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The EADD Mental Health Support Thread

charlie clean said:
Anomeic? Moi? I've perfect colour.

Allotments are for folk who read sociology books. They say things like " you're close to God in the garden " because they don't see the divine everywhere else. Don't think it was God who left the beercans in my bamboo garden, but that's another story
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The best times are when I feel close to God in the garden and everywhere else... but what I meant was .. gardening is very grounding when, like your quote, the world around us seems really chaotic.

I love the simplicity of being able to make a bacon sarnie on a woodburner. :)

And Im less likely to be reading a sociology book then a Hello magazine whilst eating my lunch.
 
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Mugz said:
I read the first page, but not the next three yet.

I've definitely got mental health problems. I have struggled with depression and anxiety for years and years now and I am struggling to see a light at the end of the tunnel even now. I was pretty hypomanic recently for a few weeks but then from tuesday night until today I've spent the whole time in bed except for to get small tiny amounts of food and to use the toilet. Today at about 9am I received the last stimulants that I will ever do and have finished them all already, I can only imagine that the comedown is most likely going to make the recent week of depression even worse tomorrow and next week.

My cycles of activity and depression used to be pretty obvious and long and it seems they are getting shorter, if I were to label myself I would label myself as having rapid cycling bipolar disorder but I don't want to give myself a label. I want to get rid of them all.

I'm pretty sure that recreational drugs and self medication which was followed by doctors tapering me off my self medication has made everything worse and this has continued for about 8 years now. I am not sure whether before drugs I ever even had a mental health problem, I can't remember having one, drugs and my mental stability are kind of like the chicken and the egg. I honestly don't know if I started self medicating because I had a problem or if there was no problem at all and I started using drugs out of curiosity and then when I got into benzos it made everything worse.

I dunno anymore. I really don't know how I am going to get myself better. The only two options that I think I have at the moment are quitting all drugs(can't stop benzos yet because of tolerance/rebound anxiety/need to taper down) or just quitting altogether :\

This has been the worst year in my life and this month has probably been the worst month out of the year, and this week has been the worst week out of that month, and even though today was filled with being fucked on stims this day is the last day of the year and has most likely been the worst day of the week, actually I dunno, I think the worst day of the week was wednesday. Right now though, it feels like now is the worst hour out of the worst day out of the worst week out the worst month out of the worst year of my life. So I'm pretty depressed right now and I really have no motivation to get myself out of it. Just want to stay in this bed forever and never deal with life again.

This has been a bit of a rant.

Yeah, I'm depressed, it will most likely pass soon if the spin down into depression is anything to go by, but I can't be sure.

All I can be sure of is that I need to cut out the drugs and alcohol if I am to have a chance of getting through this.

Sorry for the massive long ramble.
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Twas a good ramble Mugz, I relate to allot of it, the years I spent in haze of MDXX, Speed,LSD, Hash etc etc seem now like the happiest of times and in many ways they probably were.

But for start there is no real way to tell, you can't really retrospectively measure your happiness but I do think you can recognise when you are suffering real depression.

The last 2 years have been an absolute disaster for me personally, finally falling apart in 2010 and ending up in a mental health unit and since the constant struggle with doctors to try and get and AD that at least doesn't make me ill, who knows if it make me any better. The endless hoops I've had to jump through to get CBT which may not even help, certainly at the moment its juts causing more anxiety and pain.

The inevitable benzo addiction which I'm yet again trying to resolve and thats already gone to shit due to being turned over with dud tabs I'll more than likely end up having a fekin seizure and the whole nightmare of being off work and loosing my CBT .

My Mrs has just about had enough of me, we are again barely on speaking terms, she just can't deal with my apathy, I'll be better off back at work but I can;t see us living together much longer, if it wasn't for the kids I'd have been gone months ago.

Most days I think about ending it all just because I can;t be bothered to struggle on any longer,maybe I'm to apathetic to even organise that!

Its a grind mate one day to the next I seem to enjoy nothing, I'm going to try life drug free once I'm through my CBT course off th benzos and have a decent exercise routine in place ( I'm going to start Tai Chi in a couple of months) we will see, I hope I manage to grind the days out until then so at least I have a chance to try life that way, I've never been without a daily drug intake of some sort since I was 13 and I'm 41 now.

