Isn't this just as much of a problem as your boyfriends?
I dont see what the problem is. It's not like he fails to get hard and you can't get off, if he is enjoying it then why should he be embarrassed? Plenty of women fail to come from penetration, the only difference here is your poor bloke can't fake an orgasm to give you an ego boost. If he can only come from self manipulation then work with what you got. Practice giving him hand jobs until you are able to get him off and then perhaps you might be able to fulfill your spunk craving that way. You seem to suggest that apart from this he is a great boyfriend, it seems a shame that something so trivial should ruin it for you.
I think this is a very important point.
Kitten, it sounds like your man has delayed ejaculation:"the inability to ejaculate or persistent difficulty in achieving orgasm despite the presence of normal sexual desire and sexual stimulation." often men who have this difficulty have to jerk off after sex to come, or don't come near their partners at all. Now, while I understand your frustration, I also think that it's really unhelpful you saying things like "if he can't then I would rather not have sex like really, when a guy cums in me that's one of the only things to set me off if he can't then it's like dude stop what you're doing... no point to fuck someone that is going to only frustrate me and that I will frustrate." and then you say you're going to stop having sex with him.
If he can't come from penetrative sex, for whatever reason, how is making him feel like whatever he does to please you isn't good enough going to help? You're taking away anything he could possibly give you to get you off so you can both come, and I bet it makes him feel crap so he gives up even trying. And I'm surprised about people saying you should dump him over this - I agree that you should probably dump him for many other reasons and he's made a lot of mistakes, but let's just reverse this and imagine a man complaining about his woman not being able to orgasm during intercourse. Would anyone suggest dumping her over it??
Look, I'm not talking theoretically here. My bf has delayed ejaculation too and it's taken me ages to get my head around it. He comes inside me rarely, maybe every couple of months yet we fuck all the time. It was hard, and for a while I was selfish and emotional and only made him feel worse about himself and the pressure made it much worse. Until one day I woke up and realised: we're crazy attracted to each other, we're both having the best sex we've ever had in all sorts of exciting ways, he'll give me head and fuck me for hours, we both have regular satisfying orgasms: who gives a shit how we get there as long as we do? Stop making this about your ego. He doesn't like his hand more than he likes your pussy, he just needs a certain kind of stimulation to orgasm for whatever reason. Sure, things can improve, I know they have with my bf and I find it easier making him come when we're relaxed around each other and there are no arguments or tensions. But that's because this is when he feels I accept him for who he is. And then he feels less self conscious and more able to let go. It took him over a year to be able to talk openly about how this has been a problems for him since he started having sex and how women often made him feel bad about it. Maybe stop thinking about these socially-entrenched ideas in your head about how he should come and how you'd like to be able to control how he comes, and start paying some attention to how this might make
him feel and what his needs are? If the best he's got to offer you sexually just isn't good enough for you, and if you've decided you can only come when he comes you should let him go. I used to think this way too btw, until I've learned to stop overthinking things and enjoy my orgasms without making this a reason to be co-dependent (like, give up the "we have to come together or it doesn't count" attitude)... and it's done me a world of good, and taught me a lot about accepting people's limitations and differences. Sorry if I'm being harsh... but I think in this case you should have some empathy, whether or not you stay together.
