Addict at 35 where know

[brimz]

Right so i've been takin drugs for most of my life well since i was 10/11.
I've done plenty of other things as well in my life but i always end up back on the drugs.

I'm not going to to do a inventory all you nned to know is i 've been on Heroin for 16 years and taking crack with it intemitdentley for about 10 at least.
Alcholol problems have been on and off , i've been prescribed benzos for 15 years with methadone .

It's not like this is the first time i have reached out i have tried various recovery methods and treatment programmes

I have lived in a few countrys in Europe n the states to but i still manage to find the drugs.

What i am asking folks opinion on is,

Do you think at my age 35 it is to late to try and find new friends ? What you must take in to account is i aven't worked for about 14 years & am signed off sick on a lifetime Disabillity award due to Mental and physical health problems some drug related some not.

I live in a realitivly small city & it's hard for me to get about without seeing people from my past when i was really bad on the drugs .
I am anticipating the response of you have to move n so on but this is not realy an option for me as i am a only child & my Mum needs to have me around & it's not as easy as that n any one that thinks it is wants to wake up.
I have been homeless in the past n don't want to back also my physicall health means that i could not maintain the sort of lifestyle as someone say 10 years ypounger than me that hasn't caused such bad physicall harm to their body.

To be quite honest i would have taken my life a while ago if it weren't for having the responsibility and support of my mother .

When my Dad was still alive i survived a couple of proper suicide atempts , i wasn't happy about it at the time i wished that i had died .

This is not some "i've done heroin what shall do threads" i have been doing heroin for ages n i'm not looking for attention just some words of wisdom or such like

I am not in the States i am English btw

 

[Cohesion]

I am also on disability, and have a history of 10 years of substance dependency.

Recently I have decided I'd like to start working again. I got a job waiting tables. There are some ups to this. It's only part time, and it has expanded my mind in the social realm (isolating is easy for me, especially being on disability). The low # of hours will not affect disability payment. Eventually I'd like to work full time, though I want to finish school first.

There must be some job or volunteer work that will get you out there socially.

 

[ageingpartyfiend]

What i am asking folks opinion on is,

Do you think at my age 35 it is to late to try and find new friends ? What you must take in to account is i aven't worked for about 14 years & am signed off sick on a lifetime Disabillity award due to Mental and physical health problems some drug related some not.

No way is it too late man, even with your circs, it's never too late.

It's a very strange part of the human psyche that we constantly believe that it's too late for this, that or the other...but it rarely is

 

[brimz]

I am also on disability, and have a history of 10 years of substance dependency.

Recently I have decided I'd like to start working again. I got a job waiting tables. There are some ups to this. It's only part time, and it has expanded my mind in the social realm (isolating is easy for me, especially being on disability). The low # of hours will not affect disability payment. Eventually I'd like to work full time, though I want to finish school first.

There must be some job or volunteer work that will get you out there socially.

Yeah i was workin on an allotment ( growing food ) in the summer but it's harder in the winter i wanna get a job in a charity shop , but my illness dictates that i can't keep to a timetable there4 would be a unreliabke employee.

I appreciate your input though sort of thing i was lookin 4.

Thing is at 35 n ilook about 22 no joke i do , its hard to make ne relationships n all my friends apart from afew ( 3 maybe ) are hardcore alcholic dopefiends as much as i luv em i no if i start hangin with them again it will get me in trouble.

But i'm isolating myself because i don't no any other way to live , i've tried 12 stepping n whatnot but it's jus not clicked 4 me yet.

Like i mentioned i would n't be here if it weren't for my Mother that might sound lame comin from a 35 year ld but tis truth , i've suffered with all sor6ts of shit for 24/5 years .

 

[Missykins]

www.ukna.org or Narcotics Anonymous would be my recommendation. You need to find a new way of living, which is going to require a great deal of support from a community of people who share a similar experience. I would suggest that you keep an open mind and make a meeting every day. Even if you've attended in the past, and found that it "wasn't for you." I hear plenty of junkies say that, "Well, I went to NA or AA and it just wasn't for me." Meanwhile they continued to use, and were looking for a reason to use. I was like that once.

You don't have to go to a fancy rehab to get clean, it's great if you can, but it's not necessary. Plenty of people clean through NA or AA alone. Go to a meeting, get a temporary sponsor and speak with him daily. Get a commitment to make certain that you make that meeting every day. Junkies need structure in their day other than copping.

You have a lot of work ahead of you but you can do it if you're willing to do the work.



I would think long and hard before beginning methadone.

 

[brimz]

Alcholol problems have been on and off , i've been prescribed benzos for 15 years with methadone .

you obviously didn't read my post fully although i thank you for your advice n support

 

[herbavore]

I agree with the person that said it is never too late for anything---it's absolutely true. I just turned 58 and I feel like life just keeps opening up in really surprising ways! Unfortunately the reality is that it gets harder to meet people later in life when you aren't in a very public job, or in school or some other situation that throws a lot of people together. Sometimes, Brimz, there can be volunteer work that is done on a drop-in basis and that might provide some opportunity to meet new people. So while I think it is harder to find situations to meet new people than when you are in your twenties, it is by no means impossible.

 

[Missykins]

you obviously didn't read my post fully although i thank you for your advice n support

I did read your post, otherwise I would not have commented on the methadone reference. It was not clear to me from your post whether or not you were currently in a methadone program, contemplating joining one, or found it inadequate in the past.

