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Drugs in front of kids?!?

captaincaveman

captaincaveman

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 30, 2007
Messages
246
Location
london
Hi,
I posted a while ago about a pal who was getting thro' an eighth of smack a day. Anyway, he came over the other day with his three year old in tow. He told the kid he had to do his 'medicine' and started getting the foil out ready to have a smoke. I freaked out and took the kid to the park. Thing is he used to come round to get away from the kids and get high which was fair enough (sort of!). I've done some pretty shady things on drugs in my time but I draw the line at getting loaded in front of kids. He said the kids too small to understand what he's doing which I suppose is true but still its bang out of order. I'm tempted to call the social services but I don't think going into care is exactly a decent option (abuse and god knows what else).

Any suggestions? I've brought up NA, he's not interested. Went to a meeting myself and told them what was going on and they said I should bring him along. His excuse is that he's got to look after the kids! He also thought it was amusing to let the kid have a drag on his cigarette. I'm no angel but his behaviour is doing me in.
 
I hear you, that's really off putting. You're right, calling social services won't exactly improve the kid's life. You probably have a better chance just trying to talk sense into your friend. The kid is 3 years old? Trust me, he remembers some things, especially repeated things. I remember shady things my parents did when I was super young and they thought I was "too young to understand". Maybe I didn't understand it then, but I did remember it and now thinking back, I understand and know what was going on.

Don't ever underestimate the intelligence of a toddler. :p
 
Yea.... that is really fucked up. Try to reason with your friend. Kids shouldnt have to deal with that bs.
 
I have voiced my concerns to him a few times. He says that as his partner (the kids mum) died at christmas, he needs to 'relax'. Well fair enough, I feel sorry for him but the kids lost his mum and can't exactly resort to numbing the pain with smack. Also the point that kids are more perceptive than you realise is probably true. For three year old he's pretty advanced. I can sometimes have a better conversation with him than his father especially if the dad's off his face!
 
I sounds to me like there would be little reasoning with him. Are you friendly with his family? Perhaps you can talk them and consider doing an intervention with him, Maybe he needs a really hard kick in the shin. I don't have much experience with interventions, but they seem to mean more when you have all sit him down tell him how you feel about his addiction, the dangers for the child, and make him think hard that he most certainly could lose..
My heart goes out to the little one. Keep us up to date. Best of luck to you I hope you can get something done there. and the unsafe environment
 
He needs to have a family and friends intervention before Child Protective Services has an intervention of their own and removes the children from his care. Their are professional intervention services, and I would strongly suggest you and his family (if they are willing to participate) pursue this.
 
As a child I saw my mother use opiates, granted they were pharmaceuticals, up close and personal. She would be gobbling pills, going to doctors' offices, the whole lot. Anyway it started when I was 5, and she died when I was 12. I used to blame her, but I no longer do as I can very much indentify with her. Frankly, I don't think it is "wrong" morally for this guy to be doing this. It isn't ideal, and it is not the best thing to be doing, but he is an opiate addict. Intervention of some sort that would take away his kids is not healthy for neither him nor his kids. It is not a good situation, but it could easily be made worse. Have a respectable, non-judgmental conversation with him, casually so as not upset him, maybe suggest Suboxone/Subutex or just cutting back on the smack. I would be most concerned about him nodding out while driving.
 
I sounds to me like there would be little reasoning with him. Are you friendly with his family? Perhaps you can talk them and consider doing an intervention with him, Maybe he needs a really hard kick in the shin. I don't have much experience with interventions, but they seem to mean more when you have all sit him down tell him how you feel about his addiction, the dangers for the child, and make him think hard that he most certainly could lose..
My heart goes out to the little one. Keep us up to date. Best of luck to you I hope you can get something done there. and the unsafe environment
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While I have philosophical issues with interventions, in a situation like this I would be hard pressed to argue against one. He needs to either get clean or find a way to not use around his kid, or the kid will be taken. Sooner or later it will happen. And while they may not understand the whole picture about why people get high and what it entails, but I guaran-fucking-tee that the kid will remember this in some way.
 
There is a difference between being a snitch and looking out for a child's well-being. I would call CPS immediately. Whoever that is does not deserve to have a child.
 
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Thanks for replies. In terns of suboxone, he has a script for methadone, which he takes before dropping the kid off at nursery. He hasn't really got any family and his partner's family won't take the kid because he also has a brother who is severely disabled. That's right this guy also looks after a kid who is downs syndrome, cannot speak and has walking difficulties. This is another reason why he says he can't quit, because he can't be sick for a week as no one else will look after the disabled kid.

The situation is a complete mess. To be honest one of the reasons I think he doesn't want to put the kid(s) in care is because he's using the disability living allowance the kid receives to supplement his habit. It beggars belief I know. I've tried talking to him calmly basically saying that the situation is clearly not sustainable. He's spent about four grand since december on drugs and I'm lending him money so he can buy the disabled kid nappies (diapers).

