I have a problem with drugs.

[RobotRipping]

Sorry if this is too long but my questions are in bold.

I'm a very open and honest person but i could never admit this really. My problems were that i could not get enough of the right drugs rather than anything else. I suffer from pretty bad social/general anxiety and panic attacks and sometimes even derealization and depersonalization. I've had some rather extreme benzo addictions over the last few years. I've gone for help numerous times but refused to go down the therapy route, convinced that my problems were merely a lack of proper medication.

Last september i finally finished a benzo taper and quit. It was one of the worst and most extended experiences of my life. I still don't feel normal from this. I thought my anxiety was still terrible and it is, i can't leave the house, go to the grocery store, have friends over, panic when visiting family and i am just so anxious the rest of the time, my quality of life is about 0.

Fast forward to December and I have a job again and to deal with the social anxiety, i take codeine, every day. Now a few jobs later and i am unemployed, in order to facilitate finding a new job i decide for the last month to take poppy seed tea every single day. 4 days ago i come down with an absolutely horrendous pain in my 'taint' region, around my ass and near my testicles. 2 days later I come to realize i have bad hemroids (can never spell it). This is surely a result of being constipated from opiate use every day.

The last 2 nights I have had to go to the ER because i simply can't breathe properly, i inhale and do not feel relief. I feel overwhelmed and like everything is moving too fast. I was given an ekg, blood tests, blood pressure and pulse checked and this is simply anxiety. Keep in mind i've gone through two insane benzo withdrawals and never had anxiety like this. My last dose of poppy seed tea was yesterday at 1pm. I am not so bad withdrawal wise but am so worried about this breathing issue, it's okay for now, doctors won't give me anything for it though.

So i hit my breaking point, i am so desperate, sad, scared, in pain, anxious, oh fuck i need help. I don't really have much of a habit, i take just enough seed tea for anxiety relief and muscle relaxation, i don't get super high or anything, is it worth going to detox? will they give me meds to make my breathing more comfortable (even though i know it's psychological)? what kind of medications are they willing to prescribe? I am currently using propranolol to deal with the severe physical anxiety.

Even if I do not go this route, i have a psychologist lined up and am seriously considering entering some group therapy as well. I will do ANYTHING to feel better, breathe easier and get through this self-imposed misery. Does anyone have tips to help me with my breathing in case it does get worse? I'm avoiding cannabis, caffeine despite being a daily user of both. This sudden anxiety came on while i was still taking poppy seed tea so i'm confused as to the source of such anxiety. Any advice is greatly appreciated, I am so scared and other than my gf no one else understands, even the doctors. Thank you so much for reading.

 

[piebald]

well how much codeine are you taking everyday? Im not sure about the breathing thing either...sounds like anxiety. When i was getting off opiates i def had tons of anxiety related stuff going on.. I DO think therapy is a good idea if the whole thing is beyond your control.

 

[Missykins]

You had what is commonly known as an anxiety attack. Opiates are not used to treat anxiety. What did the ER prescribe (if anything) for the anxiety attack you experienced?

In my opinion, you need a psychiatrist because it sounds like you need medication and a psychologist, who can provide counseling, is not licensed to prescribe medications. The most important thing is that you be completely honest with your doctor about the poppy seed tea and any other medications you may be taking.

 

[Dave]

I respectfully disagree, Missykins. While medication for panic disorders work very well in the short term, they are not sustainable long-term tools. Psychological treatments for anxiety can be highly effective, with none of the drawbacks of pharmaceutical treatments. Those should be given a solid try first, or at most the pills should be around for emergencies; but by only treating the issue pharmaceutically, one addiction will wind up being swapped for another one. One, incidentally, which can take considerably longer and is more medically risky to try to quit than opiates, as you know.

OP-- see your psychologist, and find out what they recommend. Give it some solid effort, as it won't be as easy as taking a pill, but you get out what you put in. Since your addiction stems from self-medication, as you make progress in attacking the root cause, you may well find that in time you'll be able to start working on your addiction in parallel with the treatment.

 

[Znegative]

I don't know, While I agree with you for the most part Dave, I kind of think that when someone is having panic attacks (which we all know can be incredibly terrifying) it might be good to have some type of anti-anxiety medication on hand, so someone can feel assured that If they do start to have an attack, there is something to help them if their therapy hasn't reached a point where it's helpful in overcoming those situations.

I guess the problem though in this case would be that the OP has suffered from benzodiazepine addiction, so having a bottle around just in case is probably not conducive.

 

[herbavore]

My heart really goes out to you, Robot. I know what panic attacks feel like and they are terrifying but to have that much sustained anxiety sounds truly awful. I have to agree with Dave, though, I think that there are non-drug interventions and therapies that could get to the root of your behaviors that come from the emotion of fear (spiraling thoughts, paranoid self-talk, etc). Once you get some tools to combat what is going on, you can start practicing using them and everything builds from there. the hard part is having faith and patience while you learn the mental practices. Take a look at some of the resources in the mindfulness thread--maybe they could help.