 

[brimz]

Nah what it is , i been on Methadone maintenance for most of the last 15 years give or take a few months when i been kicked off a programme or got myelf clean but that was like 10 years ago at te very least.

It wsn't clear in my initial post sorry.

I have tried to embrace the 12 steps n have attended meeetings , i'm not atm but i do use some of the things i have learnt in the programme in my life.

I still feel terribly isolated though n cos of my mental health i can procrastinate for the U.K which doesn't help.

 

[brimz]

I agree with the person that said it is never too late for anything---it's absolutely true. I just turned 58 and I feel like life just keeps opening up in really surprising ways! Unfortunately the reality is that it gets harder to meet people later in life when you aren't in a very public job, or in school or some other situation that throws a lot of people together. Sometimes, Brimz, there can be volunteer work that is done on a drop-in basis and that might provide some opportunity to meet new people. So while I think it is harder to find situations to meet new people than when you are in your twenties, it is by no means impossible.

yaeh i hear you i 've got so many issues to sort out this year .
I just moved in2 a new place which is good but also stressfull n as i mentioned earlier i don't want to go back to hangin with my addict/alcoholic mates as that would mess everthing up .

Still its not like i don't get enough prescription drugs to do myself in if combined with a bitof gear, i have that choice every 2 weeks n am, worried that in amoment of madness i will combine my script with a load of gear n do something silly .

This isn't something i have just thought of it's been on my mind for well over a decade and i have acted out on it before.

 

[Missykins]

But i'm isolating myself because i don't no any other way to live , i've tried 12 stepping n whatnot but it's jus not clicked 4 me yet.

Once again, this is what I frequently encounter, and this is how I felt as well. I'm not trying to say that there is no other way, but what would be your other way?

I know that in your country you have socialized medicine (if that's what you call it). Does that give you access to residential care? Medicaid is the closest we have to the system you have and it does give low-income people access to residential care. Because you need a major paradigm shift, that's what I would recommend for you. It's what I needed, and was not a twenty-year user. If you don't mind me saying, you don't need rehabilitation,you need habilitation, because it sounds like you never really had the opportunity to live in this world w/o being your addiction. Do you see the distinction? You have to build your life from the ground up.

I am sure that you would have concerns about leaving your mother behind but I am certain that she would rather see you clean.

You recognize your problem which is a HUGE breakthrough. But it seems that you have a resistance to accept help from others, that's normal early on. You have to tear that wall down.

 

[Missykins]

Then again I could totally off the mark, only you know best.

 

[brimz]

You recognize your problem which is a HUGE breakthrough. But it seems that you have a resistance to accept help from others, that's normal early on. You have to tear that wall down.

Thanks for all yer input btw

THibg is i have been in full recognition of my problem for well over a decade despite almost losing my arm n leg due to continous injecting .

Thirs other stuff i want to say buit i'm not in the right place this minute.

 

[effie]

Brimz, I've sent you a pm - but just wanted to say, you have friends here and I will be around a lot more now. I know what it is like to isolate yourself (I've been doing it the past 5 months hah) but I will come and see you ASAP

 

[RLP]

Never too late brimz pal. Find some things you enjoy, or used to enjoy, and see what's available in the local area which caters for this. Furthermore, public places like libraries are great hangouts for free (presuming the Tories haven't got to them already) and you'll meet some nice people.

As effie said above, you've got a big community here too when you need us. *hugz*

 

[belfort]

nah its never too late but i know where you are coming rom..being in your 30s and getting clean after having used drugs for so long it is a brutal reality call when you first get clean..your drug friends are gone, you are clean and all the anxiety and mental issues are back rearing their ugly head, your main hobbies are drugs so now what to do?its tough to get back into the normal swing of things...i suggest going to meeting though so you can meet like-minded folks..what do you have to lose?

 

[brimz]

Right so i thought i would check back ion to this thread after a week of starting it.

This week has been ok nothing special but nothing really bad either .

I'm still yet to make any life changing decisions i have got my methadone increased by 7ml and intend to go op a further 15 ml i think this will help me to stopo using illicit heroin which because of my healtrh would be really bad for me .

I have been in touch with a resettlement agency who are helping me with some of the things that require addressing re. my mew accomadation so things are ok .

I still am isolating myself n plenty of work needs to be done but still .

 

[herbavore]

Hey, Brimz, I'm at least happy to hear that you had nothing bad happen this week. I bet once you get a place to live squared away you can focus on the isolating a little more. It really sounds like you have been productive in making some necessary changes in practical ways--that's great!

 

[ptrsnake13]

Methadone, Methadone, methadone, and do it the right way. I'm 60, been on it for 25 years ans it saved my life. If you're honest and know you will always use drugs, then methadone is your savior. You can be mentally stabilized, get healthy and see doctors whenever you want at the clinic, you can----Listen, it has savrd and given me life. It's not for everyone but if you get honest and know you will always use, then it's for you

 

[effie]

Right so i thought i would check back ion to this thread after a week of starting it.

This week has been ok nothing special but nothing really bad either .

I'm still yet to make any life changing decisions i have got my methadone increased by 7ml and intend to go op a further 15 ml i think this will help me to stopo using illicit heroin which because of my healtrh would be really bad for me .

I have been in touch with a resettlement agency who are helping me with some of the things that require addressing re. my mew accomadation so things are ok .

I still am isolating myself n plenty of work needs to be done but still .

Brimz, I think you are doing fantastically slow steps.. I am only just starting not to isolate myself now, and it still exhausts me and I have days where I just hide under the duvet.. see you Tuesday though!