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why did he ask for my number and not call? is he just not into me?

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I think you just have your own biological urges making you want to have sex at your own pace, and you're struggling trying to fit them into these larger ditches of meaning. The empowered female means she has the power to make her own choices however she damn well pleases, it has nothing to do with conformity to any outside element.
These beliefs that you have seem to be the source of excessive confusion in addition to the already arduous task of trying to find a mate you like and who you have some sort of relationship with. Don't pile on the mental stress unnecessarily, that's my take anyway. These morals you have are great things to hold onto in this time of increasing nihilism/cynicism, they provide you a set of guidelines. If anything, that makes you more empowered for living up to them and making sure your partner does as well.
 
mrs_mia_wallace said:
I do not ask boys out.
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Why not? Why do you expect him to do all the work?

I would have missed out on the most amazing relationship of my life if I hadn't initiated communication and asked him to hang out a couple times.

I have yet to understand why some girls just won't ask guys out.
 
Because in my experience once you give a man all the power-- which he has when you ask him out-- he is no longer interested. And I just feel like, as a woman, I want him to do that, it's his job.

I told my ex that I had feelings for him, but that was a bit different-- we were already good friends, and I never asked him out.
 
How does asking a guy out give him all the power? That makes no sense at all. You are wondering why men are so mysterious when you are making the whole situation into a situation in the first place. If you aren't willing to do work to involve yourself in to a potential relationship, it's silly to feel bad about nothing happening. You could put the effort in and see if he's actually interested and is just being shy, or whatever, but you want to stick to silly perceptions on why the man needs to ask you out. You're just playing games imo. There isn't anything wrong with some one not wanting to have casual sex, and imo that is a big turn on for me with women. I much rather them stay away from casual sex, as I prefer to stay away from it myself, so I'm not commenting on your desire to not give your body away with out getting to know someone.
 
I did put effort into it! I texted the man, he texted me back, I texted him back, he texted me back, I texted him back, and then nothing. The last message I have from him is asking me about my spring break, which is this week. I told him and then never heard back. It was like as soon as I sent him a text without a question in it he no longer felt obligated to respond.

This man has already rejected me twice in one week-- first by not calling me and then ceasing contact-- and you really think asking him out is the next logical step? Because, IMO, asking him out at this point just reaks of desperation. I texted him, he knows I'm interested. He obviously is not, or he would have at least texted me back.
 
Seems to me like so far it is only your perception that he has rejected you twice in a week. I wouldn't be so sure of just what he may be thinking, anyway in the meanwhile you keep looking, maybe find better pick later.
I wonder if he is just pretending to withdraw in order to make sure you aren't like his last
(fictional) nutty gf who kept calling & texting (still just theorizing) all the time. Most guys need their space & he may just be trying to reconcile his feelings & thoughts of you.
 
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You didn't call him either, so from that respect you've rejected him as well. Also, not carrying on a long text conversation isn't unusual. Some people aren't big texters, nor like to have conversations via text. It's silly to assume what people are thinking based on such little interaction. I'm not saying ask him out, but do the things you want him to do. If you want him to call, there is no reason why you shouldn't call. Calling him instead of him calling you isn't some weird taboo activity. Its also weak to complain about someone not calling you when you aren't bothering calling them. Also, not to say, its messed up to not want to engage in sex, but if the act is already happening, stopping it soon after probably threw the guy signals as if you weren't interested. It may not be that he expects you to put out, but he thinks you aren't interested in him in ways beyond a friendship.

At this point, if you are feeling so negative about the whole thing, might as well move on and not worry about it anymore. No point in making the situation into something bigger than it has to be.
 
PriestTheyCalledHim said:
He could be embarrassed that he wasn't able to get hard or that you wanted to completely stop having sex once that happened.

Or maybe he picked up on the fact that you felt disgusted about him and having sex with him?
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I can't believe it took so long for this idea to come out.
 
So he didn't reply to a text that didn't have a question in it, in a text conversation that may perhaps have run it's course without feeling pushed? That's a little different to not replying to a direct question and doesn't at all suggest he is rejecting you, IMO. Hell, I've done that plenty of times and didn't at all mean I wasn't interested in the person I was chatting to.

You like him and you got on well together? Just send him a message asking to meet up for a few drinks. The worst case scenario is he doesn't reply, but in that case you'll know for sure (instead of assuming) he's not interest. But so what? At least you'd know for sure, right?
 
mrs_mia_wallace said:
Because in my experience once you give a man all the power-- which he has when you ask him out-- he is no longer interested. And I just feel like, as a woman, I want him to do that, it's his job.

I told my ex that I had feelings for him, but that was a bit different-- we were already good friends, and I never asked him out.
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I don't ever ask men out either. No one has ever really interested me to make a huge leap and do something like that. There's too many fish in the sea, and I like a bit of chivalry. But, if you drop hints of interest and they don't bite, then chances are they aren't interested or they just aren't the type of guy you are interested in (the take charge type). If you don't ask men out and you drop hints in whatever way you do, there is two reasons he isn't asking you out: he isn't interested or he doesn't see it enough to ask you out.

