• S E X
    L O V E +
    R E L A T I O N S H I P S


    ❤️ Welcome Guest! ❤️


    Posting Guidelines Bluelight Rules
  • SLR Moderators: Senior Staff

Will this turn into love?

OnToNeverland

OnToNeverland

Bluelighter
Joined
Sep 9, 2009
Messages
108
I seem to get myself into terrible situations all the time, this is not new grounds for me, but with this one I need a little input or advice.

There is this guy in my life that I now consider to be my best friend. We have been close friends for over 5 years now, but recently, with a lot of hardships coming my way, he's become my best friend. I can talk to this guy about absolutely anything. He's been my shoulder to cry on, my listening ears, advice giver, everything. And I am so thankful to have him in my life. From the beginning of our friendship, I've known that he's had a thing for me and throughout the past few years he's relentlessly confessed his undying love for me.

There's been a few times here and there where I've considered him as being a potential partner, even had a few kissing moments (nothing sexual), but then I always revert to the friend thing. I haven't kissed him in over a year, but with this new-found "best-friend" aspect coming into play I've made sure that my intentions are clear and that I want to keep our relationship at a friend level. He still tells me that he loves me all the time and now it's getting to the point to where he says it's even hard to be friends with me because his feelings are so strong. This absolutely breaks my heart because I love spending time with this guy and he means the world to me.

I know that it may sound like I've been a horrible bitch, stringing him along and bouncing back and forth with my emotions, but that's not what my intentions have been at all. I find this guy very attractive and he has all the qualities I've been looking for, plus not to mention the fact that I can completely be myself around him. I've tried to force myself to feel the same way for him that he feels for me and it's not working at all =(. I honestly want those feelings. I'm not really sure what my deal is? My main issue is that I don't have that "spark" with him. And that's what I've been trying to get with each failed attempt of the kissing episodes. So I guess my main question is, after all these years, would the "spark" have came already, should I continue on in hopes that it will come, or should I just give up on it ever coming and settle? Does a relationship really even need a "spark" in order to survive? Thanks in advance for any input or advice. Peace, love, and harmony <3.
 
Yes, it needs a spark.

It won't take a genius to tell you that you will not have a happy & fulfilling relationship with someone you are not sexually attracted to.

Meanwhile, you should find someone else to be your 'best friend'.

He is not going to stop being interested in you, in fact it will get worse as he has confessed, the closer the two of you get and the more time you spend around each other.

Stop being selfish and needy, and allow some distance so he can get over his feelings you.
 
physical attraction is essential in a romantic relationship.

now the amount of sexual attraction required to maintain a healthy and successful relationship is something which no one can tell you, its something you have to decide for yourself. there are people out there who don't place as much emphasis on it as others do, some people value emotional connection and security more than physical compatibility.

in an ideal world, we'd all find partners who we were very physically attracted to and who could meet our emotional requirements to. unfortunately, life isnt perfect, and sometimes instead of waiting around for a pipe dream, people decide to compromise.

as time goes on, and people mature and grow, different things become more important in life and in relationships. when we're younger we might place 80% emphasis on physical attraction and 20% on emotional compatibility. when we get older, it usually swings the other way, with more emphasis on emotional compatibility and less on physical.

its up to you to decide what the split is with this person, and then how much you value the physical and emotional aspects of it all.



just re-reading your post. you mention you find him attractive, but still dont have a 'spark'. if you find him physically and emotionally attractive but missing the x-factor, the quality that makes you feel butterflies in your gut when you think of them. then perhaps theres nothing you can do

unfortunately if this is the case, then he probably wont understand. and unfortunately, you may have lost a friend here.
 
I am 21. And to those that said I need to quit being selfish and give him space, he will have plenty of that as he is leaving for afghanistan at the beginning of June. I think that's why I'm trying to spend as much time with him now as I can. No one is promised tomorrow. Hopefully I won't lose a friendship because of this, but thanks for all the input.
 
It sounds like the friendship has been all about you from the get-go.

This guy must be extremely patient & while I am not sympathetic for his cause (he is a sucker for spending time around someone who doesn't fancy him back), I do see karma coming back to bite people who string other people along.

All the best to him abroad
 
If you're only 21, you shouldn't be settling for people that you don't have a spark with. Regardless of how great he is, you're simply too young to tie yourself down with someone you have to make compromises like that for.
 
He knows I only want to be friends. I've also been a listener and advice giver to his problems as well. So in my mind the friendship aspect is kinda equal, other than his feelings being a bit different than mine. I don't really think I'm stringing him along since I've made my intentions clear?
 
Yeah, but how would you feel if you were really into this guy, who even though you knew didn't feel the same way about you, insisted you guys spend heaps of time together hanging out? You wouldn't be able to say no, but at the same time it would be like slow torture.

I imagine this is how it is now for your 'best friend'.

