Unsure of what to do and where to go :(

[XTCAKE]

I am a recovering IV heroin user. I used dope for just under three years. Started at age 19, I am now 22.
I lost many things during my habit, and before I quit using, I was homeless, unemployed, no car, no friends, suicidal, suffering.
I could barely stand looking at myself. I had no idea who I was anymore.

So, after many trials of sobriety that always failed, I got into a Suboxone clinic, and to make a long story short, I now am one month clean. Hurray.
I love my Suboxone. It is such a powerful recvovery tool. My doctor is such an amazing guy.
I go to a psychiatrist twice a week and see my Suboxone doctor once every two weeks.
I thought that this was all I need to remain sober and healthy. Now I am unsure..

I find myself thinking of dope, recently. I live in a shitty apartment complex.
Its filled with drug addicts. The other day while smoking a cigarette outside on the stairs, I saw a used needle on the stairs! Yikes!
I really want to live in a sober/half way/transitional home ASAP.
I guess I have other options, too. I could go to some inpatient, or outpatiennt.

So, what do you think would work best, considering my current condition?
I have no idea what the policies are for moving into a half way house?
Can you live there even if you did not attend an inpatient facility?
Should I bother with inpatient, considering that I am already one month clean?

IMPORTANT: I really feel that my suboxone is helping me and I DO NOT want it taken away if I were to attend inpatient or live in a sober house! Do you think its possible that where I go will allow me to continue my Suboxone?

I am so stuck! I have an appointment in two days to discuss this/ do an assessment test with a doctor/counselor who helps people inb my situation, but I feel that many of my fellow Bluelighters have extensive knowledge on this topic

I would really appreciate your opinions! Thanks so much in advance! You are all wonderful!

 

[herbavore]

Congratulations on getting quitting. :D I'm glad that you are going to be able to talk to your doctor and a counselor. Options really vary by location. I would imagine Minneapolis has a pretty good system set up so hopefully you will get the support you need. Keep us posted!

 

[RedLeader]

I am a recovering IV heroin user. I used dope for just under three years. Started at age 19, I am now 22.
I lost many things during my habit, and before I quit using, I was homeless, unemployed, no car, no friends, suicidal, suffering.
I could barely stand looking at myself. I had no idea who I was anymore.

The good thing I see in this is that you are, already, using the past tense to describe this all. I don't know if you consciously did this, but it's a good start to be able to put those horrible times behind you for good (trust me, I have had mine too and I still battle those memories all the time). So you should at least be able to look at your post and note that you've already improved a lot as a person since your habit ended, and it's also good that you've got enough going for you right now that you're really second-guessing any thoughts/cravings you are having (which are TOTALLY natural, even while on Suboxone maintenance).

So, after many trials of sobriety that always failed, I got into a Suboxone clinic, and to make a long story short, I now am one month clean. Hurray.
I love my Suboxone. It is such a powerful recvovery tool. My doctor is such an amazing guy.
I go to a psychiatrist twice a week and see my Suboxone doctor once every two weeks.
I thought that this was all I need to remain sober and healthy. Now I am unsure..

It was a big change in the positive direction and you were ready for it to happen. You welcomed it and embraced it.

However, it's true that for people like us who fall into these nasty addictions, life can get routine, boring, repetitive, and so on, and we crave some way to break the cycle. Now that's not necessarily a bad thing, it's just that after so long we lose our ability to responsibly do this with drugs, things fall apart, and when the chaotic becomes the normal, changing to a regulated life on suboxone maintenance becomes appealing. And sure, everything *seems* more appealing when we're not doing it everyday (drug use is glamourized in the eyes of many who are not addicted, on your first day at the Suboxone clinic you probably didn't think it would be as hard seeing little triggers while on maintenance, etc.). Point is, I think you're just getting used to the life of someone clean of drugs, partly because it's in our nature to get restless when things start feeling the same, and also because the sober life doesn't have the instant gratifications of addiction.

A few things to keep in mind:

*You need to keep some type of dynamic to your life, some type of change-of-pace that isn't harmful. This could be as easy as taking different routes to work or school each day, going to different activities in the evenings, reading new types of books, watching new types of movies, meeting new groups of people, and so on. I don't mean to sound cold, but I could rescue a baby from a well everyday and after a while that would lose its appeal. We need to understand how vibrant of lifestyles we want to live, healthily mind you, and not sell ourselves short, because that's when we easily slip into trouble.

