hiphophippy
Bluelighter
I wrote this a 2 weeks ago while I was still coming down. the dose I got wasn't very strong so all I really got was the ride up anxiety which then rolled on through the rest of the trip.
Went to my first LEGIT rave, as opposed to the house party raves I've been to.
Had a great time. my friend showed up unexpectedly right at midnight and I got some Lucy. Had a great time. Got way better at dancing because I figured out movement I couldn't before.
Met a cool guy. He looked younger than me, but I know he's 21+ and might be up there because he has USAA meaning he was in the military, which would lead me to assume he did a tour or something. IDK
Met the most fantastic chair. Kind of like this [link]
It was solid wood and it gave of a cool energy. Because it was so heavy and one piece it really mellowed out the shaking from the subs into a very earthly, worldly vibration. It was also beautifully carved. Fud dog arm rests and a spiraling dragon back piece. didn't get a good look at the legs.
well I didn't get enough L so my peak was kind of.... lame no closed eye visuals. No real thought racing ideas n stuff.
Eventually I couldn't take the music any more. to loud for toooooooooooo long. So I left. Got home and here I am.
I ate a lot. and now I'm in my bed but I feel like my skin is contracting on my body. counter acting with the Beatles. But I feel very isolated, anxious and trapped. Luckily I'm sane enough to know that I'm okay. But the feelings get in your bones. like my toes which I'm twitching nervously. I wish someone would get on FB to talk to but everyone is sleeping and probably will continue sleeping for a few hours to come. Which sucks. This sucks, especially in comparison to a few hours ago which was the first time I haven't wanted to kill myself in a long time. Not that it's specifically crossing my mind right now like it normally does. every fucking moment of every day. This is going to become a rant now because this is keeping me calm.
I don't know how much more of this I can t
ake, every few minutes when I'm... assessing... absorbing? my surroundings... living I guess. I have to consciously tell myself that I shouldn't kill myself with whatever scenario. It's funny how easy and how often you have the ability/ surroundings to off yourself. I don't like therapists. I don't like psychiatrists. I don't want them sticking their corporate drugs in me. I actually won't consume any other medical chemical not even pain killers even in the most horrible of situations. But I will dose Hahaha. I'm fucked up in the head. (If you didn't already know)
And now I return an hour later... looking at the sun rise made me feel better.
I just have no interest in living anymore. It's not that interesting. It's curious since it the opposite of what I should be. It's not that the world sucks, though it does, that's not my motivation. It's not that I'm a nihilist and have the balls enough to admit life has no intrinsic meaning or purpose. Because I've foraged a destiny for myself fixing our shitty world. It's just that it's so god damn boring. even most of the colorful interesting people out there are so shallow and disinterested in having deep relationships with people. I guess it's just a function of our society. sigh.
hour later... suns up now. I feel better. wrote a few retorts to some pro circumcision people. just realized this year is in line with my astrology so, here is to good fortune. shoop da woop.
Tagged by Xorkoth
substancecode_lsd
substancecode_lysergamides
explevel_firsttime
exptype_neutral
roacode_sublingual
Went to my first LEGIT rave, as opposed to the house party raves I've been to.
Had a great time. my friend showed up unexpectedly right at midnight and I got some Lucy. Had a great time. Got way better at dancing because I figured out movement I couldn't before.
Met a cool guy. He looked younger than me, but I know he's 21+ and might be up there because he has USAA meaning he was in the military, which would lead me to assume he did a tour or something. IDK
Met the most fantastic chair. Kind of like this [link]
It was solid wood and it gave of a cool energy. Because it was so heavy and one piece it really mellowed out the shaking from the subs into a very earthly, worldly vibration. It was also beautifully carved. Fud dog arm rests and a spiraling dragon back piece. didn't get a good look at the legs.
well I didn't get enough L so my peak was kind of.... lame no closed eye visuals. No real thought racing ideas n stuff.
Eventually I couldn't take the music any more. to loud for toooooooooooo long. So I left. Got home and here I am.
I ate a lot. and now I'm in my bed but I feel like my skin is contracting on my body. counter acting with the Beatles. But I feel very isolated, anxious and trapped. Luckily I'm sane enough to know that I'm okay. But the feelings get in your bones. like my toes which I'm twitching nervously. I wish someone would get on FB to talk to but everyone is sleeping and probably will continue sleeping for a few hours to come. Which sucks. This sucks, especially in comparison to a few hours ago which was the first time I haven't wanted to kill myself in a long time. Not that it's specifically crossing my mind right now like it normally does. every fucking moment of every day. This is going to become a rant now because this is keeping me calm.
I don't know how much more of this I can t
ake, every few minutes when I'm... assessing... absorbing? my surroundings... living I guess. I have to consciously tell myself that I shouldn't kill myself with whatever scenario. It's funny how easy and how often you have the ability/ surroundings to off yourself. I don't like therapists. I don't like psychiatrists. I don't want them sticking their corporate drugs in me. I actually won't consume any other medical chemical not even pain killers even in the most horrible of situations. But I will dose Hahaha. I'm fucked up in the head. (If you didn't already know)
And now I return an hour later... looking at the sun rise made me feel better.
I just have no interest in living anymore. It's not that interesting. It's curious since it the opposite of what I should be. It's not that the world sucks, though it does, that's not my motivation. It's not that I'm a nihilist and have the balls enough to admit life has no intrinsic meaning or purpose. Because I've foraged a destiny for myself fixing our shitty world. It's just that it's so god damn boring. even most of the colorful interesting people out there are so shallow and disinterested in having deep relationships with people. I guess it's just a function of our society. sigh.
hour later... suns up now. I feel better. wrote a few retorts to some pro circumcision people. just realized this year is in line with my astrology so, here is to good fortune. shoop da woop.
Tagged by Xorkoth
substancecode_lsd
substancecode_lysergamides
explevel_firsttime
exptype_neutral
roacode_sublingual
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