Not really sure what I can do. I've done the shopping for him a couple of times to make sure he's getting food and I've also given him money so he can avoid getting sick. This is enabling I know but what else can I do? The kids are young enough to be adopted but as one is disabled its unlikely anyone will want him and I don't know if brothers can be split up or if thats a good idea anyway. His daily routine is crazy, gets up and fixes himself, then sorts the kids out (feeding them, dressing them etc). He puts down the spiralling drug use to the pressures of looking after the kids and took great offence when his late partners best friend suggested putting the kids in care. The disabled kid spends a lot of time in hospital and he stays with him all the time he is in there so he does care.

I suggested telling a social worker but he thinks they'll take the kids off him. I also offered to book him into a cheap hotel for a week and let the kids uncle look after them while he does a quick detox. He's pretty keen on that idea. My rule is that I'll have his mobile while he's there and no money. Is this crazy? Sorry for rant but its a mental situation!
 
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parents who smoke weed are one thing, but anyone that is addicted to hard drugs and is supposed to look after kids needs a reality check.
 
To intervene in some fashion would violating two of his liberties and freedoms every human being should be entitled to. Firstly, you would be robbing him of his children. That is wrong. Secondly, you would be forcing him to give up drugs, not by his own will, but your will. If decides to use, it is his choice. He does seem to be taking care of the children, and until they are subject to clear and present danger, it would be wrong of you to intervene in this affair. As I said my mother was an opiate addict, and while there were others to help raise me, I am not any worse off for it. Eventually, however, she, by her own will put me into my grandmother's custody. She realized she could no longer care for me sufficiently. She came to that decision. Her death was cause of esophogeal cancer, not drug-related in any fashion. My feelings on this matter do not seem to be popular, however I will defend them because it is what I feel is right.
 
The situation is bound to get worst for not only him but the kids as well.... I think intervening before things take that turn is only right.
 
Alex000 said:
To intervene in some fashion would violating two of his liberties and freedoms every human being should be entitled to. Firstly, you would be robbing him of his children. That is wrong. Secondly, you would be forcing him to give up drugs, not by his own will, but your will. If decides to use, it is his choice. He does seem to be taking care of the children, and until they are subject to clear and present danger, it would be wrong of you to intervene in this affair. As I said my mother was an opiate addict, and while there were others to help raise me, I am not any worse off for it. Eventually, however, she, by her own will put me into my grandmother's custody. She realized she could no longer care for me sufficiently. She came to that decision. Her death was cause of esophogeal cancer, not drug-related in any fashion. My feelings on this matter do not seem to be popular, however I will defend them because it is what I feel is right.
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I don't wish to violate any of his rights or rob him of his children. Firstly he does want to get off the gear but doesn't think he can do it and look after the kids at the same time. Also what about the kid's rights? I'm sorry you had issues with your mother and well done for getting on being "not any worse for it" but you had a grandmother to look after you. Your right its his freewill to live his life any way he chooses but what if the choices out kids in danger? He's nodded with a cigarette burning before (he told me) and what if an inquisitive kid finds a bag and thinks it's a sweetie? I'm all for personal liberty but that doesn't mean you can do what the hell you want and sod the consequences
 
Missykins said:
Can he do a medical detox instead of a hotel detox? But it's what happens after detox that matters, we all know that.
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A medical detox would be ideal but the local detox clinic has been closed down (thanks to a conservative government). He's kicked before so knows what to expect, but your right a week in a travel lodge isn't ideal. Imagine the maids coming into the room after day 4, not a pretty sight. He's even said he'd be better off in prison (where he kicked before). So he definitely wants to do it
 
Only if his children are in clear and present danger should they be removed forcibly from the custody of their father.
 
Alex000 said:
Only if his children are in clear and present danger should they be removed forcibly from the custody of their father.
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I get what you're saying and as I said previously I don't think putting the kids into a care would improve their situation (I once reported on child abuse in a carehome that seems to be endemic in the UK). Clear and present danger? Well if the I thought the kids were in immediate threat of being injured I'd get on the phone straight away. But what lasting damage is being done to them now. Maybe social services might get him in a programme and return the kids once he has straightened out. I think social services want to keep kids with their parents as much as possible (probably not out of any altruistic motivation, more likely financial constraints).
 
captaincaveman said:
A medical detox would be ideal but the local detox clinic has been closed down (thanks to a conservative government). He's kicked before so knows what to expect, but your right a week in a travel lodge isn't ideal. Imagine the maids coming into the room after day 4, not a pretty sight. He's even said he'd be better off in prison (where he kicked before). So he definitely wants to do it
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Is there an outpatient program of any type there after detox or does he have someone to take him to meetings each day in the beginning?
 
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