• S E X
    L O V E +
    R E L A T I O N S H I P S


    ❤️ Welcome Guest! ❤️


    Posting Guidelines Bluelight Rules
  • SLR Moderators: Senior Staff

Can't overcome awkwardness....

Reefers

Reefers

Bluelighter
Joined
Apr 5, 2008
Messages
104
This is the first time for me to ask for advice... It's a complex situation but I'll keep it short.

A couple weeks ago I went out with a friend who introduced me to some girls. I had just come from work and I was feeling very good and lively, and made a great first impression - I was confident and looking good, and I made everyone laugh a lot. I thought one girl in the group was good looking. The second was cute but fat, and the third was taken. After the bar I invited them all over for drinks and food, but the cute single one bailed, and the taken girl bailed. It just ended up being the fat girl and me at the house. I was fucked up on etizolam and alcohol and told her she could sleep over so she didnt have to drive home drunk, but I also told her I didnt want to hook up.

I took a bunch of clonazepam to get to sleep, and we ended up kissing a lot. She gave me a bj but I fell asleep in the middle of it. The next several days she was texting me up a storm like she was in love with me. I told her straight up a couple days later when we were gonna hang out as a group (but then everyone bailed but the two of us) that I wasnt interested in her like that...

So we hang out as a group this past weekend with her, the cute girl, and a mutual guy friend of the cute girl and me (the friendship I just found out about). He is kind of like my insider. She seems into me a lot, but whenever I tried to flirt I felt really, really awkward because the fat girl was there and I kept feeling like I was tearing her up inside. I took the cute girl to the bar to get a drink and looked across the bar and the fat girl was all eyes on us.

I really like this girl, and I feel that she likes me, but I cant overcome the awkwardness. First, she is shy. Then we have the fat girl making me not want to make moves, and on top of that I'm incredible hesitant naturally for some reason to try to escalate things with shy girls. It seems impossible. Everything I do feels awkward and nothing I try to do to advance things between us feels natural.

Even on benzos and drinking I feel that everyone is looking at me awkwardly when making flirt moves. I feel that my confidence is reduced with alternating tramadol usage and withdrawal cycles also.

The fat girl always tried to flirt with me regardless. She is practically in love with me. Should I tell her I like the cute girl? It may be good that she knows straight up but idk if it would alleviate any awkwardness. Theyre best friends so I dont know if I can make it work. I'd try and get the girl to hang out just me and her but we're not quite at that point yet and I think it would be easier to hang out in a group, with the other guy too.

I just wish I was more fearless and didn't give a fuck... Benzos sometimes give a paradoxical reaction with me also. I will be feeling like THE MAN then after a benzo or a couple drinks I feel like an non-confident idiot.

There's another girl who I'm interested in too... maybe I should just go that route. Just sucks knowing this girl probably likes me.
 
1. Don't tell her you're into her friend. Will do nothing but cause drama -before- you get somewhere with her.
2. Ask the cute girl if you could go hang out somewhere just you too.
3. Reiterate to other girl that you're not interested and it makes you uncomfortable that she doesn't respect that.
 
I tease my friend to this day about the girl that fell in love with him on a benzo binge...
 
You need to get alone time with the girl that you like. And tell the girl that you don't like, that likes you, make sure that she knows you don't like her. Maybe you weren't obvious about it.
 
Thanks for the advice guys. I'll pull her aside next time we hang out as a group and tell her I'm interested in her but dont want her friend to know for now because shes making it awkward. At the same time I'll ask if she wants to hang out not in a group (in other words, alone) and we can either go out and do something or just relax and make food and drink wine.
 
I have a question for the OP; why don't you like the fat girl? Is it just because she's fat or is it more than that? I mean, if you felt comfortable with her and conversation was easy and she likes you, WTF? She can lose weight you know. Being in love with you could be just the motivation she needs to lose the weight. Who knows but I wouldn't toss any woman out that quickly over something so petty.
 
BeachBum4u said:
Who knows but I wouldn't toss any woman out that quickly over something so petty.
Click to expand...

You can't control attraction, not matter what the reason is. Without both emotional and physical attraction, it's very hard to maintain a relationship, especially on the male side of things when physical attraction isn't there.

I couldn't date a woman of another race, unless they're mixed. Strange thing though is I strongly prefer mixed race girls to white girls. I also am not physically attracted to girls who are muscular or larger than above average.

I also can't be emotionally attracted to someone who is religious (no matter which), or someone who isn't intelligent.

There is no such thing as "petty" unless you are basing your decision on your reputation, rather than whether or not you are attracted to someone. Dating a fat girl when you aren't attracted to them, to appear "open minded" is petty.
 
The only thing really awkward here is falling asleep in the middle of a BJ ... :?
 
