Problems with my brother again even after not seeing him for a year!

[lars90]

(if this does not belong here please move it)
Oh and you should be able to tell by my name if I am Male or Female right?

Information you should know. If you don't feel like reading up a storm just skip to the important part that is underlined.
Well I have always fought with my brother. I have to 1 older 1 younger. I'm talking of the older now.
Well hes 17 and I turned 15 today. And please don't treat this like a young kids thread where you say
"oh just give him your and hug and make up" "Or go out of his way for a while". I hate it when people
give dumb fucking responses like that. I'd like your honest opinion and/or a good tip .

Okay so lets start with the story I'll make it as short as possible.
Well we are living split now because my brother decided to spend a year in the USA now hes probably
gonna stay permanat which is a releav to me for some reason. Me and the rest of my family
(Me, Little bro, My Mom, My Dad) live in Germany together (pretty much happy).

I remember him as long as I know him always being mean to me. Of corse we also had good times
but I remember so many more horrible times. He'd make me cry just by calling me names and
telling me I had no friends. He'd beat up on me and make me cry if I hit him for fun.
He'd always make fun of me and try to make my life as hard as possible. He tries and tell me
what to do/buy and what not to do/buy. Once he has made up his mind he doesn't change it even
if he knows hes wrong.

I stotterd because of him for a long time. And they say you always take a drug to get away
from somehting painfull, I think he was the cause. I use to be bullied allot. Not fisical but mental.
And I dint know how to make good comebacks cause I was so broke from the inside.
I hardly had friends and he always even though he knew that jsut made it worse.


I'd like to add:
Sense he hes went my life has improved allot! I have lots of frineds. I am top fit. I have a girl friend.
I dont do drugs anymore and most importanly I finally have a life !!!


So now to the actual problem:
We havent seen each other for a year now. And before he left we were jsut fighting and not having
any good time while he was around me or I was around him. Well I thought that was over and I
decided to visit my family cause they all live in GA USA. I also had a great time until he came.
But as soon as he came he did all of the things again Iw asnet really aware of it. But it was
happeing again jsut in very small things. Like he made me let him sleep in the bed I was sleeping
becasue he ddint wnat to sleep on the coutsh because he though he would sleep bad. Even though
he knew I still had yet lag. So we were sleeping in the same bed and in that night I had a dream
and basicly I went though all the bad things he had ever done to me in exsamples.
And then Is trated noticng that he dint change.

Even today on my birthday we got into a huge fight, because he dint want to stop and buy suntan lotion
fur me even after ebing sunbrunt. Its the small things wihc piss me of because hes triny to make a game
out of these things and tring to win against me. Like with the radio. I was tring to sleep to I turned it down
then he turned it up even higher than it was before and wouldnt exsept the fact that I was tring to sleep.

But thats jst an exsample.








Sorry for my miserable spelling. I am dyslexic and I usally speek german.

 

[PriestTheyCalledHim]

Have you ever talked to your brother and told him any of what you wrote here, or how you think he is very self centered and loves to argue or cause fights? BTW I hope you had a happy birthday.

 

[lars90]

Have you ever talked to your brother and told him any of what you wrote here, or how you think he is very self centered and loves to argue or cause fights? BTW I hope you had a happy birthday.

No Im not good with talking I was planning on writing a letter and just telling him how I feel. I have already started. If I were to talk to him he would find ways to get out of it. TO protect him self.

Actually it was a okay day after all , Seing my grand parents before they pass away, again feels good. Wriing about this makes me feel so much better

 

[PriestTheyCalledHim]

No Im not good with talking I was planning on writing a letter and just telling him how I feel. I have already started. If I were to talk to him he would find ways to get out of it. TO protect him self.

Actually it was a okay day after all , Seing my grand parents before they pass away, again feels good. Wriing about this makes me feel so much better

Writing a letter does sound better. I'm glad you had a nice birthday.

 

[Dave]

Agreed. It'll give a bit of space, and hopefully will allow for both his and your head to keep cool.

 

[lars90]

Agreed. It'll give a bit of space, and hopefully will allow for both his and your head to keep cool.

I layed it under his pillow and told him not to reply or to talk to me about it jsut to think about it. It would eb to imbarassing Ir aped up to many feelings in that little 6 page letter ...

