my unborn niece or nephew is dead... in shock

[xstayfadedx]

I'm shaking right now I don't even know. I'm so pissed and angry. I don't even know... I kind of have no feeling right now or I can't determine how I feel. My chest hurts so bad.... Anyways earlier this week I found out my brother's girlfriend was flown to a medical center and she could of died. That's what my grandmother told my mother and my mother told me. I was like oh whatever (I know sick but the girl is a psycho....its a long story. I stayed at her place and she was like nice but one day I read something she wrote on the table, she left it out. It said how mad/sad she was that my brother would always love me and my sister more than her.... Anyways I also took care of her kids when I was there but randomly she flipped out on me and told my brother a lie.. Let's just say it lead to three or actually four cops coming to the house.)

Well my sister called me tonight.... She told me about her day and then ended up telling me about why she called.... She told me that the kids were taken from my brother and his girlfriend.... That her mom has temporary custody of them. I asked why????? Then she told me "you know how our brothers girlfriend was flown to the hospital.... She could of died....". I was like yeah and then she told me she had "accidentally" shot herself in the stomach. The baby had to be terminated.

The thing is my sister said her roommate told her that she was depressed that she was pregnant and everything.... I don't even know... The cops don't believe its accidental and a lot of others don't, even her family members. I don't either.... I think she murdered the kid on purpose. This is so psychotic. This is so fucking psychotic. I don't even know what to think.

The kids were still inside the house.... My niece who was born in september. My adopted niece and the two other children (not my brothers).

 

[Miss Hollywood]

She shot herself in the stomach? What the fuck? That is terrible! Does she have a history of mental illness? Is it still to early to know if charges will be pressed against her for the death of her child? There will most likely be a criminal investigation into this to see if this was very well an "accident" or a deliberate act.

I am very sorry for your loss. This is horrible news.

 

[xstayfadedx]

She shot herself in the stomach? What the fuck? That is terrible! Does she have a history of mental illness? Is it still to early to know if charges will be pressed against her for the death of her child? There will most likely be a criminal investigation into this to see if this was very well an "accident" or a deliberate act.

I am very sorry for your loss. This is horrible news.

She has depression but that's about it. I wouldn't be shocked if she had any other mental problems. I mean she even use to work at the hospital with trauma and everything... Even a state police officer is one of her roommates but all the cops up where they live are scumbags... I even witnessed many cover up things for her and her family members.

I'm just so mad because nobody would believe me that she was crazy. Nobody ever believed that she was the problem and I wasn't. I even lost contact with my brother because of her and she ruined many of my relationships with family due to her serious lies... Even my father thought I was the problem but now he knows the truth.

I'm just angry she would do this with the children there or even at all. If my brother loses the kids completely because of her I am going to go ballistic. I'm so angry she would even do this to the unborn baby, this is so sick. I don't even know.

Thank you though. I'm not sure if I should be angry or sad over this... It is too early to know if charges will be pressed. I hope that there will be charges brought against her.

 

[jsnake]

Wow. Just wow. That's beyond belief. Judging from that little episode with your brother, she sounds a tad neurotic. And who the fuck 'accidentally' shoots themself? Or even handles a gun when they're pregnant? And with the fucking kids in the house??? I guess you'll find out soon enough. I don't mean to be disrespectful.
I'm truly sorry for your loss. I hope your brother gets through this. And his kids. And you and everyone else close to them. What the fuck... How far into the pregnancy was she?

 

[n3ophy7e]

Oh hun, I am so sorry to hear of this Such a tragedy to lose a life that didn't even have a chance in the first place.
Take care of yourself stayfaded, talk to your mum or a close friend about how you're feeling, don't bottle it up inside. I hope you find some peace with the situation soon. Much love.
RIP little one

 

[webbykevin]

My heart is with you, Can't find any other words.

 

[xstayfadedx]

Thank you guys The baby was four months along. I just feel so terrible for my brother because he is actually a good father. He took in her kids like his own...they love him and even call him dad.... and he even adopted one (the father was never in that one's life)...then they also had my first niece (well I guess second) back in september. He was so happy and this just sucks so bad.

