I am finally on the road to sorting out my transgenderism!

[goku4ever]

I was really worried that I wouldn't be comfortable talking about my transgender issues but he was so nice I felt really at ease and was able to tell him everything.
He said that whilst I definetly have gender issues, further analysis is needed to see if I would need the surgery as hes not sure on that. I know why that is too, its one question that was asked I couldn't really answer.
"Do you think you would feel more comfortable in a womans body?"
I struggled to answer that because I don't really know, I don't feel uncomfortable in my own body and I wouldnt feel uncomfortable in a womans body. Id prefer it sure, but comfort hasnt really crossed my mind.
Well, hes referred me to the Gender Identity Clinic in London, who can then prescribe me hormones. But the waiting list to be seen there is about 9 months. urgh, nine months. But at least things are moving forwards.
All of a sudden everything feels a lot more real and Im a little scared. I wanted to wait a while because at the moment Im only on a temporary contract with my job, but all of a sudden I feel like I need to do things sooner. I need to slow down.
Ive started telling my friends. They've been pretty cool about it. I need to tell my parents. THATS what Im worried about.
One thing that did make me laugh though, I mentioned that what made me realise I was transgender was back in december I started having spasms from taking too much methylone. He asked me what other drugs Ive done. I was like "do you want me to say all of them?" and he was like "yeah" that took a while.

 

[RedLeader]

How did taking too much methylone make you realise you wanted to become a woman? I want to understand.

How long have you been flirting with this idea? Have you started "assuming the role" in any ways? i.e. cross-dressing, acting on new interests, sexual changes, etc? That 9 months of waiting time can be a blessing-in-disguise if you are having any hesitations at all about this. I'd spend that time creating the new life that you want after surgery, and really feeling it out to make sure you like it. Sure, you're undergoing a huge physical change, but you'll come out, more or less, with the same mind. So you can really start a lot of the "changing" before the actual physical change happens.

Also, who is "he"? It sounds like a therapist to me, but I want to be sure.

 

[max_]

I have reasons to believe methylone fucks with homornes at some level, in some way, up to some extent. That's all I can/have to say.

 

[n3ophy7e]

That 9 months of waiting time can be a blessing-in-disguise if you are having any hesitations at all about this. I'd spend that time creating the new life that you want after surgery, and really feeling it out to make sure you like it. Sure, you're undergoing a huge physical change, but you'll come out, more or less, with the same mind. So you can really start a lot of the "changing" before the actual physical change happens.

I totally agree with this RL, and would like to reiterate to goku that if you're really sure you want to become a woman, start making some of the non-physical changes now. Hopefully if you make the change a bit more gradual, the transition will be smoother (including other people getting used to the idea that you're no longer a man).

Also, goku, just a quick side note, are you aware that you have a Blogs function on your profile?? If you're going to go through with this I think it could be a really useful tool for you to document the process and what you're going through Give it a try!

 

[Dave]

Brilliant suggestion n3o! I'm sure that there would be many people who would be interested in hearing about gender transitioning from someone undergoing it.

 

[goku4ever]

How did taking too much methylone make you realise you wanted to become a woman? I want to understand.

How long have you been flirting with this idea? Have you started "assuming the role" in any ways? i.e. cross-dressing, acting on new interests, sexual changes, etc? That 9 months of waiting time can be a blessing-in-disguise if you are having any hesitations at all about this. I'd spend that time creating the new life that you want after surgery, and really feeling it out to make sure you like it. Sure, you're undergoing a huge physical change, but you'll come out, more or less, with the same mind. So you can really start a lot of the "changing" before the actual physical change happens.

Also, who is "he"? It sounds like a therapist to me, but I want to be sure.

Sorry, I should have expanded. I had some worrying symptoms when I OD'd on the methylone and after I realised life is too short to piss away and this was something I needed to do. Ive been crossdressing for a while, and I plan to get electrolysis soon. Im growing my hair out, learning about makeup etc and will be starting on a voice alteration programme soon. Ive also started coming out to my friends.
Yea, "he" is the psychiatrist.

 

[effie]

^ I am really glad to hear that you are coming to terms with things goku4ever, it's great to hear you sounding so positive! Making steps like learning make-up etc sounds like a really good plan, will let you ease into things before your planned surgery.

Also good about your psychiatrist - how were they about your list of drugs, out of interest?

