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Any content opiate addicts out there?

bryan21

bryan21

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 26, 2010
Messages
152
Location
Toronto
Im sort of at a crossroads in my life, well not really my life, but with my habits.
Im using alot more oxy than I used to and am having alot of trouble giving it up. I've never been physically dependant, so never had withdrawals or anything, but being a weekend user is breaking the bank as well as making every day leading up to the weekend a chore. All I really look forward to is the end of the week so I can get my hit. Sometimes I think to myself that this is not the way to live seeing as there is a constant war going on in my head with conflicting interior dialogues. You know, that one last hit mentality. Where every hit is the last until the weekend or payday rolls around and then the cycle goes on. Im thinking that this has to be everything or nothing. Dont do it at all, or just accept physical dependence and do it every day. Take on the junky persona.
Now I know being a fullblown opiate addict is not a good thing. Not because of the social stigma or anything, just because it must be a bitch to be a slave to a chemical, even when it is the source of your pain as well as your joy. Im in school right now, so money is kinda tight and I dont really want to risk fucking up my education with a habit. But I know that I cant go on as an occasional user. Something is going to break. Right now I cant imagine myself not doing opiates. Well I idealize the perfect self in which I dont even want to, but I do want to. Soooo badly. So sometimes I think of the future, a financially stable future that would actually facilitate such a habit. And I think as long as I can afford it, I can keep this up and accept every day use. This way Ill get rid of this interior conflict and Ill be happier. But these are just thoughts.
This is a pretty stupid thread, I know. Im just wondering if there actually are any opiate addicts out there who can sustain their habit and live a generally happy life. People that can look on their life and say 'I shoot smack every day because I can and I wouldnt change a thing.' Is there actually anyone like this?
 
I'm at a pretty disciplined point in my life, but it's taken 10 years of heavy opiate pill use and 1 year of IV use to get here. The way to do it is to not fuck with it on schedule like that, because it will make you start to pay attention to the clock. Or don't do it at all, is probably a better answer. Heroin took away everything I had - apartment, car, tv, computer, bank accounts - everything - in just a couple months. And I started as a weekend user. Then you have to factor in the amount of time it takes to crawl back and become a normal person again.
 
I like the idea of this thread.

I slowed down my use, but am not actually content with the current frequency in which I use. I got it down to 2x a week, but that is till too much for me. I would be a lot more content with using 2x a month, but we will see if that ever happens.
 
You can be happy with the frequency you use, but how can you be happy with the frequency in which you dont use. This is what gets me. How do you stay content with only using a few times a month and not be craving it all the time. Of course you can control yourself with chipper schedules, but how do you enjoy the rest of the days just as much as the ones you use? Sure I have hobbies, I go to school, play in a few bands, gig around Toronto every now and then, but drugs just make all this stuff so much more enjoyable and theres no denying it. Of course I enjoy my activities when Im sober, its what I live for, but I know that I would enjoy it all more with a nice warm opi buzz. It makes me think 'why fight it?'

I want to hear from someone (if this someone exists) who knows what Im talking about and has given in and is happy and able to maintain it.

This is fucking pandoras box man, we opened it and we know damn well whats inside and it just wont go away.
 
bryan21 said:
You can be happy with the frequency you use, but how can you be happy with the frequency in which you dont use. This is what gets me. How do you stay content with only using a few times a month and not be craving it all the time.
Click to expand...

You get high off of the discipline and power.
 
That's a good question. I share it with people who I enjoy being close to already, to add to the pleasure of a long, filthy weekend lying in bed together. Otherwise, walking around knowing that I can control my urges gives me a rush of arrogance that drugs can't compete with.
 
captainballs said:
That's a good question. I share it with people who I enjoy being close to already, to add to the pleasure of a long, filthy weekend lying in bed together. Otherwise, walking around knowing that I can control my urges gives me a rush of arrogance that drugs can't compete with.
Click to expand...

I respect that. Maybe some day for me.

Come on people lets get some more discussion here. Who's fine with being a smackhead? Or maybe Im just a bit naive to think this person can exist. Either way, the thread was worth a shot
 
bryan21 said:
You can be happy with the frequency you use, but how can you be happy with the frequency in which you dont use. This is what gets me. How do you stay content with only using a few times a month and not be craving it all the time. Of course you can control yourself with chipper schedules, but how do you enjoy the rest of the days just as much as the ones you use? Sure I have hobbies, I go to school, play in a few bands, gig around Toronto every now and then, but drugs just make all this stuff so much more enjoyable and theres no denying it. Of course I enjoy my activities when Im sober, its what I live for, but I know that I would enjoy it all more with a nice warm opi buzz. It makes me think 'why fight it?'

I want to hear from someone (if this someone exists) who knows what Im talking about and has given in and is happy and able to maintain it.

This is fucking pandoras box man, we opened it and we know damn well whats inside and it just wont go away.
Click to expand...

