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how to not be too available?

!_MDMA_!

!_MDMA_!

Bluelighter
Joined
May 26, 2009
Messages
1,364
Location
drug retirement home
i believe being too available to someone your interested in and hoping to date can be a negative chracteristic. in todays media-prevalent society with texting, calling, fbing, and iming all being good options for contact with the opposite sex how do u mantain that fine line between interested/needy?

basically how do u appear interested but not too needy
 
G-d knows how people are defining "needy" from person to person. I think it's been a sad trend for quite some time for people to try not to "look available" even when they want to out of fear of looking "uncool" or something. However, when you are actually dating someone, it's apparently fun every now and then to "look available" and flirt with people just to have nice self-esteem boost.

If she doesn't like you, everytime you even are in the same room as her, she'll think you are needy. If she likes, she'll think you are not making yourself available enough.

Hey, don't get mad at me...I didn't "break" the dating process in America.
 
the best way to appear interested is to genuinely be interested. the best way to not appear to be needy is to actually not be needy. if you're unsure how to do this you may not be ready for a relationship.

when you try to customize your behavior to elicit a specific response, you're playing immature games. be careful what you wish for when doing this because you'll probably get it...

:\

alasdair
 
thats a good point by both of you

maybe its cuz i'm still in high school (senior) and have to deal with these hs girls....

but it seems like too many of them will turn you down without giving you a shot and i've tailored my approach to this

i didn't even realize i did it, it just was some kind of Darwinist shit
 
Lysis said:
And you guys say we play games. :D
Click to expand...

Haha so true, girls have a bad rep for playing games :p

Anyway, I kinda agree with you. I can get slightly obsessive when I start seeing someone. I just want to talk to them or be with them allllll the time. I know I'm a bit over the top so I have to make sure I slow it down a bit myself. I didn't even add my boyfriend to facebook until we'd been dating for a few months. We texted to communicate in the beginning. So it was easy for me to control my texting ... I just replied to him and occasionally started a convo. But I didn't send like twenty texts in a row.

But anyway, I would suggest limiting the ways that you chat. Like don't post on her FB wall, send her FB messages, text, call, and IM all the time. Respond to her when she communicates with you and sometimes start up a convo. :p
 
This is a subject that's kept me really preoccupied for some time now. If you text saying "hey I want to see you" you might not even get a text back. If you go something like "I'm going out tonight, would you like us to meet?" Then she'll answer. Well I said F-word to that kind of people man, maybe we're junky weirdos but we still deserve a good girl who pays us the attention we need. Just wait for her, she'll come along (I certainly hope so..)
 
alasdairm said:
the best way to appear interested is to genuinely be interested. the best way to not appear to be needy is to actually not be needy. if you're unsure how to do this you may not be ready for a relationship.

when you try to customize your behavior to elicit a specific response, you're playing immature games. be careful what you wish for when doing this because you'll probably get it...

:\

alasdair
Click to expand...

exactly, if i'm interested in someone. i act interested, how i act interested, not how society tells me i should act interested. if she thinks i'm needy, then we probably weren't meant to be and i simply move along.
 
llama112 said:
Haha so true, girls have a bad rep for playing games :p

Anyway, I kinda agree with you. I can get slightly obsessive when I start seeing someone. I just want to talk to them or be with them allllll the time. I know I'm a bit over the top so I have to make sure I slow it down a bit myself. I didn't even add my boyfriend to facebook until we'd been dating for a few months. We texted to communicate in the beginning. So it was easy for me to control my texting ... I just replied to him and occasionally started a convo. But I didn't send like twenty texts in a row.

But anyway, I would suggest limiting the ways that you chat. Like don't post on her FB wall, send her FB messages, text, call, and IM all the time. Respond to her when she communicates with you and sometimes start up a convo. :p
Click to expand...

this is a game, dont fucking play it. as a guy it leaves me not wanting more but wanting to not deal with her at all. if she's not gonna respond to my texts, pick up my phone calls or go out often, whats the fuckin point in courting her. if i dont get a sincere effort on her part i say fuck it and move on, i want a girl who knows what she wants and doesnt waste my time
 
Lost Ego said:
this is a game, dont fucking play it. as a guy it leaves me not wanting more but wanting to not deal with her at all. if she's not gonna respond to my texts, pick up my phone calls or go out often, whats the fuckin point in courting her. if i dont get a sincere effort on her part i say fuck it and move on, i want a girl who knows what she wants and doesnt waste my time
Click to expand...

I never said don't respond to texts, pick up phone calls, and go out often.
I said don't be obsessive about initiating things.
RESPOND to everything.
BUT don't send five facebook messages in a row, and five text messages in a row, and then call him three times. That *is* over the top.
I don't play games. I just try to control my obsessiveness. And if someone else is obsessive like me, then I think it is okay to limit communication like I did.

I'm really confused. So you want a girl to obsessively text, FB message, call, and IM you? Like twenty times a day? That is attractive to you? To be honest, every person I talked to has NOT been into this.
 
facepalm.png

Bro, fronting and playing games is pretty fail. IMO, act the way you normally act, and if she does not like you as you are, then does it matter if she does not want go out again?
 
Dont play hard to get, I have blown off so many birds because they started that shit. If you're interested, declare it if you think she/he feels the same, and just act yourself for crying out loud.
 
StrutterGear said:
Dont play hard to get, I have blown off so many birds because they started that shit. If you're interested, declare it if you think she/he feels the same, and just act yourself for crying out loud.
Click to expand...

Indeed. If she's playing games already she's going to be playing them throughout the relationship too, is the safe conclusion to jump to.

!_MDMA_! said:
basically how do u appear interested but not too needy
Click to expand...

Easy! Simply flirt politely until the other party can feel comfortable that you know enough about them to have a genuine interest in them, beyond the physical.
 
interested but not too needy.

Just get on with your life, and be short and concise in texts or calls.

Only say really emotional or deep things in person until you're actually "with" the person of your current dreams, and until then keep texts or emails very flat.

Flirt but don't creep.

Try and be friendly and not like you think they're the love of your life - they may be, but that's for you to find out if you play your cards right, and that won't happen if you come on too strong.
 
1) have your own life, your own interests, and learn when to lay off the electronic communications devices. ;)
2) try to have a good meeting time - so that youre not plannign to hear from them till then, and if you don't, and you go there and don't see them, then you'll just text and catch up later sort of thing. That way there's not a hundred text messages back and forth.
3) If you're thinking about them, do something nice for them without interrupting their without-you-time, like make them a gift, find them a gift, draw them some artwork, something to show you're independent but also care to share a gift with them, without being overly needy in giving it to them as well.
 
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