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Bondage and Domination fixes relationships!!

Like someone said you can learn to deal with it or find a nice master. Its all up to you
But to me sex is veryyyyyyyy important ! If im not satisfied im like a cat in heat :) won't stop
 
psychoblast said:
Perpetual Indulgence: and you wonder why you are single again?
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I am single because I don't want children. My husband was aware of this 7+ years ago. I didn't give up. If I conceded, that would have meant doing something I am so vehemently opposed to. I gave him 4 months to figure himself out. I don't wonder why I am single. I know why and I am fine with it. Self righteous asshole.
 
Simply_Live:

The answer is that an altruistic person cares about more than their own happiness. If all I cared about was my own happiness, I would not have bothered to start this thread. If I find a tool that increases my own happiness, that I think will be effective for others, I share it.

In fact, it is not entirely altruistic because people living with sexual dysfunction create a dysfunctional society and this impacts everything. You can link sexual and romantic frustrations to economic selfishness, to greed-based thinking, to a society that makes prisons a higher priority than schools or hospitals. To war-mongering. I'm not alone in thinking a lot of the societal ills we deal with are byproducts of sexual and romantic dysfunctions and frustrations and that addressing those issues would do a lot of good society-wide, world-wide. And I, as a citizen of the planet, would thus benefit in creating a better place for myself and my progeny.

~psychoblast~
 
^ while i applaude your desire to share and help, i find your approach is generally lacking in compassion. you believe you are an altruist but i don't think altruism and a comment like this:
psychoblast said:
But in this lazy, short-sighted society, people like you give up if the going gets touch, so you never see it through and realize the personal growth that awaits a person who does NOT give up. And you wonder why you are single again?
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really have very much in common.

i think a better title for the thread would have been "Bondage and Domination fixed my relationship!!" because it's clearly not a silver bullet.

regards

alasdair
 
There are some relationships that are unfixable.. I can think of a few men.. well one in particular that I could really damage.

Hes not worth doing time for..
 
psychoblast said:
Simply_Live:

In fact, it is not entirely altruistic because people living with sexual dysfunction create a dysfunctional society and this impacts everything. You can link sexual and romantic frustrations to economic selfishness, to greed-based thinking, to a society that makes prisons a higher priority than schools or hospitals. To war-mongering. I'm not alone in thinking a lot of the societal ills we deal with are byproducts of sexual and romantic dysfunctions and frustrations and that addressing those issues would do a lot of good society-wide, world-wide. And I, as a citizen of the planet, would thus benefit in creating a better place for myself and my progeny.

~psychoblast~
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I tend to take the perspective that all the crap we eat / consume is doing much more damage, but to each his own.

alasdairm said:
i think a better title for the thread would have been "Bondage and Domination fixed my relationship!!" because it's clearly not a silver bullet.

regards

alasdair
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I agree. Psychoblast, you seem like a genuinely fine fellow, but maybe your ideas on S&M fixing relationships would hurt another's relationship. If I was sadistic toward Addip, our relationship would go down the tubes very quickly.

I think it's a rare occasion that it helped your relationship and I'm glad it did. I'm glad things are working out for you and your girlfriend. But being forceful and holding the leadership over another person doesn't always fix relationships.
 
psychoblast said:
llama12:

...humans evolved to have the male be dominant and that men who SEEM submissive have simply not yet DEVELOPED that part of themselves, and so they are incomplete, and women may sense the need for a dominant personality in a relationship and may try to fil that roll...
~psychoblast~
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Hey bluelighters I lurk all psy forums so I''m not new but I registered just because I had to answer to this wrong in so many levels post.
I wrote a huge response to it but then something happened and it got deleted and I can't write it again so maybe that's the karma so I'll keep it short.