I think that some people eventually grow tired of regular opiate use. Like right now I would rather use my money to go out with friends whereas normally I would spend it all on dope. You would think that I would like to be able to do both, but I actually like hanging out while sober sometimes, as crazy as that might sound. :\
 
Maybe because I've never been in a dope scene, nor very deep into the opioid culture despite "chipping" for 8 years till I had to drop out of college, I really never heard of chipping besides on bluelight (I didn't drop out because of using opiates; I got real sick before exams, and struggled to much with my severe ADHD to keep going). The summer after my last semester I fell into a daily addiction at the university and surrounding areas opioid scene (pills; 30s, oxymorphone, occasional fent), and yet never heard people saying chipping for occasional use. Maybe it was because it was a pill culture because of the location (university in the app mountains), resulting in people doing Florida runs rather than dealing with powder in CLT or RDU (college kids rather not get shot before an exam). I've always been a east coast user, even copping dope once in a while, but never heard of chipping (I'm assuming it has more to do with heroin culture than pharm culture. I don't like heroin much anyway so I also avoided going into the cities, just wish pills didn't get so expensive). Honestly I find it to be a very stupid term, kinda like adding -flip to anything + MDMA. When I chip, I'm close to the fringe of the green, not popping opiates once in a while
 
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I would be a lot more content with my opiate use if it didn't cause physical dependence/withdrawals.
 
I'm not content with my use... I know I shouldn't be using as much as I am. Even though I know its not even near as bad as it use to be but I'm still not content but then again I don't care. At this point, I could be content or not content with my use. It wouldn't change anything I'm doing now because I'm going to keep on doing it no matter how I feel about it... If that make senses, I guess.
 
content that i'm no longer addicted....content when i was high, content with my addiction never.
 
I like to use the term dependent as opposed to addicted. In some folk's minds, they're the same, but in fact, they are not. Personally, I have been on 320mg of Oxycontin for the past 3-4 years. Now my new doc has switched me to Opana ER 160mg. I've had access to heavy narcotics for the past 20+ years and along with the good, there's the bad. Please realize, I have to take it for chronic pain. I'd love to not have to but.... So, my suggestion to get as many narcotics as you want is to get in 2-3 near death car accidents, whiplash would help matters, just as long as your body takes a serious beating. You'll probably get set up with whatever you want. Then you can decide how often you want or need to take them. See how easy that is. Piece of cake!

Obviously, I jest! I'm not really suggesting any of the sort but after reading some of the posts here, I'm amazed at what people with do for a few narcotics. I think it's called 'irony". Here I am, needing to take obscene amounts of narcotics. A 53 yo man with a body that's been through hell and here you guys are, healthy folks in your 20's and you guys will do anything to get these drugs but don't "need" them. Don't get the wrong idea, when I was young I did everything under the sun. Mind you, this was in the 70's and things were quite different. But like I said, I just find the irony interesting and I always try to look for a little humor in life. Rock on everyone and I mean no harm. Just an old man, doing what I have to do and enjoying what life has to offer.
 
bryan21 said:
You can be happy with the frequency you use, but how can you be happy with the frequency in which you dont use. This is what gets me. How do you stay content with only using a few times a month and not be craving it all the time. Of course you can control yourself with chipper schedules, but how do you enjoy the rest of the days just as much as the ones you use? Sure I have hobbies, I go to school, play in a few bands, gig around Toronto every now and then, but drugs just make all this stuff so much more enjoyable and theres no denying it. Of course I enjoy my activities when Im sober, its what I live for, but I know that I would enjoy it all more with a nice warm opi buzz. It makes me think 'why fight it?'
.
Click to expand...

I guess that is the million dollar question for all people who love opiates.

Doing opiates everyday is great if I had the cash to afford an everyday habit I would be the happiest man alive. To me what was painful about heroin addiction was the times I couldnt score for whatever reason it was like the most painful breakup of my life times 10.
 
I'm on maintenance now (BRT), so im not facing problems like running out of money or getting sick right now, but I still don't know if I'm content. My problem with heroin is, that when I break down due to stress, or insecurities and go out and cop, the second the smack rushes through my heart and into my brain, I can suddenly see everything with such clarity, that I become confused why I even needed to shoot dope in the first place. Of course once the high begins to fade, I'm back in that nasty fog.

Being content is certainly a thing I strive for, but it's such a hard state of mind to achieve. Even if I was given a lifetimes supply of pure diacetylmorphine, I'd still probably complain, 'cause I'd want some coke to change things up. As far as living happily enough with a heroin habit, I have been there, and I've also been very far from there.
 
Any opiate addict that is content, is only gonna be content because they have a pharm script that is getting them enough of what they want, or they have enough money to continulously buy off the street, and a good dealer...

But what happens when your tolerance gets to high, or you run out of cash and end up dope sick? Then your in for a load of misery, trying to get your opiates. I don't think anyone can be a content opiate user forever... Yea sure It's all fun and games till your pawning off all your sh*t so you can afford your fix.
 
I am a weekend user like yourself, I have kept my use to 1 time a week for 2 years now! Of course some weekends i find better things to do and end up not taking them at all, but I do think about how i cant wait to take my opiates during the week for that weekend. I don't really have this stressing conflict that you describe though. Like the other guy said it makes me feel good about myself knowing i have some self control and can wait/limit my self to once a weekend! Perhaps you should try getting involved in other activities? Clubs, sports anything that might take you mind off them for a little while?
 
im kinda in the same boat OP. i know i should stop and i need to stop but i don't want to. i love it too much. i guess you just gotta give it time? you can't quit until you truly want to and that sucks.
 
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