I think blogs is a great idea, I'd love to read about what it is like to go through an experience like this and I am sure it would help many people

 

[goku4ever]

^ I am really glad to hear that you are coming to terms with things goku4ever, it's great to hear you sounding so positive! Making steps like learning make-up etc sounds like a really good plan, will let you ease into things before your planned surgery.

Also good about your psychiatrist - how were they about your list of drugs, out of interest?

I think blogs is a great idea, I'd love to read about what it is like to go through an experience like this and I am sure it would help many people

He was like "wow, you know all the chemical names and everything, well I guess understandbly so"
I thought that was a bit weird, like he knew it was the only way for me to stay safe or something. He also seemed to be well aware of mxe and ketamine and their anti-depressant properties.

 

[effie]

Interesting, thanks! Your psychiatrist sounds great, hehe

Have you thought about telling your family? How do you think they will respond? I can understand you feeling apprehensive about it, but families often know/understand a lot more than we think they will. I don't know your parents obviously, but they may well already have an idea.. and often worrying about these things is much worse than actually doing them I find. I think if you are going to go through hormonal treatment and surgery it would be really important to ideally get the support of your family

 

[Sepher]

Hi Gomu. I'm so pleased for you. I can imagine only too well how pleased, and relieved you must be to have taken the first concrete steps on your journey. Enjoy it, because I feel it only fair to warn you that the 9 months wait you currently have is only the first in what will be a very long road. You will have to find reserves of strength you maybe never even knew existed to see this through to the end, if indeed that is what you choose to do. That is not in any way meant to be discouraging. It is simply stating that the reward at the end will come at a price.

The advice to start now with the creation of your female self is spot on. More than that, it is crucial. I dunno if this still applies, but it always used to be the case that if transitioning on the NHS, before you can even be considered for final surgery, as the last stage of the process you will have to live full time, 24/7, as a woman for at least 12 months. You will have hormones available to promote the none-surgical changes, but even so the very small number of people ((( That would be two! ))) I've known transition have found this stage to be very, very difficult. It's a half-way house where you will have few of the positives you'd get from the final transition, and shit loads of negatives. Society is way more tolerant in general of the trans-gendered than it was, but there are still waaaaay too many idiots out there who will find your limbo-esque status as a man trying to be a woman freakish. 'Cock in a frock' is one vulgar-parlance insult you're likely to hear more often than you'd care to.

What can you do to make this easier? As suggested, ease yourself into it slowly, get used to it. Start out dressing for yourself, in private, and construct the new you in your imagination. Make her real. ((( I'm sure you already do this, so apologies for the teaching granny to suck eggs-ness of this! :lol: ))) Move on to dressing as a woman among friends who accept you, and don't care what you wear, in private. For the next more public stage, take advantage of the fact that in the gay community a bloke in a frock is not worth batting an eyelid over. Most transexuals are not conflicted as to their sexuality, and could not be described as bisexual / gay, but gay bars / gay village type things are frequented by cross-dressers / TV's / TSs for the simple reason that gay men and women already have had their own little battles as far as being themselves go, so feel less inclined to be judgemental about other's choices. Take small steps such as these towards inner strength. You can do all these things before you cross the major hurdle that will be telling your folks. That will be easier once you're easier with it yourself. You will be better able to communicate the fact to them that you know exactly what you're doing, and what you're about.

Are you on any websites specifically catering to the transgendered? There are some excellent one's out there, including UK based ones. The URLs escape me at the moment, but I will make enquiries if that might be of help? Putting support in place from those who have been through, are going through or are contemplating the same decisions as you is hugely important I feel. There are likely to be groups local to you that can offer similar support IRL. Seek them out.

On a last positive note, the two people I've known transition have never once regretted it. They always knew they were in the wrong body, and found the strength they needed to do something about it. One of them got tired of jumping through hoops to keep the NHS happy and had his surgery in Thailand. I don't think that's a good idea, I think the hurdles are there for obvious reasons, but she seems happy with the result.

Best of luck. I wish you every happiness.

p.s. It occurs to me we've discussed cross-dressing etc before, on this thread. You're happy that wherever you're at requires surgery, and is not just a need to give expression to the female persona within you? I know many people who find that cross-dressing is enough to give that inner part of themselves full expression. Advice above is valid so long as you're sure, much of it equally valid if you're not?