I used to be very ...reserved... about any responsibility about life, and I loved for all pressure to be off me when I first started my sex life, so you may say I really liked being submissive when I was a young boy. My sex life started at 17 and I was definately a sub all my teenage years, I was a dom rarely until 20. And then I decided that too many chix are subb and too few guys are dom. So I went to the other side. I loved to tie up chix and look at them helpless to resist the pleasure. I loved the marvelous ways our subconscious mind reverse engineers the imprinted post-christianity guilt about sexual pleasure through all kinds of creative BDSM metaphors. Sooooo. since I can switch I decided to "DEVELOP", as you so capslockedly say, myyyy....,what at the time I belived to be nature inherited, dominance as a man. It's fun, man, but it's not what you say it is and your generalizations are kind of sexist and insulting. I was stupid and conformist, believed in this alpha male bullshit, on a sosubconscious way. maybe I watched too much disney as a kid idk.


But focusing on reality...
I've been around, I know the scene, I never was in the BDSM subculture scene directly since those guys are too hardcore, but I know shit. I don't want to sound like a grandpa, but I sometimes the best way to say it is like this. Just to say you've been places. Only with gfs and fuck buddies, never got as deep as the private basement gangbang clubs tho I dated an ex-clubber once. a long way. From light fluffy handcuff bondage to nametag piercings and molding ur own slavegirl etc.

This long overture is some kind of way to tell you that I'm not pulling what I want to say out of my ass, and that it's really based on experience truth-seeking and clear-mindedness and enough mescaline for an abstract view as well.

here it is:
"simply not yet DEVELOPED that part"
is a nice way to obfuscuate:
"power corrupts"

Bondage and power play is... metaphorical capitalism. It's safety. Invulnerability. Powerless to resist pleasure. Or having power over somebody and their pleasure. Freedom from self-consciousness. escape from responsibility. from critcism and expectations.
It's the west. Babylon. Post-christian side-effects of taboo sexuality.

Tantra, something that can teach you real sex, is sex between equals. sexual equals. D/S can emerge, but it's a momental archetype.

I hope you don't get me wrong. I don't hate on BDSM, its fun, necessary for me at this point.
I just have a problem with you labeling bondage as a panacea and some universal truth about the nature of mankind. Real uninhibited humans in sex are both selfishly aggressive, there is no sub so there is no need for a dom...
Some people wake up and realize that they've been extrapolating real issues with their emotional self-sufficiency in their fetishism, and it takes a while for you to realize that you are not happy, I hope it doesn't hit you in the head too late or also I hope maybe BDSM really fixed your relationship concerns instead of masking them but I wish you the best nonetheless.




just my 2c

EDIT: post-processing
 
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^ agree. I think the OP is over-excited at discovering something new, and I think he doesn't yet know certain darker corners of his (and his wife's) soul; it is always exciting to discover fantasy play together and open up sexually.

While I see BDSM as a journey and definitely a thrill, and even find therapeutic qualities when done with someone I'm very close to, the OP's post has been so over simplistic and at points so utterly rude and dismissive of other people's experiences (which were often painful and highly personal ones, and which the OP was very arrogant and unnecessarily hurtful about - and yes I'm mainly thinking about PI) I avoided posting here so far for this reason. So thank you.
 
^ "could have" but didn't because it was "play" and not "fight".

I agree with OP about how there are many shortcomings in current western society that could be easily explained with repressed dom/sub archetypes that many people do not have a safe outlet for them. Kinda like the observation that it seems there are a whole lot of bible-thumping gaybashers who "accidentally" signal for bathroom blowjobs at the airport. But I also agree that the concept of power play is a very dangerous subject in the hands of someone who doesn't understand its purpose. BDSM in the hands of someone who truly wants to inflict damage upon their partner? No thanks. Dom/sub in the context of a loving relationship that is ultimately about the strength of the pair bond? Hell yes please.

I myself (male) find that sometimes I like to be submissive and allow my partner (female) to take control for the sake of fantasy and letting my power and responsibility disappear. But other times I throw her down and make her squeal like a little girl. Some people have said that it's actually the sub who is in control of the situation, because the dom has no choice but to perform acts that are mutually stimulating to both players. In fact I find myself far more in tune with my partner's body and mind when I am the Dom over her, because I am paying such close attention to every response.
 
It's cool that you and your partner found a new way to have fun sexually, but it's a little self-indulgent to propose right in the title of this thread that suddenly it "fixes relationships."