 

[Busty St Clare]

That's what brothers do to each other. It's like a long marriage where you are forced to share everything including a room, except you don't have the luxury of choosing who to torture yourself with or even get to have pity sex. (Well, you are German, so perhaps you do have sex )

You will get older, move apart, experience life and come back and share a beer with your brother when you are 21 and wonder why you were even worried about little shit like this when you were 15.

I was never close to my little brother when he was 15, but I still remember the first time we hugged when I had to read his test results and tell him he had cancer. Now we live on opposites sides of the world and couldn't be closer.

 

[lars90]

That's what brothers do to each other. It's like a long marriage where you are forced to share everything including a room, except you don't have the luxury of choosing who to torture yourself with or even get to have pity sex. (Well, you are German, so perhaps you do have sex )

You will get older, move apart, experience life and come back and share a beer with your brother when you are 21 and wonder why you were even worried about little shit like this when you were 15.

I was never close to my little brother when he was 15, but I still remember the first time we hugged when I had to read his test results and tell him he had cancer. Now we live on opposites sides of the world and couldn't be closer.

I see what your saying but I disagree. YOu shouldnt ever hate your brother should you?

holly fuck I regret doing it now but its to late I wish I could take it back I hope he doent react bad to it ...

 

[neoblazing]

Sounds like you did the right thing at the end of the day you need to think of your well being over his its you life not his I never got along with my older brother and still find it hard to talk to him as he is a arrogant prick and did most the same things yours did, I rose above it being the youngest of 4 kids and having a strong sense of self. My only suggestion is to keep in touch via email every know and then as he may change for the better and you will be able to have a good relationship with him later in life.

 

[lars90]

Sounds like you did the right thing at the end of the day you need to think of your well being over his its you life not his I never got along with my older brother and still find it hard to talk to him as he is a arrogant prick and did most the same things yours did, I rose above it being the youngest of 4 kids and having a strong sense of self. My only suggestion is to keep in touch via email every know and then as he may change for the better and you will be able to have a good relationship with him later in life.

I put hte letter under his pillow. but I dont think he saw it so I took it away the next day. When I leave back to germany Ill leve it laying on his desk and then he can read and I wont have to hear his response. Yeah I actually want to be nicer to my younger brother now because I know how horrible it is to have such a faggot as a brother.

 

[neoblazing]

Sometime you need to tell people thing good bad or ugly, you can only try and see if things work out in the future you may never work things out with him or you might have a great relationship with him later in life he needs to be told how you feel and why might be the wake up call he needs.

 

[B1tO'RoughJack]

You're not good with talking you say?

Communication breakdown is pretty prevalent in today's dysfunctional families - no one likes conflict (well few), especially family conflict, but whatever you have to say is better coming out than staying in.

Talk to him, or yes send him a letter to get things started. That way it may seem clearer to him than if you start whining at him and he gets on the defensive-->offensive.

But you HAVE to talk to him.

There's friendly brotherly competition, and there's traumatizing your family - to a certain extent most siblings will traumatize their fellow siblings somewhat, but you need to sort this out so you can move on.

If he's trying to be competitive, try and outdo him for once - show him he's not a big man!?!

Also, I would question why he acts like that - why he takes it out on you all this time? There has to be a reason. I know why I personally took it out on my brother more than normal fraternal competition. WHy is he?

 

[lars90]

Hed say no your over reacting if I would tell him my feelings he also would jsut walk awayy and woulndt listen hes not the kind of person who changeses after a talk also I would forget half the things I wanted to say. I think what I wil do is leave him a long letter when I head back to germany. I will post when I left it.

Oh and I have no Idea why he talks me out of buying things maybe because he thinks I dont need them but he doesnt get that I am smart enough to make my own decsions! sometimes they arent so good but they are the desisions that I mqke!

 

[max_]

I am a big brother. Let me tell you something about us, you have to tell us off and put us in our place. When I was reading your post I remembered a lot of things that I did to my little brother when we where growing up, and I feel so terrible! I have been trying to change but first I had to realize what was happening. Tell him off, let him know how much he has hurt you. He will probably be sorry. You have to make him see.

 

[B1tO'RoughJack]

Definitely agree - I'm an older brother too.

Lars - Don't assume anything - presumptions about how he may react are just projecting, people can change and act differently, especially if you call them out on their faults in a rational calm way, with a bit of hurt passion thrown in.