I just wish my life would get easier. I'm tired of hearing about only bad news.

Oh and it made me mad that they had my brother come down to the police station to test his hands for gun powder. He was cleared though... But its just like there was only one person who did this and it clearly was her. The one who was abusive in the relationship was her... The summer I was up there she punched my brother in the face for no reason and then left. He cried which was so weird to see cause throughout my whole life I never saw him cry and it wasn't even because of the punch.

Anyways I'm not sure why I keep calling her his girlfriend but she is also his fiance... Yeah. Well let's see how long that lasts.

 

[herbavore]

Your future sister-in-law is obviously mentall ill and unstable. Shooting herself in the stomach was not just a way to kill the baby but to attempt to kill herself as well. She survived and the baby did not. This is tragic and devastating. Still, I feel like she needs help, not judgement. Mental illness can be exacerbated by pregnancy. I feel terrible for all of you.

 

[Vaya]

First things first, xstayfadedx - my profound condolences. I cannot even imagine receiving that call from a family member. Everything that you're feeling right now is real and is okay to feel. Don't beat yourself down for feeling tight-chested, shocked and confused. Frankly, I'd be a little concerned if you weren't experiencing emotional turmoil along those lines!

I hope that the healing process can begin rather quickly for you and your family - Take note that, although you say no one else believed the warnings you heeded them (which very well may be true), I know for me that not being believed can harbor resentments, and that it might be incredibly important to put aside such resentments for the sake of the solidarity of your family. Address all that stuff later; right now, everybody appears to need one another.

I'm just so mad because nobody would believe me that she was crazy. Nobody ever believed that she was the problem and I wasn't.

I believe your anger is justified. Really, I do. How successful do you think you might be at putting aside that anger, just for the moment, such that you can allot more of your energies to supporting your brother? I can only imagine what he must be feeling right now... I mean, yikes.

My point is, the more you are there for others right now - even if they didn't trust your instincts before this occurred - the better the entire outcome will be. Remember, it's on them if they chose not to listen to you, and I do hope, for your own sake, that you aren't beating yourself up with the "I could have/should have done more..." mentality. Fact is, if you weren't listened to, there was little else you could do.

I am so glad you reached out to this community. Can you imagine bottling this up inside? That would be a slow, psychological death sentence...
Please be in touch.
~ Vaya

 

[PriestTheyCalledHim]

I am sorry for your loss.

 

[xstayfadedx]

@herbavore... I know I shouldn't be judging her but I don't know. I just can't forgive her just yet and I'm not sure if ill ever be able to. Its just so sick she could do this to my own brother who loves her dearly and then to the unborn baby. She needs to get help, that's for sure. And when she was pregnant with my niece Victoria they seemed so happy but then she ended up pregnant again and went off the deep end.

@Vaya... I am angry but I'm not letting it be shown. No one really ever sees me emotional or whatever and nobody even ever see's me cry. I haven't even cried yet over this... Actually the only thing I cried about in awhile was the death of my boyfriend... Hmmm, I guess I'm good at hiding how I actually feeling. My mother tells me its going to be the death of me.

Other than that I haven't called my brother. I haven't spoken to him in over a year besides for a 10 minute phone call he gave me back in August when I was living in a group home... He gave me his number to call him but I never did. I know I should be there for him but why do I still feel resentful against him? I'm still angry how he was never there for me when I needed him during these past months. I'm angry at my family for leaving me homeless and everything even though I needed them.... But now they're going through something and I still care. I want to be there for them and it just upsets me because they didn't do the same for me.

Also I'd like to add my brother told her that he didn't believe in abortion. So she didn't get one.... She wanted one and I guess she eventually gave herself what she wanted.

If my brother sticks by her side I'm not sure if ill be able to be there for him. What will they tell the children when they get older? What is going to come out of this? In the end I think he needs to get his shit together and take the kids. The kids are the most important thing in this situation.