Fact is, the simple act of being around each other isn't going to make him feel any less attracted to you, despite what you might feel has been spelled out clearly....

When we have a thing for another person, we always hold a candle of hope that that individual might begin to reciprocate, as futile as it is.

You may have made your 'intentions clear' - but you knew what his intentions always were - therefore, in my mind, making it inexcusable....why cause another person pain and internal heartbreak if it could have been avoided :|
 
he's usually the one who insist on spending time together. He said that he wanted to spend as much time with me as he could before he left and I'm ok with that. You're making me sound like a terrible person.
 
I am a firm believer that you can't give good advice to someone on an online forum unless you know how much the original poster weighs.
 
LOL
what the.
that's hilarious.

I just don't condone the idea of stringing someone along - in essence. you may say one thing but when someone is gaga for you, they hear something else. no means yes in some peoples' books, and I just don't think it's nice to encourage something that will never be.

but if you see a benefit in doing that then that is your prerogative.
 
I do realize that this is an extremely old post, but just for a quick update... The man I spoke about in this post and I have been happily together for almost 2 years now, we're engaged and we have a beautiful 6 month old baby girl =). I suppose even after all those years, a spark can magically occur when the time is right and I couldn't be happier. I am so thankful that he didn't give up on me or else I wouldn't have this wonderful family. So to the few of you who said to cut ties, quit string him along, ect..., I'm sooooooo glad I didn't listen! To all the others, thanks for the advice. Peace, love and harmony <3
 
Thanks for the update. I'm glad things worked out for you the way they have. I needed to hear that.

If you could travel back in time and offer advice to yourself and to the guy you were talking about what would you say?
 
A year to the day almost i met an amazing guy,it did start off as us being together,we were kissing,having sex all the usual stuff.The past 2/3 months we do still sleep in the same bed and we do kiss still but our sex life is really down,iv got myself all worked up about this as iv felt like its something to do with me?hes having a few hard times at the moment because hes ex has stopped him seeing the kids for the past 7 and half months he reckons this is due to her father seeing me and him together so shes got jealous.I felt like at first he was attracted to me both in a psychicall way as well as who i am inside but now hes tod me that hes more attracted to my personality more than anything else.He has told me that hes not that attracted to me psychically but hes not saying im ugly.This confuses me and sort of hurts me in a way as i genuingly thiought he felt as though he fancied me psychically like i do him because we were at one time having sex and it wasnt just sex theres definately feelings involved i felt it.Iv talked to him about this and he says it could be with not seeing the kids(he does suffer with depression quite badly)and that hes just not really got any sort of sex drive,he says its not me but how can i help not think that if hes told me hes not attracted to me like that.Hes said in a round about way that at the moment its more friendship he needs as things are not great for him lately with kids etc.I love him so very much and im totally deep in love with him he has in the past said he can feel this from me and hes also told me he loves me a few times,im sure i feel loved by him anyway,but lately he says he loves me as hes best friend and we are very very close in that way im closer to him than anybody else has been to him and him me im just confused at the moment and hurt because he dosnt seem to want me sexually any more?.My emotions are so mixed up i love him dearly but im scared he just wants to be friends nothing more as im sure its because he dosnt fancy me.Hes said he dosnt do girlfriends but im not after any sort of commitment from him i only left my violent ex partner just over a year ago so the last thing i want at the mo is marriage etc,all i want is for him to want me like he used to when we met sex wasnt every night of the week maybe once/twice but i thought that he was attracted to me and that he really wanted me now i feel like im being rejected by him because im not nice looking.I feel hurt and dont know what to do for the best he must see me and him as seeing each other because i asked him if hewould go with anybody else he said he wouldnt cheat on me,i dont know wether im just being stupid&insecure or am i just being selfish its probably because of him missing his kids and him feeling depressed?when couples first mneet usually that so called "spark"is there and i suppose it was there to an extent with us but i feel like we were both too shy to jump on each other constantly although iv always wasnted to just never had the guts,that typical "spark"may not be there between us but im adament that there is something between us thats so special and like i said when we have had sex its been very heartfelt,theres definately lots of feelings there,its as though we make proper love.Do i hang on in there?im open to any advice atall please with many thanks pamela.
 
Last edited:
Its so lovely to hear that you have met by the sounds of it the love of your life glad to hear that you are happy in life with your very own little family i hope that one day i might be as fortunate,still time for me!good luck
OnToNeverland said:
I do realize that this is an extremely old post, but just for a quick update... The man I spoke about in this post and I have been happily together for almost 2 years now, we're engaged and we have a beautiful 6 month old baby girl =). I suppose even after all those years, a spark can magically occur when the time is right and I couldn't be happier. I am so thankful that he didn't give up on me or else I wouldn't have this wonderful family. So to the few of you who said to cut ties, quit string him along, ect..., I'm sooooooo glad I didn't listen! To all the others, thanks for the advice. Peace, love and harmony <3
Click to expand...
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top