I spent some time sharing a lot of fantasies with a girl who was really into being submissive and me taking control, and it was a blast. It sure as hell didn't fix anything, though, as our main problems were still present and continued to get worse until it was completely insurmountable. The sexual aspect was great. It didn't make things worse, nor did it solve anything.

In terms of full-blown bondage stuff, I can imagine that in a comfortable and strong relationship, role playing can have a lot of benefits and it can be very exciting. What's most important, though, is that both people feel safe and comfortable with the other person. There were certain fantasies this one girl clearly had in mind that I've just never been aroused by, though. The most important thing about sex, to me, is that the girl is enjoying herself just as much as I am.
 
You have some great insight psychoblast. I can read between the lines you write and what I perceive is an opening up of your communication with your partner, in a nutshell it's nothing more. TALK. It doesn't matter whether it's BDSM, swinging, open relationships or whatever. Getting into your partner is getting into their minds, let them flourish, if it doesn't upset you it will enhance and nourish your relationship.
 
Simply_Live said:
... It wasn't always "play"... And there were some marks that were left, though I hope they've vanished throughout the years.
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What was it then? Serious business like Non-consensual? Sexual assault+forcible confinement +aggravated assault?

Perhaps you meant to kill the person? Self Defense?

I dunno about you, but I can tell the difference between a playful strike for sake of bdsm (one where I do not intend to cause death or major injury that would require a Dr) and one that is intended to be a serious blow with the goal of incapacitating the person. Very different things.
 
My wife and I agree on the whole "it's been like 15,000-150,000 years (depending on faith/beliefs) that humans have evolved into their traditional mating and relationship habits, and just in the past 100 years or so we think we can ignore that..."

We have had a lot of revelations on how it seems that the population is manipulated. It used to be one member of the family would represent everybody with one job. Then, fast forward... now not only is it almost necessary for both partners to work, thus making the state or TV raise most kids... but the salaries are half intrinsic value respectively of what they used to be. Also over 50 percent of marriages end in divorce, and over 50 percent of households don't follow traditional man woman kids layout. In African American communities, the effect is increased, they are almost not replicating, I've seen the real data. The graphs of "percentage of Americans who support/reject same sex marriage" looks like an x. Everything has flip flopped, and if you just do a little research, you can see all these soft-kill methods and population control through sterilization, feminization of men, butch-ization to women, and manipulation on sexual preference in the media.

Once my wife and I decided to have a more traditional outlook things brightened up sooo much better. We still do all kinds of techno fun things, just check out my posts on ecstasy discussion... we like almost only talk about crazy awesome sex..... but just the acceptance that She is a beautiful feminine woman, and I am a man who wants to work hard and take care of her... helped us to open a lot of doors.
 
ntr420 said:
My wife and I agree on the whole "it's been like 15,000-150,000 years (depending on faith/beliefs) that humans have evolved into their traditional mating and relationship habits, and just in the past 100 years or so we think we can ignore that..."
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Your time frame on human history. Right, now, if we trace back to our last universal common ancestor (that is, the last living thing from which all others are descended, humans included) It's going to be a prokaryote in the pre-cambrian era. i.e. by your argument, we should work our mating system around splitting ourselves in half while not using oxygen as a terminal electron acceptor, as that stage accounts for a longer period of evolutionary time than EVERYTHING else combined.
Course, given the WIDE array of human sexual behaviors, one might come to think social factors play a huge role too, and social factors can be changed and adjusted as fast as you want.
It used to be one member of the family would represent everybody with one job.
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This, of course, happily explains things like 8 year old miners and 14 year old infantry soldiers, because obviously the kid just WANTED to work at back breaking labor in dangerous conditions, had NOTHING to do with poverty or need for more income.

and lol@infowars... here, I'll let you in on big secret!
Ministry of Health and Long Term Care Aeromedical helicopters in Ontario are really anti-gravity driven hover craft made by lizard alien overlords who use them to control the banks, but they also spray secret sterilization chemtrails with them. True Story.
 
A lot of things can be sexually selected for based on social trends over generations and across sub-cultures.

I suppose feeling like stripping out everything except a more core self that is acting in a more natural and honest animalistic way could be very liberating.

:)
 
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