 

[painenduser]

WOW, I am left kind of speechless here, and those who know me, know I rarely have little to say. All I can say is that my heart goes out to you, your family, and the innocent child who was never given the chance to see the world. This is just heart breaking from all angles. I know that pregnancy can cause alot of instabilities, but this goes beyond unstable. I hope that she gets the help she needs, but sadly, it could go the other way where they bring charges against her for this. There are no good answers here, just know that we are all here for you and we all share in your pain. I wish you and your family all the best in this most difficult of times...

Peace,

-Pain

 

[Dave]

^ Yeah. I have no words.

I only hope that this is the crisis that makes it so that she gets the help she needs. Because even if she didn't need it before (which she plainly did, if she was capable of doing something like this), she will certainly need it now.

xstayfadedx - my heart goes out to you, your brother, and your entire family. Take care of yourself, and each other.

 

[xstayfadedx]

Thank you, and yup my mother and I kind of feel detached from the situation... We don't even know what to think. Its also hard because they're all up in Connecticut (where we're from) and we're all the way down in Pennsylvania. So it only makes the situation worse. The other bad thing is my grandmother doesn't even know the full story and I'm not sure who else doesn't know... My mother said she can't tell her and I sure as hell can't. It would break her heart and she would probably have a stroke or something.. Ugh, I can't believe this happened. Its like something you hear happening on dateline or whatever. Not something you actually have to go through.

 

[Miss Kirsty]

Good God...What a mess this girl has made.. My thoughts are with you,and yours, thats all i can say..

 

[Rose Petal]

One thing stands out as being screamingly obvious in all of this. Your brother's girlfriend is not well. She's mentally ill, and could have been suffering from pregnancy related psychosis and depression (similar to postpartum depression). A healthy, happy individual, does not take a gun to themselves and fire. It's a wonder that she survived at all. It sounds as though - as well as mental illness, this woman had a great deal on her plate with the stressors of three young children and another on the way. The writing you found on the table gives some idea of her low self esteem and self doubt. From reading what you've written about her, it comes across that you hate this woman. You seem to judge her left and right with no hint of compassion. Do you think that she picked up on how you felt about her?
Now.. about your brother. He sounds like a really lovely, caring person. Especially to have taken on children that aren't his own, even adopting one! Despite what you think of her, your brother has found qualities to love in this woman. Right or wrong, he chose to stand by her when you fell out with her. That doesn't mean he agreed with her version of events.. it simply means he is prioritising his familylife with her, and their relationship, which has a right to do. I'm sure you would want the man in your life to be as loyal. He must be absolutely devastated by all of this!

What your brother needs most from you is your compassion. DON'T run this woman down to the family, or to him, or anybody. She will be copping it from all directions anyway. I know it will be hard, but try to be nuetral. Try NOT to judge her, or her actions. Try to remember that she is SICK. As sick as if she had a physical illness, like cancer. Try hard to lose your anger, to swap it for pity.

It's highly likely that your brother's relationship with her won't last, with all that's happened. But he will be your brother for the rest of your life, and how he sees you for years to come will have so much to do with the way you are NOW. The single best thing you can do for your brother is to love him unconditionally. Accept his choices in life. Be as kind and friendly as you can with any woman he decides to be with. SUPPORT him, without any judgement. Accept him, his choices, and the consequences of those choices. Regardless of any mistakes you feel he's making, you're his sister and he deserves your respect, your support. You are always entitled to your opinion, and to express it. But once you've done that you need to stand back and let people be. Whatever you do, leave out any 'I Told You So's' about this woman, to your family, friends, your brother, or his girlfriend. Dig deep into your heart until you find unconditional love, and then live by it. Make it your mantra and you'll never go wrong.

Like your brother, I don't believe in abortion - generally. But had this woman had an abortion and killed the baby that way, how many people would have blamed her? At less than 20 weeks gestation, a fetus is not recognised as a person with rights. Any charges will be to do with possession and use of the shot gun, affray - for the fear and stress that she put others' through with the shooting.. that sort of thing. Just think. If she'd wanted to have an abortion she could have. Clearly she took your brother's feelings into account when she was more rational. She could even have had an abortion in secret and not told him.. miscarraiges happen all the time! This tells me that when she shot her stomach it was in a moment of madness. Temporary insanity perhaps. Like I said, not the actions of a well woman.. or a bad one.