I would definitely start with a letter if you think that would work best, given your assumptions, but leave enough time to allow him to come to you after reading and thinking, or else take it to him as soon as you feel strong enough.

 

[lars90]

I left it thier but in a place where he will most probaly never find it I wimped out once again

 

[muvolution]

Tell him where it is and ask him to read it. If you said some things in there that were out of anger alone, let him know you were just frustrated. I know international calling sucks, but maybe you can use skype to chat with him a bit about his reaction and how it made him feel.

Even if you are not good at verbal communication, you should try to talk with him. If you can manage to talk with him for even, say 10 minutes a week, I think you will find your relationship improving and will be surprised at how much better you get at expressing your feelings to him.

 

[Help?!?!]

That's what brothers do to each other. It's like a long marriage where you are forced to share everything including a room, except you don't have the luxury of choosing who to torture yourself with or even get to have pity sex. (Well, you are German, so perhaps you do have sex )

You will get older, move apart, experience life and come back and share a beer with your brother when you are 21 and wonder why you were even worried about little shit like this when you were 15.

I was never close to my little brother when he was 15, but I still remember the first time we hugged when I had to read his test results and tell him he had cancer. Now we live on opposites sides of the world and couldn't be closer.

Naw man. Thats not how people properly treat each other(maybe when your kids but if you agree with that sort of behavior as an adult.....). You may have made up with your brother but this OP may not. Its clear that the mental domination has clearly bothered him enough to use drugs(hes 15....thats kinda fucked!)and is actually spilling over into his normal life. Its also clear how he thrives without his brother and actually becomes something but than things return to normal when hes around. If you know hes simply a cruel mother fucker who actually enjoys what he does to you, than stand the fuck up for yourself and show him you won't take his shit anymore, that your different now and things will now be different from here on in. If he was just being a mean older brother than tell him how deeply this shit cut you and how its going to affect your relationship for the rest of your lives unless he learns to discontinue the shit! Don't let his shit affect you, you clearly began to get into your own groove when he was gone and you shouldn't let him diminish that just because hes around again(he probably has his own problems hes pawning off on you unless like stated hes just really cruel and likes to dominate). Be strong man and don't let another persons problems affect you so that you use drugs...your to young for that shit!

 

[lars90]

Naw man. Thats not how people properly treat each other(maybe when your kids but if you agree with that sort of behavior as an adult.....). You may have made up with your brother but this OP may not. Its clear that the mental domination has clearly bothered him enough to use drugs(hes 15....thats kinda fucked!)and is actually spilling over into his normal life. Its also clear how he thrives without his brother and actually becomes something but than things return to normal when hes around. If you know hes simply a cruel mother fucker who actually enjoys what he does to you, than stand the fuck up for yourself and show him you won't take his shit anymore, that your different now and things will now be different from here on in. If he was just being a mean older brother than tell him how deeply this shit cut you and how its going to affect your relationship for the rest of your lives unless he learns to discontinue the shit! Don't let his shit affect you, you clearly began to get into your own groove when he was gone and you shouldn't let him diminish that just because hes around again(he probably has his own problems hes pawning off on you unless like stated hes just really cruel and likes to dominate). Be strong man and don't let another persons problems affect you so that you use drugs...your to young for that shit!

That was a great comment thanks ... Its hard to stand up hes stronger bigger and meaner than I am. I dont stand a chance but I did leave a letter I hope he finds it

 

[lars90]

Tell him where it is and ask him to read it. If you said some things in there that were out of anger alone, let him know you were just frustrated. I know international calling sucks, but maybe you can use skype to chat with him a bit about his reaction and how it made him feel.

Even if you are not good at verbal communication, you should try to talk with him. If you can manage to talk with him for even, say 10 minutes a week, I think you will find your relationship improving and will be surprised at how much better you get at expressing your feelings to him.

We use to talk more than 1 hour a day did it improve? Not a bit. I do get what your saying. Maybe I'll jsut tell him to look in the droor. I wrote in the 4 page long letter that I dint want him to reply I jsut wnated to him to think about it. You think I should write that I over reacted a little? He would prbably take it that way that every thing is over reakted. Ahh I can say I hate my brother. I really really really hate to say that but its true