forest, not like in the middle of the forest but it's like an area with cabins
and we use to go there in the summer and i just love wandering around listening to the birds and all animals, sometimes i go up into a hunting tower and get a little high (don't wanna get too stoned so my grandparents notice)
and just walk around, it's really nice
The mental disorders:
Social (panic) anxiety
Anger issues (not as much as before, used to black out, now i'm just easily annoyed but i think it's 'cause i'm a teenager, 18 years old, and all the hormones and stuff)
Major OCD
Major emetophobe (phobia of throwing up or feeling like you're gonna do it)
Minor manic depression
Making music, therapy, work experience, all that has helped me a lot, and still is helping a lot.
I remember when i was depressed and tried to kill myself, i put my best friend through so much worrying and all that, then when i decided i wanted to do a psychedelic rock project, it all just turned and it was like i just snapped out of the depression
So for anyone that's depressed, keep yourself occupied, i know it doesn't seem worth it, believe me, i've been there, but do it, it might be boring at first, but find something you like, really try and find a new hobby, research stuff you find interesting, watch tv shows or films you like, try and hang with your friends, there really is hope, i thought there was no hope, but look at me now, i'm alright happy and i'm doing what makes me happy.
If you need anyone to talk to, PM me, i'd be glad to help you.
I'm sorry i went off topic, i just wanted people to know the depression thing
oh yeah, that post was so much shorter than the original one, great job sebastian 8) *facepalm*
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