FordRiverFailed
Bluelighter
A little background first. When I was 15 I raced motocross and broke tons of bones so pain killers were a regular part of my life. I realized the recreational potential at that young age, but remained an unaddicted occasional user until two years ago. At college at age 20 someone introduced me to Opanas and Dilaudids (hydromorphone). It was true love. I used every day for almost two years without thinking twice. I worshiped dope idols like William S. Burroughs, bands like the Velvet Underground and movies like Trainspotting. I was totally surrounded by the culture, people, and lifestyle. Nearing the end of two years I realized I hadn't been sober in like 4 years (mainly other things before I was addicted, but always something) and I was sick of it. I had spent tons of money and it was time to stop.
My taper:
I was doing 40 mg of oxymorphone a day just to keep the sickness at bay. I bought two suboxones and built up some willpower. I taped from 40mg of Opana a day to 5mg. That was actually the easy part. I suffered some blackouts and some vicious dreams (I'll post an 8 page dream report later) but I actually didnt know that was because of the withdrawl because I didn't feel physically sick even with the huge drop. I made the transition to suboxone, 2 mg a day at first. This was hard. I stayed at 2 mg for only 3 days before going to 1 mg. This was harder. I stayed at 1 mg for 2 days and took .5 mg the last day. After that I totally stopped, only a little xanax (alprazolam) for sleep. First four days, not so bad really. At day 5 I left for a one week vacation in a far away state with a beach. I purposely took nothing with me, I desperately wanted to get clean. With the help of 18 good friends and an awesome girlfriend who don't use hard drugs I was able to stop.
The trip:
Upon arriving at the beach I had tremendous separation anxiety knowing I could get nothing to help. I got really sick by day 8 of being clean. I was puking, shitting, and having rushes of adrenaline like someone was pointing a gun at me. Trying to sleep was like a scene from trainspotting where he's just laying there having these horrible dreams. I tossed and turned and kicked and flipped in bed like it was my job, but I was determined. By day 9 I was so ill I wouldnt have taken a line of oxy just because I didn't want to add anything to how bad I felt. Even know I knew it would make it stop, I felt so amazingly bad that any drug seemed like it would make it worse in my crazed head. Not that anyone offered, but I had like anti cravings. I was sickened by pills. It slowly got better from day 9.
Now:
I'm at day 22. I still get cold chills but they're bearable. I've started to sleep, eat, and function like a normal human. My question is how long does it take for the depression to wear off a bit? I've been prescribed Lithium in the past for minor depression and still have some but the side effects like shaking were too much for me. Also I like psychedelics and know that Lithium is bad for those.
TLDR: I'm 22 days clean off opiates, when's my depression going to get to a normal level. Also I still get chills, should this be gone by now? I'm not at all thinking about relapse, just trying to get perspective on when my brain chemistry will be normal again.
My taper:
I was doing 40 mg of oxymorphone a day just to keep the sickness at bay. I bought two suboxones and built up some willpower. I taped from 40mg of Opana a day to 5mg. That was actually the easy part. I suffered some blackouts and some vicious dreams (I'll post an 8 page dream report later) but I actually didnt know that was because of the withdrawl because I didn't feel physically sick even with the huge drop. I made the transition to suboxone, 2 mg a day at first. This was hard. I stayed at 2 mg for only 3 days before going to 1 mg. This was harder. I stayed at 1 mg for 2 days and took .5 mg the last day. After that I totally stopped, only a little xanax (alprazolam) for sleep. First four days, not so bad really. At day 5 I left for a one week vacation in a far away state with a beach. I purposely took nothing with me, I desperately wanted to get clean. With the help of 18 good friends and an awesome girlfriend who don't use hard drugs I was able to stop.
The trip:
Upon arriving at the beach I had tremendous separation anxiety knowing I could get nothing to help. I got really sick by day 8 of being clean. I was puking, shitting, and having rushes of adrenaline like someone was pointing a gun at me. Trying to sleep was like a scene from trainspotting where he's just laying there having these horrible dreams. I tossed and turned and kicked and flipped in bed like it was my job, but I was determined. By day 9 I was so ill I wouldnt have taken a line of oxy just because I didn't want to add anything to how bad I felt. Even know I knew it would make it stop, I felt so amazingly bad that any drug seemed like it would make it worse in my crazed head. Not that anyone offered, but I had like anti cravings. I was sickened by pills. It slowly got better from day 9.
Now:
I'm at day 22. I still get cold chills but they're bearable. I've started to sleep, eat, and function like a normal human. My question is how long does it take for the depression to wear off a bit? I've been prescribed Lithium in the past for minor depression and still have some but the side effects like shaking were too much for me. Also I like psychedelics and know that Lithium is bad for those.
TLDR: I'm 22 days clean off opiates, when's my depression going to get to a normal level. Also I still get chills, should this be gone by now? I'm not at all thinking about relapse, just trying to get perspective on when my brain chemistry will be normal again.