As far as your breathing goes, have you tried just concentrating on your breath, when you are not freaked out, breathing in and out slowly but really focusing on it? Concentrating on the breath can be helped by counting to ten, both in and out.

Good luck. I think that retraining the mind from a drug/medication mind-set, which is all about masking or temporarily alleviating anxiety and depression, to a truly empowering mind strengthening program would be very beneficial. Of course, medications can be good and have their place, but I believe that true relief from the symptoms of anxiety has to come from actually feeling it and learning how to transform it.

 

[Missykins]

I respectfully disagree, Missykins. While medication for panic disorders work very well in the short term, they are not sustainable long-term tools. Psychological treatments for anxiety can be highly effective, with none of the drawbacks of pharmaceutical treatments. Those should be given a solid try first, or at most the pills should be around for emergencies; but by only treating the issue pharmaceutically, one addiction will wind up being swapped for another one. One, incidentally, which can take considerably longer and is more medically risky to try to quit than opiates, as you know.

I am going to have to disagree--I don't think that someone should have to suffer through months of counseling that may not treat the real physical symptoms of their anxiety disorder when a chosen-wisely medication would give the patient relief from these symptoms and be fully engaged in therapy . They do not have to be mutually exclusive.

Also, I get the impression that you think I am suggesting that a benzodiazepine should be prescribed when I am not. A beta-blocker like propranolol can be used during an attack.

 

[RobotRipping]

thanks everyone for the replies, greatly appreciated.

@piebald: i was regularly taking at least 400mg/day for codeine, i have hit 1600mg/day at other times, it's been an on and off thing for a year at least. I definitely get much more effects from poppy seed tea (solid consistent supply of seeds). I can handle the physical stuff fine but fuck the mental aspect really really gets me.

@missykins: ER knows about my benzo problems so they wouldn't do anything for me, i've been there a few times when i ran out of benzos after being on some ridiculous doses. I do take the odd ativan and zopiclone for sleep, not daily or consistently as I know how miserable benzo withdrawal is. The doctor even told me not to use propranolol as i would be swapping one addiction for another, what a dick lol. When i first went to ER my blood pressure was really high and i had a pulse of 140 and all i was doing was watching TV.

anxiety is such a tricky thing to treat, it's like my mind got a hold of the idea that messing with my breathing is just one thing i cannot stand and now its kind of stuck in the back of my head. It gets so bad that i start pacing around, fidgeting with my hair and jumping in and out of the shower. I know a bunch of techniques to relieve extreme anxiety that i learned from my extensive psychedelic use, including the counting breaths but that just seems to make me more aware of the problem and if i am fine and i get that thought in my head, then it's an instant panic attack. I think i am doing better today but it sucks knowing that i have no where to go if i freak out except detox as the ER isn't going to help me.

i am seriously tired of living like this and will be seeking treatment on Monday, i don't care if i can never get high again, i just want to be able to breathe fine and get rid of this anxiety, no matter how much work i have to put in. I'm unemployed anyway so i might as well fix myself at the same time.

i will take a look at the thread on mindfulness, i'm open to anything at this point. Thanks everyone so much for the help and if anyone else has advice or has been through this then i'd appreciate hearing your advice.

^missykins, what kind of meds do you have in mind? I'm thinking hydroxyzine for sleep, perhaps gabapentin or pregabalin for acute anxiety, b vitamin supplements, magnesium... and perhaps 5 10mg valium/month for panic attacks that are so bad i am climbing up the walls for relief. However my doctors are not too receptive to any medication that is not an SSRI. I am going to go the therapy route as well but there's no question it's a combination of physical and mental problems that make my anxiety so bad.

 

[Missykins]

thanks everyone for the replies, greatly appreciated.


@missykins: ER knows about my benzo problems so they wouldn't do anything for me, i've been there a few times when i ran out of benzos after being on some ridiculous doses. I do take the odd ativan and zopiclone for sleep, not daily or consistently as I know how miserable benzo withdrawal is. The doctor even told me not to use propranolol as i would be swapping one addiction for another, what a dick lol. When i first went to ER my blood pressure was really high and i had a pulse of 140 and all i was doing was watching TV.


^missykins, what kind of meds do you have in mind? I'm thinking hydroxyzine for sleep, perhaps gabapentin or pregabalin for acute anxiety, b vitamin supplements, magnesium... and perhaps 5 10mg valium/month for panic attacks that are so bad i am climbing up the walls for relief. However my doctors are not too receptive to any medication that is not an SSRI. I am going to go the therapy route as well but there's no question it's a combination of physical and mental problems that make my anxiety so bad.

I can't imagine why this doctor did not script out propranolol--it is a beta-blocker (decreases heart rate via your sympathetic nervous system), and is not a benzodiazepine.

I do not think it is a good idea to take benzodiazepines for anxiety disorders. This forum is jam packed with stories of people struggling with an addiction to benzos like Valium and Xanax. Lyrica (pregabalin) is not for anxiety. So, I would agree with the doctors who want to prescribe an SSRI. You need to be completely honest with your treatment team about your history. There is no quick fix, and I do think that therapy is important, too.