Sorry this is so long. I just feel quite strongly that the best thing you could do right now is to BE THERE for your brother, AND for her. Try hard to forgive her the past. Don't allow hatred or anger to contaminate an already tragic situation. And I think that your brother is unlikely to lose custody if he can show he is able to take care of the children while she gets help.. especially with his family behind him!

Goodluck. I hope things get better for you.

xo (((hugs)))

 

[xstayfadedx]

No I was super nice to her. I helped her with her kids and everything. Then one day she turned on me. She would leave me at the house alone and would take my sister out. She would say horrible things about me. Then one day she told my brother some bullshit and she caused me and him to get in a physical fight... It was bad. Then she was like I'm calling the cops and I was like please do it. Then she told me to go back to my nigger father and that's what pissed me off the most! I slapped these family blocks off the dresser because I almost hit her.... She was such a bitch and I don't know why she turned on me. And yes I do hate her.. To be honest I don't care if she gets help or not. I just wish I had kicked her ass when I had the chance but now I'm 18 and no longer 16.... I mean I understand she has problems but you don't know half of the story. Even what I just said isn't nearly all of it.

I'm raging right now I guess so I'm sorry but I'm not yelling at you, I'm just angry. I will support my brother but I won't support her. I know how it feels to be depressed and all those things but would I shoot myself in the stomach if I was pregnant? Hell no. I just hate her so much and I wish my brother never met her. I'm just so sick and tired of all this bullshit in my life.

To be honest I just want to say fuck everything.. I'm just going to leave to the west coast far away from my family. I can't even deal with all this shit anymore... Its like wtf? A new thing everyday. And I don't know how I can be there for all these people when I can't even be there for myself half of the time.
By the way I don't ever hate people but wow I can't say this about her.... She just pushed me over the edge.

Anyways I'm not really thinking right now. I'm just mad and I can't fathom why a person would do this.... I mean really... Its like how could you be there for the person who killed their own child? Its like saying oh that dude cut his kids in to pieces but he must have some mental problem... He needs help, be there for him.. The fuck I would be! That's how I feel about this situation. I just am so angry.

 

[Rabidrabbit]

I am so sorry this happened. My sincere condolences. Please take care of yourself and be good to yourself during this terrible time, it's the only thing you can control and the best way to help with the healing process.

 

[xstayfadedx]

I am so sorry this happened. My sincere condolences. Please take care of yourself and be good to yourself during this terrible time, it's the only thing you can control and the best way to help with the healing process.

Thank you and yeah ill try my best to keep sane.... This totally just makes me not even want to quit drugs even more... Well I guess there's nothing I can do but try to be there for my brother and family.. Hopefully time can heal all our wounds.

 

[xstayfadedx]

I'm rehatching this thread because I have finally found out this whole shooting was ruled accidental. It makes me so angry to find out that this has happened. I just find it so ironic that she is so upset over the pregnancy but it's too late for an abortion and randomly she ends up shooting herself. However my brother has never had that gun loaded but again this is all hear say I guess you could say. I am so upset over this and there's nothing I can really do. I stayed over their house a few days ago and we talked and laughed but my mother nor I brought up anything that happened. They quickly told my mother about what happened (even though we already knew) over the phone the previous day before we stayed over. We both don't think it was an accident though and nobody does in my family. The worst thing is they even kicked out their roommates because they claim they were bad people but we heard it was because their roommates were telling people my brother's fiance was not happy about being pregnant. Why would you get mad about that if you didn't have anything to hide??? Also another thing is the cops who investigated it probably did not do a good job. She has so many connections to the cops in the area and her friends are all cops. Her family even has ties with the police in the town that they live in. So how was this a fair investigation??? Other than that I guess she can't be tried again for this but is there a way to get around this because the investigation was complete bullshit! I don't know how much longer I can remain nice to her without flipping out. It's so hard trying to hold back what I truly have to say especially when I hear her moan and complain about her stomach hurting! Well bitch you should have never shot yourself in the first place!!!