2012 is make or break for me, I hope it brings you some peace and happyness

Thats my rant;)

Best Wishes
 
mugz you really have to get off the drugs, from what ive found stims will always make anxiety and depression worse. i assume you're still doing meph and that shite, or similar, you'll never sort your self out if you're still hammering drugs ontop of depression and anxiety, it'll just keep the cycle of self destruction going. leave the drugs alone
 
Ismene said:
I dunno, personally I'd think mushrooms once in a while might be a lot healthier than SSRI's - which all the research shows are no more effective than placebo, and any other alleged "anti-depressant" that pharmacorp have come up with. .
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Now you know that's just not true, some research has shown that but then again some research has shown all sorts of things that we now know to be untrue.
Research is exactly that, they are controlled experiments designed and conducted in pre-set ways, unfortunately when you add a variable like human beings into the mix you make it much more difficult to come to a cast iron conclusion. I've read many papers and reports on SSRIs having taken them and suffering from depression and my conclusion would be that they are of little use for those with mild symptoms but the results for those showing acute symptoms are much better than placebo. This link has a little interesting info :-

http://jama.ama-assn.org/content/303/1/47.short?home

To say "all the research shows are no more effective than placebo, and any other alleged "anti-depressant" that pharmacorp have come up with."

Firstly I doubt you can possibly have even read ALL the research.

Is factually incorrect as well you know, if this were actually the case the NHS would not be allowed to prescribe them, I agree results have been inconsistent and in some cases results have shown effects no better than placebo but there are also many studies that have shown positive effects as well you know.
 
Mugz was just off a 48hour binge of MXE and B2 when he wrote that I think. Maybe one hole sized dose of Ketamine a week, would probably help the depression and make you feel more positive and motivated.
 
rockstar 69 said:
Mugz was just off a 48hour binge of MXE and B2 when he wrote that I think. Maybe one hole sized dose of Ketamine a week, would probably help the depression and make you feel more positive and motivated.
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you always think more drugs will sort it all out , not just in this case either.

It's a common theme in everything you post, how you will take one drug to counter another and i find it a bit ridiculous personally .
 
I may have been off the back of a bit of a MXE and B2 binge, but it was still true. Feeling non suicidal now, but am still struggling and will still be doing so for a few more years I reckon, maybe longer, who knows.

All that talk about allotments has reminded me that I do have an allotment myself but I am going to give it up because it is too far away now that I don't live in the village that it is in, and also there is a certain someone in that village that I don't really ever want to see again and don't want any temptation to just pop in. I need to cut ties with that village and unfortunately that means giving up the allotment that I was on the waiting list for over a year for. It was pretty good down there working on it, only went a few times, I haven't officially given it up yet, but I'm going to send them an email saying that I don't live in the village anymore and I think they will just say that I am not eligible for it anymore anyway.

oh, and I'm not going to be doing any more recreational drugs, not even alcohol anymore, well not in the next 12 months anyway, need to be clean to fix myself. Only drugs I will be taking are the benzos for now that I need to control my anxiety and hold back the withdrawals, going to be restarting my taper again though.
 
brimz
you always think more drugs will sort it all out , not just in this case either.

It's a common theme in everything you post, how you will take one drug to counter another and i find it a bit ridiculous personally .
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Brimz to be quite honest if anyone round here doesn't know when to stop drugs it's you. I'm pretty sure you posted the other day you were 'just smoking' another bag of gear to help the pain from when you'd been injecting it and it and caused problems with your leg..

If you read my post it was referring to ColtDan saying what about ketamine and MXE afterglows. MXE definately wouldn't help Mugz case, the best thing for him would be time away from all drugs. But from what Dan said maybe ketamine would help if he's feeling depressed, there is some evidence to support the fact that it's a powerful anti-depressant, which is here http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/threads/...-the-rapid-antidepressant-actions-of-ketamine

If you read that there's also some evidence to support what I was saying about it being good for exercising on, as it dramatically increases protein synthesis.

I am by no means saying go and cain loads of ketamine. But I think Darksidesam suffers from manic depression, he's posted many times that one dose of ketamine a week helps him stay positive and keep his thoughts together.

I'd like to know where I've said more drugs will sort it all out aswell? And how it's common theme in everything I post?