*You're only a month clean. Again, congratulations, but it's just a month in what should be a life of hundreds more of the like. You need to couple the dynamic living I was describing above with some mid- and long-term goals. Us addicts are used to chasing short-term goals, so this is often new to us and it's hard to see how it will be rewarding. But what about the big-picture things you wanted to do before heroin told you "no"? Dream job? Dream degree? Raise a family in the suburbs? Travel the world? Think of the things you'd like to have in 5 or 10 years, write them down, and then look at each one and ask yourself "realistically, how could I be a little bit closer to it in 6 months time?" i.e. I want to travel the world in 5 years, so by July I will have a list of ten destinations I am researching. Note that you will also need this ability to focus on the mid/long term if you plan to be on Suboxone maintenance for too long, as it typically takes some discipline to painlessly step all the way down and off of it without messing up.

So, what do you think would work best, considering my current condition?

Are you living paycheck-to-paycheck in this apartment? Will your family support your decisions (and possibly help you out financially/logistically?) Do you have health-insurance that would cover treatment?

None of these things alone should tell you what to do, but it at least can give us information so we can make better suggestions.

I have no idea what the policies are for moving into a half way house?
Can you live there even if you did not attend an inpatient facility?

Some of them will let you do this. However, from what I've seen, being in treatment often expedites the time it takes for you to get into one. However, at the end of the day half-way houses are a business and you'll be paying them to stay there, so as long as you can follow their rules, you won't be denied an opportunity for a bed.

Should I bother with inpatient, considering that I am already one month clean?

This shouldn't stop you. For one, the cravings you are having now will probably be more vivid/intense than those you might have in a few months from now, assuming you stick it out in treatment. If you've got no reservations about isolating yourself from the ability to relapse, then you should consider treatment. Just do your research - If you are/are not an AA/NA -type, do/don't go to a rehab centered around this school of thought. From what I've seen, MRT-based rehabs have high success rates, so this is also something worth looking into.

IMPORTANT: I really feel that my suboxone is helping me and I DO NOT want it taken away if I were to attend inpatient or live in a sober house! Do you think its possible that where I go will allow me to continue my Suboxone?

It depends on the facility. Most sober houses don't care if it's something coming from a doctor (and you're not giving it to other clients). Rehabs, well some keep people doped up on Suboxone (or methadone), and others taper/detox clients off of everything. It really comes down to the whole philosophy/approach/intent of the facility. The place I went to wouldn't even give out OTC medication for headaches, but that was a bit extreme.

However, please don't get too fearful of Suboxone withdrawal. Even if a rehab does not want you on Suboxone, you can taper down off of it in about a week's time (either at home with your doctor's help or during your first week at the facility). Unless you've been on Suboxone daily for a long, long time, it's not that bad of a withdrawal. It's not like being dopesick from lack of heroin, not even close. You will notice the insomnia, wicked sneezing, and probably some apathy and laziness, but it's not that sheer terror that you know from full-agonist opiate withdrawal. It will be okay even in the case you need to stop. I'm absolutely terrified of full-blown opiate withdrawal, but made it through Suboxone's extended withdrawal without freaking out even once.

 

[Missykins]

Take it from me: Suboxone does not work in a vacuum. It feels great in the beginning, but you have to learn how to live without drugs of ALL kinds. You have to have a program to work in addition to your Suboxone. Suboxone only prevented me from using opiates. It didn't keep me from drinking, using benzos, sleeping pills, etc. Only NA/AA and ninety days of rehab did that.

I had to go to inpatient. I was in bad shape and surrounded by drugs in my workplace and needed a reprieve. It gave me a foundation of good, daily habits that I was able to take with me back home. If you can get to rehab, then go. Speak with your doctor about finding a good place for you that will allow you to continue your meds. But don't become too reliant upon sub alone. It's not enough.

 

[littlepenguin]

I have a few friends who work at the Resource Recovery Center in Minneapolis.
website : www. resource-mn. org

Check it out. I hear it's a great place. RRC is a nonprofit, community-based, outpatient chemical health program providing relapse-prevention treatment, continuing care, case-management, employment, and housing services for men and women.

 

[XTCAKE]

Thanks for the replies! I appreciate it!