The two of them being friends makes things infinitely more complicated. Its very possible the cute one likes you but knows her friend also likes you and doesnt want to hurt her friend. Since the fatty is more open to showing she likes you and the cute one is shy, the cute one might think that her friend somehow had dibs on you first. Its going to be a really awkward moment but you need to communicate to the cute one that you are not into her friend, and that you like her and that you know they are friends but that's just the way it is. Its very possible that she wont want to get with you for the sake of her friend but I think that is your best bet. I would not tell the fatty that you like her friend beforehand, that will give her time to talk all kinds of shit on you to her friend behind your back. Try and keep her as uninvolved as possible.
 
BeachBum4u said:
I have a question for the OP; why don't you like the fat girl? Is it just because she's fat or is it more than that? I mean, if you felt comfortable with her and conversation was easy and she likes you, WTF? She can lose weight you know. Being in love with you could be just the motivation she needs to lose the weight. Who knows but I wouldn't toss any woman out that quickly over something so petty.
Click to expand...

I work my ass off to have an AMAZING body. I'm lean, tall, and fit. It fucking disgusts me how some people have no respect for their bodies. I can understand how some people follow a strict diet, go to the gym religiously, run, etc. and still cannot meet their goals. Sometimes it's genetics. However, this is not the case most of the time, and this is not the case here. Drinking, smoking, not exercising, and eating bar food and junk food all the time is ridiculous. And being called petty because I openly discriminate on the physical outcome of such activities is ludicrous.

I have no emotional respect for such a person, and I am not physically attracted to such a person whatsoever.

Aetherius Rimor said:
You can't control attraction, not matter what the reason is. Without both emotional and physical attraction, it's very hard to maintain a relationship, especially on the male side of things when physical attraction isn't there.

I couldn't date a woman of another race, unless they're mixed. Strange thing though is I strongly prefer mixed race girls to white girls. I also am not physically attracted to girls who are muscular or larger than above average.

I also can't be emotionally attracted to someone who is religious (no matter which), or someone who isn't intelligent.

There is no such thing as "petty" unless you are basing your decision on your reputation, rather than whether or not you are attracted to someone. Dating a fat girl when you aren't attracted to them, to appear "open minded" is petty.
Click to expand...

I can relate to not being attracted to a girl who is religious or lacking intelligence. Put my dream girl in front of me, and once I find out she's a devout Christian, then it's a deal breaker.

Cevain said:
The only thing really awkward here is falling asleep in the middle of a BJ ... :?
Click to expand...

That's what alcohol, benzos, a desire to sleep rather than hook up, and a terrible bj will do to a man when he's laying down comfortably in bed.

Care said:
The two of them being friends makes things infinitely more complicated. Its very possible the cute one likes you but knows her friend also likes you and doesnt want to hurt her friend. Since the fatty is more open to showing she likes you and the cute one is shy, the cute one might think that her friend somehow had dibs on you first. Its going to be a really awkward moment but you need to communicate to the cute one that you are not into her friend, and that you like her and that you know they are friends but that's just the way it is. Its very possible that she wont want to get with you for the sake of her friend but I think that is your best bet. I would not tell the fatty that you like her friend beforehand, that will give her time to talk all kinds of shit on you to her friend behind your back. Try and keep her as uninvolved as possible.
Click to expand...

Thanks for the advice. I'll probably just continue to hang out with everyone as a group, make some subtle moves, and the girl will probably be more comfortable advancing as time goes on. In the meantime I have another girl to work on, who is single. And I didn't hook up with any of her friends.
 
im in agreeance with care in this instance. perhaps segregate your time with the woman youre interested in socially, and see if it evolves into anything (without external influence) further.

...kytnism...:|
 
You must consider your needs and your wants first and foremost. People these days are so afraid of being selfish. It is not wrong to be selfish. I am not encouraging you to be inconsiderate or uncaring, have empathy, but put yourself above the others. It is your life you are living. You know you have at least one, make it a good one for lord's sake. Go for what you want! You have the right, you have the ability, you have the power. Believe it, and do it. Pursue whom you wish. Consequences are always going to exist, but that is just a part of life. "To look life in the face, always, to look life in the face, and to know it for what it is..." - Virginia Woolf. Consider these words. It is yours, don't be afraid to live it. Be good, be right, but satisfy your wishes, your needs.
 
BeachBum4u said:
I have a question for the OP; why don't you like the fat girl? Is it just because she's fat or is it more than that? I mean, if you felt comfortable with her and conversation was easy and she likes you, WTF? She can lose weight you know. Being in love with you could be just the motivation she needs to lose the weight. Who knows but I wouldn't toss any woman out that quickly over something so petty.
Click to expand...

I can't believe you're saying this.

Christians can change their beliefs.

Drug addicts can become sober.

Bums can find jobs and homes.

Jack-offs can become nice people.

But I would not date any of the above.

Most people are attracted to what others are, not what they could potentially be.
 
OP - the whole "everyone looking at me etc" is just your guilty conscience...suck it up, breathe it out and get over it - if you like the hot hot girl, stop looking at the fat girl, she'll get over it - how big is your fucking ego!? haha :)

Seriously though - it might smart for a while, but she'll be OK>As long as you just tell her you're into the other girl.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top