Mugz
oh, and I'm not going to be doing any more recreational drugs, not even alcohol anymore, well not in the next 12 months anyway, need to be clean to fix myself. Only drugs I will be taking are the benzos for now that I need to control my anxiety and hold back the withdrawals, going to be restarting my taper again though.
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Fair play to you if you keep that up mate 12 months feels like a long time in the short term but it's worth it if it's going to improve things in the long run. As a wise man once said to me Cognitive Behavior Therapy is a far better way of treating anxiety properly than just putting it off with benzos. Things can only get better really and I'm sure without the drugs it will give you a chance to focus on work, your health and saving up for Peru ;) good luck!
 
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rockstar 69 said:
Brimz to be quite honest if anyone round here doesn't know when to stop drugs it's you. I'm pretty sure you posted the other day you were 'just smoking' another bag of gear to help the pain from the injection that went wrong..

If you read my post it was referring to ColtDan saying what about ketamine and MXE afterglows. MXE definately wouldn't help Mugz case, the best thing for him would be time away from all drugs. But from what Dan said maybe ketamine would help if he's feeling depressed, there is some evidence to support the fact that it's a powerful anti-depressant, which is here http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/threads/...-the-rapid-antidepressant-actions-of-ketamine

If you read that there's also some evidence to support what I was saying about it being good for exercising on, as it dramatically increases protein synthesis.

I am by no means saying go and cain loads of ketamine. But I think Darksidesam suffers from manic depression, he's posted many times that one dose of ketamine a week helps him stay positive and keep his thoughts together.

I'd like to know where I've said more drugs will sort it all out aswell? And how it's common theme in everything I post?
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Yes the reason i find it hard to stop using Heroin is because i am a self confessed addict of over 15 years , so yeah i think i may have a problem with drugs 8)

You are forever advocating Ketamine use , and it comes across to me that you think it is the answer to alllifes problems
. I don't want to get in a slanging match with you as i find you a tad like hyper little puppy .

Edit

It is common for long term injecting drug users to suffer complications from their actions , and i take full responsibility for mine.
 
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rockstar 69 said:
Fair play to you if you keep that up mate 12 months feels like a long time in the short term but it's worth it if it's going to improve things in the long run. As a wise man once said to me Cognitive Behavior Therapy is a far better way of treating anxiety properly than just putting it off with benzos. Things can only get better really and I'm sure without the drugs it will give you a chance to focus on work, your health and saving up for Peru good luck!
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One day at a time I guess, just have to have enough self control to stop myself for one day, then do the same the next, then so on. Sounds simple, but it will be hard.

I might try and get some CBT, not sure, think I might have a better chance just tapering off and trying to sort it out myself.

I did actually cure my anxiety for just over a month and was free of benzos after an acid trip. Am not advocating more drugs to stop drugs though, but it was a great month where I wasn't taking any benzos and although was feeling physical symptoms of anxiety, I didn't experience the mental effects because I had taught myself not to let the physical symptoms trigger the mental reaction that is anxiety. Hope that I can manage to achieve that again once I finally get off the benzos again. I don't believe I need to have another acid trip to manage it though.
 
been on the MXE, sorted me out and feeling pretty fucking uplifted and euphorically spot on. its helped eradicate my downer after stupid meph binge, swear this MXE isomer shit is so similar to ketamine, best MXE ive ever had, the duration is rapid onset on/off and i feel funky as hell. uplifted
 
In essence what you are accussing me off is pretty hypocritical though Brimz, don't you think? I think if you read that study where the subject of manic depression/bi polar it has helped quite alot of people. It's the very reason a well known chemist on here has developed so many Arylcyclohexylamine analogues as a possible better fitting cure to these (and his own) problems than ketamine. Even google 'ketamine anti depressant', the subject is pretty well documented long before I came along.

I do not think any drug is the answer to all lifes problems. The answers are within the person. I don't actually think any drugs will help Mugz case, if you read my original post it was in response to what ColtDan was saying.
 
ColtDan said:
been on the MXE, sorted me out and feeling pretty fucking uplifted and euphorically spot on. its helped eradicate my downer after stupid meph binge, swear this MXE isomer shit is so similar to ketamine, best MXE ive ever had, the duration is rapid onset on/off and i feel funky as hell. uplifted
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With all respect is this the place ?
Again i feel alienated from a thread i started and thought i may benefit from , it is know starting to actually make my mental health worse.
 
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