RedLeader: Since I am unemployed, my parents have agreed to help me out with treatment and sober house costs.
I also have excellent health insurance. I need to find out exactly what would be covered under my insurance, though.
I know that my Suboxone and Sub doctor appointments are dirt cheap cause of my insurance, so maybe that could also be the case with an inpatient setting?

Penguin: I will check that out right now, thanks!

Great advice, everyone thank you soo much!

 

[Missykins]

Thanks for the replies! I appreciate it!


I also have excellent health insurance. I need to find out exactly what would be covered under my insurance, though.
I know that my Suboxone and Sub doctor appointments are dirt cheap cause of my insurance, so maybe that could also be the case with an inpatient setting?

Explore your benefit but don't be disappointed to find that your inpatient benefit is meager at best. Most carriers want you to FAIL (yes, fail) outpatient treatment before approving inpatient care, and then they may only pay for 7 days at a time. When I went to rehab, my insurance paid for about 80% of my 90 days there, and I picked up the remaining 20%.

Remember, most people get clean without going to rehab. They get clean through AA/NA, other support groups, prayer, meditation, support from friends and family, etc.

 

[Vaya]

I'm also in recovery from pretty severe and long-term opiate/opioid addiction. Aside from all the good comments and advice you've received in this thread so far, I want to offer something that it took me a long time to really understand and appreciate, and it is absolutely essential for long-term recovery - which I know you want, because no one wants to go back to that life once they've truly been there.

The first time I got sober, I was elated because I was not using drugs anymore and slowly, positive things in my life began to fall into place, opportunities became available (AND I was in a condition to pursue them! ), and my self-esteem rose a bit. I was sober for two and a half years after 5 years of addiction (mostly to heroin and oxycodone), and they were some of the best times of my life since the very first time I found myself truly dependent. I firmly resolved to never re-enter that lifestyle - I had flatlined twice by the age of 19 and it took little encouragement from others to appreciate the difference between that lifestyle and the prosperous lifestyle I rediscovered.

However, towards the end of that 2 1/2 year period, something happened. My perception of my behavioral allergy to mind-altering substances began to change and, over a period of several months, I lost enough of that powerful will to continue my sobriety and spent the next three years picking up right where I left off - and then, delving in even deeper. On November 5th, 2011 I renewed my passion for leading a productive, effective and loving existence. I am 71 days sober as of this post.

What caused that spurious change in perception that lead me back into a darker, even more twisted world than the one I'd lived in previously, especially with all that evidence stacked against me that I simply could not use drugs like other people? It was the fact that I overlooked the keystone of drug dependence; that the abuse of drugs and alcohol are but symptoms of a larger issue. There were things about me - my personality, attitude, resentments, pride, fear and jealousy - that need to change before I can have any hope of releasing the cravings and finding some sort of serenity with myself. I found that I used drugs to escape depression and fear, to bolster my pride (ironic, in the end), and to insulate myself from feeling strong surges of negative emotion, all of which were related to aspects of my life that had become commonplace over the years. In reality, they were maladaptive and contributed to my continued and escalated usage patterns.

I'm pretty freshly back into this, and need to take the healing process slowly. It's been quite a painful experience, realizing that simply not abusing substances is the farthest thing from what will promote my long-term abstinence and finding true happiness in my life. But things have happened to me in these past 71 days that had not happened in two and a half years of simply "not using." Wonderful, exciting, stimulating things. And for those of us who have struggled with drug dependence, the sentiment that drugs are but elements of larger misconceptions can be the penultimate factor in determining where we end up. We need to get sober, yes - this is fundamental. Living sober, on the other hand, is an entirely different pursuit. And my experience demonstrates that there is an absolute difference between getting sober, and living sober. To make a quick example, people struggling with chemical dependency tend to get sober by going to rehab. By contrast, many people stay sober by continuing to engage in recovery tools - AA and NA being some of the most crucial to my recovery - and addressing the real roots of the problem now that they have reached a level of clarity resulting from drug abstinence.

A tremendous congratulations from me to you on achieving 30 days clean; just think, 30 hours during active addiction probably sounded impossible! Keep up the good work, I'm glad you are reaching out to this community for advice. PM me any time if you'd like to chat about different ways to approach this. I consider that I have a lot of experience with this struggle and always welcome any opportunities to give away what has been given to me.