I would just be cool and forget him and just keep doing you. If you know you are being clear in your messages and you need a man to take charge for whatever reason, then you can't hang on to him and keep throwing out hints and driving yourself crazy. The type of man that takes the hint and goes for it doesn't waste time with the back and forth games.

If this guy is someone you truly feel connected to and he isn't getting the hint, then the only way to do what you need to do is ask him to go out. Dinner, movies, coffee, whatever.

ETA: Oops, I forgot about the sex, not hard thing. He's probably really embarrassed and doesn't want to be in that situation again. You should also ask yourself if you want to deal with that kind of thing with a brand new relationship. Dealing with that stuff takes a lot of patience.
 
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billdeserthills said:
Seems to me like so far it is only your perception that he has rejected you twice in a week. I wouldn't be so sure of just what he may be thinking, anyway in the meanwhile you keep looking, maybe find better pick later.
I wonder if he is just pretending to withdraw in order to make sure you aren't like his last
(fictional) nutty gf who kept calling & texting (still just theorizing) all the time. Most guys need their space & he may just be trying to reconcile his feelings & thoughts of you.
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fucking YES mate!

OP = as long as you're wondering if he's into you- instead of actually finding out, or putting your attention towards something else for the time being - you're going to drive yourself mad over it...and might resent him for it when he does finally call. Just know that you both have your own lives - for all you know he could have A) 3 other lasses on the go; or B) has simply had a hard week at work, and is doing the best he can to show interest in you while still trying to remain vaguely aloof so he doesn't seem TOO keen and scare you off.

Just go with the flow, know in your head on some level he's into you, and if you just cool your mind down, you will get a piece of him and then some in the near future.

What happens in that near future is anyone's guess, & you can only influence it so much...so just let whatever's gonna happen happen.
 
I asked him out and he turned me down.

I sent him this "hey i'm gonna be oakland later today if you want to get together for a drink or two" and he responded immediately with "hey sorry i'm not in oakland right now i had to run a bunch of errands today." Obviously I did not mean now? Who runs errands on a Saturday night and who uses that as excuse not to see someone? Why even bother to respond if you're just gonna come up with some weird excuse like running errands on a Saturday night?
 
It sounds like you have a very bad image of yourself - if you think everything he does is a rejection...well, you must not think much of yourself.

That's crap - stop thinking like that - it't not helpful - tell yourself he wants to see you, but he's busy. Errands on a saturday night? totally plausible!
 
If he wanted to see you, he'd see you. The rejection part sucks, and it hurts, but not every hookup ends in a relationship. Time to move on.
 
Simply_Live said:
Aren't you sometimes busy? I'd just let it go and learn from your feelings of disgust that doing that sort of thing is not for you.
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absolutely this.
J.D. said:
If he wanted to see you, he'd see you.
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and this.

op, rejection does suck but it seems pretty clear from his behaviour that he doesn't want to be with you. why would you want to be with somebody who doesn't want to be with you? learn from this, move on and find somebody who wants to be with you...

alasdair
 
Sorry, mia. It happens to the best of us. :)

Don't beat yourself up. It happens. You tried, and at least you know so you don't question yourself anymore. If he is turning you down and not following up, then just leave it alone. Don't waste your time on this guy. There are plenty of fish in the sea, girly. :)

He might have just gotten hugely embarrassed after the sex thing. Who knows, but at least you gave it your best shot.

If he wanted to see you, he would have followed up with "I can't do it now, but maybe tomorrow or some other day?" So yeah, I'd take this one as a no-go.
 
Well, I wouldn't stress this instance too much - but instead look at the reasons / feelings you have towards sex. Obviously you feel that you made a mistake by getting drunk and having sex, but your body sure didn't at the time. aka - ya need a boyfriend.

In regards to the "I don't ask the other sex out" - well that rules out a lot of people - however I understand how that goes. I don't ask girls out. Refuse to. None that I have are worth my effort / aren't what I thought - so I just patiently wait for someone to court me, and I go about interacting with them for a couple weeks, then decide whether I want a physical relationship / dating, or if I wish to maintain just a friendship. There is NOTHING wrong with staying abstinent. I didn't bother between my 1st gf and 2nd for ~2.5 years. Not because I couldn't find anyone, I just wasn't really interested. Personal improvement was more on my mind / other hobbies at the time.

There's nothing wrong with your thinking, imo. The current way of things (how sex is a pass-time) is a bit fcked. Sure it's fun, but not with random people imo. That is dirty. Like walking around a public bathroom w/o shoes.
 
Lysis said:
If he wanted to see you, he would have followed up with "I can't do it now, but maybe tomorrow or some other day?" So yeah, I'd take this one as a no-go.
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My thoughts exactly. He's obviously not interested in me, whatever the reasons are. I think it's pretty clear it's a rejection.... so I deleted his number, and will move on. Its his loss, not mine. ;)
 
I believe this is called beer goggles.
Next time try meeting people when you are both sober (no offense)
 
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