Addict at 35 where know

[brimz]

lapsed hard today n bought a load of Heroin much more than i needed like 3.2 grams more

 

[brimz]

Methadone, Methadone, methadone, and do it the right way. I'm 60, been on it for 25 years ans it saved my life. If you're honest and know you will always use drugs, then methadone is your savior. You can be mentally stabilized, get healthy and see doctors whenever you want at the clinic, you can----Listen, it has savrd and given me life. It's not for everyone but if you get honest and know you will always use, then it's for you

i have been on methadone for 15 years already.

Things are kinda different regarding Methadone in the U.K.

A large percentage of Heroin addicts get it and use it as back up 4 when they can't score.
It is very much an enablimg drug in the U.K it enables us to keep using for years decades even .

 

[brimz]

Yeah so i finished all that Heroin i bought n i get my benzo rx in about 8 hours i hope that next time i get my gov assictance i don't spend most of it on Heroin at least i didn't get any crack .

This is gonna be a long journey .

 

[Sepher]

lapsed hard today n bought a load of Heroin much more than i needed like 3.2 grams more

Only a bit more though, eh? I mean, 3.2grams is neither here nor there is it. You could have bought so trifling an amount almost by accident and known nowt about it, couldn't you, almost. Maybe. :lol:

Brimz I was 32 when I came off the brown after being a user for 10 years and an addict for 7 of them. I came out of prison after my second spell inside with the £40 odd quid they discharge you with and the clothes on my back having lost most of the little I owned to burglars that did my flat over while I was inside. I probably knew 'em, might even have been mates. I had fuck all to show for 32 years of living then except track marks everywhere and a criminal record as long as my arm detailing the petty offences I was so poor a thief as to not even be able to get away with nicking a sandwich from Greggs when me and the g/f were starving, not having eaten for 2 days. It's really hard to turn it around quickly or strike out in new directions but if you want it badly enough you'll stick with it through good times and bad, all the stronger for doing it. You don't have to wait till you're not using before putting in the effort if you can get somewhere stable enough with a blockading dose of methadone as your platform and the luck and good judgement not to put what you do manage to achieve over time at risk, undoing all your efforts and forcing you to start over. Find something you can see yourself doing locally and see what social opportunities there are around it. I took up climbing at the indoor wall in Leeds, Wednesday being for sole climbers like me in need of a buddy to handle the belaying, but doesn't really matter what you do so long as you give it a properly good best shot prepared to take advantage of the opportunities that come your way. Do that long enough and slowly but surely change happens and you suddenly find you're in a very different place to the one you started out from.

 

[brimz]

Only a bit more though, eh? I mean, 3.2grams is neither here nor there is it. You could have bought so trifling an amount almost by accident and known nowt about it, couldn't you, almost. Maybe. :lol:

Brimz I was 32 when I came off the brown after being a user for 10 years and an addict for 7 of them. I came out of prison after my second spell inside with the £40 odd quid they discharge you with and the clothes on my back having lost most of the little I owned to burglars that did my flat over while I was inside. I probably knew 'em, might even have been mates. I had fuck all to show for 32 years of living then except track marks everywhere and a criminal record as long as my arm detailing the petty offences I was so poor a thief as to not even be able to get away with nicking a sandwich from Greggs when me and the g/f were starving, not having eaten for 2 days. It's really hard to turn it around quickly or strike out in new directions but if you want it badly enough you'll stick with it through good times and bad, all the stronger for doing it. You don't have to wait till you're not using before putting in the effort if you can get somewhere stable enough with a blockading dose of methadone as your platform and the luck and good judgement not to put what you do manage to achieve over time at risk, undoing all your efforts and forcing you to start over. Find something you can see yourself doing locally and see what social opportunities there are around it. I took up climbing at the indoor wall in Leeds, Wednesday being for sole climbers like me in need of a buddy to handle the belaying, but doesn't really matter what you do so long as you give it a properly good best shot prepared to take advantage of the opportunities that come your way. Do that long enough and slowly but surely change happens and you suddenly find you're in a very different place to the one you started out from.

A truely great post it was nice to read.

 

[brimz]

Still here .
Not a great deal of progress since the 1st post in this thread .
As i mentioned earlier i procrastinate a great deal n rarely do anything productive.
I've been feeling really down of late . Their used to be a suicide thread here in tds i liked that thread .
edit

i see it is a sticky know i'll take my issues their.

 

[Kerrigan]

I know the feeling, kinda: I've been using drugs just shy of a decade; alcohol and benzodiazepines with very, very tiny, almost invisible flirtations with opiates. I liked the UK methadone system and found it relaxing to see a doctor who'd just up the dosage each time I saw him as long as I feigned withdrawal.

Having been on disability since my birth and paid by the government, though, indeed, not for long if the foolish men in charge (I don't want to speak their names) have their way and cut me off--right now I even have to head out and justify the fact that I'd like some monetary support because I'm dying. Isn't that nice of them? But, ah, charity work and maybe picking up something at a college or whatnot: a nightschool class or ANYTHING; LITERALLY ANYTHING where you would be thrust into a group of people of varying ages and backgrounds, able to rebuild yourself (say whatever you want about who you are) and then make some friends...

It looks like you've made one on here and that's great. If you're ever looking for a third, well, I'll bring the lube and the costumes , but seriously, I know what it's like to be alone; to live alone; to even procrastinate constantly about certain philosophical subjects and perhaps any number of times I've concluded that life is utterly meaningless and I should therefore end it immediately and without a moment's delay, but, well, I'm also a bit lazy, heheheh.

I am alone in a group, I am alone in a relationship; I'm alone when I'm literally millimetres away from somebody else.

Don't give up on yourself and remember your mother and make sure she slaps you about the ears if you try to commit suicide 'cause it's not what you should be doing, man! Enroll, enlist, join, whatever--just get yourself involved with something, like a charity movement or some weird stuff (students tend to be all wide-eyed and strange) for a University or college or take a class. Whatever. Hell, engage your local barista in conversation whilst you're ordering a coffee, or chat up a barmaid. Just talk to people. They're important. You can make new friends and I'm sure you know it.

Hopefully you'll continue to live: in your thirties, what're the chances you've really seen, heard, felt, and generally perceived with your numerous senses the best of what life has to offer you? You sound like the sort of man I'd enjoy asking questions about for a story. Hell, write your own book: people love to hear about us disgusting drug-addicts; eponymous bottom-feeders, brushing off the cockroaches and nibbling away on the waste of humanity...

I may be a naive, wide-eyed child in comparison to thee, but I don't agree with NA/AA: I understand its great usefulness when it comes to brainwashing people, for group activities actually lead people to feel good. Like everyone cheering at the same time for their home team. And despairing when they draw, after so many bloody opportunities like idiots.

Take care of yourself.
Good luck to you.
Lots of Love.

 

[slackhands]

Never too late. Things change in the blink of an eye. I nearly got mowed down by a lorry the other month. Tremendous amounts of luck plus decent reactions saved me; my mind was 'somewhere' else. But anyway, I can see the appeal of suicide, but don't do It-It's just so pointless.