~ vaya

 

[smackncheese]

Good for YOU, man! I was pretty much exactly where you were at.. homeless, jobless, lost my car and possessions et cetera. I just started at the local methadone clinic a week ago and it's turned my life around. No withdrawals, few cravings.. it's truly a miracle.
My best advice to you is to get yourself a sobriety sponsor. Meaning someone you call any time day or night when you feel like you might be tempted to use. Pick a person who has been working the program for a long time and has a firm root in their own recovery, not someone that may be easily influenced and could possibly be triggered to use by listening to you describe your cravings. You have to be able to be completely honest with this person at all times, or they can't help you. Always have a backup sponsor, just in case that person is unavailable. Having a lifeline to a support system is crucial. A man is not an island, and getting/staying sober alone are virtually impossible. The more you network, the stronger a foundation you will build for yourself. Best of luck. PM me if you need to talk
-Loli

 

[XTCAKE]

Just an update. I am now living in a sober house for the next 90 days. They let me have my beloved suboxone here, so that is a relief!
It's a pretty "standard" place; and by that, I mean there are random U.A.'s and you have to have a job or volunteer, midnight curfew, and so on.

It's a gorgeous house, though.
I get my own room that is quite large.
The whole place is so clean.

Doing well, so far.
A few cravings, to be honest, but nothing I can't fight.

How do I obtain a sponsor? I am required to get one here, I guess.
I have yet to go to any NA meetings since moving into the house (I have only lived in this house for 4 days).
I dont even really understand what a sponsor is?

 

[KAYLA2010]

First convratulations!!! Okay now about a sponser. You will find one at a meeting. You jut go to your meetings and eventually you will see someone who fits you and you like and if they have been sober for three years they can sponsor you.
By sponsor they take you through the steps and are there for you 24-7 and will sort of become a best friend or something like that. Be wise about who you. CHose and don't jump into a relationship because it can fuck up your recovery if you get the wrong one.

How long do you have to get a sponsor? When is your first meeting? Are you going to NA or AA? A lot of people say they like AA better because of their program .. But is up to you i don't. Care I just like to go to the candle light meeting...

 

[asven1989]

Does anyone recommend using the "Here to Help" Suboxone Program? I can relate to this kid in many ways, I am also 22. Unfortunately, unlike him, I am still in this dreaded love/hate cycle of using prescription opiates. I purchase Suboxones illegally, which now run upwards of $15-20 where I live. I'm exhausted, and just want my life back. I just got my Bachelor's degree, and have not done anything whatsoever with it due to my addiction. If anyone can offer any advice, help, etc. I would be more grateful than I can tell you. Thank you.

 

[herbavore]

^If you don't get any responses to your question here you can always start your own thread and see if anyone has experience with it. Are you getting any kind of counseling for your opiate addiction?

 

[RedLeader]

Does anyone recommend using the "Here to Help" Suboxone Program? I can relate to this kid in many ways, I am also 22. Unfortunately, unlike him, I am still in this dreaded love/hate cycle of using prescription opiates. I purchase Suboxones illegally, which now run upwards of $15-20 where I live. I'm exhausted, and just want my life back. I just got my Bachelor's degree, and have not done anything whatsoever with it due to my addiction. If anyone can offer any advice, help, etc. I would be more grateful than I can tell you. Thank you.

Here to Help is a great asset, provided you meet its requirements. I know that there are requirements about not having prescription coverage, being a US citizen, not having too high of an income, etc. I'd check out the Suboxone website to make sure that you'd qualify. But yes, especially for people in financial hardship who might otherwise be forced onto methadone if they want maintenance, legal access to Suboxone is something you should take advantage of.

The one thing to be careful about with Suboxone is that doctors tend to over-prescribe it, people get physically dependent on it, and then still feel like a prisoner to a (much less enjoyable, mind you) opiate. And in your case, HtH only provides you with Subs for so long, and you wouldn't want to be on a high dose and have to jump off or have to start paying those street prices everyday. Are you wanting to do a rapid taper with Suboxone or get on a lower daily dose for ongoing maintenance?

And about school/work, take my advice and get out of the game as early as you can, before things get worse. It might *seem* horrible right now not having anything to show for your degree, but you can turn this around and have a productive future very soon. I wish I could trade places with you. I was working on my second master's when I caught a number of cases, and my chances of getting a good job in my area(s) of research are now slim-to-none. It's a very empty feeling, all thanks to heroin. Get some Suboxone, get your life on track, and try and find some happiness. The opportunity to be young and freshly educated only comes once in a lifetime, but drugs will always be there if you want to give everything up.